Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Day 609 Fighting Those Crazy Lazy Thoughts and Full Scale Reflection

Day 609

Fighting Those Crazy Lazy Thoughts and Full Scale Reflection

I wasn't in the mood for eggs this morning. It's strange really. I got over it later, having a mushroom and cheese omelet this afternoon for lunch. This morning I stuck with fruit and I was hungry before lunch. It's unusual for me to ever feel hunger. I eat well and often, always have along this road—-like I've said before, the only time I ever feel hunger is sometimes first thing in the morning. I had a banana, orange, and a pear this morning, spread out over the course of a few hours. My metabolism burned that good stuff up quickly. I was missing protein and by noon I could feel a twinge of hunger.

My wood burning stove needed to be reloaded with some premium wood, enter: The big three egg white/one whole egg mushroom and cheese omelet. I sauted the mushrooms with a light olive oil spray while I whipped up the 121 calories worth of egg, poured it in the pan, added a 60 calorie slice of American cheese---covered and waited for it to cook. I folded over the most amazing 200 calorie omelet. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. It was filling and delicious---and 200 calories!

By the time I arrived home this afternoon, I had just about twenty minutes to spare before I needed to get into the YMCA to claim a bike for spinning class. I'll be honest, I didn't want to go. I kept trying to think of a decent enough excuse to make me feel good about skipping, but I couldn't find one. I was battling myself. Those old lazy thoughts were trying to convince me it was OK to miss. I couldn't let it win. Last Monday we had a deadly tornado outbreak in the state---my job was being on the air reporting on the weather---that's a circumstance I couldn't help, I had to miss. There was nothing I could think of that would let me off the hook today. Why did I even want off the hook? I don't know really. All I know is this: I had to beat these crazy lazy thoughts and get there.

Once there, I wasn't going to turn back, and once on the cycle---it would feel great. It felt even better as the spinning class came to a close. Deanna was the instructor today---and she changes it up every time it seems. I never know what to expect, except for a really good workout. The class was packed and I luckily landed my favorite cycle, number 12---back corner. It was a great class today, but you know what I really liked about it? Glancing down at the contours of my arms gripping the handle bars. Sounds crazy huh? Seriously, I just can't believe this is me
sometimes. Those are my bones, my veins, the outline of my muscles---That's me! I love that feeling.

I traveled back into the archives today and found another excerpt within an excerpt. It was day 245 and I was down to 341 when it hit me: I could weigh anywhere now. Most scales go to 350, right? That's me! I was 341 pounds and so happy about this realization. In this excerpt---I flashed back to the very first weigh day---the last day I ever laid eyes on 505:

One thing that hit me today was the realization that I can weigh myself on pretty much any scale now. I remember what a big problem that use to be, and now at 341, it's not a problem at all. That's nice! Here's another blog flashback to Day 2 of this journey: Believe it or not, I can't find a scale to weigh me anywhere around here. Someone once suggested that I weigh at the farmers co-op! The co-op! Where they weigh truck loads of grain and large animals!! You don't even get to go inside to weigh at the co-op. You just walk onto the platform built into the ground outside, where everyone can see you standing there getting weighed while a truck load of pigs wait their turn. No way will I ever do that. I was even told some time ago that the post-office might be able to weigh me, because “they weigh tons of mail down there”. Facing the truth on a highly precise heavy duty digital scale is a tough but absolute necessary thing for me. I need to know where I'm starting. Some people say they don't need to know, I do. I don't want to guess how much I've lost, I want to know for sure. So I made the forty minute drive to Stillwater, walked in, and quietly walked back to the scale in the hallway. People were down there. I guarantee they'll try to glance at my weight. It's a big digital readout and most people are naturally curious. I guess it really doesn't bother me, as long as they don't start placing bets before I step on. I ignored them and stepped onto the scale. I weighed 505 pounds that day, and 341 sounded like forever away. I remember thinking as I drove away from the Payne County Health Department that day, someday I'll be able to weigh anywhere! That someday is now.

