Early this afternoon I spoke with a friend of mine who was a tremendous positive influence on me as a child. He had shared with me that he'd been very sick recently. He informed me that his kidneys were failing and he's been on dialysis treatments for the last week and a half and will continue on dialysis three days a week, every week. I honestly didn't know what to say. “I'm very sorry to hear that”, just doesn't feel like enough. Although I had fell out of touch with my friend over the last fifteen years or so, I still felt a sadness as if I had been as close as possible all these years. Recently we did get to see each other and he watched me for the first time do stand-up. It meant so much to me that he and his wife made the trip and enjoyed the evening. I know that he will face this circumstance with the positive attitude and humor that I remember so fondly as a child. I told him that I would pray, and I have and will. I think the world of him.
After I got home from work I found out more upsetting news. My Aunt Violet is in intensive care at Stillwater Medical Center. Her heart is enlarged, she's on a ventilator, and the last I heard she's in a coma. I love her very much and this news was also very upsetting. I'm saying prayers for Aunt Violet tonight as well.
In the last ten days I've had a lot of fun with this blog. And there will be much more fun in the coming days, weeks, and months. But I couldn't write this blog tonight without mentioning these two very important people and the struggles they face this evening. My day to day struggles and experiences in losing weight are so minuscule in the overall big picture, however I believe that both my friend and Aunt Violet would want me to write tonight and keep it up. So I will. Because maintaining focus and staying on track during times like these is paramount to the overall success of this journey. I know that everyday will not be perfect. I know that facing everything that life throws our way and still maintaining our focus is crucial. It's crucial because I'm not doing this just to lose the weight. I'm doing this to change the way I handle food and exercise everyday for the rest of my life. I'm not saying that I'll count calories forever, but I'm teaching myself along the way how to eat...how to exercise...how to be healthier. I'm changing old habits into new positive habits, positive habits that will be with me through many days like today. And I will continue to learn these new ways of living. For me, depressing news can and often is as big of an eating trigger than anything. For some it has the opposite effect. I just know how I normally handle things. And I've always turned to food. Not today.
This morning I forgot to take my clean oatmeal bowl to work. I searched the radio station high and low for a Styrofoam replacement, but to no avail. So I figured that a disposable 16oz coffee cup would work just as well. Oatmeal in a cup. That was the plan. It appeared to be working, after a minute or two in the microwave I took it out and gave it a stir, then I put it back in. Then it erupted like a volcano. Hot strawberries and cream oatmeal blew up all over the inside of the microwave. So much for breakfast. I didn't like not giving my metabolism something to do this morning, so I gave it plenty of coffee and water. Then came the birthday cake. Ryan, the morning guy at the country station down the hall turned 35 today. And the company is very good in recognizing everyone's birthday with a card and a cake...So I knew, more than likely I would be faced with some celebratory eating. Since my breakfast blew up, I wasn't completely opposed to a very small piece, and when the cake arrived it appeared to be the whipped topping variety, still high in calories, but not as bad as butter cream frosting. Ryan started cutting the cake and I asked for a one inch by one inch piece. Not a corner piece, don't want all the icing...Just a very small couple of bites kinda piece. Maybe 100 calories worth I thought. I took one bite and realized it was the butter cream frosting after all! I took one more nibble (just to be sure), and threw the rest in the trash. I wished Ryan a happy birthday and removed myself from the cake area. I had lunch a short time later, so I knew I wasn't going to be hungry for too long. And I made it through the cake incident.
Last night was a very important night for me. Remember back on day 1 or 2, I talked about not being able to make it even a half a mile on the walking trail? Last night I walked an entire mile. It was not easy at all, but i did it! I had to stop a couple of times and breath, I had to slow down and pace myself, but I made it. I know I must have looked horrible trying to make it, because even Irene and Courtney told me it wouldn't be a bad thing if I took a short cut back to the van. But I just couldn't give up. I knew I could do it. And I did. Now, I'm going to go do it again. It gets easier right? Yes? Good. I know it will.