Day 582
Challenging A Lifetime of Weight Loss Study and A Little Test Ride
Mom decided against being a guest on my show this morning. She sounds so good on the air, but really---she's very shy, and I understand. I'll have her on another time, you know Mothers Day is coming up soon---hint-hint...mom, you reading? It was probably best this morning, I had a very busy Monday and mom needed to rest.
Mom really enjoys dining out, and we have---but today for lunch, I planned on cooking at home. I had a little extra time for lunch, so I hurried home and prepared a wonderful whole wheat spaghetti marinara with mushrooms and ripe olives and I topped it with slices of grilled chicken breast. I threw some 150 calorie slices of garlic toast in the oven to compliment our dish---and lunch was served. With the bread and everything, it was a 500 calorie lunch. A little heavier lunch than I usually enjoy, but this was a special mom and me lunch.
Mom decided to accompany me back to the studio for my afternoon production work. She sat in the conference room and read her magazine and my “Food Rules” book while I worked late.
Every now and then, mom seems so unsure about what she's doing and how she's doing it. It's like she has a hard time believing it can be so simple. But it can be. It doesn't have to be complicated. You see, mom has read many books on the subject of weight loss---filling her brain with different plans, philosophies, and science. Her son coming along and saying---”Mom---let's simplify this---just stick to that calorie budget, eat what you like, and exercise. Your choices will naturally improve, your endurance will steadily increase, and the weight will drop. Focus more on the mental gymnastics that'll keep you consistent---and learn about yourself along the way.” I was challenging a lifetime of weight loss study. The difference? I have tremendous success on my side. It's a nice visual aid to accompany my philosophy. She's making tremendous strides along this road. She's embracing this and the weight is dropping. She's down sixty pounds from her heaviest, and I'm so proud of her. It just gets better mom---keep up the amazing progress! I love you!
While I visited the YMCA this afternoon for spinning and weight training, mom decided on walking Wal-Mart. Our Wal-Mart is a big Super Center—and mom was there for a couple of hours while I worked out...she was getting her workout too.
The 5:30 spinning class was directed by a different instructor this time. I've experienced Frank and MariBeth---but today it was Mary Beth, the other Mary Beth...anyway. This change kind of made me nervous. I know the class can be more or less challenging depending on the instructor---and I didn't know what to expect here. But I was fine---and Mary Beth was good. I pushed harder today than I have in the previous three spinning classes. It wasn't that the routine was harder---I just pushed harder—getting my rpm's up to 130 on the sprints and trying to stay at or at least near 100 rpm's most of the time. When the gears get higher, it's very tough---and when we stand or when we hover, my rpm's drop dramatically. Mary Beth made it very clear---the very thing that a regular reader and spinning instructor was saying the other day in a comment---I'm only to use my arms for balance, not leaning. It was an amazing 45 minute workout.
I rested for a few minutes and then hit the weight machines for a nice upper body workout. I'm really starting to enjoy the consistency in my weight training. And it may be pre-mature, but I think I can actually see and feel a difference physically, or maybe it's my imagination...but there's no mistaking the difference mentally. I'm pumped.
I picked mom up from Wal-Mart and she had bought me a wall clock. I have several clocks throughout the apartment...on the microwave, coffee maker, computer, my phone, alarm clock---but no wall clock. And mom was tired of asking me what time it was! Very nice momma! Thank you. We hurried back to the apartment, my bike was being delivered by Lindel---and I didn't want to miss him.
I hopped on the bike this evening and rode around the parking lot just a little. This wouldn't be the big bike ride that's coming this week---the one I'm looking forward to doing---but it was a little test ride. Yes, I remembered how to do it! I didn't crash, yay! I just rode around the parking lot for a few minutes, but I could seriously tell---this bike riding stuff is going to become very important to me. How exciting is that? Me? On a bike? For real? Yes, for real. Let the fun begin!
Before I took mom back home to Stillwater this evening, we stopped at a local nursing home and visited our Aunt Maxine. I need to visit her more often. She's so sweet---and our visit put a big smile on her face. She told me that if I hadn't been with mom, she wouldn't have known it was me. It's been a while. We visited for a good half-hour before hitting the road South.
In my daily travels to the year prior, I found this from April 19th, 2009:
Our food selection and food priorities were very different. First of all, before any hotel stay in the past, we always had to go to a store to stock up on “goodies” for the room. It was a completely normal thing to spend twenty bucks on junk to keep in the room. Our selections always included chips, dip, Nutty Bars, bagels, cream cheese, and of course plenty of sugary soft drinks. We didn't do that at all, didn't even desire to do that. We had bottled water, some flavoring packets, sugar free gum, and the complimentary coffee. There wasn't a need for a “fourth meal” at 1am like so many hotel stays before. We didn't order pizza to the room either, or run to a fast food place late. At dinner last night, we both watched our portions and left the restaurant feeling satisfied instead of stuffed. Out of habit we actually packed some Zantac antacid pills, but neither one of us needed them and they remained unopened. It's amazing how we always viewed our old habits and behaviors as normal, when they were anything but normal. The trade off of a much healthier existence and transformed body feels much better than any in room snack buffet. We took advantage of the complimentary breakfast this morning and again our selections were vastly different. We enjoyed fresh fruit, some cereal, and a cup of coffee. I grabbed an apple to have later and we were good to go!
Fitting in a booth that at 505 pounds would have been impossible was a tremendous feeling. I never thought I would say this, but I love booths! We always had to select restaurants based on seating arrangement, but not anymore, not at all. I don't think there's a booth out there that I couldn't fit in now. Not having that often times embarrassing problem is an amazing freedom.
I'm looking forward to getting below 350 and in not long breaking into the 200's. That will be very strange and wonderful! My mom recently recalled the day she realized that I was 300 pounds. I was just 16 years old and my weight was scaring her to death. She told me that day that I just couldn't get any bigger. I did get much bigger. But the gain was slow and steady, the kind that sneaks up on you and then slaps you in the face with a shocking number when you finally check. I'll never forget the first time I weighed in at over 500 pounds, it sent me into panic mode. Not enough to focus on any real changes, just enough to stress me out, and of course that always would lead straight to more food. It was certainly a vicious cycle all those years.
OK, back to present day:
No nap today---and I survived...hmmm, what does this tell me? I do like my naps, I don't think a well planned nap is a bad thing, I just have to get better at limiting my naps in length. Too much nap can completely throw off the schedule---but just a little nap, can energize for a good evening. Without my usual nap, I was toast when I pulled back into Ponca City after 10pm. I was up a little while before crashing hard with the alarm set for 4am. Tuesday is waiting, I better run!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Day 581 Nice Weekend and Big Things Straight Ahead!
Day 581
Nice Weekend and Big Things Straight Ahead!
Mom and I had a great Saturday night. It was so enjoyable being on stage and seeing her right there in the second row with a big smile on her face. She was seriously enjoying herself, and she needed that.
While we were grocery shopping the other night, mom asked if we could get some "bars." I said "You mean meal replacement bars?" and she smiled, "well, they're convenient." "I'll cook for you mom, we don't need bars." I understand the convenience of these bars, but I can whip up a low calorie omelet with veggies and cheese in less than seven minutes, and that's pretty convenient for me. This morning I prepared mom a wonderful omelet with grilled green pepper, mushrooms, onions, a slice of American cheese, and topped with salsa. The entire omelet checked in at 200 calories. I used one whole egg and three egg whites---and mom loved it! It's a much more satisfying breakfast--and less calories than a meal replacement bar!
Mom and I have spent a bunch of time enjoying each others company and not enough time exercising. That's not necessarily bad, but seriously--we flat out took the day off today. No excuses here. With that said, here's the workout plan for this week:
Monday: Non-weighted strength training---spinning class---weight training at YMCA
Tuesday: Non-weighted strength training---5K walk/jog
Wednesday: Non-weighted strength training---spinning class----weight training at YMCA
Thursday: Non-weighted strength training--- 6 mile Bike ride
Friday: Non-weighted strength training---weight training at YMCA
Saturday: Non-weighted strength training---mixed 10K--5k walk/jog---5K bike ride
Notice the bike riding on there? Yes---Some good friends of mine found and restored a bike for me. What a wonderful gift, thank you again Linda and Lindel! I made my way over to their place today and checked it out. I'll be taking it home tomorrow afternoon, and I'm super excited to be on two wheels for the first time since my pre-teen years. It's going to be an amazing feeling to ride a bike outside. It's just something that's been out of the question for so long, it's very cool to be able once again.
It rained all weekend here, so no tennis, but I'm hoping to play some this week. I have a tennis partner lined up and ready to go in my friend Whit. And I really want to get down to Stillwater for some swimming. I'll get it done, no problem.
In the archives from exactly a year ago, I found this:
Had to make a trip to the store this morning to grab a few things for Amber and Courtney while we're gone. I wasn't in the store very long when one of the associates asked how much weight I'd lost. I told the nice lady 146 pounds and just then two people let out loud gasp and even louder “wow,” it was a little scene for sure. The first lady then asked and answered her own question. “So how are you doing it?” “Not eating I'm sure.” I quickly corrected her and listed every kind of food I could think of off the top of my head that I've enjoyed along this journey. Sometimes that confuses people even more. I've noticed a puzzled look on people's faces many times after I explain to them my “eat whatever I want” approach. I simply told her that I eat normal food and normal portions. I limit my daily calorie intake to 1,500, drink plenty of water and water based drinks, and I exercise regularly. I don't do pills, or special plans, or anything that cost money whatsoever. I was really proud of myself for the way I handled the situation. Sometimes when somebody is amazed at my progress but confused on how in the world I'm doing it, I will talk for a good five minutes trying to make them understand the simplicity of it all. But not today, I told her what I was doing, how I was doing it, and touched briefly on the mental aspects, all in under two minutes. I think it might have been a record. I can't help it sometimes. When you're as passionate about something as I am about this journey, you just can't help but tell anyone who'll listen.
This hasn't been one of the best weekends for exercise, but it has been a great weekend. We planned a meal over at Irene's place tonight, but Irene had to cancel--she was busy taking care of her sister and didn't get done until real late, and we completely understood. We'll do it some other time!
Thank you for reading. Some big things are on the horizon...a milestone weigh day isn't far away---the crossing point is within reach--the point where I'll have lost more weight than I currently weigh--I'll be half the size I once was. Also, the kick-off for the "Lose To Win -2010" program with Ponca City Medical Center is the 27th. They've asked me to once again speak at the kick-off and I'm honored and excited about the program. The title of my talk will be "Choosing Change Before Change Chooses You." Can't wait! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Mom's omelet this morning. 200 calories of good food!
Nice Weekend and Big Things Straight Ahead!
Mom and I had a great Saturday night. It was so enjoyable being on stage and seeing her right there in the second row with a big smile on her face. She was seriously enjoying herself, and she needed that.
While we were grocery shopping the other night, mom asked if we could get some "bars." I said "You mean meal replacement bars?" and she smiled, "well, they're convenient." "I'll cook for you mom, we don't need bars." I understand the convenience of these bars, but I can whip up a low calorie omelet with veggies and cheese in less than seven minutes, and that's pretty convenient for me. This morning I prepared mom a wonderful omelet with grilled green pepper, mushrooms, onions, a slice of American cheese, and topped with salsa. The entire omelet checked in at 200 calories. I used one whole egg and three egg whites---and mom loved it! It's a much more satisfying breakfast--and less calories than a meal replacement bar!
Mom and I have spent a bunch of time enjoying each others company and not enough time exercising. That's not necessarily bad, but seriously--we flat out took the day off today. No excuses here. With that said, here's the workout plan for this week:
Monday: Non-weighted strength training---spinning class---weight training at YMCA
Tuesday: Non-weighted strength training---5K walk/jog
Wednesday: Non-weighted strength training---spinning class----weight training at YMCA
Thursday: Non-weighted strength training--- 6 mile Bike ride
Friday: Non-weighted strength training---weight training at YMCA
Saturday: Non-weighted strength training---mixed 10K--5k walk/jog---5K bike ride
Notice the bike riding on there? Yes---Some good friends of mine found and restored a bike for me. What a wonderful gift, thank you again Linda and Lindel! I made my way over to their place today and checked it out. I'll be taking it home tomorrow afternoon, and I'm super excited to be on two wheels for the first time since my pre-teen years. It's going to be an amazing feeling to ride a bike outside. It's just something that's been out of the question for so long, it's very cool to be able once again.
It rained all weekend here, so no tennis, but I'm hoping to play some this week. I have a tennis partner lined up and ready to go in my friend Whit. And I really want to get down to Stillwater for some swimming. I'll get it done, no problem.
In the archives from exactly a year ago, I found this:
Had to make a trip to the store this morning to grab a few things for Amber and Courtney while we're gone. I wasn't in the store very long when one of the associates asked how much weight I'd lost. I told the nice lady 146 pounds and just then two people let out loud gasp and even louder “wow,” it was a little scene for sure. The first lady then asked and answered her own question. “So how are you doing it?” “Not eating I'm sure.” I quickly corrected her and listed every kind of food I could think of off the top of my head that I've enjoyed along this journey. Sometimes that confuses people even more. I've noticed a puzzled look on people's faces many times after I explain to them my “eat whatever I want” approach. I simply told her that I eat normal food and normal portions. I limit my daily calorie intake to 1,500, drink plenty of water and water based drinks, and I exercise regularly. I don't do pills, or special plans, or anything that cost money whatsoever. I was really proud of myself for the way I handled the situation. Sometimes when somebody is amazed at my progress but confused on how in the world I'm doing it, I will talk for a good five minutes trying to make them understand the simplicity of it all. But not today, I told her what I was doing, how I was doing it, and touched briefly on the mental aspects, all in under two minutes. I think it might have been a record. I can't help it sometimes. When you're as passionate about something as I am about this journey, you just can't help but tell anyone who'll listen.
This hasn't been one of the best weekends for exercise, but it has been a great weekend. We planned a meal over at Irene's place tonight, but Irene had to cancel--she was busy taking care of her sister and didn't get done until real late, and we completely understood. We'll do it some other time!
