Friday, November 5, 2010

Day 772-779 I Needed To Write This Today

Day 772-779

I Needed To Write This Today

Sometimes, even with great success, we can start feeling disappointed in some ways. About what? Who knows? I do know that my life has changed in many wonderful ways, and a few not so wonderful ways. Through it all, I've completely turned around my health, dramatically changed my appearance, lived through--not only the redefinition of me, but the redefining of my family unit. I've developed a new and healthy relationship with food, a better understanding of exercise, and I'm slowly embarking on a new career path that is all about sharing my weight loss story, philosophies, and inspiration with anyone and everyone who cares to listen or read.

It's all life changing stuff. And maybe, sometimes--a bit overwhelming. For someone like me, who's been insecure and unsure of himself the majority of his life, it's completely normal that I still, after everything...feel completely insecure every now and then. It's the mix tape playing in my head---and it reminds me, more than anything, that the tape needs refreshed every now and then. Because, as normal as it might be to feel the way I sometimes do, I have absolutely everything to feel incredible about. I'm incredibly blessed and grateful for the second chance at life I've been given and the opportunities that continue to show me a future beyond my wildest dreams--So--I think it's time to go back to Day 327...and dive into...the emotion ocean:

Is your past in complete command of your future? Have you given it control of your life? What are you afraid of? What is your biggest fear? Whatever your answer to the last question is, that's what's holding you back. I've always had a fear of not living up to my potential. Never following through. Never becoming what my teachers, family, co-workers, coaches, and comedy colleagues just knew I could be.

Potential. Do I fear my potential? Or do I fear not living up to that potential that everyone is so certain I hold within? I've never had a problem convincing people to believe in me, but I've had a devil of a time convincing me to believe in myself. It's like I've had a mix tape playing over and over in my head for so many years. That mix tape would say horrible things to me, and it made me believe them.

You'll never live up to your potential. You'll always be fat and ugly. You'll never realize any professional success in broadcasting beyond a small market level. You'll pass your horrible behaviors with food onto your children. You're worthless and not worthy of success. Who do you really think you are? You're just a poor kid from the projects that will never amount to anything special. And you're stupid, an uneducated buffoon just faking his way through life, trying to convince everyone that you really have a clue.

What does the mix tape in your brain say everyday to you? I guess what I've done is this: I've hit the eject button on that old mix tape. Then, I destroyed it. It will never play in my mind again. Never. I've made a new mix tape. What I hear in my head everyday now is this:

You will exceed your potential in ways you can't even fathom at this point. You will be healthy, thin, and handsome. Your success in broadcasting, motivational/inspirational speaking, and anything you decide you want to do is only limited by your imagination. Your example and guidance for your family is exemplary. You're worth is immeasurable and success is yours for the taking, go ahead, you deserve it. You are a man of integrity with amazing abilities of communication. You're a kid that was raised through humble beginnings completely surrounded by love and acceptance. You're a self-educated intelligent human being who doesn't have to convince anyone of anything.

Big difference huh?

What we tell ourselves everyday is what we become. It's true my friend. So why after a lifetime of fighting obesity am I breaking free so wonderfully now?

Because I destroyed that old tape and replaced it with something worth listening to. How do you make a new mix tape for your brain? Write it out, memorize it, burn it into your brain, and most importantly...Believe it. Maybe it's too much to replace everything all at once. Replace one at a time...transform how you think about yourself at whatever pace you're comfortable. This is what Mr. Ralph Marston is speaking of when he talks about no outside force holding you back. You're holding you back.

Your old mix tape was made over time. It is the product of your past. And if you continue allowing the past to determine your future, then you'll always get the same result. Don't allow your past to own you, OWN IT. Put it in it's place. Let the past know that it's effects on your future are over right now. Don't try to completely forget about the past. A good friend of mine told me, very recently in fact, that you can't amputate your past and walk freely into the future. Your past is your story. It's made you who you are today, good or bad. But you can immediately decide that it will no longer control your future. And someday, that complete story that is you can and will shine as a light of hope to others. Letting them know that anything is possible, anything at all.

I honestly didn't know what I was doing when I started. But I was doing these things, accidentally stumbling upon epiphanies that would prove to be life changing for me. It wasn't until recently that a couple of good friends clarified exactly what I've done by sharing “the mix tape” analogy. Something else that they shared was something I've done without realizing for the last 327 days: I've been “acting as if...”

I've acted as if I was a normal responsible eating individual. I've acted as if I was someone who cared about exercising. I've acted as if I was someone that could share my story and help others along the way. Three very powerful words: “Acting as if.” Why are they so powerful? Because you become whatever you put into your brain. When you're “acting as if,” you're training your brain to accept and transform to what you desire to become. And you will.

