Making It Easier With Time Adjusted Attitude and A Big Lunch
Time management has been a constant issue for me over the course of this journey. Finding time to get everything done that I want to do isn't really the issue, because there's time. The issue is using that time wisely and that means applying good choices to more than just my food and exercise. Good schedule choices are paramount to me and my situation. It's the key to me getting more sleep and it's the key to me being more productive. Those two things together help shape my attitude and daily focus. Attitude really is everything---it's what we feed our brains, and our actions and choices live and die by the attitude we carry. I've figured out that this attitude must be constantly adjusted in a positive direction to keep everything consistent. When my attitude is bad---that's when I struggle along this road. That's when I battle the part of me that tries to revert to old ways and choices. Keeping a better schedule and using my time wisely takes a little effort, but the effect it has on my performance means it takes less effort to stay focused.
I enjoyed a mushroom and salsa omelet this morning, minus the cheese. I love cheese, but I'm trying to limit my consumption---I don't need cheese on every single omelet I eat. The flavor focus was on the salsa this morning anyway. The advantages to my calorie budget was nice too. Instead of a 200 calorie omelet, I consumed a 131 calorie omelet. I grabbed a pear and banana and was out the door. I made lunch at home and oh---it was so good! I should have snapped a picture! I decided on a 500 calorie lunch today because I could afford it after the low calorie breakfast. I made a double hamburger and baked fries with ketchup! I bought some “mini hamburger patties,” not the leanest cut, but only 120 calorie each. I used a small hamburger bun, mustard, shredded lettuce, and fresh onion. The bun was also 120 calories. 360 calories plus I added 10 for the mustard and veggies. So, 370 calories for the big double burger, plus ¾ of a serving of baked fries for 80 and about 40 calories worth of ketchup. It was an amazing 490 calorie lunch---and it was something different. I could have easily adjusted this down by using only one patty, mustard instead of ketchup for the fries, and a slice of low calorie bread ripped in half instead of a bun. Those changes would have dropped the calories by 230, making a double hamburger with veggies and baked fries a really low 260 calories. A few choices the other way---adding cheese and mayonnaise---and we're talking a nearly 700 calorie plate---and I just couldn't do that. But you see, it's all about my choices and my calorie budget at the moment. I'm ready and willing to make the cuts needed or allow a little indulgence. A double hamburger and baked fries felt really indulgent and still fit nicely into my calorie budget today.
Irene and I attended a co-parenting in divorce class tonight. We've really come a long way in the last few months. We enjoyed the class really, even smiled and passed notes at one point. It was like we were back in high school again. We both want the best for Amber and Courtney and each other. The love and bond we share for our daughters ensures us a lifelong relationship. It's good that we're friendly like that. The understanding between us now is remarkable and after class we had a productive discussion about our daughters and what is best for them in this situation. I normally don't mention the divorce proceedings in these writings, but we're clearly on a better level now. If there's such a thing as a friendly divorce, this is it.
I arrived back at the apartment rather late and immediately changed into my bike riding outfit. I planned on riding to the trail for a 5K, then ride back. I modified that plan a little. I decided to ride over to the movie theater parking lot, get off the bike, run sprints back and forth, then ride back home. I know I must have been getting strange looks, but I really didn't care. I was in my own little world. The sprints were very short, we'll call them 40 yard dashes---but after only five of them, running as fast as I could, I was spent. My heart was racing, I was sweating like crazy, yeah---to the sounds of Green Day. It was a little different plan than my original---but still a good workout.
I traveled back to May 18th, 2009 and found this excerpt that answers the question: Is it ever too late? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. A big horrible yes:
Several times during the last 246 days I may have mentioned that “it's never too late” to get started. I was wrong. A friend of mine just informed me today that his brother-in-law passed away. The primary cause of his decline: morbid obesity. At over 400 pounds, his brother in law just wasn't built to handle the strain. I don't know all the details, but it sounds like most of the possible complications and horrible effects of prolonged morbid obesity finally caught up with him. When the brother-in-law told the doctor last week to let him die, it was too late. Morbid obesity had claimed another victim. Of course my reaction was “can't they put him on a medically supervised fast?” Too late, the damage to the heart and other vital organs was irreparable, his fate was decided no matter what they did. It's a very sad story and a dark warning to anyone that is struggling with morbid obesity. There will come a time when it's too late to have that “someday.” I said “Oh, I'll do it someday” for so long. I'm very lucky that I didn't run out of time. But everyone's fuse is different. I'm very fortunate and I thank God that I didn't take it to the point of no return. I guess the correct thing to say from now on is “it's almost never too late.”
As you read this blog and you begin to understand how my journey has developed day to day, I hope you understand that as easy as I make it sound sometimes, it has been a challenge. For years I weighed in excess of 500 pounds and I was at a very scary place in my mind. I honestly didn't know if I could ever lose the weight. I think my wife started to believe I would never lose the weight, and she's always believed in me, so that's an example of how exhausted she was at wishing and hoping. I was way too busy pretending that I had all the time in the world, rationalizing bad choices at every turn, because “Oh, I have time.” It's way too easy to just not do this. But I've discovered that if you keep it very simple, calories and exercise, and you decide to become 100% honest with yourself about your behaviors with food, then it becomes just as easy to do this. You have to decide. That's it. Just decide to live.
Wow, OK, for someone that's not a big fan of dramatic tones, the last two paragraphs were pretty dramatic. But sometimes you have to get dramatic about things. Because one of the problems that kept me big for so long was not taking it as seriously as I needed. I was Mr. Funny, Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky, Mr. Let's Don't Talk About My Little Weight Problem...and now I know: If you don't take the time to get dramatic with yourself about this journey, then it will eventually get dramatic for you.
That goes back to the whole “Choosing change before change chooses you” topic. It's been a really good Tuesday. Tomorrow the schedule is packed with my Wednesday evening broadcast from the casino. And the weather has the potential to get severe. We'll see how it goes! We'll make it good by golly! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...