Saturday, May 22, 2010

Day 613 Fear Can Ruin Funny, Mid-Day Spinning, and Nathaniel's Response

Day 613

Fear Can Ruin Funny, Mid-Day Spinning, and Nathaniel's Response

I hit the floor running shortly before 4am and...wait a second, not literally running, you know what I mean. Today was going to be a good Friday, I decided. But just because I decide to have a great day, it doesn't mean everything is suddenly roses and perfection. The challenges presented themselves, temptation was strong, and I had to ratchet my self-defense mode up a few notches to survive. I learned that simply deciding to have a great day means greeting every challenge with a positive attitude and if needed, a ferocious fight to get, or simply keep what's yours.

It started perfectly on schedule---the morning routine I've written about a hundred times---beat for beat, we were on today. And then something happened at work that upset me a little, even though I really didn't let it show at the time. I was paid back for a little prank I pulled yesterday on a co-worker who had left their facebook account open and up for anyone to see...and update. I had it coming I guess, and I should be a better sport. If you noticed the “binge” status update this morning on my facebook, that was my co-worker...funny guy...yeah. I kept my prank cutesy when I hijacked his yesterday---I didn't make light of the addictions he's successfully overcome for the past two decades plus. Perhaps I need to lighten up a little (no pun intended). I have a tendency to get super serious about this journey, I guess because it's so important to me, and it never was before---and that was always a part of the problem. So joking about throwing it all away on an all out binge fest is where my sense of humor hits the wall. I have a hard time joking about this stuff. This co-worker and I have tremendous respect for each others talents and there isn't any kind of riff between us, it's all good. I guess we all have our “hot buttons,” and maybe I have a problem laughing at that kind of stuff---because deep down---like a lot of successful losers I've met---no matter how successful and for how long, there's still a fear inside of going back to that place. Fear ruins a good laugh every time.

I requested and was granted permission for a longer lunch today. I wanted to hit the mid-day spinning class at the YMCA and lift some weights too. I needed an hour and a half at least. Before class, I hurried home and prepared a couple of scrambled whole eggs. It was a quick and light lunch, nothing too heavy right before spinning! The spinning class was nearly empty today! We were all on the back row if I remember right. So obviously, I'm not the only one who prefers the back row. I wonder if their reasons are the same as mine? Probably! Frank was the instructor, and his instructions were relentless---and just perfect for a really good workout. There seems to be a method to this spinning madness---because each workout might be slightly different, but every single one delivers an amazing feeling of oh my, I just worked really hard. And just when you think it's easier than the time before---Frank instructs us to sprint the entire theme of “Bonanza.” My first time out, I didn't realize just how fond I would become of these workouts. The attraction to me is the structure. If you gave me a spinning cycle and said, “here ya go Sean, have a good workout!” There's no way I would push myself this hard. The structure of the class with other people and an instructor, makes all the difference for me.

Nathaniel really appreciates the wonderful support everyone has given him. He left this comment on yesterday's post:

I DID IT !!! My goal for today was to not eat anything after 8:00 P.M. It is now 1:45 A.M. and I haven't eaten anything since 7:30 P.M., when I finished up a salad, and I don't feel hungry. I can't believe I did it. I've worked nights for 2 years, and evenings for the last 10 months. I can't remember the last time that I didn't munch on something over the entire shift. I remember times that I would eat 3 meals while at work.Tonight I drank lots of tea, water, and some lemonade. One of the major things that has helped me is I've finally figured out how to eat slowly and actually enjoy the meal. I also take more drinks during my meal and use the liquid as a filler, not just as a beverage. My goal for tomorrow is to not eat after 8:00 P.M. I think I will try to take Just my veggie snacks and a banana. I have some Fiber-1 bars,one of those works good to calm a sweet tooth. Plus I've satisfied my mind with the sweet taste, but also fooled it with only 150 calories. Thanks again to Sean and everyone else who left the supportive comments. It really means a lot to have the support of so many people, and people who are walking down the same path that I am. Maybe we all will catch up to each other and cross the finish line together. I think that I'm going to start a blog as soon as I figure out how to, this is kind of fun. Good luck to everyone. :)

I'm thrilled for Nathaniel and thank you again for the tremendous outpouring of support for him. You're doing great Nathaniel---keep it up and call or e-mail if you feel the need, ok?

Often times when I suggest to someone to go back and read from Day 1—it's met with an “Oh my, that's a lot of reading!” And it is, but it's the only way to get the complete perspective of this journey. I can't just tell somebody in a quick conversation all of the epiphanies I've experienced along the way---and I communicate better when I write, much better than when I speak. I traveled back to May 21st, 2009 and found this excerpt:

You never know who you might inspire when you share your struggle and triumphs with others. That has been the real unexpected blessing for me in writing this blog every day. I'm very proud of all the wonderful people that read every post and have been inspired to start their own journey to better health and fitness. I mentioned Bonnie the other day, remember, she's the one who read every single posting from this blog in one single day. I recently ran across her blog post titled “It Was An Epiphany!” I smiled from ear to ear as I read what she had written about this blog and the effect on her and her husband. I think they're from New Zealand or Australia, I just asked and haven't heard back just yet. I've deduced this because in her writings she's a day ahead of us and it's really cold where they are. For someone like me who has never traveled outside the United States, I think that's really cool to have a positive effect on people on the other side of the world. Here's the deal: I sincerely care about people who are struggling with morbid obesity. And since I do, I naturally want to share with as many people as I can what I've discovered along this road. When I suggest to someone to go back and read from Day 1, I'm hoping they do, so they can gain the full perspective of this journey. The ups and downs, the good days, the bad days and every big and small revelation that has brightened the path. It's all apart of successfully defeating this life long fight against obesity. The reaction that Bonnie and her husband had to this blog is exactly what I hope you have. An epiphany! I remember when I had mine, in fact I've had several of these epiphanies throughout this journey and I'm still learning every day. With Bonnie's permission, here's an excerpt from her blog:

