Day 56 Picky Eats and Tiny Seats

Day 56

Picky Eats and Tiny Seats

Today crawled by at a snails pace. I guess I shouldn't complain about that, and I'm not really, it's back to work tomorrow. But when the day feels long I have to watch myself a little closer. I'm not worried about going over my calories, just occasionally mismanaging them. If I have too many calories too early, then I've short changed dinner time or I'll have to eliminate a late evening snack. I just had an apple, great snack! And really, that's all the calories I had left today. Apples are really good all by themselves. I say that because I use to slather a bunch of high calorie peanut butter on them. Apples with peanut butter are still a wonderful and nutritious snack, but at 100 calories per tablespoon,peanut butter is a little pricey for my calorie budget. I almost bought some celery the other day, but I didn't. I just don't know if I can enjoy it without cheese -whiz, cream cheese, or peanut butter in the celery groove, you get me? I must sound like a really picky eater, I don't think I am, but maybe Irene or one of my daughters could give a better assessment of my food pickiness. Just ask Irene about my rules for lettuce consumption, you'll think I'm nuts. And I'll admit I'm like a little kid when it comes to “food touching” on my plate. Only certain foods are allowed to touch. Two foods that have any kind of “run-off” shall not be placed on the same plate! I don't go to extremes with it, like eating only one thing at a time until it's gone then moving on to the next item, I just like a nice little separation between foods. Now if the meal is meat loaf, corn, and mashed potatoes, all rules can go out the window. You could put that meal in a blender and I would still eat it. Corn is always welcome to get into my potatoes and if a little meat loaf wants to jump in, well come on, the potatoes are fine! I remember our big family reunions when I was a kid and how I was always amazed at the pile of mixed foods some people would create. “Excuse me uncle, but your jello is getting in your potato salad, and that can't be good.” My grandfather was a mixed food eater. He didn't mind one bit if it was all up on each other. As long as it was edible, he had zero complaints. He loved apples too. Come to think of it, I don't ever remember him cutting up an apple and slathering peanut butter on it, he would just eat it like an apple was meant to be eaten. Tonight I sliced up a tomato, added a little salt, put it on a separate plate and enjoyed it as a side at dinner. I usually don't like to eat tomatoes without bacon and mayonnaise, or at least a hamburger or taco around it, but it was good stuff! Certain foods like tomatoes, pickles, onions, jalapeños, green peppers, and things like that can really add a ton of flavor value to your daily allotment without adding a bunch of calories. Can you tell I'm trying to not be so picky? I'm trying to broaden my food horizons and get the most out of 1500 calories a day.

Weigh day is fast approaching. I can't wait to weigh! How much will it be? I don't know! But I almost guarantee I'm below 450, I mean seriously six pounds would put me at 449...and I bet I've lost a little more than that. But I'm not guessing this time! The time before last I guessed too high and last time I guessed too low. I'll just wait until Wednesday and we'll see what this two week period has shed. I'll say this, driving Irene's little car is getting much easier, actually enjoyable a little bit. I've had to drive it a bunch lately since I killed Bambi's daddy with the van. At 505 lbs I could barely fit behind the wheel, it was a really tight and embarrassing squeeze, but now it's not so bad. I'm still a little big for it but nothing like before. I love getting smaller! I'll have another “smaller” moment tomorrow night when we attend the Ponca City High School Awards ceremony honoring Courtney and other honor students. The last time we attended the awards I was over 500 pounds and the little seats are a really tight squeeze. Almost impossible really. Last time I made myself squish into one and my legs went to sleep. I remember turning to Irene and telling her that I didn't know if I would be able to get out of the seat without some kind of major assistance, I mean I was in there real tight! It was horrible! The entire ceremony I was consumed with the thought of how I would get up once it was over. And what if someone says “please rise” I'll look completely disrespectful if I don't rise! I wish I had a picture of me in that seat, because I bet you couldn't even see the seat, it was buried underneath me. Tomorrow night I'll give you an update of how the seat felt and fit this time! Maybe now I can concentrate on the honors being given to my daughter and not the death grip of my arena chair. I'm very proud of Courtney, after almost a year and a half into her high school career and she still has perfect straight A's. She works very hard and very smart. She had to get it from her mother, because I never put that much effort into my school work. And Courtney does it with a part time job plus working out with us everyday! Courtney and Amber have made the whole raising teenagers phase of our life really easy. We're truly blessed by that. I'm proud of them both!

Amber even went jogging tonight! Jogging! Just the word sends chills up my spine. I couldn't imagine. A brisk walk is all I can do right now, maybe jogging someday, but wow. Way to go Amber girl! I bet you felt an amazing rush of accomplishment when you finished your jog. And a bunch of endorphins making you feel all good inside. Did you know that endorphins are released by our bodies as a defense mechanism? I read all about them. When we exercise our body doesn't understand the difference between running from a lion or running for exercise benefits. It can't tell if we're trying to save our life or just trying to drop some weight. So it releases endorphins to minimize pain and give us a rush of groovy feelings. That's my non-scientific explanation. Just Google “endorphin” and you too can read all about it!

It's time to call it a day 56. Tomorrow is fast approaching and I better get to bed. Good day today, did very well. Calories were perfect, the workout at the Y today was fantastic, and I can almost feel myself getting thinner! It's a great feeling my friend. Good night and...

