Today I faced the scale. I normally avoid scales. I don't run away from them, I just avoid them. You know how some people get all excited when they see a scale at a theme park or in a bank lobby? I'm not one of those. Some people will even dig for a quarter just to see what they weigh. Pay to weigh? That's crazy talk. Even at the doctors office I'll refuse to weigh, well, not refuse really, but you see most scales can't weigh me at my present weight. So I always just tell the nurse my weight. And I always guess, and I always guess low. Ok, I lie. Who hasn't ever told a little white one about their weight? Seriously! But in order to be true to myself I had to travel to Stillwater and climb onto the heavy duty scales at the Payne County Health Department. Believe it or not, I can't find a scale to weigh me anywhere around here. Someone once suggested that I weigh at the farmers co-op! The co-op! Where they weigh truck loads of grain and large animals!! You don't even get to go inside to weigh at the co-op. You just walk onto the platform built into the ground outside, where everyone can see you standing there getting weighed while a truck load of pigs wait their turn. No way will I ever do that. I was even told some time ago that the post-office might be able to weigh me, because “they weigh tons of mail down there”. Facing the truth on a highly precise heavy duty digital scale is a tough but absolute necessary thing for me. I need to know where I'm starting. Some people say they don't need to know, I do. I don't want to guess how much I've lost, I want to know for sure.
So I made the forty minute drive to Stillwater, walked in, and quietly walked back to the scale in the hallway. People were down there. I guarantee they'll try to glance at my weight. It's a big digital readout and most people are naturally curious. I guess it really doesn't bother me, as long as they don't start placing bets before I step on. I ignored them and stepped onto the scale. On March 15th, 2004 I weighed exactly 500 pounds, then in four months I lost 115, down to 385. Today, more than four years later, I've gained every bit of that loss back plus five pounds. Today I weighed 505. More than a quarter ton. How do I walk around? I must have a bone structure and muscle build of a world class athlete underneath all of this. I'm very blessed to still be able to function normally while carrying around 505 pounds. It is much harder than four years ago. Now at 36 I need to get it done, get it off, and start living.
Calorie counting was very easy today, I think I still have a hundred or so left, but it's way too late to eat anything. We also walked tonight. Irene, Courtney, and I walked at the trail. They walked a mile, I walked as far as I could in one stretch...maybe a half a mile, perhaps even less. Probably less. A quarter mile? Wow...After I lost that 115 pounds four years ago, I could easily walk three miles without stopping to rest, now after a quarter mile I'm hurting and breathing really hard. I'll get it back, it'll just take some time.
Day 2 was a success. I'm very happy about this. This blog is my way of staying motivated and holding myself accountable. I always thought that it was best to NOT say anything when you tried to do something like this, because if you failed no one would be the wiser, but I was wrong. I think it's best to get it out there, because it forces accountability. I can't afford to fail this time. At 505 pounds and 36 years old I could seriously drop dead any minute. That's exactly what the doctor told me not too long ago, saying “if you left this office and collapsed on the pavement, we wouldn't be one bit surprised”. That's pretty powerful words from a doctor, but even then, I'm just now on Day 2. The doctor told me that on June 10th. That's how hard it is to get mentally “right” to do this. It's all about choices. Choosing to do this will have tremendously positive consequences, choosing to ignore the problem will have tragic consequences. I'm writing this for me, for my wife and daughters, and for anyone else that may be facing a similar journey. If you are and you're the least bit inspired to keep it up, then that's awesome. If you're not facing the battle of losing weight, but you smiled or laughed at any point along the way, well that's awesome too.