Thank you for reading. Some big things are on the horizon...a milestone weigh day isn't far away---the crossing point is within reach--the point where I'll have lost more weight than I currently weigh--I'll be half the size I once was. Also, the kick-off for the "Lose To Win -2010" program with Ponca City Medical Center is the 27th. They've asked me to once again speak at the kick-off and I'm honored and excited about the program. The title of my talk will be "Choosing Change Before Change Chooses You." Can't wait! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Mom's omelet this morning. 200 calories of good food!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Day 580 Mommas Worries Are Different and Hosting The Opry
Day 580
Mommas Worries Are Different and Hosting The Opry
Mom and I started our Saturday with some fruit and coffee. Just enough to hold us over until we met with Courtney for lunch at a nearby restaurant. It's been very nice having mom around, and we thoroughly enjoy each others company. She was so worried about my weight for so many years---it literally kept her up at night. I can remember numerous times of answering the phone at 2am and finding a very emotional mom on the other end asking when I would do something about my weight, pleading with me really, to get serious. Momma knew I couldn't live very long at over 500 pounds, and after losing my younger brother Shane at the age of 24 back in 2001, the thought of losing me too was too much to ever allow her a restful nights sleep. Mom sleeps much better these days. She still worries about me, that will never end, but it's about my emotional well being and not my morbid obesity. At some point along this road, the tables of worry shifted. She stopped worrying about my weight and all of a sudden, I was the one worried about her weight, and to see her finally breaking through with a solid understanding of what it takes to really lose it, well...it's total joy.
We enjoyed lunch with Courtney at JW Cobb's. I've written about this place many times, it's easily our favorite restaurant in town. It's a local country cooking kind of place, where it would be real easy to make horrible choices, but it's also easy to make good choices here. We've enjoyed this place for years, and the entire staff remembers 505 pound Sean very well. They remember all of the rolls and butter I would eat, and the extra cream gravy I would request atop that giant chicken fried steak, and the giant helping of potatoes and gravy---all washed down with large glass of Pepsi. Yep, they remember it well. I guess that's why I love going here so much, because it really proves my point about choices and self-responsibility. We didn't stop enjoying this place just because our choices were changing. And as time progressed and the weight came off, their “wow” reactions became better and better. It took them awhile to adjust to the differences in my choices. I always order water with extra lemons, I always request the gravy on the side, I always order from the Senior menu (yes—they allow it for non-seniors who want smaller portions---I think they should change the name from “Senior” to “portion control choices.”) and it's most usually a balanced meal. When they bring out those fresh made rolls, I sometimes completely leave them untouched and sometimes I might enjoy a half, but then again---bread has never been my big weakness. It's choices. And I navigate those choices well---and I love showing my family and friends how to do it too.
After lunch---we had to get to the Poncan theatre for rehearsals of the Poncan Opry. I was set to be the host MC tonight---and we were expecting a big audience. There isn't much I can do here, but simply pick up the set list and bios of the guest stars---I did, and we headed back home for study. I don't know why, but I always get a case of nerves before a big show. Maybe it was because Mom was going to be in the audience tonight or maybe it's just normal. Or maybe---it's because I'm not the same guy that performed a couple of hundred times a year at over 500 pounds. I only take the stage, maybe ten times a year now...and I'm no longer 500 pounds---so the biggest source for my material is gone. I have other material and thoughts that can easily be turned into “fat-free” material, but it's not as easy as it once was. And when you're sometimes introduced as a “former regular at The Hollywood Improv,” well---the expectations from the audience becomes high---and I don't have my familiar crutch anymore. Make sense? I can still hold my own on stage---but as my confidence in my appearance grew, it started lagging in the performing department. It's strange psychological stuff, huh?
Speaking of strange psychological stuff...I found this comment from anonymous on yesterday's post:
Whoa. That is soooo trippy. Damn you are one handsome guy. I know you maintain very healthy boundaries (vis a vis private & puplic life), but it would be great sometime if you wrote about the changes in your encounters with women. No, I'm really not asking about deeply personal or sexual stuff! But I do think you are a great role model for many men and it might be helpful to launch a bit of a dialog about what it is like to be treated as a sex object. I'm guessing that didn't happen very much when you were heavier (not that you weren't handsome then, too). Women discuss this particular angle in their blogs sometimes. Haven't seen men talk about it as much. It must be kind of unsettling (albeit nice) to have women coming on to you nowadays. Thanks for anything you feel like sharing. Will understand if you just *don't want to go there*. Take care!
Ok—Uh---seriously? I about spit my water when I read this comment. I certainly don't see myself as anything close to being a “sex object,” wow. But seriously---you're right, it never happened---the added attention, the extra smiles, the flirtations---never ever happened before now---and they didn't need to happen for me back then. Irene always found me attractive at every weight along the way---and that's all that mattered. I didn't necessarily believe her when she would say it, but I believe it to be true---that's love my friend. It never mattered what I looked like to Irene. She came along when I was 15 and already morbidly obese. I felt like the fattest, ugliest, most unattractive boy in school---and she looked past that and into my teenage heart. The weight didn't matter to her, until it started to worry her for my health. But it was never an appearance issue with her. And that's very special.
Things are drastically different now. A pending divorce coupled with this added attention that occasionally comes my way---it can be too much, especially when my brain hasn't fully accepted my appearance. It's definitely a topic for future discussion, that many men who lose a dramatic amount of weight could relate to, and when that time comes, I'll do it in a very tasteful and appropriate way---but I believe it to be way too soon to discuss, considering the current circumstances. Oh, and thank you for the compliment Miss Anonymous!
The show tonight was fun and well attended---the theatre was packed and the audience was lively. I had a chance to introduce mom to the crowd midway through the second half---and I think she was a little uncomfortable by that---and I understand, but everyone loves momma! It's all good!
I can't get through an event like this without someone coming up before or after the show and treating me to the coolest “wow” reaction. It happened again tonight. I was approached by a lady who told me that she hardly recognized me. She didn't really at all. She kept watching, trying to convince herself it was me on that stage---she just couldn't believe it at all. And then she asked, “you don't remember me do you?” And no, I honestly didn't. “I'm Tawnda, from Perry, I cut your hair all the time---I was your barber!” TAWNDA!! Yes---oh my, forgive me! Tawnda took care of my hair some fifteen years ago---and she was so good to me. It's been more than a decade since we've seen each other---and to say she was shocked at my changes is an understatement! It was complete disbelief---and it felt so wonderful to experience. Thank you Tawnda!
Mom and I didn't necessarily manage our time effectively today. After the show we headed home for a quick bite to eat---then we headed to the trail for my 5K. It was cool and rainy, so mom decided to stay in the vehicle and hit the trail with me tomorrow. I made my way out onto the trail and gave it a good jog, then slowed to a brisk walk, then jogged some more---and I don't know what it was that made me decide to cut my 5K short—but I did. I knew I'd have to report it here, but I did it anyway. Let's see what we have in our bag of excuses tonight: It was late, cold, rainy, and mom was waiting in the vehicle. Who's fault is it? Mine. This late night exercise session should have happened at 4pm, before the show. It might have been wet---but I guarantee it would have been complete. Not happy about that performance.
Linda and Lindel contacted me today to tell me that they had a bike and it was all mine. Lindel fixed it up and they wanted to give it to me. What a generous gift! Thank you! I'll be picking it up tomorrow. Linda warned me that it may or may not be what I was looking for, but hey---it's a bike---and a wonderful gift from friends, and I will peddle that thing with pure enthusiasm! And if I get another style bike someday, then I'll pay it forward by finding someone in need---and re-gifting it to them. I'll be picking it up tomorrow! I already said that didn't I? I'm just thrilled, very thrilled! Thank you Linda and Lindel!
Thank you for reading. Below you'll find pictures from tonight's Poncan Opry. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Photo Credit: Darryl Cox
Photo Credit: Rick Logan This was a comedy bit with “Erleene Jo,” aka—Kelcy Fowler-Moore
Photo Credit: Rick Logan With Dale Eisenhauer of the Poncan Opry All-Star Band
Photo Credit: Darryl Cox After show with Lions Club members, the Fowler Women, and Dave May the director of the theatre and the guy who took over my KLOR show when I left for KPNC last year.
Mom and me on stage after show. I really need to wear smaller clothes. This jacket and even my jeans are bigger than they need to be now. But tackling deep seeded appearance hang-ups isn't something I want to do in front of a packed theatre. Maybe I should do it that way...but anyway, I was comfortable tonight.
Mommas Worries Are Different and Hosting The Opry
Mom and I started our Saturday with some fruit and coffee. Just enough to hold us over until we met with Courtney for lunch at a nearby restaurant. It's been very nice having mom around, and we thoroughly enjoy each others company. She was so worried about my weight for so many years---it literally kept her up at night. I can remember numerous times of answering the phone at 2am and finding a very emotional mom on the other end asking when I would do something about my weight, pleading with me really, to get serious. Momma knew I couldn't live very long at over 500 pounds, and after losing my younger brother Shane at the age of 24 back in 2001, the thought of losing me too was too much to ever allow her a restful nights sleep. Mom sleeps much better these days. She still worries about me, that will never end, but it's about my emotional well being and not my morbid obesity. At some point along this road, the tables of worry shifted. She stopped worrying about my weight and all of a sudden, I was the one worried about her weight, and to see her finally breaking through with a solid understanding of what it takes to really lose it, well...it's total joy.
We enjoyed lunch with Courtney at JW Cobb's. I've written about this place many times, it's easily our favorite restaurant in town. It's a local country cooking kind of place, where it would be real easy to make horrible choices, but it's also easy to make good choices here. We've enjoyed this place for years, and the entire staff remembers 505 pound Sean very well. They remember all of the rolls and butter I would eat, and the extra cream gravy I would request atop that giant chicken fried steak, and the giant helping of potatoes and gravy---all washed down with large glass of Pepsi. Yep, they remember it well. I guess that's why I love going here so much, because it really proves my point about choices and self-responsibility. We didn't stop enjoying this place just because our choices were changing. And as time progressed and the weight came off, their “wow” reactions became better and better. It took them awhile to adjust to the differences in my choices. I always order water with extra lemons, I always request the gravy on the side, I always order from the Senior menu (yes—they allow it for non-seniors who want smaller portions---I think they should change the name from “Senior” to “portion control choices.”) and it's most usually a balanced meal. When they bring out those fresh made rolls, I sometimes completely leave them untouched and sometimes I might enjoy a half, but then again---bread has never been my big weakness. It's choices. And I navigate those choices well---and I love showing my family and friends how to do it too.
After lunch---we had to get to the Poncan theatre for rehearsals of the Poncan Opry. I was set to be the host MC tonight---and we were expecting a big audience. There isn't much I can do here, but simply pick up the set list and bios of the guest stars---I did, and we headed back home for study. I don't know why, but I always get a case of nerves before a big show. Maybe it was because Mom was going to be in the audience tonight or maybe it's just normal. Or maybe---it's because I'm not the same guy that performed a couple of hundred times a year at over 500 pounds. I only take the stage, maybe ten times a year now...and I'm no longer 500 pounds---so the biggest source for my material is gone. I have other material and thoughts that can easily be turned into “fat-free” material, but it's not as easy as it once was. And when you're sometimes introduced as a “former regular at The Hollywood Improv,” well---the expectations from the audience becomes high---and I don't have my familiar crutch anymore. Make sense? I can still hold my own on stage---but as my confidence in my appearance grew, it started lagging in the performing department. It's strange psychological stuff, huh?
Speaking of strange psychological stuff...I found this comment from anonymous on yesterday's post:
Whoa. That is soooo trippy. Damn you are one handsome guy. I know you maintain very healthy boundaries (vis a vis private & puplic life), but it would be great sometime if you wrote about the changes in your encounters with women. No, I'm really not asking about deeply personal or sexual stuff! But I do think you are a great role model for many men and it might be helpful to launch a bit of a dialog about what it is like to be treated as a sex object. I'm guessing that didn't happen very much when you were heavier (not that you weren't handsome then, too). Women discuss this particular angle in their blogs sometimes. Haven't seen men talk about it as much. It must be kind of unsettling (albeit nice) to have women coming on to you nowadays. Thanks for anything you feel like sharing. Will understand if you just *don't want to go there*. Take care!
Ok—Uh---seriously? I about spit my water when I read this comment. I certainly don't see myself as anything close to being a “sex object,” wow. But seriously---you're right, it never happened---the added attention, the extra smiles, the flirtations---never ever happened before now---and they didn't need to happen for me back then. Irene always found me attractive at every weight along the way---and that's all that mattered. I didn't necessarily believe her when she would say it, but I believe it to be true---that's love my friend. It never mattered what I looked like to Irene. She came along when I was 15 and already morbidly obese. I felt like the fattest, ugliest, most unattractive boy in school---and she looked past that and into my teenage heart. The weight didn't matter to her, until it started to worry her for my health. But it was never an appearance issue with her. And that's very special.
Things are drastically different now. A pending divorce coupled with this added attention that occasionally comes my way---it can be too much, especially when my brain hasn't fully accepted my appearance. It's definitely a topic for future discussion, that many men who lose a dramatic amount of weight could relate to, and when that time comes, I'll do it in a very tasteful and appropriate way---but I believe it to be way too soon to discuss, considering the current circumstances. Oh, and thank you for the compliment Miss Anonymous!
The show tonight was fun and well attended---the theatre was packed and the audience was lively. I had a chance to introduce mom to the crowd midway through the second half---and I think she was a little uncomfortable by that---and I understand, but everyone loves momma! It's all good!
I can't get through an event like this without someone coming up before or after the show and treating me to the coolest “wow” reaction. It happened again tonight. I was approached by a lady who told me that she hardly recognized me. She didn't really at all. She kept watching, trying to convince herself it was me on that stage---she just couldn't believe it at all. And then she asked, “you don't remember me do you?” And no, I honestly didn't. “I'm Tawnda, from Perry, I cut your hair all the time---I was your barber!” TAWNDA!! Yes---oh my, forgive me! Tawnda took care of my hair some fifteen years ago---and she was so good to me. It's been more than a decade since we've seen each other---and to say she was shocked at my changes is an understatement! It was complete disbelief---and it felt so wonderful to experience. Thank you Tawnda!
Mom and I didn't necessarily manage our time effectively today. After the show we headed home for a quick bite to eat---then we headed to the trail for my 5K. It was cool and rainy, so mom decided to stay in the vehicle and hit the trail with me tomorrow. I made my way out onto the trail and gave it a good jog, then slowed to a brisk walk, then jogged some more---and I don't know what it was that made me decide to cut my 5K short—but I did. I knew I'd have to report it here, but I did it anyway. Let's see what we have in our bag of excuses tonight: It was late, cold, rainy, and mom was waiting in the vehicle. Who's fault is it? Mine. This late night exercise session should have happened at 4pm, before the show. It might have been wet---but I guarantee it would have been complete. Not happy about that performance.