Good Choices,

Sean

Day 55 Corvettes and Cheesecake

Day 55

Corvettes and Cheesecake

My day started with a Corvette Show at the local Chevrolet Dealer. After surveying all of the cars I have to admit I'm not quite ready to try to fit into one. Even had I asked to try out the position behind the wheel, I don't think these Corvette enthusiast would have been real enthused about the idea. And that's probably a good thing right now. I would not want to break something on a Corvette. I have some friends that own one and I'm sure that after another 100 pounds or so, they'll let me sit behind the wheel and see what it feels like. The dealership had these big all-beef jumbo hotdogs. I had mine without the bun because I knew that it had to be 250 for just the dog. I also had a ½ serving of barbecue potato chips for 75. No problem. Oh, and did I mention that they had four giant trays of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies? I didn't have one, but let me tell ya, they looked really good. I could have had one, I mean based on the size and flatness in comparison with the bank cookies, they were in the neighborhood of 150 each. But I decided to save those calories for later. A bunch of people noticed my weight loss. I haven't been on that showroom floor since I started, and immediately people were asking me about the change in my appearance. That's very cool. Positive feedback feels really nice. I put on a shirt for the event that I haven't been able to wear in years! So I started the day with a bunch of positive energy. I was talking to one of the sales guys about what I'm doing everyday and as I talked another of the sales staff, a guy that is very thin and fit, is scarfing down cookie after cookie. The thin and fit guy told us that he eats as much as he wants and never gains a pound. In fact he eats a pint or two of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream every single night before bed. For a super premium ice cream, that's like almost two thousand calories for a bed time snack! I can't imagine how fast his metabolism must be. He joked that maybe he has some kind of worm or disorder that prevents him from gaining weight. Some people just lucked out when it comes to metabolism. I use to say half-jokingly that “I hate those people”, I wouldn't say hate, that's a pretty strong word. But envy? Maybe that.

Staying positive is a very important element in my success on this journey. I try to avoid people who like nothing more than a good negative conversation. As soon as a conversation turns negative, I get out as soon as possible. I'm not saying that I'm the most positive person in the world, I'm certainly not, but I'm a firm believer in the concept of whatever you put in your head, that's what you're going to get out. Positive thoughts bring positive actions and positive actions produce positive results, it's really simple if you think about it. I'm a firm believer in the power of suggestion too. If you tell yourself something negative enough times, you eventually gravitate toward it and become it. It works the other way too. Stay positive however you can and it will make a huge positive difference in what you do. And that really goes for anything, not just losing weight and exercising. Oh, and that power of suggestion thing is powerful, especially when the negative is coming from someone close to you. Never accept or tolerate verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is a poison that will slowly kill your spirit. And it can come from someone who loves you very much. Sometimes they may not even realize they're doing it. Maybe they're just naturally critical and negative about everything and everyone...maybe deep down they don't like something about themselves , and putting down or “joking” in a negative fashion at your expense makes them feel better. If you're trying to accomplish a life saving and extending goal like losing weight, you have to stand up to and point out when it happens, then declare that you're not going to accept that negativity anymore. “But I'm just kidding, wow...lighten up” may be the response you get, don't accept that. Just tell them that you realize they may not be intentionally trying to harm you, but they are every time they put negative things into your head. I'm very lucky that I'm surrounded by love and support and that's not an issue for me, but some people who read this blog are dealing with these issues everyday.

About the time I started this mission on September 15^th, one of the sponsors of my radio show started having me rave on air about the new item in their coffee bar, Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake. The Anderson family loves cheesecake, but it's one of the things I haven't had so far because it's such a bad calorie value. I'll have some eventually I'm sure, but it will be a small portion and every calorie will be noted! It feels kind of awkward to go on and on about how good the cheesecake is at this place and then minutes later be talking about my weight loss blog. But hey, it's my job! And that Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake is amazing I'm sure! But it brings me to a really good point. One of the reasons counting calories and exercising works so well for me is because I'm not restricted. I can use my calories any way I want. I can blow them all at once if I want to, I wouldn't do that of course, but I'm just saying nothing is out of bounds. And that freedom keeps me from feeling deprived. I may not have the calories today to share a piece of cheesecake with my wife or daughters, but one of these days I will. That's how I handle sudden cravings. I just remind myself that I will have whatever I'm craving soon, just not today. Then later I'll find the calorie content and decide if I want to put it in my calorie budget for the day. Cheesecake is like an obsession with Courtney, she even wanted cheesecake instead of a birthday cake, so I know that when I'm ready to enjoy a slice, I'm not going to have a problem finding someone to share the experience with.

Day 55 is history. Another successful day of losing weight in the books! Can't wait to get caught up on all my e-mail and messages tomorrow! Thank you for reading and remember, if you're on the same journey let us know how you're doing by leaving a comment to this blog! We can all support each other all the way to our goals! Good night and...

Good Choices,

Sean

Day 54 No Seriously, What Plan Am I On?

Day 54

No Seriously, What Plan Am I On?

A listener of my morning radio show came up to me today at the store and congratulated me on my weight loss. Then came the question. “So, how are you doing it?” I told him “1500 calories a day and exercise.” Then he asked me “What plan is it?” I told him “oh, it's my plan”, This really confused him. “So like Atkins?” This guy wouldn't quit. “No, it's just 1500 calories a day and exercise—no special pills or plans or crazy strict food list.” He then suggested I try the Atkins diet, because “who can live on 1500 calories?” I was very polite and thanked him for the suggestion then I told him that 1500 calories was working just fine for me. He then proceeded to tell me how he lost 30 pounds on the Atkins plan. He was a very nice man and a loyal listener. And I appreciate that! But man, he was convinced that I had to be doing some kind of special plan or book or service or pills or something! He's not alone, many people are convinced that you need to buy the solution. The multi-billion dollar weight loss product industry thrives because of this way of thinking. So many people struggle with obesity and have for so many years, all the while waiting for that perfect plan or drug to save them. Many of the “plans” will help you lose the weight, but do they really teach you how to eat after the plan? That's my biggest problem with the Atkins diet. I actually gave it a try back in 1995, but the grocery bill was just too much! And I quickly realized how fast you remember how much you love bread and other carbohydrates when you're filling up on meat, eggs, cheese, and more meat. But my love for carbs isn't the reason I will not do the Atkins plan. It wasn't teaching me anything about portion control. I wasn't learning anything except the science of why it works. That came in real handy when I would explain why I could eat two pounds of hamburger meat, a half pound of bacon, and a block of cheese and still lose weight. I'm in this for the life change, the long haul, the permanent results. I'm learning how to handle food in every day life and enjoy real portions, instead of monster size portions. And because I can eat whatever I want within my calorie budget, there isn't a situation or special circumstance that can trip me up. Remember the crazy boiled eggs/bananas/hot dog diet? I think that was the “special” combination. One day you ate just boiled eggs, the next bananas, and the third day hot dogs. Then on day 4 you started over with the boiled eggs. Oh, it works! Sure it works! But I'll tell ya, I don't plan on eating those three things exclusively for the rest of my life! Maybe it wasn't bananas...I'm pretty sure about the boiled eggs and hot dogs, but that third item may have been something else. Anyway, it doesn't matter, that's nuts! And really it's just another form of calorie counting, the only difference is you don't have the choices. The unlimited choices is what makes calorie counting so great!

