Monday, December 24, 2012

Just Be Okay

Just Be Okay

Pausing to reflect is important. Indeed, it is.  But only when the reflection is focused on the lessons learned in our struggles, the victories earned in our triumphs and the choices needed to move forward in a positive way.

Pausing to reflect can be devastating if we're squarely focused on the negative consequences of our choices and actions.  It's like constantly analyzing where and why we swerved off the road.  If you're driving along and you skid off a slippery highway, finding yourself in a ditch, you might pause to thank God you survived.  You probably would spend a minimal amount of time thinking about what happened leading up to and creating the loss of control.  But then your main focus turns to what it must be in those moments: "How do we get out of this ditch?"

When flashes of what to do now are clouded by constantly analyzing what went wrong, feeling bad about what happened and obsessing about how it could have been different, we become stuck.  Truly stuck.  Paralyzed by our thoughts, we sit and stew inside as the windows become covered until we can't see the road.  Soon, disoriented, we lose our sense of direction. We know we can't give up, because staying here will eventually kill us if we don't act.  Our basic instincts of survival demand we act and act now, if we hope to ever get out of here, we must act. 

That's where I've been.  In that vehicle.  I'm not alone.  I have my hopes and dreams with me.  I have the best of intentions with me too.  I have family and friends who reach out and offer support and they believe in me 100%; they always have.  If I were more clear with them, revealing my location, they would find me and once again their support would be fully received as it once was in the best of times.  Instead, I sit here, feeling the sting of the cold as thoughts of my chosen consequences pierce me in every way I allow.

I occasionally receive messages from people far and near who have read my blog, my book and facebook mini-blogs and they send some of the most incredibly positive stories about how my journey has affected them.  They're on the road, hands on the wheel and thanking me for inspiration they've gleaned from my experience.  Perhaps they haven't heard of my current dilemma.  Maybe they have and they're hoping it motivates me to act and act now.  I often find myself in tears while reading these, filled with happiness for them first, then reminding myself that this is all I want to do with my life; to be a positive light for others; to serve as an honest example of what's truly possible.  Then, I become overwhelmed with guilt, withdrawing into myself, hiding from the truths I must embrace to get me out of here.

This isn't a pity party. This isn't a cry for sympathy.  This is the truth of where I am and it's a place I've kept myself by choice.  No, not the best choice(s), obviously, but it's my doing.  I'm responsible for me.

I have little sympathy or compassion when I read about a blue chip athlete who has it all going for him, yet self-destructs before he realizes his ultimate goals and dreams.  Or when they achieve incredible heights, only to fall quickly by way of their own horrible choices. Yet, I find myself in a similar place.

If I'm not willing to give someone else sympathy and compassion in this situation, imagine what I'm doing to myself.  I must have compassion for myself, self-forgiveness and an eye for the clearer road ahead.  I have serious choices to make.  Good choices.  I have the tools readily available to emerge from this death trap and get back on the road to safety and positive leadership.

Oklahoma's own Vince Gill once sang "There's no future in the past," and oh my, how true that rings.  I can't go back in time and prevent what has happened, so why constantly obsess over the elements involved? I can move forward in a positive way, one choice at a time.  And when I'm in similar positions someday, I'll appreciate the experience I've gained, giving me the strength and insights to be okay.

Someone I truly care about recently told me to just "be okay."  And it sent me in search of what that means.  It sounds so simple.  "No really. Just. be. okay."  I want to be okay.

I think it means to appreciate the positive blessings, let go of the negatives and move forward in peace.  I think it means for me to have compassion for myself and others as I navigate the future in this direction, instead of wallowing in the maze of my past.  I think it means to stop trying to figure out how to undo what's already done, like it never happened--and make positive steps toward a future where the same mistakes are not repeated.  Just be okay.

That's where I am.  I'm working on being okay.  I'm reaching for the door handle leading out of this place.  The sun shines on the other side of this door.  Why would I choose to stay in the darkness?  There's fresh air out there, there's love, there's peace, there's family and friends...there's hope and promise.

I've deflected every inquiry from family and friends about what I want for Christmas.  I simply want peace.  I simply want to be okay.  And this Christmas wish isn't something anyone else can give me.

I'm here. I'm choosing to release myself from the imprisoning thoughts of yesterday.  I'm choosing to live today.

I wish you the best Christmas wish I can, that you find peace, love and most of all, you find yourself being okay.

Thank you for reading, my friend.  Thank you for your incredible support.  Thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for being you.