Linda and Lindel contacted me today to tell me that they had a bike and it was all mine. Lindel fixed it up and they wanted to give it to me. What a generous gift! Thank you! I'll be picking it up tomorrow. Linda warned me that it may or may not be what I was looking for, but hey---it's a bike---and a wonderful gift from friends, and I will peddle that thing with pure enthusiasm! And if I get another style bike someday, then I'll pay it forward by finding someone in need---and re-gifting it to them. I'll be picking it up tomorrow! I already said that didn't I? I'm just thrilled, very thrilled! Thank you Linda and Lindel!
Thank you for reading. Below you'll find pictures from tonight's Poncan Opry. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Photo Credit: Darryl Cox
Photo Credit: Rick Logan This was a comedy bit with “Erleene Jo,” aka—Kelcy Fowler-Moore
Photo Credit: Rick Logan With Dale Eisenhauer of the Poncan Opry All-Star Band
Photo Credit: Darryl Cox After show with Lions Club members, the Fowler Women, and Dave May the director of the theatre and the guy who took over my KLOR show when I left for KPNC last year.
Mom and me on stage after show. I really need to wear smaller clothes. This jacket and even my jeans are bigger than they need to be now. But tackling deep seeded appearance hang-ups isn't something I want to do in front of a packed theatre. Maybe I should do it that way...but anyway, I was comfortable tonight.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Day 579 Rough Start, Anniversary, and Driver License Photo Fun
Day 579
Rough Start, Anniversary, and Driver License Photo Fun
I slept hard last night. After one of the busiest days I've had in a very long time, I finally hit the pillow at almost midnight. The alarm was set for 4am, but it didn't have a chance. I slept hard and fast right through two alarms and the 5am train that barrels through less than a hundred yards from my bedroom balcony. I finally woke up in a panic at 5:35, realizing that my morning routine was completely shot. I immediately starting thinking about how I should best approach the situation. I decided the morning non-weighted strength training would have to wait until later in the day, along with my shower, writing, and almost everything else...except breakfast. Breakfast is a can't miss. I didn't have time to cook breakfast, I had to be on the air at 6am, so I did a drive-thru. Had to do it. Scrambled eggs for 170 and a small fruit and yogurt minus the granola for 130. I had some fresh fruit at the studio for later, so I was going to make it. I settled into what became a really good show. It's strange really, some of my best radio performances come on a morning like this---when I'm hurried and beside myself. I don't understand that.
Today is our 21st wedding anniversary. For once, I didn't mention the anniversary on my radio show, too awkward given the circumstances. We were just kids, 17 years old all those years ago, completely ill prepared for marriage and children—but we did it anyway, becoming best friends and pretty good parents along the way. We laughed, loved, dreamed, cried, triumphed together, fell hard occasionally---yep, we did it all---living and learning the hard way, because the hard way was what we always made it, and I'm not sure I would change it if I could. It's made us who we are today. We're going to both come out of this divorce better people, more seasoned adults, and you know what? Despite anything and everything, we're always going to care deeply for one another. That doesn't change.
I made a trip to the tag office today. It was time to renew my driver license. The people that work there remember me well at over 500 pounds. It's always fun to see their smiles and answer their questions, “So, are you still losing?” “How are you feeling?” Yes and great---the answers to those two questions. I see these folks a few times a year when it comes time to renew a tag on one of our vehicles. They've witnessed my transformation in different and dramatic chunks. The picture today was smaller than the one from October, and both are much smaller than the one from 2006. My weight on the old one isn't accurate—I was headed back to over 500 pounds after losing 115 pounds in 2004. If I had to guess, I was pretty close to gaining it all back by 2006. Today, I handed my old license over and they immediately recognized the incorrect information. The weight was wrong---the height is still wrong, I'm 6' 3”, not 6' 2”, but oh well---the cool thing is my weight---258. That looks really good on my license. It looks normal, and that's awesome.
My time travels today on this weight loss road took me back to April 16th, 2009:
What a gift it is to be able to totally transform my appearance. It's almost magical. Think about that for a minute. Only people with a bunch of weight to lose have the power and ability to transform their appearance completely. There isn't a plastic surgery in the world that could even come close to the transformation destination I'm headed. That's exciting, real exciting. Still, like many overweight people, especially morbidly obese people who lose weight, the brain is always the last to fully accept and acknowledge the change. I can't count how many times I've said my weight recently as four something instead of three something, then I correct myself, or Irene corrects me. “You mean three fifty-nine, right?” “Oh, yeah, of course!” It's very interesting how the brain works. I was over 500 pounds so long that my brain is just really accustomed to all of the limitations and extreme restrictions I had to work around. When I look at these size 48's I'm wearing, they look way too little for me, or so my brain thinks, until I put them on and my brain says “Oh, my mistake.” After losing 146 pounds, my appearance has changed dramatically, but this is only the beginning. I just crossed the half-way mark. That's really amazing to me. I'm thrilled at what the future holds. I'm loving the new appearance as it slowly emerges.
A while back someone said that they “would miss the old Sean.” That statement really made me think about this journey on a deeper level. After some internal debate on the subject, I've concluded the following: The only thing that could be missed is my 505 pound appearance. That 505 pound guy is gone forever. But I'm still here. My existence at that weight was suffocating the real me inside. Whatever wonderful changes in my personality that come forward from this transformation were always there to begin with, just held back, oppressed, never allowed to see the light of day. The me that's emerging is an enhanced version. A version that has no limits, a version that believes anything is possible, a version with a renewed spirit and ability to dream dreams that were long since forgotten inside the old me. I've always been told that I was “likable.” I guess that's what the friend was referring when he said he'd miss that 505 pound Sean. That big jolly, smiling, always ready to laugh, always wanting to please, always wanting to be liked, the big guy that would go to great lengths for a laugh because it made him feel good for a minute, that guy was miserable inside. You rarely see the tears of a clown my friend. But Irene has. My mom has. My daughters have. There have been many that even they've never witnessed. In every way, the emerging me is much more genuine and real than the old Sean ever thought about being. Gone is the smiling mask I once wore to hide the real me, it's replaced with a genuine smile and brand new attitude. I don't have to pretend to be happy anymore. Everybody has a different idea of happiness. I use to think happiness would be winning the lottery, but this journey has given me a clearer understanding of real, true happiness. Now I understand when wealthy people say they're unhappy. I never could understand how someone could have everything and anything money could buy, but still feel unhappy. Now I understand the reason why happiness can't be bought for any price.
To me, true happiness is being able to be the real me. True happiness is found in the honest purity of our true selves. Oh my, am I rambling here? Let me wrap this up by saying that I will never miss that 505 pound guy I once appeared to be, because that wasn't the real me. Like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, I'm finally emerging from years of hiding inside that guy, becoming what I was always meant to be. Happiness is knowing that the positive personality I project mirrors how I really feel inside.
I was able to come home this afternoon and complete my non-weighted strength training exercises. I grabbed a quick little nap and headed out for my evening plans. I had a couple of stops before hitting the weight machines at the YMCA---and then traveling to Stillwater to pick up mom for a weekend in Ponca City. The weight training tonight was good. I'm not sure if I'm getting stronger just yet, but maybe. I feel a difference that's hard to explain. We'll keep on doing it and see where it takes me! That's exciting. I finished with the weights at almost 7:45—then traveled South to Stillwater for mom.
My intentions were to do the 5K I missed yesterday, today---in the cool rain if needed. I allowed that to become tonight, after getting mom. Mom and I went grocery shopping for the weekend, then we were invited over to Irene's place for a late night coffee and visit with her and Courtney. It was just after midnight when we left---and I looked at mom and said, “You know I didn't get my 5K in tonight, and I told myself that I would be making that up today.” Mom replied, “But it's late and raining!” That never stopped me before...late and raining can make for a fun 5K. I made the choice to just get us home tonight. We talked about accountability too---and mom gave me some wonderful rationalizations to use, if I needed to feel better about missing this 5K---thank you momma. Nope---I'll just admit it and move forward. I'll have work to do tomorrow!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Special thanks to Gayle Williams for putting this image together for me! The weight on the first two is completely wrong. The first picture, oh my---I was somewhere nearing 500 again. The second was last October...maybe thirty-five pounds or so ago---they just didn't change the weight. And the height is incorrect too. But the cool thing? The weight on the last picture is accurate: 258!
Rough Start, Anniversary, and Driver License Photo Fun
I slept hard last night. After one of the busiest days I've had in a very long time, I finally hit the pillow at almost midnight. The alarm was set for 4am, but it didn't have a chance. I slept hard and fast right through two alarms and the 5am train that barrels through less than a hundred yards from my bedroom balcony. I finally woke up in a panic at 5:35, realizing that my morning routine was completely shot. I immediately starting thinking about how I should best approach the situation. I decided the morning non-weighted strength training would have to wait until later in the day, along with my shower, writing, and almost everything else...except breakfast. Breakfast is a can't miss. I didn't have time to cook breakfast, I had to be on the air at 6am, so I did a drive-thru. Had to do it. Scrambled eggs for 170 and a small fruit and yogurt minus the granola for 130. I had some fresh fruit at the studio for later, so I was going to make it. I settled into what became a really good show. It's strange really, some of my best radio performances come on a morning like this---when I'm hurried and beside myself. I don't understand that.
Today is our 21st wedding anniversary. For once, I didn't mention the anniversary on my radio show, too awkward given the circumstances. We were just kids, 17 years old all those years ago, completely ill prepared for marriage and children—but we did it anyway, becoming best friends and pretty good parents along the way. We laughed, loved, dreamed, cried, triumphed together, fell hard occasionally---yep, we did it all---living and learning the hard way, because the hard way was what we always made it, and I'm not sure I would change it if I could. It's made us who we are today. We're going to both come out of this divorce better people, more seasoned adults, and you know what? Despite anything and everything, we're always going to care deeply for one another. That doesn't change.
I made a trip to the tag office today. It was time to renew my driver license. The people that work there remember me well at over 500 pounds. It's always fun to see their smiles and answer their questions, “So, are you still losing?” “How are you feeling?” Yes and great---the answers to those two questions. I see these folks a few times a year when it comes time to renew a tag on one of our vehicles. They've witnessed my transformation in different and dramatic chunks. The picture today was smaller than the one from October, and both are much smaller than the one from 2006. My weight on the old one isn't accurate—I was headed back to over 500 pounds after losing 115 pounds in 2004. If I had to guess, I was pretty close to gaining it all back by 2006. Today, I handed my old license over and they immediately recognized the incorrect information. The weight was wrong---the height is still wrong, I'm 6' 3”, not 6' 2”, but oh well---the cool thing is my weight---258. That looks really good on my license. It looks normal, and that's awesome.
My time travels today on this weight loss road took me back to April 16th, 2009:
What a gift it is to be able to totally transform my appearance. It's almost magical. Think about that for a minute. Only people with a bunch of weight to lose have the power and ability to transform their appearance completely. There isn't a plastic surgery in the world that could even come close to the transformation destination I'm headed. That's exciting, real exciting. Still, like many overweight people, especially morbidly obese people who lose weight, the brain is always the last to fully accept and acknowledge the change. I can't count how many times I've said my weight recently as four something instead of three something, then I correct myself, or Irene corrects me. “You mean three fifty-nine, right?” “Oh, yeah, of course!” It's very interesting how the brain works. I was over 500 pounds so long that my brain is just really accustomed to all of the limitations and extreme restrictions I had to work around. When I look at these size 48's I'm wearing, they look way too little for me, or so my brain thinks, until I put them on and my brain says “Oh, my mistake.” After losing 146 pounds, my appearance has changed dramatically, but this is only the beginning. I just crossed the half-way mark. That's really amazing to me. I'm thrilled at what the future holds. I'm loving the new appearance as it slowly emerges.
A while back someone said that they “would miss the old Sean.” That statement really made me think about this journey on a deeper level. After some internal debate on the subject, I've concluded the following: The only thing that could be missed is my 505 pound appearance. That 505 pound guy is gone forever. But I'm still here. My existence at that weight was suffocating the real me inside. Whatever wonderful changes in my personality that come forward from this transformation were always there to begin with, just held back, oppressed, never allowed to see the light of day. The me that's emerging is an enhanced version. A version that has no limits, a version that believes anything is possible, a version with a renewed spirit and ability to dream dreams that were long since forgotten inside the old me. I've always been told that I was “likable.” I guess that's what the friend was referring when he said he'd miss that 505 pound Sean. That big jolly, smiling, always ready to laugh, always wanting to please, always wanting to be liked, the big guy that would go to great lengths for a laugh because it made him feel good for a minute, that guy was miserable inside. You rarely see the tears of a clown my friend. But Irene has. My mom has. My daughters have. There have been many that even they've never witnessed. In every way, the emerging me is much more genuine and real than the old Sean ever thought about being. Gone is the smiling mask I once wore to hide the real me, it's replaced with a genuine smile and brand new attitude. I don't have to pretend to be happy anymore. Everybody has a different idea of happiness. I use to think happiness would be winning the lottery, but this journey has given me a clearer understanding of real, true happiness. Now I understand when wealthy people say they're unhappy. I never could understand how someone could have everything and anything money could buy, but still feel unhappy. Now I understand the reason why happiness can't be bought for any price.
To me, true happiness is being able to be the real me. True happiness is found in the honest purity of our true selves. Oh my, am I rambling here? Let me wrap this up by saying that I will never miss that 505 pound guy I once appeared to be, because that wasn't the real me. Like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, I'm finally emerging from years of hiding inside that guy, becoming what I was always meant to be. Happiness is knowing that the positive personality I project mirrors how I really feel inside.
I was able to come home this afternoon and complete my non-weighted strength training exercises. I grabbed a quick little nap and headed out for my evening plans. I had a couple of stops before hitting the weight machines at the YMCA---and then traveling to Stillwater to pick up mom for a weekend in Ponca City. The weight training tonight was good. I'm not sure if I'm getting stronger just yet, but maybe. I feel a difference that's hard to explain. We'll keep on doing it and see where it takes me! That's exciting. I finished with the weights at almost 7:45—then traveled South to Stillwater for mom.