Today, while lying in bed still sick with whatever this is, I read the entire blog of a guy named Sean who is working his way towards losing almost 300 lbs. He is about half-way there. Click here to read his blog (also on the side bar), start with Day 1 and read the whole thing. It is awesome! Anyway, after reading Sean's blog it suddenly occurred to me, like an epiphany, that if I eat less I will lose weight. What a minute...let me say it again. If I eat less I will lose weight. Oh my goodness. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that before? Okay, I am being sarcastic now. But it was one of those moments when the heaven's opened up and the angels sang. Suddenly I understood what I need to do. I don't need Weight Watchers meetings or surgery or even fancy diet food. I just need to count my calories, stick to a plan, drink water, and exercise as much as I can. So, tonight I made DH read Sean's blog as well. I thought maybe reading about another guy (a bigger guy) would motivate my hubby to get on this journey as well. He was stunned. It helps to know that someone else who is big, as big as we are, bigger even (when he started) can do it.

Bonnie is no longer blogging, but I have a feeling that her, her husband, and their beautiful family are doing fantastic down under in New Zealand.

It's been a challenging Friday and a successful Friday. I have yet to try the green drink that I planned on trying. I'm sure I'll love it---and it's packed with a bunch of good things. I'll do it---give me a day, I'll get there. I overcame the temptation and cravings of ice cream today. I shut it down with a junior sized soft frozen yogurt cone from Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store. I was so close to pulling the trigger on that craving and urge to order whatever. I just couldn't do it. So I did what I've done from Day 1---and I thoroughly enjoyed that cone. It was really good, made better by the tremendous triumphant power of a good choice.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,


  1. Not to sound like an advertisement, but those fiber one bars that Nathaniel was talking about are many times a lifesaver for me. They DO kill the sweet craving for a lot less cals than the pancakes or donuts :)
    That is SO AWESOME that you went to spinning class on your lunch break! whoo hoo! You've got it going on!

  2. I love the structure of my masters swims too for the very same reason.

    Rock on Nathaniel, dude you are doing great!

  3. Congrats to Nathaniel - small victories add up to big ones! And he should definitely start a blog of his own ... add to the number of Oklahoma weight loss bloggers!

  4. I hope Nathaniel starts a blog soon. The support I've received in losing my first 100 pounds has been magnificent. And I know that even on rough days that support will be there in the next 100.

    I live in New York now..and I was telling a friend about Braum's a few days ago. That part of your post made me homesick for Oklahoma...just saying.

  5. Well I Did It 2 nights in a row, I'm on a roll now. I haven't had anything since about 7:15 P.M., and I feel great. I decided to have a taco salad tonight for dinner, and boy did it hit the spot. Usually I don't eat until I get to work, but If I get up at a decent time I make sure to eat something. Today I fixed a couple eggs and bacon. It hit the spot, plus I didn't get hungry until dinner. They were selling meat pies tonight and I turned them down, and those rock. One thing for sure is that today was easier than yesterday. Every one keep up the good work, and before you know it, you'll be at the finish line, I'm rooting for all of ya. :)

  6. um, wow...yeah...I can't imagine someone making acomment about my husband and a soused alert. hmmmm...
    No worries sean.
    You are all over this, and not binging.

  7. Hi there! Been awhile since I have been on Blog land! Glad to be back and am posting, too. I am glad I stopped by and read your journal. I liked the part on fear. I'm on the other end, I wonder if fear is holding me back from success? I am starting to regroup and get it going ... Thanks for the post, as always very inspiring!

  8. Sean, don't feel bad for getting defensive over the "binge" thing. There is a difference in joking with someone(or pulling a prank), and attacking an area in someone's life that means a great deal to them...just sayin'.

    And preferring the back row in spin class, my reason would be so no one sees me spinning in first gear for 45 minutes, or better yet, so no one sees me...period:)

    God Bless Nathaniel! What a special soul he is, like you, Sean.

  9. Afterthought...the only thing "good" that comes from being fearful, is that you won't make the same mistake twice, kind of like a reminder.

    In Lynne's situation, that makes sense as well. The fear that comes with being successful, is perhaps the pressure that comes with success, in that you don't want to let anyone down once you have "arrived." But guess what? We are human, we are not perfect, we will make mistakes. Live your dream, do your best, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks!

  10. @Nathaniel I am sorry I haven't commented on your situation before. I know you can do this, you've already done the hardest part and taken your first step. I am currently celebrating losing my first 10 pounds. It feels splendid and makes me want to do it over and over and over again, until all 150 are gone. Congrats on the not eating late. That is wonderful!

    @Sean As always, I find inspirations in your posting. Lately I've been struggling with my time management and my workouts are suffering. Reading your blogs always seems to spark something in me to let yesterday go and try to do better tomorrow.

  11. I'm glad you made it a good Friday babe. And when are you going to show Nathaniel how to set up his own blog??? I'm waiting!!!! :)


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