So now you know where my resolve comes from. Now you know why my consistency level is unwavering. Now you know why I'm so passionate about sharing my story, my triumphs, and my struggles. Is it perfect? No. I've said that many times along this road. It doesn't have to be perfect my friend. Striving for perfection is the quickest detour to disappointment. But if we continue with a positive consistent effort, and we change the way we think about ourselves...then our success is practically guaranteed my friend. You will not be able to stop it from happening. And don't be afraid of success. Go ahead, you deserve it. And the great thing about weight loss success? It happens slowly over time, allowing you to adjust and get use to the new you. You're going to absolutely love it.

I needed that. Wow---I feel better.

There's so much to talk about---My cleanse is going great, I've had two really successful speaking engagements in the last several days, and I feel like I'm probably at 230 or less, but my official weigh-in isn't until November 15th, so I'll patiently wait...I'll have another post soon that talks about individual days--probably Sunday morning...that will be a good time to post again. For now, I needed to post this. And I'll wrap with some recent photos.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,

Hosting the Poncan Opry


Big before--with Irene

With Amber last weekend...I made the trip to her--and we had a wonderful time! More on that Sunday...

Loved this low calorie dinner. I just put it all in the oven together--Talapia, shrimp, and potatoes. Less than 400 calories for this plate!!! ;)

Steel cut oats with strawberries and bananas...Oh yeah---Nice breakfast!!

I recently enjoyed an omelet for dinner. This is the omelet. Very different than what I normally cook in the morning. This dinner version was 360 calories, using three whole eggs--cheese, mushrooms, onions, and some more cheese--just to bump up the calories a little more. Oh my, it was incredible!!


  1. Dude, you've won a large-scale life transformation. The lower weight is merely the most obvious external sign of the changes that happened inside. Go you. :-)

    I'll be using that "acting as if" mentality in the future, BTW ...

  2. I think you are doing great and I love following you on blogger and on face book. You are where I hope to be some day with my weight loss..

  3. I love the pictures of you speaking.
    In your eyes, it's like a wall that was up before, is down now. It is much better and sometimes harder, to be present in our lives all the time. No more checking out ever, right?

  4. Ahh, thank you! I'd forgotten about "acting as if". I need to dust that off and get to using it!


  5. good post Sean. I guess I have subconsciously doing the 'acting as if' for awhile now. I attribute that to my recent blessings and successes. I am glad to have a handle on the exact nature though. thanks for that.

  6. I think that tape is a familiar favorite somehow. I work to NOT listen to it so often

    those thoughts do come less and less often now though

  7. I'm convinced that we have to decide who and what to make brain space for. It's not a one time deal, either. It's a do-over time and time again. Example: I can clearly describe where I was sitting in my 7th grade math class when a boy named Marty made fun of me because of my weight. EVERY DAY OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. I know what he said, I know how he said it, and I remember the laughter of other students. Periodically I remove that memory because I know it's taking up brain space that I could really use...but there are times when that creeps in once again. Sigh...

  8. Interesting thoughts as usual Sean. Reading this I think I have just realised I need to make myself a new tape. I don't have a 'bad past' tape, more of a "This is how it's always going to be' daily tape.

    Tomorrow is a new day :)

  9. I found you about a month ago and started at the beginning and got to about 3 wks ago. I started a new job in a call center ( big change from working nursing home but that was killing my knees ) and am having problems learning it all so fast. Now am in trainig and I "know" that we are learning, I "know" that they expect mistakes.... but geesh do you really think I can get it. So your blog today has hit home so strongly. Not a coincidence that I thought this eve oh should go check his blog havent been in a few weeks. Thanks so much cos I sure do need it. have had many many telling me I can do it, but now feel as if WHAT if i can't and then look like a fool. seems no matter how I think, it is OMG terrifying...........
    thanks for giving me something to think of. not only in wt loss ( i am 53 been saying lose wt since 24 and am now 199- was 167 after my dd was born 30 years ago then slowly went to 185 for year till about 6 years ago have gotten to 190 -195 and highes was 200 for a day). but how how how can I keep trying and last longer than half a day!!!

  10. Love the pics babe....what Chris's in the eyes. :)

  11. The mix tape is an excellent analogy.

    And for the love of Pete, please make sure everyone sees you're eating more colors than beige! Those of us who are your regular readers know you do, but the ubiquitous "everyone" stresses about it, LOL.

  12. Sean,

    It is normal to feel disappointment with success at times. We work so hard to reach certain goals in our lives thinking once those goals are met, our lives will be changed forever. But then reality sets in and the big question is...what's next? You have made a HUGE difference in so many people's lives and will continue to I am sure. If that is all that is gained out of your weight loss, then your loss has not been in vain. So be happy, and don't let anyone or any circumstance make you feel insecure about anything:) You have accomplished what you set out to, and then some.

    Take Care and God Bless friend!


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