I went to the bank today and they didn't offer me cookies this time! I've finally convinced my friends at the bank that I'm for real! Just last week the teller quietly asked me, “hey, you uh, want a cookie?” I turned it down again and reminded him of my weight loss efforts. He meant well, but the way he almost whispered the cookie question suggested that he knew I wouldn't take it, but just in case he was going to ask. Can't blame him, I mean really, I consumed 1,000 calories worth of free freshly baked Otis Spunkmeyer cookies every week for over a year. And what a brilliant added value of banking there, I mean come on, who doesn't love fresh baked cookies? They know what they're doing! If I ever want one again, I'll ask for it, but I just don't like spending 250 calories on one little cookie, know what I mean? And it feels good not having to invent new reasons to run to the bank. I'll admit it right here and now: Not every trip I made to the bank in the past was necessary. Yes, some of those trips were for one reason only...Free cookies! How sick is that?

Weigh day number four is only five days away! Normally it would be on Tuesday, but Tuesday is Veterans Day and the Payne County Health Center (a government entity) will be closed in observance. We talked about changing weigh days to every other Monday, but it just so happens that Irene has another doctors appointment Wednesday, and her appointment is right across the street from the keeper of the scales. We'll save the gas and time and just weigh then. I'm excited to see more results! I always hated to weigh before, but it's different when you know you're on track. When you know you've honestly done everything you could do, then weighing becomes an event to enjoy. And I know that one of these weigh days, I'm going to step on and not like the results. The weight loss will slow down and level, and that's Ok, it's expected at a certain point. I can handle slow and steady but I'll tell ya, fast and furious is really fun! But not realistic. I almost guarantee I will not have lost another 20 pounds come Wednesday. But like I've said before, I know I've lost 'cause the belt doesn't lie! Neither does the mirror or those pictures we took the other day, or the people that are noticing the loss out of the clear blue. I'll wait 'till Tuesday to really make a guess.

I have to apologize to my mom. She was totally freaked out by the posting of the Edwin and Frankie mug shots yesterday. She called me really late as soon as she noticed the pictures. I think she would have felt better had I immediately jumped up and removed them from the post. But she hadn't even read the blog yet. After I explained why and she had a chance to read the blog, it was OK. She was better today. I explained to her that Edwin and Frankie are not getting out anytime soon, and it's not like they're going to read this blog anyway. Do they have internet in prison? Wait a second, maybe they do! Whatever, their mugshots are public file information, and besides our tax dollars paid for the camera. I did want to clear one thing up. I no longer hold any bad feelings toward those two guys. I've long since forgiven them. It taught me a great deal about myself and the “bully vs. bullied” dynamic. They were just really misguided kids. And OK, maybe going to visit them would be a little strange, but what could they do? They can't get me through the holes in the bullet proof glass! I think it would be hilarious to pretend that I just wanted to stop in and say hi on my way “to my new job on the parole board.” Talk about paybacks! How funny. Kinda mean, but funny.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm scheduled for a remote broadcast appearance from a Corvette Show at the local Chevy dealer. Corvettes from four different states will be there and so will the free food and soft drinks. Hey, no problem, right? I've handled these situations before, I'm tested and ready! Bring on the brats and the sports cars I can't fit into...yet! I'll let you know how it goes next time. Until then, good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 53 Childhood Bullies and Me