My intentions were to do the 5K I missed yesterday, today---in the cool rain if needed. I allowed that to become tonight, after getting mom. Mom and I went grocery shopping for the weekend, then we were invited over to Irene's place for a late night coffee and visit with her and Courtney. It was just after midnight when we left---and I looked at mom and said, “You know I didn't get my 5K in tonight, and I told myself that I would be making that up today.” Mom replied, “But it's late and raining!” That never stopped me before...late and raining can make for a fun 5K. I made the choice to just get us home tonight. We talked about accountability too---and mom gave me some wonderful rationalizations to use, if I needed to feel better about missing this 5K---thank you momma. Nope---I'll just admit it and move forward. I'll have work to do tomorrow!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Special thanks to Gayle Williams for putting this image together for me! The weight on the first two is completely wrong. The first picture, oh my---I was somewhere nearing 500 again. The second was last October...maybe thirty-five pounds or so ago---they just didn't change the weight. And the height is incorrect too. But the cool thing? The weight on the last picture is accurate: 258!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Day 578 A Really Long Day and A Cluster of "Befores"
Day 578
A Really Long Day and A Cluster of “Befores”
Today, oh wow, today has been something else. It started out early and good and ended up late and just OK. I was up early, before 4am, did my non-weighted strength training, had breakfast, blogged, worked on returning messages, and had a really decent radio show from 6 to 9am. Then I realized that my day wasn’t going to end until after 10pm. No nappy time for Sean today. Team Radio and Ponca City Medical Center was hosting a big Taste of Home Cooking School---and everyone on staff was required to attend and help.
My schedule pushed my planned 5K back to after 10pm, and by that time---I decided to let myself off the hook, but not completely. I did do another set of non-weighted strength training exercises. It wasn’t much really. I’m not thrilled about missing the 5K, it was a part of my stated workout goals for Thursday. I should have looked at the calendar a little closer before I made that schedule. Today wasn’t the day to plan anything outside of work. No complaints here, I mean really---we have a few days a year like this, and it’s always wonderful.
I had so many “wow” reactions and a couple of people asked, “are you still losing?” The best reaction was these two very nice ladies that came through the door, both of whom I’ve known for some time—but rarely see, and one spent a good few minutes trying to convince the other it was actually me standing there in front of her. She was shocked. Shock and awe is so much fun!
I nibbled cheese, crackers, and shaved ham at the Wal-Mart courtesy food table—and devoured a 100 calorie pack of little Pecan Sandies. I didn’t stick around for the cooking demonstrations, instead I took a little break before returning to help load out. I ran home long enough to eat some chicken and a couple of eggs—and then I fell asleep for a little less than an hour. Big thanks to a couple of friends of mine that made sure I didn’t oversleep my little nap. I know---napping right after a meal isn’t the best thing to do, but as you already know---I don’t always do the best thing to do. If you wanted to really be hardcore on me---you could say that I should have used that break time for my 5K. I was slap happy tired and hungry for a solid dinner---and I was in work mode---not exercise mode. Of course, I think last year when I took a break at this show---I did go for my walk. Hmmmm…Maybe I should have…Yeah, probably. BUT---Tomorrow is a light schedule on the exercise list, with weight training at the YMCA and non-weighted strength training---I’ll be adding a 5K to the list for sure!
I went back to April 15th, 2009 and found it to be weigh day. 101 pounds ago:
Today was weigh day. After lunch I ran home for a few minutes, then it was off to the scales at Ponca City Medical Center. I had a feeling that it would be good based on a few factors. For one, I've completed a couple of 10K's in the last two weeks and several 5K's. I've also noticed my 48's fitting a little more loose. And the biggest difference is something I should have been doing from Day 1, but haven't: I'm making sure I eat something every 2.5 to 3 hours (except this morning of course). It feels like I'm constantly eating something, I'm never hungry, and my metabolism is constantly processing something. Last weigh day I'd lost 6 pounds, the weigh day before that-5 pounds, and today I stepped on the scale and had lost another 9 pounds! I'm thrilled with this result! Nine pounds! On this day, the seven month anniversary of this journey, I weighed in at 359!! I'm in the 350's!! That's so amazing to me. It's hard to believe that 213 days ago I weighed 505 pounds. What a dramatic change! Today's results bring the overall total to 146 pounds lost in 213 days. That's workin' it my friend! And you read what I eat! Those around me eat with me! This is the furthest thing from deprivation. I'm eating the way I'm supposed to and the weight is falling off. I'm very excited, can you tell?
Wow, a 9 pound loss! Oh, the good old days! Remember? I do…oh how I was so thrilled! I’m still thrilled---Look how far I’ve come! Cilley Girl, in case you’re reading---did you see that? I did it again---not with pictures, but with words. I admitted that my workout wasn’t what it should have been today---then I immediately go into a paragraph about a nine pound loss on a weigh day from a year ago, prefaced with the fact that I’ve lost an additional 101 pounds since that day! I’m so predictable! I’m smiling big. But I’m not going to post recent pics. I’m going to post huge before pictures instead. Seriously---it’s a good idea to never forget---and to always remember what kind of commitment has brought me to where I am.
It was a long work day, but a great day really. It wasn’t a perfect day, but hardly any are perfect…except for last Monday---that was pretty dog gone perfect. I’m feeling good, super good!
Tomorrow I will renew my driver’s license. I asked Gayle (friend, co-worker, computer genius) to do some scanning and blurry editing magic on three drivers licenses (concealing personal info)---so I can show you the contrast in pictures. I should really learn how to do this kind of stuff, huh?
Thank you for reading! I’m excited about my mom coming up for a few days. That’s right! I didn’t tell you already? Yep, I’m picking Mom up tomorrow, and she’s spending the weekend with me! We’ll eat together, workout together, and spend some awesome quality time together! Oh—and here’s a news bulletin—My dad sent me a text saying that he’ll be coming here next month! I was planning a trip to Alabama, and I still will make that trip soon, but this is sooner---awesome! I can’t wait to spend time with him—it’ll be wonderful! And the pictures we’ll take---Yes! Can’t wait! Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Sean and Irene
Looking absolutely miserable
Fake smile. Miserable.
Big Daddy has the cake!!!
Uhhhgggg.
Mom, Daughter, Daddy
ENOUGH already! I get it! Geez….OK---I need to go workout now.
A Really Long Day and A Cluster of “Befores”
Today, oh wow, today has been something else. It started out early and good and ended up late and just OK. I was up early, before 4am, did my non-weighted strength training, had breakfast, blogged, worked on returning messages, and had a really decent radio show from 6 to 9am. Then I realized that my day wasn’t going to end until after 10pm. No nappy time for Sean today. Team Radio and Ponca City Medical Center was hosting a big Taste of Home Cooking School---and everyone on staff was required to attend and help.
My schedule pushed my planned 5K back to after 10pm, and by that time---I decided to let myself off the hook, but not completely. I did do another set of non-weighted strength training exercises. It wasn’t much really. I’m not thrilled about missing the 5K, it was a part of my stated workout goals for Thursday. I should have looked at the calendar a little closer before I made that schedule. Today wasn’t the day to plan anything outside of work. No complaints here, I mean really---we have a few days a year like this, and it’s always wonderful.
I had so many “wow” reactions and a couple of people asked, “are you still losing?” The best reaction was these two very nice ladies that came through the door, both of whom I’ve known for some time—but rarely see, and one spent a good few minutes trying to convince the other it was actually me standing there in front of her. She was shocked. Shock and awe is so much fun!
I nibbled cheese, crackers, and shaved ham at the Wal-Mart courtesy food table—and devoured a 100 calorie pack of little Pecan Sandies. I didn’t stick around for the cooking demonstrations, instead I took a little break before returning to help load out. I ran home long enough to eat some chicken and a couple of eggs—and then I fell asleep for a little less than an hour. Big thanks to a couple of friends of mine that made sure I didn’t oversleep my little nap. I know---napping right after a meal isn’t the best thing to do, but as you already know---I don’t always do the best thing to do. If you wanted to really be hardcore on me---you could say that I should have used that break time for my 5K. I was slap happy tired and hungry for a solid dinner---and I was in work mode---not exercise mode. Of course, I think last year when I took a break at this show---I did go for my walk. Hmmmm…Maybe I should have…Yeah, probably. BUT---Tomorrow is a light schedule on the exercise list, with weight training at the YMCA and non-weighted strength training---I’ll be adding a 5K to the list for sure!
I went back to April 15th, 2009 and found it to be weigh day. 101 pounds ago:
Today was weigh day. After lunch I ran home for a few minutes, then it was off to the scales at Ponca City Medical Center. I had a feeling that it would be good based on a few factors. For one, I've completed a couple of 10K's in the last two weeks and several 5K's. I've also noticed my 48's fitting a little more loose. And the biggest difference is something I should have been doing from Day 1, but haven't: I'm making sure I eat something every 2.5 to 3 hours (except this morning of course). It feels like I'm constantly eating something, I'm never hungry, and my metabolism is constantly processing something. Last weigh day I'd lost 6 pounds, the weigh day before that-5 pounds, and today I stepped on the scale and had lost another 9 pounds! I'm thrilled with this result! Nine pounds! On this day, the seven month anniversary of this journey, I weighed in at 359!! I'm in the 350's!! That's so amazing to me. It's hard to believe that 213 days ago I weighed 505 pounds. What a dramatic change! Today's results bring the overall total to 146 pounds lost in 213 days. That's workin' it my friend! And you read what I eat! Those around me eat with me! This is the furthest thing from deprivation. I'm eating the way I'm supposed to and the weight is falling off. I'm very excited, can you tell?
Wow, a 9 pound loss! Oh, the good old days! Remember? I do…oh how I was so thrilled! I’m still thrilled---Look how far I’ve come! Cilley Girl, in case you’re reading---did you see that? I did it again---not with pictures, but with words. I admitted that my workout wasn’t what it should have been today---then I immediately go into a paragraph about a nine pound loss on a weigh day from a year ago, prefaced with the fact that I’ve lost an additional 101 pounds since that day! I’m so predictable! I’m smiling big. But I’m not going to post recent pics. I’m going to post huge before pictures instead. Seriously---it’s a good idea to never forget---and to always remember what kind of commitment has brought me to where I am.
It was a long work day, but a great day really. It wasn’t a perfect day, but hardly any are perfect…except for last Monday---that was pretty dog gone perfect. I’m feeling good, super good!
Tomorrow I will renew my driver’s license. I asked Gayle (friend, co-worker, computer genius) to do some scanning and blurry editing magic on three drivers licenses (concealing personal info)---so I can show you the contrast in pictures. I should really learn how to do this kind of stuff, huh?
Thank you for reading! I’m excited about my mom coming up for a few days. That’s right! I didn’t tell you already? Yep, I’m picking Mom up tomorrow, and she’s spending the weekend with me! We’ll eat together, workout together, and spend some awesome quality time together! Oh—and here’s a news bulletin—My dad sent me a text saying that he’ll be coming here next month! I was planning a trip to Alabama, and I still will make that trip soon, but this is sooner---awesome! I can’t wait to spend time with him—it’ll be wonderful! And the pictures we’ll take---Yes! Can’t wait! Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Sean and Irene
Looking absolutely miserable
Fake smile. Miserable.
Big Daddy has the cake!!!
Uhhhgggg.
Mom, Daughter, Daddy
ENOUGH already! I get it! Geez….OK---I need to go workout now.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Day 577 Weigh Down in The 250's and She Set It On Fire, Again
Day 577
Weigh Down in The 250's and She Set It On Fire, Again
It's hard to sometimes describe the elation I feel. The changes in me are so much more than physical, but the physical changes get all the glory. The elation, that overwhelming happiness that boils over every once in a while, it doesn't come exclusively as a result of what I see in the mirror. It comes mostly from what I feel on the inside and that is a feeling so hard to describe---it's a confidence I've never known. And I get treated differently by people, and this isn't speaking ill of those who treat me different---they can't help it, because the Sean they see and interact with has changed in a very profound way. I'm different in so many wonderful ways, so why wouldn't I expect to be treated differently in so many wonderful ways. People react to what we give them, and if what they see and experience is dramatically different than our previous image---then of course their reaction to us is different. It's human nature, a very real study in our basic behaviors in change. It's not bad, just interesting. You see, although the physical changes get all the glory, so to speak, all of the other changes come out and create what people see and feel from us. I've always treated butterflies different than caterpillars.
Today was weigh day number, uh...who knows? I would have to go back and count---and that might take a little while. I guess I could do some simple math. But I don't like math. Unless it involves subtracting three more pounds from my weight!!! Oh yeah...I walked into the doctors office, jumped on the scale, and a weight popped up that I haven't laid eyes on since I was a kid, seriously---since I was twelve or thirteen---258! Are you serious? Me? I'm in the 250's. I don't even care that I somehow felt that I deserved a four or five pound loss---that's nonsense, but I really expected more than three. But---no complaints here! I just stood there on the scale, feeling incredible, and the nurse gave me that look of “wow,” and then I showed off my “505” tattoo---as she explained to a new nurse what it meant. Yes, yes, yes! I cannot wait to see 252.5---it's coming very soon---Oh, that Crossing Point---magical to me. It's all magical to me.
I arrived at spinning class, or cycling---as us big tough guys like to call it, with this excited happy feeling. I wasn't nervous anymore about the class. That nervousness has been replaced with confidence. And I don't know what kind of demented trainer came up with this routine today—maybe it was Maribeth, the instructor, but oh my. She had us going from high gears to low gears, back to high and sprint! Then we would drop down...hover! I really like hovering, standing and leaning all the way over on the handle bars---all the while, you're pedaling your heart out. What an amazing 45 minute burn! The wonderful feeling of now that was a workout, is undeniable after this class. It is a tremendous workout...”Gear 16, sprint!” Seriously? Wow.
After class, I spent several minutes regaining my composure before hitting the weight machines. These machines are really doing me right by helping me balance the weight between right and left. My right arm needs to catch up with my left, and it will. The machines are making sure my right arm works too. With the free weights, it's too easy to under-work my lesser arm.
Tonight I enjoyed some smoked chicken I picked up from a local barbecue restaurant. Every Tuesday they have a smoked chicken special, but I don't usually go on that day. I wait until Wednesday and then buy three or four of them for cheap---half price or better! These are half-chickens---and then I separate the breast and wing from the rest. I baked it up, completely reviving it's original juiciness, had some green beans ready to go---and a half a baked potato. It was an amazing meal and less than 400 calories!