Merry Christmas,
Sean

12 comments:

  1. Oh Sean i can feel the pain in this post and I so very much relate. Hang in there. All we have is the now. Be kind to your sweet self - treat yourself like the precious soul you are. Let go of being harsh and hard on yourself. one thing i heard recently that struck home for me about the past and regrets was ' its ok to look at the past ... just don't stare...' I would also recommend writing all the regrets down, every one and then burn the lsit in a ceremomy or throw it in a river from a bridge in an acting of letting it go. I wish you a great xmas. remember you have touched so many lives more than you even realise. Wherever you are is where you are my friend. It will all be Ok. All we have is the now and all we can do is our best AND THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH!!!! Huge hugs to you across the water. Hang in there. Be kind like you would be to a stranger ... give that to yourselfxxxxxoooooxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Open the door, Sean. Walk up out of the ditch. Forget about the wrecked car. Just start walking down the road. One step at a time. Things will get better. ((((Let's do this!))))

    ~Amy Curtis aka thatTOPSlady (I'm not signed in to blogger, so this going to show up as anonymous)

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is the terrifying cycle of weight loss. It is when simple answers and pat rules and arrogant beliefs crumble under our feet and make us loose our footing. It is when we experience what we refused to understand about another's failure.

    It is what sets us free.

    Because only when we have gotten to the place in which you now find yourself, do we realize that we can do nothing more than open the car door--and have barely enough strength to do that. It is Jesus who will carry us on down the road, if we open that door and let Him.

    I, for one, intend to let Him. I'm reaching for the door handle as we speak...it seems to be a long way from my hand...

    Deb

    ReplyDelete
  4. My friend, choose change before change chooses you. Embrace that change like your life depends on it. A very wise person once said that to me but unfortunately I had put off putting my whole heart into that change until this last year, and change chose me. I have lost and stayed consistently on plan all year but the quality of my life has changed dramatically now for putting it off. Please learn from me. You're worth it Sean, and as the blessings of 2013 start coming, you want to be healthy and able to rise up to meet them. And I have no doubt you will. Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for reminding me it's ok to Be OK with my past Sean. That certainly helps me unlock some of those chains that keep holding me down. I'm praying for you friend. And I hope 2013 is better than you could ever imagine!

    ReplyDelete
  6. We do believe in you, Sean. I want to personally thank you for the inspiration you have been to me. Here's hoping 2013 is the best year yet for you. Hugs. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. You will be okay Sean! You will walk through the door to the sunshine.
    Sending you warm loving hugs on this Christmas Day.

    Sheilagh
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  8. I know you will be, and ARE okay. If anyone thinks this is a "success only" journey, they haven't been on it very long. It's real life, and sometimes walking out in our daily lives what we know in our hearts to be true takes some trial and error. I know you know that, and I am sure you will work it out.
    May the Prince of Peace himself bless you with his peace, this Christmas and every day. :-)
    Loretta

    ReplyDelete
  9. You know Sean you are a real person that we can relate to. You are not some guru looking down on us small peons saying oh why can't you get it. You are one of us fighting for each day and thankful when you lay down at night and you have made one more day of sane eating. We are all struggling together and we lift each other up when we need to. Its also growing spirtually getting stronger and stronger and I know one day we will reach that point where one day it is no struggle, we just do it. We are strong mentally, physically and spirtually. Merry Christmas and a great New Year.
    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  10. Here's a BIG ((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) for you. Although I'm late wishing you a Merry Christmas, I still wish it for you. Thank you for being you. Take care, Elisa

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've been following you quietly forever, and you always provide me with such inspiration. Even now, when you find yourself in a "ditch"--it is a highly relatable experience. From everything I have learned about you since reading your blog, I know you have the inner strength to galvanize your soul again, once you get past whatever the mental obstacles you are feeling. One day at a time you will crawl out of that ditch and continue your journey on this road. Transformation Road is a lifetime road--and weight has little to do with it. Just the ups and downs and twists and turns of life. I hope you are getting help, because you are such a bright light in the world, no matter what your weight. You are not letting anyone down, you are going through something, likely deeply personal and close to your heart. I believe in you and I hope that the sun shines for you soon. Spring always follows Winter.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Why would I choose to stay in the darkness?"

    Because it's FAMILIAR. You've shed a security blanket that you've had your WHOLE LIFE. And I think that it's hit you only very recently that, after the glow of the new achievement has worn off, you will have to face your entire life without it. The magnitude of what you've achieved is only just starting to sink in. One day at a time, dude. Have a great 2013. :-)

    ReplyDelete

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!






Copyright © 2008-2017 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.