Day 53

Childhood Bullies and Me

I've always had an internal “hope mechanism” that automatically kicks in when I need it most. I first noticed it when I was eight or nine years old. I was always picked on, made fun of, and bullied in elementary school. I was targeted because of my weight, and I now know that it continued because I allowed it. I never stood up to the bullies, I just tried to avoid them. When the bullying became too much to handle I would pretend to be sick and stay home. I missed so much school in elementary it's a wonder I made it through without being held back. I drove my mom nuts with the constant excuses and flat-out refusal to go to school. I gave her so much trouble! At home I felt safe. I was surrounded by love and acceptance. At school I felt intimidated and different. My two biggest bullies were Edwin and Frankie. They knew exactly how to intimidate. They loved the way that they could control me in every way. Edwin would extort pop and food from me in exchange for “protection” from him! Frankie use to show up at my home and demand that I come out side so he could beat me up. I remember one time Frankie showed up at the door and quietly demanded me to come outside. I told him that I was grounded. When my mom heard this she said...”Sean, you're not grounded, go out and play.” My mom didn't know how bad it was because I didn't tell her until much later. When I eventually told her how bad things were, she took me directly to Mr. McEwan's office. Mr. McEwan was the principal, and after mom and I explained all that I was going through he asked me a very important question. “Sean, why don't you fight back?” My reply: “Because I don't want to get suspended.” And that was true to a point, but I also didn't mention that I was terrified of fighting. More specifically, I was terrified of losing a fight. I remember thinking “What if I become defenseless on the ground and they beat me to death?” Mr. McEwan immediately erased the reason I gave by giving me 100% approval to attack the next time I was bullied. He told me that he would look the other way. He was a very smart man. He knew that if I stood up for myself just once, if I threw just one punch, I'd never get picked on again. He wasn't advocating violence, he was encouraging me to demand respect and stand up for myself just once. But even then I was always too afraid to fight. I never did punch Edwin or Frankie. When I had missed too much school and I was at the limit, and I had to go no matter what, I would make the walk to school with fear in my heart. But I remember thinking to myself “No matter what happens today, at 3:30 I'm going to be back home safe and sound eating an after school snack and watching TV.” It was my internal “hope mechanism”. I still use that same thought process as an adult. If I'm facing something really stressful, I always remind myself, “hey, it's not going to kill me, I'll make it through, and everything will be alright.” My mom took me to a professional counselor back then, and after one visit they told her that I was going to be just fine because I was a “survivor.” As I grew older and got into junior high the bullying stopped. I became the class clown, and as long as everybody was laughing, then nobody was picking on me. But really, I was picking on me! As I try to better understand the reasons and behaviors that put me over 500 pounds to begin with, I've come up with some pretty deep thoughts about it all. Stay with me here....As an adult I became the bully and the bullied. The abuse I've inflicted on my body has gone uncontested for over twenty years. Just like I never stood up for myself against Edwin and Frankie, I didn't stand up for myself against myself for over twenty years. You've heard the phrase “I am my own worst enemy”, well this is what I'm talking about! And standing up for yourself against yourself is sometimes a very difficult thing to completely understand, let alone accomplish. I'm finally doing what Mr. McEwan wanted me to do, I'm demanding respect, self-respect that is, and I'm standing up to the one person who has done the most damage to me...and that's me. To stay on this journey rock solid for 53 days I've had to battle myself daily. But I knew that I was at my limit, I couldn't keep getting bigger, and that no matter what, I have the love and support of my family and friends, and with that loving support and hope the worst days are really not that bad. I was never a fighter, and to this day I've never thrown a punch at any person, but I'm still a fighter, because I'm “punching” down the excuses and walls that have held me back so long. By the way Edwin and Frankie are both in prison now. The same prison! I kid you not! I'll try to put their mugshots at the bottom of this page. I sometimes think it would be tremendous therapy for me to take a trip to the Lawton Correctional Center where they live and visit them both at the same time. I have no idea what I would say to them or how exactly that would go, but it would be a tremendous positive thing for me. And maybe for them too. I'm putting that on my list of things to do when I reach my goal. Getting to know myself completely really helps me understand people like Edwin and Frankie a little better. Gaining control and taking responsibility over your own self-destructive tendencies can save yourself from yourself. Unfortunately for Edwin and Frankie they never gained control and it cost them their freedom. For me, gaining control over myself was and is all about gaining freedom, gaining life, and making the kind of decisions everyday that will make me a stronger healthier man, a better role model for my amazing kids, and a better husband to my wonderful wife.

We had a fantastic workout tonight at the YMCA. As it gets easier to workout the workouts get harder. Does that make sense? You know what I mean! “Harder” isn't the right word...”better”, yeah...they get much better. Day 53 is down, and Day 54 is fast approaching and it's a Friday! We love Fridays!!! Have a great one. Thank you for reading and as always, Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Edwin


Frankie

Day 52 Hold On, This Storm Will Pass

Day 52

Hold On, This Storm Will Pass

I don't like deer. I've never been in an accident with another vehicle, knock on wood. But I've crashed into five deer in my twenty-one year driving career. (One actually hit us) Five?!!? What are the odds? If I could just transfer that luck over to the Powerball then I would be one of those multiple winners you sometimes hear about. Another deer lost it's life to my Town and Country. The first deer to perish at the grill of my van was in late July 2006. I don't really know what happened to this one because it bolted after impact. I still have it's hair and some blood on my vehicle. It would be real easy to get depressed about this and the fact that I chose a super high deductible to save a little on the premium. But I really have to give thanks. Accidents with deer and other large animals can easily end with a fatal accident. I've had five and never been injured once. I give thanks for that. Once again I have to overcome the natural feelings of self-pity and look to a higher level of thinking. Sorry about the deer, but I'm alive! And that's all that matters. Sometimes it's easy to feel like the storms of life are doing every thing they possibly can to capsize you. When it rains it pours, if it's not one thing it's another, If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all...These are all phrases that come to mind during times like these. But as bad as it sometimes seems, I have to realize that many people have it much worse. I'm really a lucky one. I have every opportunity to succeed and see brighter days and I will. How I let adversity effect me is crucial to my weight loss efforts. When unexpected bad things happen I have to elevate my “self-security”. My internal calorie policeman gets some overtime. The little Richard Simmons inside me also has to keep me in line. Remember, it's difficult times that I've always allowed to be an excuse to quit. After fifty-two days, there is no such thing as quiting, this is it, I'm doing this come hell or high water, or a pack of suicidal deer. Would it be a “pack” of deer? Or a “thicket” of deer? Maybe a “gaggle” of deer? Google just told me they're called a “herd” of deer, of course. Whatever...I don't like them.

I made it through the morning without my usual two or three cups of coffee! Even after I discovered we didn't have tea bags! I just knew we had some at the studio, but no, no we didn't. I sipped water all morning. I'm getting some tea bags! Some things are easier to give up than others. Coffee will be a simple one for me. I knew of a broadcaster who sipped hot water every morning. Hot water, no caffeine, no sweet flavor, just really hot water. I don't know about that, I want some flavor in my hot beverage, you know what I mean?

I'm very proud of so many people who are doing this too. You know who you are. Some have just got back on the wagon after a brief setback, and that's awesome. We can do this together! I really feel your support every time you read the blog and every time you leave a comment. When I check the number of readers everyday, it gives me an amazing boost of confidence and determination. Keep reading, because we've just begun my friend. These times are the beginning of great things on this journey and we're getting there every single day. Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 51 Self-Motivation and Coffee Annihilation

Day 51

Self-Motivation and Coffee Annihilation

The new shoes everyone bought me for my birthday has really been a blessing! It seems that I can walk better than ever! Tonight at the Y I even noticed my heart rate not getting as high as it normally does at 2.9 mph. I may have to bump it up a little! It's probably a combination of the shoes and my progress. By the way, it's never a good idea to check your cell phone while you're on the treadmill. I did and almost took a horrible spill. I caught myself and quickly put the phone away! I have to be honest with you, tonight, for whatever reason...I just didn't feel like going to the YMCA. Irene left for work early, Courtney had tutoring at the high school in preparation for her finals, and I was left alone at home with a decision to make. Do I glue myself to the TV to watch this historic election unfold? Or do I get my rear end out the door and down to the Y? Had I planned a little better I would have worked out this afternoon and it wouldn't have even been an issue. But it wasn't just about watching the election results. I really didn't feel like going. I wasn't in a bad mood or anything, I was just being lazy! It's moments like these that I have to police myself hard. I knew that once I got there and started I would feel so much better. Even as I put on my shoes and socks I still wasn't convinced I was headed to the Y, then I just grabbed myself by my conscience and said...Let's go! And I did. It was a very nice workout!