I travel back in time 365 days everyday. It's sometimes a reminder of what it's taken to get this far and sometimes it's just entertaining to me...and sometimes it moves me. Today, while going back---I noticed the title “She Set It On Fire Tonight,” and even though I'm not scheduled to read it for another few days---I couldn't help myself. The night of Day 215 is one of my favorite memories along this road. It was a very powerful night, as you'll read in this excerpt. Courtney had reached a wonderful point in her weight loss journey, and witnessing my daughter regain confidence in herself---it makes me cry every time I think about it:
Once there was a little girl of eleven years old who was searching for something to make her feel better about her appearance. Her extra weight was wreaking havoc on her self-image and her confidence was at horribly low levels. She started looking for outfits that would “slim,” and became very particular about what she would and wouldn't wear. Then one day she discovered something that promised to tighten, slenderize, and magically improve her appearance. All she had to do was wear it everyday underneath her clothes. She started wearing this magical garment without telling her parents. In her mind it made all the difference in the world. It wasn't long before she became addicted. It was her secret garment. Not even her friends knew what she was wearing underneath. Wearing this undergarment required some extreme discipline and abuse to her body, for when she had it on, she couldn't easily go to the bathroom. So all through the sixth grade she held in any urge she had to use the restroom. Not once did she ever go to the bathroom, unless it was to check her appearance in the mirror. When her parents finally discovered this undergarment and realized how restrictive and possibly damaging it could be, they ordered it off and discarded. This did not go over well with this beautiful little girl. Her reaction was one of tears and screams, like they had just ripped her whole world out from under her. She convinced her parents that if she really had to use the restroom, she wouldn't let this undergarment get in the way, and they allowed the undergarment to stay in her possession, protecting her self-image like a bullet proof vest. Her obsession continued through the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and even 10th grades. Not one bathroom break in over four and a half years of school days. That is until a month ago. That's when this beautiful little girl, now 15 years old, took it off for good. Her weight loss success has made the undergarment completely useless. Her smaller size has rendered that “magical” garment powerless. She no longer needs that girdle to give her a boost of confidence about her appearance. Exercise and good calorie management has swooped in and really made some serious changes in her body and most importantly, in her mind. But she couldn't throw it away, what if she needed it again? So she hid it away. That little girl is my youngest daughter Courtney. Tonight Courtney finally convinced herself she would never need it again, so she pulled out that old girdle and started ripping it apart. We then took it one step further, walked out on our patio and lit it on fire. Tonight that girdle burned. It burned almost as bright as Courtney's new-found confidence and self-image.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Courtney, my youngest daughter. She did it---the very thing she clung to for so long to give her that extra boost of self-confidence---it was burning and she was smiling. It's one of my greatest memories along this road.
Weigh Down in The 250's and She Set It On Fire, Again
It's hard to sometimes describe the elation I feel. The changes in me are so much more than physical, but the physical changes get all the glory. The elation, that overwhelming happiness that boils over every once in a while, it doesn't come exclusively as a result of what I see in the mirror. It comes mostly from what I feel on the inside and that is a feeling so hard to describe---it's a confidence I've never known. And I get treated differently by people, and this isn't speaking ill of those who treat me different---they can't help it, because the Sean they see and interact with has changed in a very profound way. I'm different in so many wonderful ways, so why wouldn't I expect to be treated differently in so many wonderful ways. People react to what we give them, and if what they see and experience is dramatically different than our previous image---then of course their reaction to us is different. It's human nature, a very real study in our basic behaviors in change. It's not bad, just interesting. You see, although the physical changes get all the glory, so to speak, all of the other changes come out and create what people see and feel from us. I've always treated butterflies different than caterpillars.
Today was weigh day number, uh...who knows? I would have to go back and count---and that might take a little while. I guess I could do some simple math. But I don't like math. Unless it involves subtracting three more pounds from my weight!!! Oh yeah...I walked into the doctors office, jumped on the scale, and a weight popped up that I haven't laid eyes on since I was a kid, seriously---since I was twelve or thirteen---258! Are you serious? Me? I'm in the 250's. I don't even care that I somehow felt that I deserved a four or five pound loss---that's nonsense, but I really expected more than three. But---no complaints here! I just stood there on the scale, feeling incredible, and the nurse gave me that look of “wow,” and then I showed off my “505” tattoo---as she explained to a new nurse what it meant. Yes, yes, yes! I cannot wait to see 252.5---it's coming very soon---Oh, that Crossing Point---magical to me. It's all magical to me.
I arrived at spinning class, or cycling---as us big tough guys like to call it, with this excited happy feeling. I wasn't nervous anymore about the class. That nervousness has been replaced with confidence. And I don't know what kind of demented trainer came up with this routine today—maybe it was Maribeth, the instructor, but oh my. She had us going from high gears to low gears, back to high and sprint! Then we would drop down...hover! I really like hovering, standing and leaning all the way over on the handle bars---all the while, you're pedaling your heart out. What an amazing 45 minute burn! The wonderful feeling of now that was a workout, is undeniable after this class. It is a tremendous workout...”Gear 16, sprint!” Seriously? Wow.
After class, I spent several minutes regaining my composure before hitting the weight machines. These machines are really doing me right by helping me balance the weight between right and left. My right arm needs to catch up with my left, and it will. The machines are making sure my right arm works too. With the free weights, it's too easy to under-work my lesser arm.
Tonight I enjoyed some smoked chicken I picked up from a local barbecue restaurant. Every Tuesday they have a smoked chicken special, but I don't usually go on that day. I wait until Wednesday and then buy three or four of them for cheap---half price or better! These are half-chickens---and then I separate the breast and wing from the rest. I baked it up, completely reviving it's original juiciness, had some green beans ready to go---and a half a baked potato. It was an amazing meal and less than 400 calories!
I travel back in time 365 days everyday. It's sometimes a reminder of what it's taken to get this far and sometimes it's just entertaining to me...and sometimes it moves me. Today, while going back---I noticed the title “She Set It On Fire Tonight,” and even though I'm not scheduled to read it for another few days---I couldn't help myself. The night of Day 215 is one of my favorite memories along this road. It was a very powerful night, as you'll read in this excerpt. Courtney had reached a wonderful point in her weight loss journey, and witnessing my daughter regain confidence in herself---it makes me cry every time I think about it:
Once there was a little girl of eleven years old who was searching for something to make her feel better about her appearance. Her extra weight was wreaking havoc on her self-image and her confidence was at horribly low levels. She started looking for outfits that would “slim,” and became very particular about what she would and wouldn't wear. Then one day she discovered something that promised to tighten, slenderize, and magically improve her appearance. All she had to do was wear it everyday underneath her clothes. She started wearing this magical garment without telling her parents. In her mind it made all the difference in the world. It wasn't long before she became addicted. It was her secret garment. Not even her friends knew what she was wearing underneath. Wearing this undergarment required some extreme discipline and abuse to her body, for when she had it on, she couldn't easily go to the bathroom. So all through the sixth grade she held in any urge she had to use the restroom. Not once did she ever go to the bathroom, unless it was to check her appearance in the mirror. When her parents finally discovered this undergarment and realized how restrictive and possibly damaging it could be, they ordered it off and discarded. This did not go over well with this beautiful little girl. Her reaction was one of tears and screams, like they had just ripped her whole world out from under her. She convinced her parents that if she really had to use the restroom, she wouldn't let this undergarment get in the way, and they allowed the undergarment to stay in her possession, protecting her self-image like a bullet proof vest. Her obsession continued through the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and even 10th grades. Not one bathroom break in over four and a half years of school days. That is until a month ago. That's when this beautiful little girl, now 15 years old, took it off for good. Her weight loss success has made the undergarment completely useless. Her smaller size has rendered that “magical” garment powerless. She no longer needs that girdle to give her a boost of confidence about her appearance. Exercise and good calorie management has swooped in and really made some serious changes in her body and most importantly, in her mind. But she couldn't throw it away, what if she needed it again? So she hid it away. That little girl is my youngest daughter Courtney. Tonight Courtney finally convinced herself she would never need it again, so she pulled out that old girdle and started ripping it apart. We then took it one step further, walked out on our patio and lit it on fire. Tonight that girdle burned. It burned almost as bright as Courtney's new-found confidence and self-image.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Courtney, my youngest daughter. She did it---the very thing she clung to for so long to give her that extra boost of self-confidence---it was burning and she was smiling. It's one of my greatest memories along this road.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Day 576 The Day After Near Perfection and Important Stuff On The Fridge
Day 576
The Day After Near Perfection and Important Stuff On The Fridge
Yesterday was incredible. That's what I strive for, yesterday, a Monday no less! But everything---the food, the exercise, I even posted my blog at a decent hour last night. Wow...it felt good, real good. So how about today? It wasn't a yesterday, but it wasn't too bad. Boy, the day after a day like yesterday, just doesn't have a chance. It can be good, but like yesterday? That takes some work!
I found an interesting comment from CilleyGirl on Sunday's post:
I've noticed that whenever you don't meet your workout goals, you post a recent picture of yourself. As if to say, "I didn't do it, but look how pretty I've become anyways!" (It's become kind of a game for me -- and I mean that in the nicest way.) Maybe on those days you want to post a pic of the old Sean, so you remember why you don't want "right now" to be the end of your journey.
I smiled big when reading this, how revealing! I swear Cilley, that isn't intentional—but maybe you're on to something, a subconscious habit I didn't realize existed. Yesterday's current pic after the spinning class and right before weight training kind of threw you off didn't it, broke the pattern! Cilley, I sincerely appreciate your support! Thank you very much. Oh, and—I know you meant it in the nicest way. And good idea about looking at the big before pics instead of the “pretty” ones. “Pretty?” I certainly hope I don't come off like that. I do enjoy the dramatic difference of my transformation, but I don't think of myself as “pretty.” Cilley Girl, you're good!
I met Nici for lunch today at Subway. Although I didn't identify her by name yesterday, she's the friend that spent a large chunk of her weekend reading from Day 1 to Day 459. Although we just met on Saturday, we've communicated and worked together via phone and e-mail on advertising cooperative requirements for a mutual client. So it's not like we're total strangers. Today's lunch was something we have talked about doing for maybe a year or longer. Subway was easy really, I spent 410 calories total, and she had less. It really comes down to the dressing at that place. It's funny, Nici wanted me to show her how to best navigate this place---then I opt for a “light strip” of low fat mayo—and she requested plain mustard. She made the better choice calorie wise. I just allow for the thirty or so extra calories of that “light strip.” We talked about weight loss, the radio business, and surgical options for people. It was a good lunch and a good visit. Thanks Nici!
I made it home shortly after two pm. The sun was shining outside---a beautiful day for a 5K in the park. So what did I do? I took a nap. I sometimes wonder if my napping habits are just that, habit. Sure, I was a little tired, but I would have felt much better had I just gone out for my 5K in the sun. Instead, I bounced up after another too long nap, met up with Courtney, had dinner---and didn't get to the trail until the sun was long gone. It was still a wonderfully mild night, but really---I would have felt better doing it earlier. The important thing is this: I did it. My non-weighted strength training this morning and my 5K “or better” this evening. My stated workout plan for today is marked off the list I posted on the fridge. Yes---I printed it off and posted it on the fridge, right next to my daughters grades. Yep---Only important stuff gets attached to the fridge!! The fridge magnets are reserved for both of my daughters progress reports, very important bills, newspaper clippings, things like that. I'm very selective about what goes there...and now I see my workout plan for the week prominently displayed. It's so not like me to do this, but a change of habit---a change of routine---getting out of a rut, it certainly requires a different pattern in our behavior.
Tomorrow is weigh day again. After the one pound gain last time, I'm fairly confident I'll be down into the 250's for the first time since---you know, honestly---I don't remember. Maybe 12 or 13? We're getting down into some magical numbers, inching closer to a goal, and feeling absolutely incredible along the way. This is very cool!
I read the post from a year ago today and found an interesting excerpt. From April 13th, 2009:
People say “well, it doesn't change who you are on the inside.” Yes it does! It makes it better! I'm a much better, more caring, more tolerant, more loving, more driven, more excited, happier person on the inside than I ever was at over five hundred pounds. The exciting thing about this journey is, it keeps getting better. I keep losing weight and my appearance transforms, my health improves, my attitude changes, I mean, really, what kept me fat for so long if this is what I had to look forward to? My brain, that's what. The mind is an amazingly complex thing, isn't it?
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
The Day After Near Perfection and Important Stuff On The Fridge
Yesterday was incredible. That's what I strive for, yesterday, a Monday no less! But everything---the food, the exercise, I even posted my blog at a decent hour last night. Wow...it felt good, real good. So how about today? It wasn't a yesterday, but it wasn't too bad. Boy, the day after a day like yesterday, just doesn't have a chance. It can be good, but like yesterday? That takes some work!
I found an interesting comment from CilleyGirl on Sunday's post:
I've noticed that whenever you don't meet your workout goals, you post a recent picture of yourself. As if to say, "I didn't do it, but look how pretty I've become anyways!" (It's become kind of a game for me -- and I mean that in the nicest way.) Maybe on those days you want to post a pic of the old Sean, so you remember why you don't want "right now" to be the end of your journey.
I smiled big when reading this, how revealing! I swear Cilley, that isn't intentional—but maybe you're on to something, a subconscious habit I didn't realize existed. Yesterday's current pic after the spinning class and right before weight training kind of threw you off didn't it, broke the pattern! Cilley, I sincerely appreciate your support! Thank you very much. Oh, and—I know you meant it in the nicest way. And good idea about looking at the big before pics instead of the “pretty” ones. “Pretty?” I certainly hope I don't come off like that. I do enjoy the dramatic difference of my transformation, but I don't think of myself as “pretty.” Cilley Girl, you're good!
I met Nici for lunch today at Subway. Although I didn't identify her by name yesterday, she's the friend that spent a large chunk of her weekend reading from Day 1 to Day 459. Although we just met on Saturday, we've communicated and worked together via phone and e-mail on advertising cooperative requirements for a mutual client. So it's not like we're total strangers. Today's lunch was something we have talked about doing for maybe a year or longer. Subway was easy really, I spent 410 calories total, and she had less. It really comes down to the dressing at that place. It's funny, Nici wanted me to show her how to best navigate this place---then I opt for a “light strip” of low fat mayo—and she requested plain mustard. She made the better choice calorie wise. I just allow for the thirty or so extra calories of that “light strip.” We talked about weight loss, the radio business, and surgical options for people. It was a good lunch and a good visit. Thanks Nici!