I go back and read those early days and I see the humor I was trying to convey and it worked well. And as the days progressed and we dived deeper into this journey, the funny guy facade broke down and the emotion started to flow---and that's when this blog started to become something different to me. I read the first several days and I know it's real and honest---but still, there were a lot of emotions I was holding back. On that Day 2 when I was staring down at 505---the people around me were really the last thing on my mind. I was scared out of my head. I honestly felt like this was my last chance to save myself from an early death...and I didn't really know how I was going to do it---and make it work this time...I just knew I had to find the answers or die looking. 505 pounds---so scary to see and a weigh day I'll never see again. Now that number is tattooed on my upper left arm forever. I'll never forget the pain and humiliation of being that big, but more importantly, I'll never forget the fear I carried every
day at that weight.

I decided on a meat and potato meal tonight that totally rocked! I invited Courtney over—but mom was already cooking for her, so I cooked for Amber, KL, and me. We enjoyed French Onion crusted chicken breast, loaded mashed potatoes, and whole kernel sweet corn. The chicken breast varied in size from 5 to 8 ounces. I called it 170 calories. The seasoning was a mixture of oregano, dried onions, and finely chopped and dried parsley. I also used a French onion seasoning packet that gave it that crustiness. The potatoes were instant and only 120 calories per serving. The corn checked in at 100. That's right, less than 400 calories for the entire plate! Before you say it---I know, we really needed something green, maybe some grilled asparagus or green beans. The calorie count would have been much better had I gone with those
options. But I wanted to mix the corn in my potatoes---that's just good country eatin' right there! I'm showing my Oklahoma roots!

I fixed the meal and Amber made the desert. We had freshly sliced strawberries and whipped topping. Oh my goodness---the topping was only 25 calories for two tablespoons---I had four tablespoons atop four big thinly sliced strawberries. It was a whole bowl of delicious for under 80 calories.

I'm really happy with how today turned out. I could have really changed the entire dynamic by giving into that lazy urge to stay home from spinning, but I didn't. I did it and I felt amazing---and one good choice leads to another. It can work the other way too---but today, the choices were all good.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,

Chicken and Taters with sweet corn---it was incredibly good!

Amber's Strawberries and Cream---hard to believe this entire below was just under 80 calories, but it was!


  1. I am always impressed by your strength and determination. I have been channeling you in that way to get my workouts done. Sometimes you just don't feel like it but then you have to think about what will happen if you start missing the exercising. This past week has been more of a challenge than other weeks for some reason. I still got the work in but I had to make myself do it more than before when I really wanted to do it.

    I just love your blog and your Aunt Kelli's as well. I am very glad that you let us all in on your journey.


  2. Yum! Mashed potatoes and corn mixed together...Heaven:)

  3. I am glad that you did not give in to lazy. The food looks great and I would love to have the receipe for the chicken and strawberry desert. Thank you for the inspiration that you give to others.

  4. yummmy! And yes, mixing corn & mashed potatoes must be an okie thing......but from a fellow okie.......isn't it awesome?! (We also mix corn and peas with mac & cheese at our house)

  5. I remember not having a scale to go up over 350 to weigh on... and I remember when I did hit under 350 on the scale and it weighed me for the first time since I had been hospitalized at 387 5 months prior.

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  7. sorry...typo central.
    You want to know what's really good? Get some of those brown gravy packets you make with water. It adds about 30 calories, taste wise? Out of this world...if you get banquet breaded boneless chicken fillets it tastes like chicken fried chicken, and as a country boy you know what that is. Too good.

  8. What is it with us being in the same space these past few days. The entire drive home from work I was trying to come up with what would sound like a reasonable excuse to not exercise, both the email to you and to convince my boyfriend. All I felt was idiotic so I went out and used my annoyance to run a little faster and we did the full weight workout. I went to bed knowing I did the right thing, even though I didn't want to.

    So did you, so good job!

  9. Oh, I am so sad reading these posts, all that food sounds soooo good, mac and cheese mixed w peas, mashed potatoes and corn. I would be tempted to eat wayyyy more than what Sean has on his plate, so I stay away from my weaknesses. I never miss sugar or sweets, so I don't have that to struggle with, buttttt oh, what I would I would give to eat a huge bowl of mashed potatoes and corn right now with butter and pepper and a green onion on the side! The gravy and chicken sound wonderful too, but not a weakness:) I can handle that.



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