I've made a big decision today. I'm quiting. That's right, I'm quiting coffee. I drink way too much coffee with creamer. I like coffee with creamer but I think a better alternative will be a nice hot green tea with a little Splenda. I keep reading about the health benefits of tea and it's finally swayed me. I'll still get my caffeine in the mornings, but I'll do it with a heaping helping of antioxidants! I told you there would be plenty of bad habits that will fall along this journey and I feel like I'm ready to take care of this one. We still have some work to do on others but letting go of the coffee is a big step for me. I'm getting more and more focused on working toward these type of things. As I continue to lose weight and feel better it just becomes easier.

I still don't like pictures! Not yet anyway. Of course we took a bunch of pictures on Sunday with the family, and even though I can see a difference in my appearance, I still don't like what I see. It's easy to feel impatient sometimes and looking at pictures makes me that way. I want results now! I'm getting them of course, but it takes time to really see the compounding of the daily effort. I must remind myself ten times a day that it's all about one day at a time! When you read this blog everyday, you might think I have it completely together, but as I've talked about here, I still have to police myself, I still have to push myself, I still have to remind myself of what's on the line, and I still allow myself to get discouraged. Which is nuts by the way when you consider my weight loss thus far. But I still occasionally get down and lucky for me I have family that pick me back up and I also have you to remember. The entire purpose of this blog to begin with was to keep me accountable. Well it's doing that to perfection!

I've been doing fantastic on my water intake. I've consumed a bunch of water today...some of it without flavoring! Yes I cheat with flavor packets. But they say that the sugar free/zero calorie water flavor packets are fine. You still get the water, you're just adding a little cranberry-apple flavor to the H2O. Nothing wrong with that right? I just bought some more of these little packets. I buy the Great Value brand from Wal-Mart, at first because they're 70 some cents cheaper per box, now I prefer them over the name brand Crystal Light. The grape is awesome and the Cranberry-Apple is fantastic! We all love the Cranberry-Apple flavor. The other day I proudly proclaimed that I hadn't had a drop of regular pop since I started this journey on September 15th! I was quickly reminded the proclamation wasn't completely accurate. OK...I did accidentally take a drink of Irene's Pepsi one night. One drink, that was it, and i didn't do it on purpose honest! Besides, that was the first week of this mission, I mean---do you know how many times I almost bought myself a can of regular pop at work? When you do it so long it becomes automatic right? It can be a really tough thing to break because you do it without even thinking. But I haven't had a “not thinking” moment since. When you think about it, things becoming automatic can work both ways. Good and bad. The goal is to make more and more good things “automatic!” I'm going to go watch the election coverage and get ready for bed. Thank you for your continued readership! Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 50 What am I eating?

Day 50

What am I eating?

Day 50 looks really nice up there. We've come a long way in 50 days! One day at a time it will grow to 100, then 150, then 200 days and beyond. The biggest thing I've learned in the last 50 days is you have to adjust to the peaks and valleys. You have to weave in and out of different circumstances, different stress levels, different moods, all while maintaining the integrity of your calorie limit and exercise schedule. I've learned that if you can do this, then there isn't an excuse in the world that can stop you. I've learned that as you go day to day, and those days start to add up, the food and exercise discipline become less of a big deal. It just becomes part of you. Everything else that goes on makes up your days and nights, the food and exercise is just a constant in the background. It's like starting out driving a car with standard transmission. At first, switching gears and adjusting to the clutch and the demands of the road is a little intimidating and jumpy, then it gets easier and smoother, and after a while you almost forget you're driving a manual transmission...It becomes an automatic. But the only way to get to that point is to do it everyday, stay consistent, and learn. That's exactly what I've done over the last 50 days. I'm excited for the many changes that will come about over the next 50 to 100 days. I'm really looking forward to hitting the first 100 pound goal. Then a short time later hitting 115. I'm looking forward to hitting 115 more than 100, and not just because it's 15 pounds more. 115 Pounds is how much I lost back in 2004 before I gained it all back! I'm not going to stop and celebrate...No! I'm just gonna put my head down and power past it!