I made it home shortly after two pm. The sun was shining outside---a beautiful day for a 5K in the park. So what did I do? I took a nap. I sometimes wonder if my napping habits are just that, habit. Sure, I was a little tired, but I would have felt much better had I just gone out for my 5K in the sun. Instead, I bounced up after another too long nap, met up with Courtney, had dinner---and didn't get to the trail until the sun was long gone. It was still a wonderfully mild night, but really---I would have felt better doing it earlier. The important thing is this: I did it. My non-weighted strength training this morning and my 5K “or better” this evening. My stated workout plan for today is marked off the list I posted on the fridge. Yes---I printed it off and posted it on the fridge, right next to my daughters grades. Yep---Only important stuff gets attached to the fridge!! The fridge magnets are reserved for both of my daughters progress reports, very important bills, newspaper clippings, things like that. I'm very selective about what goes there...and now I see my workout plan for the week prominently displayed. It's so not like me to do this, but a change of habit---a change of routine---getting out of a rut, it certainly requires a different pattern in our behavior.
Tomorrow is weigh day again. After the one pound gain last time, I'm fairly confident I'll be down into the 250's for the first time since---you know, honestly---I don't remember. Maybe 12 or 13? We're getting down into some magical numbers, inching closer to a goal, and feeling absolutely incredible along the way. This is very cool!
I read the post from a year ago today and found an interesting excerpt. From April 13th, 2009:
People say “well, it doesn't change who you are on the inside.” Yes it does! It makes it better! I'm a much better, more caring, more tolerant, more loving, more driven, more excited, happier person on the inside than I ever was at over five hundred pounds. The exciting thing about this journey is, it keeps getting better. I keep losing weight and my appearance transforms, my health improves, my attitude changes, I mean, really, what kept me fat for so long if this is what I had to look forward to? My brain, that's what. The mind is an amazingly complex thing, isn't it?
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Monday, April 12, 2010
Day 575 Becoming What I Always Was On The Inside and Spinning--Round Two!
Day 575
Becoming What I Always Was On The Inside and Spinning—Round Two!
It's funny, for someone that always said “I don't do challenges,” I'm sure noticing the benefits of the added accountability! And exchanging workout plans via e-mail with Shannon and posting those plans on this blog has really upped the accountability factor too! Accountability was one of the biggest factors in my decision to start this blog on Day 1, and I felt it too, but mainly to myself. I've said it many times, I'd be writing the same blog even if I knew nobody would read, ever. And it certainly felt like that for the first 200 or so days. This blog is my self-therapy, my escape route from morbid obesity, it's me learning about me while becoming on the outside what I always was on the inside. So staying true to my hopes and dreams—my passion to escape, was and still burns hot. With or without the accountability factor turned on high, I know I'll get there...but, well--now it's different.
Now, with added readers---the accountability factor, and the responsibility I feel to my family and friends here is just through the roof. And it feels great! By not posting specific workout plans, I was avoiding that accountability. Oh sure, I'd still workout---but it made it too easy to miss. Missing a workout was unheard of for me in the beginning, you know that if you've read the archives. But after 244 pounds lost, the urgency is gone---and I feel so good compared to what I did at 505---You don't even need to compare, I just feel incredible, period. I never thought I would reach the point where my commitment to working out would be lacking, after all, it's a major part of what's brought me this far. But it did. And just as this daily diary has educated and counseled me about me so many times along the way, it has done it again. I've learned that even I need a kick in the britches every now and then, and that's exactly what these challenges and the workout list is doing. Good stuff indeed! Thank you Clyde, Tammy, and Shannon, and everyone who reads this daily blog...You're support has been an amazing gift to me, and I can't thank you enough.
I received a text today from a new local friend who has just discovered my blog. She told me that she was running today on only two hours of sleep. Why? Because she started reading from Day 1 and didn't stop until Day 459! Wow...that was cool and horrible all at the same time! I sincerely appreciate the support, but don't short yourself sleep, this blog isn't going anywhere! Thank you for reading my friend!
My hope is very simple. When someone reads these writings, I want them to discover the simplistic approach and how it naturally evolves with good choices. I want them to understand they they have the power within to do it too. I want them to feel and experience the epiphanies that I've had the pleasure of having along the way. I want them to dig deep within themselves and find a hope and clarity that just might set them free, like it has me. I wish I could bottle this feeling—I wish I could take their hand along this road, but I know I can't. In the end, your success is all you and your choices. If this blog sparks some hope and clarity, that's a very small part of what it takes. The good news? You have all the other ingredients inside you. I can honestly, from the bottom of my heart say: After being near, at, or above 500 pounds for the better part of two decades, and feeling hopeless and failing at every turn---If I can somehow finally do it, despite every reason I ever let hold me back, still existing, then---you can do this too.
I came home for lunch today and within ten minutes, I had a beautiful lunch hot and ready, on the plate. I used the Foreman Grill for the peppered chicken breast and the microwave for the potato. I didn't have sour cream, but I did have butter---BUT---The butter is out of the question, it's just too bad of a calorie value. You know how easy it would be to have as many calories in butter as in my potato? Forget that! I used mild salsa instead. It was different, and provided the moisture I wanted on the potato---and it was tasty! I sliced up a fresh tomato to complete the quick and easy lunch. Ten minutes---and that's from a frozen breast! I love the George Foreman Grill!!
I walked in the door right at 2pm and decided it was nap time. I needed a nap today, I really did. My workout time was set, I needed to be at the YMCA no later than 5:15pm for a bike number in the spinning class, so I had plenty of time for a good afternoon snooze. I jumped up at 4pm and started getting ready, physically and mentally---for this workout.
Today would be a different instructor. And different could mean, more challenging! Oh my...I hope it's not too much harder!! I arrived at the Y and my bike number was drawn from the bag---Number 12! Yes!!!! This is the best number in the whole class as far as I'm concerned. It's on the back row in the corner! Perfect! I was so lucky! I then changed and decided to start the weight training before the class. It was then that I noticed people warming up on the cycles. Why would the be warming up twenty minutes early? Turns out, the class time was 5:30, not 5:45 like it's listed. Ooops! I was lucky to get a bike then, and oh my---look at the clock, I had five minutes before the class started!!!
It was incredible again. Very challenging, a little more than Friday's class. I was sweating and my pulse was racing within the first five minutes. Oh no...how am I going to make it 45 minutes? It was a challenge---a total meltdown, burning like a fire, but I couldn't stop. And there's no way I'm getting off the bike in the middle of class---no way! I had to do this! I made sure to stay on the proper gear too. I thought I was going to lose it when she barked out “SPRINT” on gear 16. Gear 16! A sprint? Seriously?? At the twenty minute mark, with twenty-five minutes remaining, I realized---this is a little tougher than my first. But I wasn't stopping. The sweat was flying, my clothes were wet, and I was feeling so wonderfully empowered. When it ended, the instructor told me “good job,” and asked if I would be back. My reply? “Oh yeah, absolutely!”
I took several minutes to rest, regain my composure, and think about my weight training routine. I was feeling like a fighter at this point, the endorphins were all over me---drugging me in the most wonderful way possible. I hit the weight machines and realized that the person who used them before me was apparently Lou Ferringo. Then I spotted him a few machines down the way. Yep---maybe not Lou, but this guy was at least a Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) in fitness level. His arms were huge! Oh someday, someday I'll be able to lift so much more---and my body will be built like that. OK, maybe not like that---I don't want to get too big, just nice and lean...with clear muscle definition. But enough day dreaming, we had lifting to do!
This Hulk guy had all the machines set on really high weights. I had to adjust them wayyyy down---just a little reminder of how far I have to go, but completely cool. Because I'm going to get there with a consistent positive effort! I was finished with the weight training shortly before 7pm. It was time to head home and cook dinner.
I planned on having chicken fajitas, but quickly realized I didn't have any flat breads to serve as tortillas. So I just grilled up the onions, peppers, and mushrooms---cooked the breast, topped it with a sixty calorie slice of white American cheese, then topped it with the veggies, and oh my...it was very different from my lunch---new set of flavors, it was so good! I decided that instead of the usual potato side (I had one of those at lunch), I would just make a fruit salad out of orange slices and a sliced up banana. It was wonderful! I know it really wasn't a salad, but I can call it that if I want! It was a fantastic meal that took me within 200 calories of my calorie allotment today. I'm eating some steel cut oats with cinnamon and brown sugar as I write this---bringing to a close a relatively perfect food and exercise day. I feel really good.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Lunch today! Salsa on the potato---I'd never done that before, but it was really good that way!
Right after spinning class. I'm beat silly here.
Dinner time! Who needs tortillas? Chicken fajitas minus the tortillas---add fruit---perfect!
Becoming What I Always Was On The Inside and Spinning—Round Two!
It's funny, for someone that always said “I don't do challenges,” I'm sure noticing the benefits of the added accountability! And exchanging workout plans via e-mail with Shannon and posting those plans on this blog has really upped the accountability factor too! Accountability was one of the biggest factors in my decision to start this blog on Day 1, and I felt it too, but mainly to myself. I've said it many times, I'd be writing the same blog even if I knew nobody would read, ever. And it certainly felt like that for the first 200 or so days. This blog is my self-therapy, my escape route from morbid obesity, it's me learning about me while becoming on the outside what I always was on the inside. So staying true to my hopes and dreams—my passion to escape, was and still burns hot. With or without the accountability factor turned on high, I know I'll get there...but, well--now it's different.
Now, with added readers---the accountability factor, and the responsibility I feel to my family and friends here is just through the roof. And it feels great! By not posting specific workout plans, I was avoiding that accountability. Oh sure, I'd still workout---but it made it too easy to miss. Missing a workout was unheard of for me in the beginning, you know that if you've read the archives. But after 244 pounds lost, the urgency is gone---and I feel so good compared to what I did at 505---You don't even need to compare, I just feel incredible, period. I never thought I would reach the point where my commitment to working out would be lacking, after all, it's a major part of what's brought me this far. But it did. And just as this daily diary has educated and counseled me about me so many times along the way, it has done it again. I've learned that even I need a kick in the britches every now and then, and that's exactly what these challenges and the workout list is doing. Good stuff indeed! Thank you Clyde, Tammy, and Shannon, and everyone who reads this daily blog...You're support has been an amazing gift to me, and I can't thank you enough.
I received a text today from a new local friend who has just discovered my blog. She told me that she was running today on only two hours of sleep. Why? Because she started reading from Day 1 and didn't stop until Day 459! Wow...that was cool and horrible all at the same time! I sincerely appreciate the support, but don't short yourself sleep, this blog isn't going anywhere! Thank you for reading my friend!
My hope is very simple. When someone reads these writings, I want them to discover the simplistic approach and how it naturally evolves with good choices. I want them to understand they they have the power within to do it too. I want them to feel and experience the epiphanies that I've had the pleasure of having along the way. I want them to dig deep within themselves and find a hope and clarity that just might set them free, like it has me. I wish I could bottle this feeling—I wish I could take their hand along this road, but I know I can't. In the end, your success is all you and your choices. If this blog sparks some hope and clarity, that's a very small part of what it takes. The good news? You have all the other ingredients inside you. I can honestly, from the bottom of my heart say: After being near, at, or above 500 pounds for the better part of two decades, and feeling hopeless and failing at every turn---If I can somehow finally do it, despite every reason I ever let hold me back, still existing, then---you can do this too.
I came home for lunch today and within ten minutes, I had a beautiful lunch hot and ready, on the plate. I used the Foreman Grill for the peppered chicken breast and the microwave for the potato. I didn't have sour cream, but I did have butter---BUT---The butter is out of the question, it's just too bad of a calorie value. You know how easy it would be to have as many calories in butter as in my potato? Forget that! I used mild salsa instead. It was different, and provided the moisture I wanted on the potato---and it was tasty! I sliced up a fresh tomato to complete the quick and easy lunch. Ten minutes---and that's from a frozen breast! I love the George Foreman Grill!!
I walked in the door right at 2pm and decided it was nap time. I needed a nap today, I really did. My workout time was set, I needed to be at the YMCA no later than 5:15pm for a bike number in the spinning class, so I had plenty of time for a good afternoon snooze. I jumped up at 4pm and started getting ready, physically and mentally---for this workout.
Today would be a different instructor. And different could mean, more challenging! Oh my...I hope it's not too much harder!! I arrived at the Y and my bike number was drawn from the bag---Number 12! Yes!!!! This is the best number in the whole class as far as I'm concerned. It's on the back row in the corner! Perfect! I was so lucky! I then changed and decided to start the weight training before the class. It was then that I noticed people warming up on the cycles. Why would the be warming up twenty minutes early? Turns out, the class time was 5:30, not 5:45 like it's listed. Ooops! I was lucky to get a bike then, and oh my---look at the clock, I had five minutes before the class started!!!
It was incredible again. Very challenging, a little more than Friday's class. I was sweating and my pulse was racing within the first five minutes. Oh no...how am I going to make it 45 minutes? It was a challenge---a total meltdown, burning like a fire, but I couldn't stop. And there's no way I'm getting off the bike in the middle of class---no way! I had to do this! I made sure to stay on the proper gear too. I thought I was going to lose it when she barked out “SPRINT” on gear 16. Gear 16! A sprint? Seriously?? At the twenty minute mark, with twenty-five minutes remaining, I realized---this is a little tougher than my first. But I wasn't stopping. The sweat was flying, my clothes were wet, and I was feeling so wonderfully empowered. When it ended, the instructor told me “good job,” and asked if I would be back. My reply? “Oh yeah, absolutely!”
I took several minutes to rest, regain my composure, and think about my weight training routine. I was feeling like a fighter at this point, the endorphins were all over me---drugging me in the most wonderful way possible. I hit the weight machines and realized that the person who used them before me was apparently Lou Ferringo. Then I spotted him a few machines down the way. Yep---maybe not Lou, but this guy was at least a Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) in fitness level. His arms were huge! Oh someday, someday I'll be able to lift so much more---and my body will be built like that. OK, maybe not like that---I don't want to get too big, just nice and lean...with clear muscle definition. But enough day dreaming, we had lifting to do!
This Hulk guy had all the machines set on really high weights. I had to adjust them wayyyy down---just a little reminder of how far I have to go, but completely cool. Because I'm going to get there with a consistent positive effort! I was finished with the weight training shortly before 7pm. It was time to head home and cook dinner.
I planned on having chicken fajitas, but quickly realized I didn't have any flat breads to serve as tortillas. So I just grilled up the onions, peppers, and mushrooms---cooked the breast, topped it with a sixty calorie slice of white American cheese, then topped it with the veggies, and oh my...it was very different from my lunch---new set of flavors, it was so good! I decided that instead of the usual potato side (I had one of those at lunch), I would just make a fruit salad out of orange slices and a sliced up banana. It was wonderful! I know it really wasn't a salad, but I can call it that if I want! It was a fantastic meal that took me within 200 calories of my calorie allotment today. I'm eating some steel cut oats with cinnamon and brown sugar as I write this---bringing to a close a relatively perfect food and exercise day. I feel really good.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Lunch today! Salsa on the potato---I'd never done that before, but it was really good that way!