It's very cool to run into people you haven't seen in a while and they notice. “You look like you've lost some weight”... and I say “I have and thank you for noticing!” I know I have lost, I know I'm starting to look a little different, but when someone who had no idea I was doing this notices, it's a real booster! When somebody already knows what you're doing, you wonder...Do they really see the difference? Or are they just being nice? But when they didn't have a clue, that's really cool. And then it gets really nice when the changes are unmistakable. Every now and then someone will ask me the big question. “So what are you doing?” And I tell them, I'm counting calories, 1500 a day, and I'm exercising. Then sometimes they go further... “So, what are you eating?” My answer? Anything and everything within reason. It can really confuse people. “Anything?” ...yes, anything. Let's re-visit the list shall we? I've lost 50 pounds and counting eating: pizza, hamburgers, grilled chicken, steak, fried chicken nuggets, baked potatoes with sour cream, lasagna, bratwurst, ice cream cones, mini banana splits, fudge bars, dream bars, Snickers, fresh fruit, oatmeal, non-dairy coffee creamer, sub sandwiches, barbecue ribs, fried catfish, Quarter Pounder with Cheese, french fries, Doritos, potato chips, wheat thins, cheese it's, breakfast sausage, fried egg sandwich, eggs over easy, two and three egg omelets, grilled cheese sandwiches, hotdogs, hot links, deep fried mushrooms, ham, sharp cheddar, chili cheese dogs, onion rings, cookies, rice, corn, green beans with cheese, tacos, tostadas, bean burritos, chicken burritos, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, hard candy, Funyuns, popcorn, popsicles, baked beans, chips and salsa, macaroni and cheese, ramen noodles with ground beef, barbecue chicken, beef stew, meatballs, stuffed mushrooms, fried shrimp, coconut shrimp, chicken noodle soup, Whopper JR's with mustard instead of mayo, cheesy potato bites, scalloped potatoes, pork chops, grilled onions and peppers, sautéed mushrooms, beef roast with roasted carrots and potatoes, chili, pepper steak, pudding, jello, summer sausage, luncheon meats, cheese slices, bread, miracle whip, mustard, pickles, turkey, chicken enchiladas, granola bar, apple sauce, and, and...I'm sure I'm missing something, but this is a pretty diverse list. Having the freedom to choose is such a wonderful thing! I'm proving that I can lose weight and drastically improve my health without any magic diet wonder drugs and without drinking meal replacement shakes and bars. If you've read these blogs on a regular basis you know it's all mental. It's making a decision. I know that every choice I make has a consequence. If I can make a majority of those choices good ones, then I will succeed. Going back to what I said at the start of todays blog... It's all about adjusting to the peaks and valleys of your everyday life and making the right decisions along the way. Some might think that's were it gets tricky, you have to make the right decisions. What if I accidentally make wrong decisions? My answer to that is real simple. When it comes to foods, portions, and exercise, you know when something is a bad decision. Not exercising? Bad decision. Eating the entire pizza? Bad decision. If you're not sure of the calories, look it up! With nutrition labeling and the internet you can find the calories in just about anything!

I plan on stopping by the doctors office tomorrow and checking my blood pressure. At some point I hope I won't need that little pill everyday. The last three times I've had it checked it's gone down. I really think that once I hit the 150 pounds lost mark, I may not need 'em. I'd like to lose the need for the CPAP machine too. Could happen! We'll see! Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 49 The Buffet Showdown

Day 49

The Buffet Showdown

I made sure I made it to the YMCA today in plenty of time to work out. I tried something new this time. I tried programming the treadmill. I quickly figured out that I'm not quite ready to have a computer control my workout. It started out really slow and then quickly climbed up to around 3 mph, but then out of the clear blue it jumped up to 3.4 mph! I guess the computer calculated that I could handle the extra pace. I sincerely appreciate the treadmills confidence in me, but really, right now 2.9 mph is more my speed. And no inclines! Not yet anyway. I turned off the machine and turned it back on, then manually set my pace at 2.9mph. After a brisk mile, I hit the racquetball court for some back and forth action. It was a good workout!

When I got home it was time to make a decision on where we were going to go out for our birthday celebration in Stillwater. We decided on Charlies Chicken, a decent choice, because they have different options that would make calorie counting really simple. At the last minute we made a change, since a few in our party really preferred Chinese over Charlies, we would go to New China Super Buffet. Brace yourself! Yes I said BUFFET. I knew someday it would happen. I knew someday I would face-off against a buffet like two gunslingers standing on Main Street in the middle of Dodge. The showdown was set. As we approached the scene of the dual I kept remembering all of our previous trips to this same locale. This was the place that made me like Chinese, mostly because they have a bunch of non-Chinese items. Did that even make sense? Anyway...They have amazing food! Their coconut shrimp is the best ever, I've had an entire plate before. The little stuffed mushrooms are incredible, the deep fried everything is amazing, and they have a nice big selection of fruit and deserts. I knew going in what I was up against. I was armed with my desire to stay true to my mission and a 49 day perfect record. I knew they would beat me financially, because there was no way I was eating the $7.95 worth, but they had a really tough opponent as far as will power was concerned. As we arrived I made some game time mental adjustments. I reminded myself of what I had to do and what I couldn't do. I had a cocky confidence walking in and then it was like everything was in slow motion. I made eye contact with the man at the register and he glared back. His stare told me that he's seen my kind through those doors many times. Really big guys like me that go in and pay $7.95 for $30.00 worth of food. I don't know for sure, but he probably alerted the kitchen of my arrival. But my opponent wasn't any one individual in that restaurant. My opponent was five hot lines, two cold lines, a desert line, and a sushi line. My first strategy was ordering a big tall glass of ice water. Then, without hesitation, I gave one last pre-showdown look at my family and headed straight for the battle. Like an old west gunfight, we (The buffet lines and me) stared each other down. I had my plate ready in my trembling hand. Then I started evaluating everything in front of me. It never took this long to decide before. Usually I would load up pretty quick, and head back to my chair, knowing that I would go back for more later. But this time was so different. There would be no going back this time. To win this fight I had to get in and get out as fast as possible, and never return. If you know me well, you know I'm not a big veggie person. I have tried a few things in the last 49 days that was way out of character because I was looking to maximize flavor, but really, I'm a meat and potato kind of guy. And a coconut shrimp kind of guy. I had a little coconut shrimp, a stuffed mushroom, some kind of mystery meat on-a-stick thingy, a few fried shrimp, a little sampling of pepper steak, a spicy chicken drummette, and a potato wedge topped with cheese and bacon. I over estimated calories on everything and concluded the plate (pictured below) was safely 500 calories. For desert I had some soft serve ice cream, that added some extra calories, but not too many. I enjoyed the meal real slow. When the dust had settled and the forks were put down I had won the showdown. No problem at all. I still say I have no use for buffet restaurants, I mean why put myself through all that mental preparation? I just wanted to enjoy a nice meal with my family, and of course we did enjoy the meal and the visit with everybody! But wow, I'm mentally exhausted!

I left enough calories just in case I wanted to enjoy a Snickers Bar later. And I did! A real regular size Snickers Bar...all 280 calories worth! I've talked about Snickers so much in the last few days, I thought... “hey, I can have anything I want on this plan, so bring on the satisfaction!” It was so nutty delicious! It's packed with peanuts! And I was packed with a wonderful feeling of victory over this celebration day, and I still have 20 calories left! It wasn't so bad after all! The big Day 50 is tomorrow...can't wait! 'Till then, Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 48 Pectoral Dancing and Fall Foliage Prancing

Day 48

Pectoral Dancing and Fall Foliage Prancing

My alarm clock goes off before 5am five days a week. So it was very strange sleeping in so late today. I mean late. Of course I stayed up way late last night, but getting up at 1:30 in the afternoon was very strange. It was like I was a teenager again. I can remember staying up so late and sleeping so long the next day, that I would not see daylight in a 24 hour period. But now, as an adult who starts a workday real early, sleeping in to me is like 9am. So I get my lazy butt out of bed at 1:30 and head to the kitchen to make breakfast. The Oklahoma State Cowboys were on TV at 2:30, so I decided to have a game day breakfast of Kettle Style sweet and salty popcorn and a cut-rate dream bar. Very unusual breakfast I know, but football was coming on! I later fixed an amazing extra sharp grilled cheddar sandwich for lunch. If you've been following my blog daily, you know that pretty much anything goes as far as food selection and eating times. I don't get that crazy with it. Some people drive themselves and everyone around them nuts with special foods and strict schedules. I guess some people need that, but for me it's all about keeping it simple. I have enough day to day stress to handle without stressing myself over special food requirements and eating schedules. I'm proving a simple approach works.

By the time the Cowboys passed the 50 point mark, and the game was firmly in hand, I decided to turn it off and head to the YMCA. I put on a jersey shirt that I haven't been able to fit into in over three years, and I made the quick trip for a great workout. When I pulled into the parking lot it was completely empty. I just knew they were open 'till 7pm on Saturdays, and it was 5:30, so during my walk to the doors I thought about how nice it will be to have the entire place to myself! It'll be like my own personal facility. Then I get to the door and noticed the lights were out and the door was locked. Turns out they close at 5pm on Saturdays and Sundays. I didn't know this! Last I knew it was 7 on Saturday and 5 on Sunday. Nope. And too bad, because I was ready to rock! I was ready to tear up the hardwood and workout a treadmill. I was left with no choice but to walk the trail. At least it was an absolutely beautiful day for a walk. As I walked I made a point to notice my surroundings. It's so colorful these days! There are a couple of trees in the park that have the most amazing orange leaves. I mean orange-orange. They were awesome. I've never really had too much appreciation for fall foliage, I guess because when you're constantly surrounded by beauty, you run the risk of taking it for granted. But these colors I encountered today along my walk were the kind people in the Southwestern United States would get a camera out for. Let me re-phrase that, it was the kind of colors that anyone would get a camera out for. I should have taken a picture with my phone. It was nice. In some parts of the country, perhaps around here, they actually have bus tours of fall foliage, I guess I understand and appreciate why now. As I pulled into the trail parking lot I made a decision to walk a brisk two miles and I did, without stopping! Remember, just 48 days ago I couldn't even make it a quarter mile, but there I was powering out a nice workout. My heart rate was up and the sweat dripped from my brow. I didn't have any music to enjoy while I walked, so I just observed my surroundings. All the people playing disc golf, the fall foliage, and the squirrels! They were everywhere! I quit counting at twenty-five critters. They're fun to watch. When a nice breeze would blow and rustle the changing leaves, it would give me a boost of energy and a positive stride as it dried my wet forehead. I do prefer the intensity I can create inside the YMCA, but I have to say, today the great outdoors was making a pretty solid case for walking. I almost forgot to mention this: On my walk I found a completely wrapped never open Snickers Bar just laying in my path! A Halloween reveler had to have dropped it. Or maybe the M&M/Mars company is trying to reach me after reading that I boycotted candy yesterday. They know Snickers is my favorite candy bar in the whole world! And there it was right in my way as I exercised. I grabbed it for an inspection...Yep, it was sealed and still probably good to eat, so I threw it in the doggy doo trash can. Nice try M&M/Mars! You're gonna have to do better than that! This is the third blog in a row I've mentioned Snickers, maybe I should eat one and get it over with already. It's 280 calories, I could squeeze that in one of these days. Maybe tomorrow, then I'll tell you about it tomorrow night, then it will be four blogs in a row. Maybe I should just try to find a way to include Snickers in every blog. It'll be my little weird obsession, like Seinfeld's superman-in-every-episode thing. Then I could write a book someday called “How I lost nearly 300 pounds eating Snickers!”

My workout plans are not written down anywhere, it hasn't been pre-planned. I knew from the beginning that I would have to start with the very basic. Like I've said, on day 1 that quarter mile was brutal. At 505 pounds it hurt real bad to move at all. I've let my body write the plan and create the schedule. I knew that when it was ready, I could bump it up a level. I have bumped it up quite a bit in 48 days. And eventually I'll add some weight machines to the mix. Then a little later I would like to do some serious weight training. I don't want to become a muscle man, but I do want well formed muscle tone someday. After abusing my body and stretching out my skin to cover a 505 pound body, is it unrealistic to still expect six-pack abs someday? Some might say yes. And without a full body tuck, they would be right. I fully expect to have a full body tuck when all that's left to lose is loose skin. If I ever want to see a six-pack, I'm going to have to have the full tuck. I hope to donate my excess skin to a burn hospital. We'll see how that works out. I use to joke about having a 24 pack, and that was funny, but maybe not as funny as this: I really do have a six-pack! I can feel it! It's under there just waiting to be liberated, waiting to take front and center. I also have some really firm and formed pectorals. Maybe that's why I've always had man-boobs. When I flex I can make them dance. I'm not kidding! Ask Irene about it, she's one of the few people in this world that's witnessed my naked dancing chest muscles. Maybe carrying around so much weight all these years built up my muscles underneath. It'll be interesting to get down to them again. Oh wait, I mean get down to them for the first time!