Right after spinning class. I'm beat silly here.
Dinner time! Who needs tortillas? Chicken fajitas minus the tortillas---add fruit---perfect!
Day 574 Dusting Off Forgotten Dreams, The Mexican Indulgence, and Workout Report
Day 574
Dusting Off Forgotten Dreams, The Mexican Indulgence, and Workout Report
My Sunday started out solid, was shaky in the middle, and ended strong. I always start out solid, I have a routine after all, and that routine lays a good foundation for the rest of the day. Or, it's supposed too. Amber and I attended the Playhouse production of “The Cover of Life” this afternoon. It was wonderfully directed and the actors were absolutely incredible. I think Amber secretly shares my love of acting. She's very encouraging for me to continue acting, and I think someday, she'll want to do it too. It was always a dream of mine, completely silenced by my obesity---and one that came roaring out last year in a leading role for “Call Me Henry.” I think that production fueled the same desires in her. It's a beautiful thing really, dusting off forgotten dreams and experiencing life. I was going to say “again,” but many of the experiences this weight loss has afforded me, are ones once only dreamed about. I see those same kind of suppressed dreams in Amber and Courtney both, and I can't wait to watch them come alive someday.
After the play, we were hungry and Amber had very little time before she had to get back to her college campus, so instead of heading home and cooking, we stopped at a favorite little Mexican restaurant. This is where things turn from solid to shaky. My strategy is always the same at this place---and we have enjoyed it several times over the course of me losing 244 pounds, so it's not a bad strategy really. But I must be honest with myself. I over did it on the chips and salsa, I did. I normally allow for about ten chips and salsa, and today I probably doubled that. Easily 400 calories worth, I'm sure...at least that's the amount I deducted from my Calorie Bank and Trust account. I never order a meal here, just a crispy beef taco and a crispy chicken taco. I don't need or want the rice and beans, I'm on a budget by golly. It was all good really, but I seriously didn't need to spend 900 calories on this trip, and that's exactly what I did. Of course, that's probably 1500 calories less than I would have devoured pre-journey, so even when it's bad, it's not that bad. And sodium...uh, yeah...OK---new topic please... :)
It's time to come clean on the workout commitments. Oh boy, I knew this paragraph was coming. I meant to get out early enough to do my weight training at the YMCA before the play, but didn't. My fault. My failure. Every one of my stated goals for the week were hit, except for the weight training. I did my non-weighted strength training routine everyday, I did four 5K's, one more than I planned, and I faced and triumphantly conquered my first of many spinning classes. But the weight training, oh my...yep---Just like this entire journey, the weight training was my weak spot. I somehow ended up only doing one weight training session all week. There's just not a good excuse for this. And really, with weight training, the consistency must be there for benefits. I fell two sessions short in that department, and really, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this...but that's the deal, open and honest. What? You thought I'd be perfect? Well, here's a news flash my friend...I'm not---I never have been, and really, I don't want to even try for perfection. But I've proven that it doesn't take perfection to have phenomenal success. I've had that success and will continue that success in a perfect-imperfect way.
I did my fourth 5K of the week tonight. It was incredible really, almost effortless, and that's exactly why I must continue seeking out greater challenges along this workout road. How will the next week be different? Well, my time frame will be Sunday through Saturday instead of Monday through Sunday. But this upcoming week, I'll be short a day to do this. So---here we are, time to state my workout goals for the next six days. Here we go:
Monday: Morning non-weighted strength training. Weight training at the YMCA and Spinning class at 5:45pm
Tuesday: Morning non-weighted strength training. 5K or better.
Wednesday: Morning non-weighted strength training. Weight training at Y and Spinning class at 5:30pm
Thursday: Morning non-weighted strength training and another 5K or better walk/jog.
Friday: Morning non-weighted strength training and weight training at the YMCA.
Saturday: Morning non-weighted strength training and I will try to arrange a tennis match—if not, then at least a 5K walk/jog.
I'm still working on the bike acquisition, that will be nice! And I'm trying to fix my schedule to include a trip to Stillwater for swimming at least once a week. I believe this is a pretty solid plan. And honestly, it shouldn't be that hard to accomplish. I'm seriously looking forward to tennis with Whit and biking. I must get a bike very soon, I'm getting tired of dreaming and talking about it!
I only had a few hundred calories remaining tonight and that was OK. I grilled a small chicken breast and opened a can of green beans---no cheese. What? Me, eating green beans without cheese? Yes, I can do that when the calorie budget is lean, no problem. They were good. Not as good as when they're covered in melted American cheese, and not even close to being as good as when they're deep fried. I'm kidding, a little bit. I also had a half a banana afterward. Not a bad day really.
Amber made it back to school safely and I made it into the grocery store tonight to buy a few things. Sunday is in the books! And I'm looking forward to a good Monday start of the week!
Oh--and one more thing. Amber and I planned on taking pictures for the shaving of the goatee, but we couldn't find her camera. I'll be doing that with Courtney some time this week. I'll of course share the comical pictures here, as we plan to shave it off in stages, creating many different looks and styles. Fun with facial hair, oh boy!
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
From last years production "Call Me Henry." Dusting off those long forgotten dreams is so very important along this weight loss road. It's very sweet when you realize you're free to live without the chains of morbid obesity.
Dusting Off Forgotten Dreams, The Mexican Indulgence, and Workout Report
My Sunday started out solid, was shaky in the middle, and ended strong. I always start out solid, I have a routine after all, and that routine lays a good foundation for the rest of the day. Or, it's supposed too. Amber and I attended the Playhouse production of “The Cover of Life” this afternoon. It was wonderfully directed and the actors were absolutely incredible. I think Amber secretly shares my love of acting. She's very encouraging for me to continue acting, and I think someday, she'll want to do it too. It was always a dream of mine, completely silenced by my obesity---and one that came roaring out last year in a leading role for “Call Me Henry.” I think that production fueled the same desires in her. It's a beautiful thing really, dusting off forgotten dreams and experiencing life. I was going to say “again,” but many of the experiences this weight loss has afforded me, are ones once only dreamed about. I see those same kind of suppressed dreams in Amber and Courtney both, and I can't wait to watch them come alive someday.
After the play, we were hungry and Amber had very little time before she had to get back to her college campus, so instead of heading home and cooking, we stopped at a favorite little Mexican restaurant. This is where things turn from solid to shaky. My strategy is always the same at this place---and we have enjoyed it several times over the course of me losing 244 pounds, so it's not a bad strategy really. But I must be honest with myself. I over did it on the chips and salsa, I did. I normally allow for about ten chips and salsa, and today I probably doubled that. Easily 400 calories worth, I'm sure...at least that's the amount I deducted from my Calorie Bank and Trust account. I never order a meal here, just a crispy beef taco and a crispy chicken taco. I don't need or want the rice and beans, I'm on a budget by golly. It was all good really, but I seriously didn't need to spend 900 calories on this trip, and that's exactly what I did. Of course, that's probably 1500 calories less than I would have devoured pre-journey, so even when it's bad, it's not that bad. And sodium...uh, yeah...OK---new topic please... :)
It's time to come clean on the workout commitments. Oh boy, I knew this paragraph was coming. I meant to get out early enough to do my weight training at the YMCA before the play, but didn't. My fault. My failure. Every one of my stated goals for the week were hit, except for the weight training. I did my non-weighted strength training routine everyday, I did four 5K's, one more than I planned, and I faced and triumphantly conquered my first of many spinning classes. But the weight training, oh my...yep---Just like this entire journey, the weight training was my weak spot. I somehow ended up only doing one weight training session all week. There's just not a good excuse for this. And really, with weight training, the consistency must be there for benefits. I fell two sessions short in that department, and really, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this...but that's the deal, open and honest. What? You thought I'd be perfect? Well, here's a news flash my friend...I'm not---I never have been, and really, I don't want to even try for perfection. But I've proven that it doesn't take perfection to have phenomenal success. I've had that success and will continue that success in a perfect-imperfect way.
I did my fourth 5K of the week tonight. It was incredible really, almost effortless, and that's exactly why I must continue seeking out greater challenges along this workout road. How will the next week be different? Well, my time frame will be Sunday through Saturday instead of Monday through Sunday. But this upcoming week, I'll be short a day to do this. So---here we are, time to state my workout goals for the next six days. Here we go:
Monday: Morning non-weighted strength training. Weight training at the YMCA and Spinning class at 5:45pm
Tuesday: Morning non-weighted strength training. 5K or better.
Wednesday: Morning non-weighted strength training. Weight training at Y and Spinning class at 5:30pm
Thursday: Morning non-weighted strength training and another 5K or better walk/jog.
Friday: Morning non-weighted strength training and weight training at the YMCA.
Saturday: Morning non-weighted strength training and I will try to arrange a tennis match—if not, then at least a 5K walk/jog.
I'm still working on the bike acquisition, that will be nice! And I'm trying to fix my schedule to include a trip to Stillwater for swimming at least once a week. I believe this is a pretty solid plan. And honestly, it shouldn't be that hard to accomplish. I'm seriously looking forward to tennis with Whit and biking. I must get a bike very soon, I'm getting tired of dreaming and talking about it!
I only had a few hundred calories remaining tonight and that was OK. I grilled a small chicken breast and opened a can of green beans---no cheese. What? Me, eating green beans without cheese? Yes, I can do that when the calorie budget is lean, no problem. They were good. Not as good as when they're covered in melted American cheese, and not even close to being as good as when they're deep fried. I'm kidding, a little bit. I also had a half a banana afterward. Not a bad day really.
Amber made it back to school safely and I made it into the grocery store tonight to buy a few things. Sunday is in the books! And I'm looking forward to a good Monday start of the week!
Oh--and one more thing. Amber and I planned on taking pictures for the shaving of the goatee, but we couldn't find her camera. I'll be doing that with Courtney some time this week. I'll of course share the comical pictures here, as we plan to shave it off in stages, creating many different looks and styles. Fun with facial hair, oh boy!
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
From last years production "Call Me Henry." Dusting off those long forgotten dreams is so very important along this weight loss road. It's very sweet when you realize you're free to live without the chains of morbid obesity.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Day 573 Surrounded By Success Stories and On The Giving End of "Wow" Reactions
Day 573
Surrounded By Success Stories and On The Giving End of “Wow” Reactions
I jumped up this morning in a mad rush. This is unusual for a Saturday, but I had to work today. The warmer temperatures means more Saturday broadcast appearances, so I'd better get my Friday night schedule in order! I wasn't late this morning, but even getting up an hour and a half before an event can make it feel that way. I have my non-weighted strength exercises, cooking breakfast, shower, dress, and writing to finish, and an hour and a half just isn't enough time most days. I made it enough time today. I somehow did everything I needed to do. Well, almost. I didn't cook breakfast, instead I inhaled a banana on my way out the door. I knew the client would have food at this big broadcast today---I wasn't sure what, but I was confident that I could navigate the choices wisely.
I pulled up to the broadcast and met with the station rep for a briefing on exactly what the client wanted me to talk about today, then I was free to roam around. I know I've mentioned this before, but I can't tell you the number of broadcast I've done in the past, at over 500 pounds, where I would try to stay hidden as much as possible. I don't do that anymore and it feels amazing. They had a big smoker/grill in front of the store, a good sign that the choices wouldn't be too bad today. I was going to eat something from that grill, I knew that, and I was OK with the idea.
They were grilling hot dogs and hamburgers...hmmm, OK...I was hungry, so I made my way over and requested a hot dog without a bun. I was handed a big juicy dog, and I knew---this wasn't a 120 or 160 calorie dog, this was somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 or even 300, for just the hot dog. Good thing I had it without the bread, oh my. It wasn't the best calorie value, but it was very good. This was a premium hot dog, top of the line in the hot dog world, it was very tasty...but not necessarily worth the calories to me. It wasn't long before I was feeling hungry again. I was at 400 calories already when I decided on a hamburger. The bun was 120, I used mustard for the dressing...and the patty, well---I know these, I've used similar on my grill before. 250 for the patty was a good estimate, considering it was grilled and a lot of the fat calories had dripped away. Still, 370 for a burger is quiet a bit for me. I enjoyed it slowly, oh my---it was a very well seasoned hamburger, and before noon I was sitting at 770 calories for the day. My broadcast wasn't over until 2pm, so I decided 770 by mid-day wasn't really that bad. Then I had a few, just a few, potato chips---and was comfortable calling the total an even 800.
These choices may have not been the best, but it was part of the moment, it was my life today. And learning how to navigate food choices in everyday life without losing control is a very big deal to me. Old Sean would have had a couple of burgers and a couple of dogs before that broadcast was over, accompanied by a big plate of potato chips and a tall glass of regular Coke-a-Cola, all consumed in the privacy of the remote vehicle, away from people--if at all possible. So it may not have been the best choices today, but those choices were made and consumed responsibly. I wasn't out of control Sean, hiding from the crowds and gorging. It feels good to be in control, it really does.
Another radio station showed up a little before noon. A competing station from up the highway into Kansas. The on-air personality and station rep walked in and asked where I was. I was standing right there, so I introduced myself to them. It turns out, Nici, the sales rep for that station, is someone that I've worked in cooperation with on scripts for a particular client. We had never officially met, but she remembers me at my heaviest. She told me that she was in the audience when I did stand-up, opening for the Beatles Tribute band “1964.” I was over 500 pounds and struggled horribly that night on stage. It was hard to move, breathe, and really do a good performance. The weight had seriously started effecting my performance skills---and that's the Sean she remembered! Well, to say she was surprised to see me today would be a big understatement. She was very complimentary, and told me that she knew I was losing weight because, although she hadn't read my blog---she regularly would hear of my weight loss success from a client of hers that reads everyday. She knew that I wouldn't look the same today, but I don't think she realized just how dramatic the change would be. It was a fun experience indeed.
As I talked with Nici, I discovered that she was very familiar with the struggles of losing weight. She had been very overweight for a while, before losing a bunch of weight herself. We talked about weight loss and the process---psychological aspects, and simply making better choices. And Nici wouldn't be the only person I would meet today with a weight loss success story...
Remember April 25th, 2009? It's in the archives. Yes, nearly a year ago I did a remote broadcast at a wireless phone store---it was that remote with an endless supply of food---the food just kept coming that day. I wrote about it that night:
I had 200 calories worth of breakfast by the time I reached my remote broadcast this morning at 11am. I knew that we would have pizza at the event and I was prepared to allow for a piece, maybe two if it were thin crust. It wasn't. That's OK, I'll just have a small piece for 250. Had I been the one responsible for ordering I would have made sure to order a thin crust veggie, but anyway. I guess I should have put my order in with the station sales rep prior to the broadcast. I wish I would have been a little more patient. Instead I grabbed a slice shortly after it arrived and I enjoyed it slowly. Then two crock pots full of Wendy's Chili showed up complete with small Wendy's Chili containers. I know exactly how many calories are in a small Wendy's Chili, 190! I added a half a serving of chili to my lunch and I counted it as 100 calories. Everything was fine right? Wrong.
Then a giant cookie platter showed up from Quiznos. These cookies were some of the best looking, big, loaded cookies I've ever laid eyes on. You know I've never been that weak when it comes to cookies. Oh sure, I like a good cookie, but really they're not my weakness. I faced my favorite store bought cookie the other night at grandmas house without any trouble at all. She had a brand new package of fudge striped shortbread cookies. I love those things. I knew what I had left calorie wise and at 170 for three cookies, I just didn't want to do it that bad. The cookie calorie value just wasn't working for me. But today, oh my. I was truly tested. I tried to find the calorie value on the Quiznos mobile web site, but I guess when they're loaded, you're less likely to find the calories conveniently listed. I was guesstimating about 300 for one, I was wrong. Just one snickerdoodle cookie has 400 according to the Calorie King website. 400 calories for one cookie! No way! YES! I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to keep my cool and resist those things. I even asked the station sales rep if he wanted to split one, figuring it would be a 150 calorie indulgence. He said no, thank goodness! It just goes to show you that no matter what level of rock solid zone you're in, you're never above temptation. I resisted those amazing cookies today, but it wasn't easy. Technically I could have had one, but there's no way in the world I would ever spend 400 calories on a cookie, that's craziness. My calorie budget would have been severely lopsided had I given in to those dreamy looking things.
OK...here's the rest of the story from that day---and how it tied into today was certainly remarkable. The manager I met at that broadcast was a young overweight man named Josh, who told me his top weight was 320. Of course we talked about weight loss that day, I gave him this blog address, and we had a very nice discussion about choices and weight loss philosophy. He had already started being aware of his choices and how they affected his weight, and honestly---I think he may have been a little embarrassed about all the free food made available. It was him that ordered the giant cookie platter that day! Well, what a difference a year makes!
I hadn't laid eyes on him since that broadcast last year, so imagine my surprise when he showed up at my remote broadcast today---completely transformed! He looked amazing! It really was a jaw dropping “wow” reaction I gave him. It's so cool to return one of these after receiving so many. He showed up today at 204, a whopping 116 pounds lighter than his heaviest weight! Josh told me how he counted his calories—and eventually got so good at it, that he actually stopped counting---opting for more of a common sense-portion control strategy. We discussed the mental aspects of it all...and he agreed with me about it being 80% mental and 20% food and exercise. He also shared something interesting, one of his mental gymnastics if you will. He said that one thing he always had a problem with was going back for second helpings. And he still does. But let me explain... He starts with about ¼ of what he would eat before. His second helping is another ¼, making it about half the food he was accustomed to consuming at his heaviest. He's still enjoying second helpings, but in a very responsible and normal way. And he has a 116 pound loss to show for it! That was just thrilling. I could have talked to him all afternoon, really, but then I had to get back into my broadcast---and before I knew it, he was gone. I'll have to stop by his wireless store and talk him up again soon. This kid has got it down and I'm so happy for him! Josh, you're an inspiration my friend!
The plan this evening was dinner and a movie at my apartment with my daughters. Those plans changed when their mothers plans changed, and that was OK. I had Amber with me all night last night, so it was only fair that tonight she and Courtney enjoy their mom's company. I had planned to get Amber to the trail with me today, but this change of plans left me flying solo for a 5K tonight.
I decided to send up a facebook invitation to anyone, just to see if I could find a last minute workout partner tonight. At first I decided a 10K would be good, but then I backed it down a notch to a 5K...but still, it was too late of notice for my local friends. I did have some friends from around the world—that probably would have joined me if they could, but after waiting for 40 minutes...I was out the door and on my way to the trail.
It was a nice evening for a walk/jog. I forgot my iPod, so it was just me, my thoughts, and the sound of my heels hitting the pavement for 3.1 miles. It was a wonderful 5K and it met my stated goals for the week of at least three. I really should have completed some weight training today. More on that tomorrow!
I talked with Mom tonight too. She told me that she did 3 miles today. Isn't that amazing? This is a lady that not too long ago, couldn't walk to her mailbox without feeling completely spent---now, she's being consistent with her daily calorie bank and walking schedule---the weight is dropping and her endurance is getting to be incredible! She divides her walking into two sessions, an early session and an evening session. I absolutely love hearing the confidence in her voice, that excited feeling that she has---because she knows, this is it...this is the time it really happens. We're putting the past behind us and making a better tomorrow one good choice at a time...and when you start seeing progress like my mom has...it propels you. I'm so happy for her and my Aunt Kelli. They're both doing just wonderful along this road.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Surrounded By Success Stories and On The Giving End of “Wow” Reactions
I jumped up this morning in a mad rush. This is unusual for a Saturday, but I had to work today. The warmer temperatures means more Saturday broadcast appearances, so I'd better get my Friday night schedule in order! I wasn't late this morning, but even getting up an hour and a half before an event can make it feel that way. I have my non-weighted strength exercises, cooking breakfast, shower, dress, and writing to finish, and an hour and a half just isn't enough time most days. I made it enough time today. I somehow did everything I needed to do. Well, almost. I didn't cook breakfast, instead I inhaled a banana on my way out the door. I knew the client would have food at this big broadcast today---I wasn't sure what, but I was confident that I could navigate the choices wisely.
I pulled up to the broadcast and met with the station rep for a briefing on exactly what the client wanted me to talk about today, then I was free to roam around. I know I've mentioned this before, but I can't tell you the number of broadcast I've done in the past, at over 500 pounds, where I would try to stay hidden as much as possible. I don't do that anymore and it feels amazing. They had a big smoker/grill in front of the store, a good sign that the choices wouldn't be too bad today. I was going to eat something from that grill, I knew that, and I was OK with the idea.
They were grilling hot dogs and hamburgers...hmmm, OK...I was hungry, so I made my way over and requested a hot dog without a bun. I was handed a big juicy dog, and I knew---this wasn't a 120 or 160 calorie dog, this was somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 or even 300, for just the hot dog. Good thing I had it without the bread, oh my. It wasn't the best calorie value, but it was very good. This was a premium hot dog, top of the line in the hot dog world, it was very tasty...but not necessarily worth the calories to me. It wasn't long before I was feeling hungry again. I was at 400 calories already when I decided on a hamburger. The bun was 120, I used mustard for the dressing...and the patty, well---I know these, I've used similar on my grill before. 250 for the patty was a good estimate, considering it was grilled and a lot of the fat calories had dripped away. Still, 370 for a burger is quiet a bit for me. I enjoyed it slowly, oh my---it was a very well seasoned hamburger, and before noon I was sitting at 770 calories for the day. My broadcast wasn't over until 2pm, so I decided 770 by mid-day wasn't really that bad. Then I had a few, just a few, potato chips---and was comfortable calling the total an even 800.
These choices may have not been the best, but it was part of the moment, it was my life today. And learning how to navigate food choices in everyday life without losing control is a very big deal to me. Old Sean would have had a couple of burgers and a couple of dogs before that broadcast was over, accompanied by a big plate of potato chips and a tall glass of regular Coke-a-Cola, all consumed in the privacy of the remote vehicle, away from people--if at all possible. So it may not have been the best choices today, but those choices were made and consumed responsibly. I wasn't out of control Sean, hiding from the crowds and gorging. It feels good to be in control, it really does.
Another radio station showed up a little before noon. A competing station from up the highway into Kansas. The on-air personality and station rep walked in and asked where I was. I was standing right there, so I introduced myself to them. It turns out, Nici, the sales rep for that station, is someone that I've worked in cooperation with on scripts for a particular client. We had never officially met, but she remembers me at my heaviest. She told me that she was in the audience when I did stand-up, opening for the Beatles Tribute band “1964.” I was over 500 pounds and struggled horribly that night on stage. It was hard to move, breathe, and really do a good performance. The weight had seriously started effecting my performance skills---and that's the Sean she remembered! Well, to say she was surprised to see me today would be a big understatement. She was very complimentary, and told me that she knew I was losing weight because, although she hadn't read my blog---she regularly would hear of my weight loss success from a client of hers that reads everyday. She knew that I wouldn't look the same today, but I don't think she realized just how dramatic the change would be. It was a fun experience indeed.
As I talked with Nici, I discovered that she was very familiar with the struggles of losing weight. She had been very overweight for a while, before losing a bunch of weight herself. We talked about weight loss and the process---psychological aspects, and simply making better choices. And Nici wouldn't be the only person I would meet today with a weight loss success story...
Remember April 25th, 2009? It's in the archives. Yes, nearly a year ago I did a remote broadcast at a wireless phone store---it was that remote with an endless supply of food---the food just kept coming that day. I wrote about it that night:
I had 200 calories worth of breakfast by the time I reached my remote broadcast this morning at 11am. I knew that we would have pizza at the event and I was prepared to allow for a piece, maybe two if it were thin crust. It wasn't. That's OK, I'll just have a small piece for 250. Had I been the one responsible for ordering I would have made sure to order a thin crust veggie, but anyway. I guess I should have put my order in with the station sales rep prior to the broadcast. I wish I would have been a little more patient. Instead I grabbed a slice shortly after it arrived and I enjoyed it slowly. Then two crock pots full of Wendy's Chili showed up complete with small Wendy's Chili containers. I know exactly how many calories are in a small Wendy's Chili, 190! I added a half a serving of chili to my lunch and I counted it as 100 calories. Everything was fine right? Wrong.
Then a giant cookie platter showed up from Quiznos. These cookies were some of the best looking, big, loaded cookies I've ever laid eyes on. You know I've never been that weak when it comes to cookies. Oh sure, I like a good cookie, but really they're not my weakness. I faced my favorite store bought cookie the other night at grandmas house without any trouble at all. She had a brand new package of fudge striped shortbread cookies. I love those things. I knew what I had left calorie wise and at 170 for three cookies, I just didn't want to do it that bad. The cookie calorie value just wasn't working for me. But today, oh my. I was truly tested. I tried to find the calorie value on the Quiznos mobile web site, but I guess when they're loaded, you're less likely to find the calories conveniently listed. I was guesstimating about 300 for one, I was wrong. Just one snickerdoodle cookie has 400 according to the Calorie King website. 400 calories for one cookie! No way! YES! I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to keep my cool and resist those things. I even asked the station sales rep if he wanted to split one, figuring it would be a 150 calorie indulgence. He said no, thank goodness! It just goes to show you that no matter what level of rock solid zone you're in, you're never above temptation. I resisted those amazing cookies today, but it wasn't easy. Technically I could have had one, but there's no way in the world I would ever spend 400 calories on a cookie, that's craziness. My calorie budget would have been severely lopsided had I given in to those dreamy looking things.
OK...here's the rest of the story from that day---and how it tied into today was certainly remarkable. The manager I met at that broadcast was a young overweight man named Josh, who told me his top weight was 320. Of course we talked about weight loss that day, I gave him this blog address, and we had a very nice discussion about choices and weight loss philosophy. He had already started being aware of his choices and how they affected his weight, and honestly---I think he may have been a little embarrassed about all the free food made available. It was him that ordered the giant cookie platter that day! Well, what a difference a year makes!
I hadn't laid eyes on him since that broadcast last year, so imagine my surprise when he showed up at my remote broadcast today---completely transformed! He looked amazing! It really was a jaw dropping “wow” reaction I gave him. It's so cool to return one of these after receiving so many. He showed up today at 204, a whopping 116 pounds lighter than his heaviest weight! Josh told me how he counted his calories—and eventually got so good at it, that he actually stopped counting---opting for more of a common sense-portion control strategy. We discussed the mental aspects of it all...and he agreed with me about it being 80% mental and 20% food and exercise. He also shared something interesting, one of his mental gymnastics if you will. He said that one thing he always had a problem with was going back for second helpings. And he still does. But let me explain... He starts with about ¼ of what he would eat before. His second helping is another ¼, making it about half the food he was accustomed to consuming at his heaviest. He's still enjoying second helpings, but in a very responsible and normal way. And he has a 116 pound loss to show for it! That was just thrilling. I could have talked to him all afternoon, really, but then I had to get back into my broadcast---and before I knew it, he was gone. I'll have to stop by his wireless store and talk him up again soon. This kid has got it down and I'm so happy for him! Josh, you're an inspiration my friend!
The plan this evening was dinner and a movie at my apartment with my daughters. Those plans changed when their mothers plans changed, and that was OK. I had Amber with me all night last night, so it was only fair that tonight she and Courtney enjoy their mom's company. I had planned to get Amber to the trail with me today, but this change of plans left me flying solo for a 5K tonight.
I decided to send up a facebook invitation to anyone, just to see if I could find a last minute workout partner tonight. At first I decided a 10K would be good, but then I backed it down a notch to a 5K...but still, it was too late of notice for my local friends. I did have some friends from around the world—that probably would have joined me if they could, but after waiting for 40 minutes...I was out the door and on my way to the trail.
It was a nice evening for a walk/jog. I forgot my iPod, so it was just me, my thoughts, and the sound of my heels hitting the pavement for 3.1 miles. It was a wonderful 5K and it met my stated goals for the week of at least three. I really should have completed some weight training today. More on that tomorrow!
I talked with Mom tonight too. She told me that she did 3 miles today. Isn't that amazing? This is a lady that not too long ago, couldn't walk to her mailbox without feeling completely spent---now, she's being consistent with her daily calorie bank and walking schedule---the weight is dropping and her endurance is getting to be incredible! She divides her walking into two sessions, an early session and an evening session. I absolutely love hearing the confidence in her voice, that excited feeling that she has---because she knows, this is it...this is the time it really happens. We're putting the past behind us and making a better tomorrow one good choice at a time...and when you start seeing progress like my mom has...it propels you. I'm so happy for her and my Aunt Kelli. They're both doing just wonderful along this road.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
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