Courtney spent the day walking all over Frontier City with her friends. She's enjoying the fruits of her labor at the radio station. She didn't officially work out, but I imagine walking for nine hours around an amusement park is a better workout than anything we've done thus far. Amber is home and we're getting ready to watch a late night movie together. Tomorrow is Day 49, and we're heading to Stillwater to celebrate me and Keith's birthday. Everybody is leaving it up to me where we go out to eat. It was always so easy to choose before, just give me the place where I can eat the most and pay the least. Already to suggestions have been made, and both are buffet places. Remember my blog about not having any use for buffets? Yeah, that. I also mentioned in that blog that I'm sure I would have to face one someday for a special occasion or family event...and walla—special occasion and family event coming right up! But I'm leaning away from a buffet. Not because I think I couldn't handle it, because I could, but really, none of us need a buffet! I'm going to go figure out my last two hundred calories for the day and enjoy them while I watch a movie with my oldest. Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 47 Trick-or-Treating For All Ages

Day 47

Trick-or-Treating For All Ages

I ran several errands today and each place I stopped had sweets free for the taking. City hall—free candy---the cable company---free candy---the insurance office---free candy---the bank---free cookies---the grocery store service desk---free candy---the convenience store—free candy. Who says trick-or-treating is just for kids? You could collect a pretty big bag of candy just payin' the bills! What's a serious calorie counter to do? Count 'em of course! I didn't count them at all today, because I didn't have any. Not one. I could have had a few pieces, sure, but I decided to make this the first Halloween in my entire life that I didn't eat candy. And you know what? I really didn't miss it. I can't remember a Halloween where I didn't eat a pile of fun size Snicker Bars. At the Cable office they even tried to push it... “Hey Sean, grab a candy bar!” and I said “No thanks, no candy for me.” They all looked at me like I was an alien that took over Sean's body. A few months ago I was broadcasting live from that same office when they were giving away full size candy bars, and yes I had a couple, that they knew about, and one for the road that I threw into my pocket when nobody was looking. So I understand their confusion when I politely turned down the offer. I could have allowed myself the calories, but I just didn't want it. If I wanted I could have a full size Snickers everyday. They're 280 calories. Then I could call this “The Amazing Candy Bar Diet!” Now that sounds way more enticing than plain old calorie counting and exercising. I guess I'm just not a big candy person. I'm not saying I don't love chocolate, who doesn't? But honestly, it wasn't that hard to survive the day minus candy of any kind. I did have a Dream Bar earlier. But that's not candy!

I attempted to save money today when I bought a generic brand “Dream Bar.” It was slightly over two dollars for twelve in a box! I saved like a buck twenty over the name brand box. But beware, because these cheapo-depo Dream Bars are awful. A Dream Bar, or “Dreamsicle” is suppose to be either orange popsicle wrapped around vanilla ice cream or orange sherbet wrapped around vanilla ice cream. These cheap Dream Bars are a blended orange-vanilla bar. There is no middle. Just orange sherbet with clouds of white representing the vanilla. Never again I say! Oh, and get this, they have 90 calories each, as opposed to the 70 in the name brand “real” version. I felt so ripped off! I'll look again, 'cause I bet they didn't even spell dream bar right...It's probably a “Dreem Barr”, or some similar intentional misspelling to avoid copyright infringement. They do that with cheese too. Never buy “chedder cheeze”, 'cause it isn't cheddar cheese my friend, it's oil and water, and it looks good only when you see the price. Try melting it and see what happens. I bet it's like a science project gone wrong. Let me get back to the original topic here: Candy bars, and more specifically candy bar nutrition. The lowest calorie candy bars are the lightest ones. Three Musketeers is one of the best and has 45% less fat, the miniature (small square shape) has only 28 calories. A Fun Size Three Musketeer has under 70. For the sake of comparison, a fun size Milky Way has 150. Nougat is loaded. I always hated nougat anyway. What is nougat? What a strange word, nougat. I like the word nougat. I'm going to start using the word “nougat” more in daily conversation, like-- “You've got to get down to the “nougat” to really understand the problem”...or... “And after that it's all nougat.” or even... “I'm trading in my big old gut for a nougat.” Did somebody slip something in my tea? I'm getting loopy here.

I thought of a fantastic idea today. A party! A big party someday when ultimate goals are reached. A party for all who read this blog and for all who are working on their own journey. It's way down the line of course, but I'm planning it in my mind now. Here's the fun part: Everything at this party will be portioned and have an accurate calorie count clearly marked! Who says party food has to be bad! Cheese dip in individual little bowls, little sandwiches, chicken wings, chips, dips...maybe even little pieces of cake! The presentation would look very cool. And no guessing! I'm not saying everything will be low calorie, I'm just saying the calories will be accurately measured and displayed for everyone to see. I like it! I believe this concept would also work well on a cooking show. I can imagine the promo commercials for it... “A four layer meat and cheese lasagna for under 300 calories a serving? A fudge brownie sundae for under 200 calories? A plate of fried fish and chips for under 500 calories? Don't miss this show because “counting calories never tasted so good!” Somebody get the Food Network on the horn, this is “money.”

I decided to invest 500 calories in lunch today. I had a regular size hot dog with chili, cheese, and onions and onion rings. The chili dog checked in at 300 calories, the onion rings? Well...I thought they were 350 to 400 for a regular order, but I looked it up at sonicdrivein.com, and that order had a whopping 500 calories worth of onion rings! I gave most of them to a co-worker and slowly enjoyed three individual onion rings...nice size, about 200 calories worth. I very rarely eat something like this for lunch, but I was in a big hurry, and it was a convenience thing. Sometimes the convenience isn't worth the calories, but I really enjoyed the chili dog and those onion rings, they were really good. And since I decided to swear off candy on Halloween for the first time ever, I felt I could easily afford it! Thank you for reading this daily blog! I hope that you find value in each of these writings, whether you're going through the same journey or just reading for fun, I sincerely appreciate your readership! Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean