June 23rd, 2014 A Different Kind of Monday

June 23rd, 2014 A Different Kind of Monday

The storms rolled in last night and I was activated, covering weather until the early morning hours. I have done this many times and still made it through my show from 6-9am. I knew before I left the studio, there wasn't any way I could come back and do a show. I was a zombie. I left a note for a colleague to cover my show and it was decided, I was at least taking a half a day--personal day, sick day--whatever we needed to call it, I needed it!

I slept until after 10am, got up and it felt like the weekend all over again. I slept well too. You know the kind of sleep where, maybe a handful of times a year you wake up and think--wow, that was the best, and you feel amazing?? It was that kind of rest. I'm only four and a half months removed from some of the worst sleep of my life and I can tell you, the first thing I do when I wake up feeling great is give thanks for this amazing blessing. If you've ever felt the frustration of severe untreated sleep apnea, where no matter how many hours you're in bed, you still look and feel completely exhausted--then you understand the joy of a good night of real, rejuvenating rest. Oh my--it's like you want to burst open your front door and prance through the neighborhood in your robe singing uplifting Disney songs. I've come close a few times.

I cooked a big hearty breakfast!!

Beef (4oz sirloin) stir-fry omelet w/mshrms, peprs, onion, red pot., swiss, inside 3 egg white omelet & pear. 466 cal pic.twitter.com/DjSKqZz5HU
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 23, 2014

I returned to work mid-afternoon for production and various duties. I made sure to pack some things for lunch. I left shortly before 5pm, ran a couple of errands, requested assistance in moving some exercise equipment into my apartment (more on this in a moment), thought about what to cook for a late dinner--threw a couple of dry seasoned chicken breast in the oven, wrapped in foil--changed clothes, headed to the store to get a few things I forgot last night, then to the YMCA for a good workout.

After the Y, the chicken was still cooking at home while I met Alan, my ex-wife Irene's boyfriend and KL, my oldest daughter Amber's boyfriend. Alan has a truck. They both graciously agreed to help me pick up some exercise equipment from a friend's house and transport it to my apartment--and help me get it up the stairs and into my spare bedroom (which is currently being used for storage). It was almost impossible. Almost...we made it up the stairs with a little help from the insanely strong MMA fighter dude that lives in the building adjacent to me. Okay-- we don't know if he's really an MMA fighter, but we're pretty sure he could be one, easily.

A very dear friend of mine surprised me about three or four months ago when he called to tell me he and his wife had agreed to gift me their big treadmill and Nordicflex weight training machine. They're moving away and they didn't want to take it with them. Rather than deal with the process of trying to sell them, they thought I would get a lot of good out of both and they wanted me to have them. Isn't that amazing? I've volunteered to help them move later this week. It's the least I can do to show my extreme appreciation.

I waited this long to pick up the machines because I wasn't sure I could have them in my upstairs apartment. After careful consideration for the downstairs neighbor, I figured out a plan to minimize the effects of the treadmill vibrations. I'm going to buy a horse stall pad at the local farm supply store. It's a large, hard foam pad--the perfect size to fit underneath the treadmill. It will absorb the vibrations. The NordicFlex isn't a problem, it doesn't move in a way that might cause noise downstairs.


The decorating will soon begin--as I transform my spare bedroom from a storage room into a workout room! I'm already thinking of cool posters and other inspirational things I'll put on the wall!

The chicken enchilada crispy tacos were amazing tonight.  I ran short on my calories, so a little more than an hour and a half after dinner, I had another taco with a side of cantaloupe as my #lastfoodofday.

Chicken enchilada crunchy tacos!! 4oz shredded chicken breast, enchilada sauce, cheese, lettuce, tom. Sr crm. 468 cal pic.twitter.com/2ls9WVwPPq
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 24, 2014

I'm continuing this trek back to a healthy weight with a new kind of stride. I welcome you to follow along on Facebook (www.facebook.com/seananderson505), Twitter (www.twitter.com/seanaanderson) and my username on MyFitnessPal is SeanAAnderson.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 14th, 2014 For The Sake of Accuracy

June 14th, 2014 For The Sake of Accuracy

This was a very busy Saturday. I meant to sleep in this morning but for some reason I was up and wide eyed before 7am.  My schedule consisted of three back to back location broadcasts. It was nine hours straight, so I knew to be prepared.  That was it, preparedness. Had I not been prepared, things could have went South real fast.

I started with a good breakfast, then prepared a lunch and fruit snacks to get me through without being tempted by the free food being offered throughout the day.  I really like the food I'm eating and that makes a monumental difference. The free food today wasn't even the slightest bit tempting. I had a plan, was prepared and stuck with it.

My biggest challenge was being tired. I started to nod off a couple of times right in the middle of the day. I was up way too early this morning.  I had a big evening planned with my oldest daughter, Amber, a Father's Day weekend dinner out and a movie. I had to nix the movie plan. There's no way I would have stayed awake past the opening credits. I know myself well. I've fallen asleep while attempting to watch some of the greatest films of all time. Amber and I opted for dinner and visiting and it was wonderful.  We're both fascinated by how much we're alike. We're two of a kind, for sure.

We dined at a small Mexican restaurant where they serve Hawaiian Fajitas. It's shrimp, steak, chicken and pineapple grilled and served in a hollowed out pineapple. I've enjoyed it three or four times in the last two months. Each time, I've made my best guesstimate on the calorie content based on my knowledge of each individual item and the amazing data base of MyFitnessPal.  This time I wanted to be sure.

I took my digital food scale into the restaurant. I've never done this before. I did it because I was pretty sure I was over-estimating the calories during previous trips. The calories came in a little lower than expected so I added a serving of nine chips and salsa. Exactly nine. I've successfully avoided the chips the last few Mexican restaurant visits, but since the fajita calories were fairly low, I decided to enjoy the limited number. The key to this strategy is to separate my chips from the bowl. Amber counted me out 9 chips and that was it. I didn't reach for more. I enjoyed each one. I avoided the rice and beans altogether. Without some pretty rigid rules, I could easily consume a thousand calories in a place like this. I didn't have a thousand calories to spend. Weighing the ingredients at the table wasn't a big deal and and our server never acknowledged this unusual practice. Although he did ask us several times if everything was okay. Everything was wonderful.

I've once again stayed up way too late. I spoke with a support friend on my way home and expressed that I might just go to bed and write this post on Sunday morning. They suggested a cup of coffee and get it done because I would feel better about it in the morning. They were right. I feel better about it already. And as tired as I am, this cup of coffee doesn't have a chance of keeping me awake tonight.

If you're into food pictures, you'll love my Twitter feed. It's www.twitter.com/seanaanderson   You don't need a Twitter account to look through the tweets. You only need an account if you want to interact with me on Twitter. As part of my accountability system, every thing I eat is first logged into MyFitnessPal--then photographed and tweeted with a calorie count. The picture tweets have made a profoundly positive difference in me.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 12th, 2014 Not My First Rodeo

June 12th, 2014 Not My First Rodeo

My decision to come home last night and nap turned out to be a very good one. I headed to the studio not long after posting last night's edition and didn't get in bed until after 3:30am. I was back up at 5am nursing a cup of coffee and reassuring myself I would return immediately after my morning show for a much needed extended nap. I still prepared a good breakfast, even though--honestly, I didn't feel like doing anything other than sleep. I had a good show despite little sleep. It's strange, unless I'm "body breaking down" tired, I can turn it on when the On-Air light is lit.

Several months ago when my sleep apnea situation was at its worse, I was losing my ability to hide the effects on-air. Aside from the obvious negative physical and mental effects of exhaustion, the worsening of my voice and on air demeanor was one of the big wake up calls urging me to seek help quickly. I had numerous mornings back then when I'd wake up after several hours with a racing heartbeat, headache from oxygen deprivation and a feeling like I had been fighting for my life all night long. No wonder I didn't feel like taking care of myself in other ways. Eating well and exercising regularly was pretty far down the list of priorities. Possibly having a heart attack in the middle of the night suddenly became something I worried about all the time. When I finally said, "I can't do this anymore" and sought help, that's when this turnaround started. Granted, I wasn't back immediately--it did take some time, But wow---it feels amazing to be back where I am now after sliding so far down.

These days when my schedule turns horrible like it did last night and today, a good-quality nap gives me more energy than any amount of sleep back then. It was never the quantity, always the quality.

I wasn't able to get away from the studio until 10:30am. I came home, prepared a light snack and tried to settle down enough for sleep. It took me a little while, but I was finally able to get a solid 2.5 hour nap before preparing and packing a lunch and returning for a full afternoon in the production studio. I finished my production at 5:30pm then raced down the street to exchange my personal vehicle for the station vehicle in preparation for my location broadcast at the 101 Wild West Rodeo from 6-8pm. Time was tight. I still had to hurry home, change clothes, prepare a snack to hold me until a late dinner, then get to the arena by 6pm.

I cruised onto the rodeo grounds right on time as if I had casually made my way out. I literally had to stop and catch my breath at one point. Tonight was the opening night and it's marked by the opening night free rodeo barbecue. Here we are with the free food opportunities again! I didn't go near the tent housing the free food. And better than that, it wasn't a struggle to avoid. I had my plan in place. I brought some fruit and I knew a dinner I'd feel good about was waiting for me back at home. I remember last year...oh my...two people brought free barbecue sandwiches to the broadcast vehicle. I quietly ate one and a half of them last year. Nobody brought me sandwiches this year or maybe they did, but I was moving all around the arena, interviewing people and being active. Perhaps I missed the free food givers. Darn.

I wouldn't have taken a bite, not one. This clarity and focus, and bigger--this peace I'm feeling is something I don't ever want to lose. I could easily throw it away at anytime if I'm not doing the work needed to take the best care I can. This is a major difference for me. During my initial weight loss, I reached a point where I kind of felt invincible. It was a foolish belief and after walking that tight rope for longer than I should have, I did eventually fall. I don't feel invincible now. My attitude and perspective has shifted dramatically, but still--I have a much greater respect for the overall power of this thing. I seem to be doing what is working well for me today. And I pray I'll approach each day as one, and do those things again and again. Honestly, regaining a considerable amount of my initial loss is proving to be exactly what I needed, when I needed it.

My shoes were all muddy after trekking all over the outdoor arena and my plan to workout at the Y tonight looked as if it would be preceded by a good shoe washing and scrubbing. Or, I could go buy a new pair of shoes. I've needed a new pair for a while but I always hesitate to buy things even when I know I need them. Thank you muddy arena for pushing me toward doing something nice for myself!

I bought my shoes and headed home to change for the YMCA. I was feeling slightly hungry, like my metabolism burned up the fruit snack and was demanding something more. I prepared some fat/sugar free refried beans with a little green chili sauce and used Beanitos all natural pinto bean chips as the vehicle to get the dip into my face. Yes...I used beans to eat my beans. Interesting. It was delicious and exactly the protein I needed to get through my workout and home for dinner.

All of my food pictures and exercise excursions along with some occasionally humorous tweets, can be found and followed (if you're into that type of thing) by visiting www.twitter.com/seanaanderson  You do not need a twitter account to view my page and tweets.

Also, if you use MyFitnessPal like I do, then you're welcome to friend me there too! My food diary is set to public.

It's been a long day and even though I have another location broadcast at the rodeo tomorrow night and Saturday's location broadcast schedule runs 11am-8pm, I'm confident I'll stay prepared and ready for whatever comes along. The good news is, we're not expecting severe storms for a couple of days, so no sudden and complete wrecking of my sleep schedule! Now, if I can just get everything in that I want to do daily and still get to bed at a decent time. That remains one of my biggest challenges lately.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 26th, 2014 Memorial Day

May 26th, 2014 Memorial Day

I started today by remembering loved ones I've lost. Some left us way too young. As I searched for pictures of several to share on my facebook page, I started imagining what life would be like today if they were still with us. I wish I would have had more time with each of them and in the case of my big brother Danny, I wish I would have had a chance to meet him and know him. Instead of letting this train of thought bring me down into a depressive state, I did my best to mine some inspiration from it all.

Danny didn't know 42 years was all he would have. My brother Shane had no idea life would be a short 24 years and Clarke Hodson (My Big brother in The Big Brothers/Big Sisters program) still had a lot of life ahead of him when he passed at 57.  I couldn't remember how old Clarke was when he passed, so I Google searched his obituary and was touched when I discovered my name mentioned. I didn't know his family included me like that.

From his obituary:
"Clarke believed life should be a life-long learning experience and accomplished this through his employment as a teacher and later in life as a Training Administrator for Accurate Labs and as web master for OWPCA. Clarke and Debi shared their love of education and animals over 17 years as docents for the Tulsa Zoo. Clarke became involved in Big Brothers/Big Sisters early in his life, which led to a long and memorable relationship with Sean Anderson."    

I knew how much he meant to me, I guess I always wondered if he felt the same about me. After his family insisted I sit up front with them at his funeral and now discovering this, I think I have my answer. I believe Clarke was right, life should be a life-long learning experience. I feel the same. I never want to stop learning.

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I slept better last night than I have in a very long time. I know I said those exact words not too long ago, but this was even better than that night. I slept soundly for eight straight hours and woke feeling refreshed and fully rested. It was incredible.

I took time today to catch up on emails too. If you have any questions for me, you can always send them to Sean@transformationroad.com

I took time and care in preparing my food today. This is really a big difference in me--to be so attentive and caring about the process of planning and preparing what I eat. I didn't give it this much attention when I initially lost weight. Instead of this increased attention and care being perceived as a burden (which is what I thought it would be), it's become very enjoyable. I look forward to it every day. Talk about changing perspectives, this is an example!

I planned on doing a 5K walk today and by golly, I did it. Actually I did 3.44 miles, a little bit longer than 3.1 for the 5K. I really thought my elliptical workouts was giving me a better workout but after doing this, I don't know. I'm beat in a good way.

So much more I wanted to discuss in this post, but it's getting late. I must hit the pillow.

Tomorrow night, Tuesday May 27th at 7pm Central, 8 Eastern, 6 Mountian and 5 Pacific--Life Coach Gerri Helms and I will present a very special teleconference program entitled "The Missing Piece."  It's completely free, but you must register by clicking this link: http://lifecoachgerri.com/events/the-missing-piece/  After you register with your email, we'll email you the teleconference phone number and access code.

We all have a different puzzle. Perhaps this presentation and question/answer session afterwards will help you fit a few more of your pieces together!  I hope you'll join us.

Friend me on MyFitnessPal: SeanAAnderson --- and on Twitter, where I Live Tweet everything I eat with pictures and calorie counts. Twitter: @SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 25th, 2014 Human Nature

May 25th, 2014 Human Nature

Carrying all of the equipment last night made me incredibly sore today. Wow. I guess I could say I had two workouts yesterday! I gave myself a break today on my workout  and it was good. I plan on doing a 5K walk tomorrow.  Thanksgiving 2008 was the first "Anderson Family Holiday 5K," and other holiday 5K's followed, so tomorrow I'll bring it back. Not today though...my goodness. When the rain was pouring and I feared my equipment might get destroyed, I carried heavy things quickly. I didn't even think about it, I just knew I had to get them somewhere dry. The soreness isn't a, "I hurt myself" kind of soreness, it's a good kind of sore, I suppose.

Food planning went well today. If you're a regular Twitter follower of mine, thank you! The accountability the commitment creates has proven to be remarkable. Every bite, every day...picture and calorie count. I've really embraced it and had fun with it along the way.

I visited my grandson Noah today. I had him all to myself for about 45 minutes. We had a fantastic time. He motivates me and inspires me to take better care. He's going to have a very young and active grandpa, for sure! We eventually watched some SpongeBob together and it's amazing how he becomes mesmerized while watching. Courtney tells me that he eats more when there's a TV within his view.  No TV, he eats much less. SpongeBob on, he'll mindlessly open his mouth for more. Isn't that interesting?? As someone who has done a bunch of mindless eating in front of a TV screen, I see how this might be a natural human thing. I mean, really--he's 10 months. He's so fascinating and smart! And he loves my phone...loves it.

I prepared a dinner for Amber and KL this evening. It was nice sharing a meal with them. I always LOVE our conversations. I grilled some chicken thighs and drumsticks with asparagus. It was something different. That's one of the biggest challenges I've had over the course of the last month, plus--having enough variety. I like what I like and I never force myself to eat something I don't. What I do like, I tend to have it often.  Preparing something new this evening was a good practice.

One thing I've noticed lately is not being hungry between meals. I believe in the "eat something every 3-4 hours" advice, because I get how the metabolism is like a wood burning stove.  Lately though, I'm just not hungry between meals. I do find myself occasionally having a planned snack because "it's time to give my metabolism something to work with," and I suppose that's okay. I certainly don't know everything about nutrition and the science behind it all, not even close, actually. And I'd really like to keep things very simple. What are your thoughts on this topic? If you're not hungry, do you skip the snack or eat it in the name of fueling your metabolism?  I'm afraid if I only ate when I'm hungry, I'd barely hit 1,000 calories a day. I'm not complaining at all. It's just something to ponder.

This is probably one of the shortest and quickest updates in recent memory.  You're welcome to see the food I eat on Twitter (link above) and friend me on MyFitnessPal, I'm SeanAAnderson on MFP.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 24th, 2014 Taking Extraordinary Care

May 24th, 2014 Taking Extraordinary Care

This has been a very long day. I'm so relieved it's over!  I knew in order for me to accomplish everything I needed to accomplish today, it would take sticking to a plan. This is the kind of day I could have easily said, oh well, it's one day...but I didn't and I'm reaping the positive feelings that come with a plan well executed. And I did it all without getting electrocuted. I'll explain in a few.

The positive momentum has been building and now it's important for me to not get too excited.  I must relax into the groove of this momentum and remember to take it one day at a time. I still make a point to visualize my success each day. Sometimes it's very tempting to get ahead of myself, I certainly know I did during my initial transformation.  But this is what happens when you're feeling great.  Suddenly, you're thinking about all of your future possibilities. And it's about so much more than weight loss. This excitement within me is about everything under the sun. Never before has an epiphany effected me in such a profound way, as the ones discussed in the May 15th and May 17th posts.  I've been blessed with several since starting this journey in 2008 and some of them have made a huge impact...but this one, wow...all of the others are awesome, but they pale in comparison.

In the last week I've given much thought to my next book. I'm not quite ready to write it, I still have more to experience-more to learn, but I certainly have been considering the message.  Again, getting ahead of myself.  I think, "The Other Side of The Scale--Now What?" is a good working title...Okay--see? Ahead of myself, right. The most important things for me right now are to take the best care of me I can and continue to develop organically, in positive ways.

I hit the elliptical at the YMCA this afternoon ahead of my big wedding night dj experience. I'm having fun at the Y and it shows in my attitude and intensity of the workout. Walking in there with this new perspective has been an amazing blessing. Walking at the trail would have worked wonderfully and I could have continued to avoid the Y because of all of the irrational fears I was carrying. I'm so glad I let it go. Just let it go. Dropped them and made my way in. It was a great move.

The 60% chance of rain tonight quickly turned into a 100% chance of heavy thundershowers. And it did at the same time I was set to load in and set up my equipment for a wedding.  I was using an open pickup truck to transport and when it started to come down in sheets with big cloud to ground lightening strikes, I had to move quickly to get the equipment someplace dry.  As I started unloading as quickly as possible, the rain and lightening started coming heavier and heavier. It was a complete washout.  Every part of me was soaked, down to my unmentionables. I looked and felt like I had jumped in a pool fully clothed.  Most of the tents for this outdoor event were blown down (including the tent assigned to my setup), some looked destroyed. The photographer's portable photo booth was a complete loss. Good thing it was a big home with an extra large covered patio. That's where we eventually set up most everything. The first song I played was Luke Bryan's "Rain Is A Good Thing," they didn't fire me for the obvious joke and we were off and running to what turned out to be a fantastic event despite the rough start. I mean really, we do need the rain.

I packed a dinner that resembled a lunch, with a sandwich and three kinds of fruit. After discovering what elaborate catering means for 250 people, I could have easily navigated the selections and stayed on plan. But I didn't know that going into this night.  Taking the time to plan my food for this event is about more than the food. It's about making me and my needs important. Taking the best care of me, in this case meant packing dinner. The caterer approached me at one point to ask "what's that on your plate?"  It was my smoked ham and swiss on a 100 calorie multi-grain sandwich thin. She seemed a little taken aback. Probably not too many people bring their own food to a wedding reception. The wedding planner set up the cake table right next to me. I haven't laid eyes on so many beautiful cakes in all my life. But that was the only attention I gave the cake table. Enough to acknowledge the obvious quality and quantity, but not even the first thought of consuming the sugar.

I can't deny the obvious benefits from cutting out 99% of sugar from my daily intake. It's meant no binges or urges to binge, at all. And that's nothing short of miraculous for me. Sugar is listed as an ingredient in the non-dairy powdered coffee creamer I use every morning--but other than that, and the recent "sugar in my marinara" discovery, I've been nearly sugar free for well over a month now. The amount of sugar in the creamer must be minuscule because it hasn't bothered me at all.

In last night's post I mentioned being insecure in my abilities as a mobile dj. It's completely different than what I do as a radio personality. The thing is, the title of "dj" is often applied to both--so the line gets blurred. I'm happy to report it went very well, nothing like I feared. It was fun!

It's another late night for me. My #lastfoodofday was a simple egg white omelet with a few mushrooms and a slice of mozzarella for 109 calories. The #lastfoodofday hashtag on my Twitter page has acted as a book-end for me. When I use it, that's it, I'm done for the day. Feel free to use it too!

I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning. Or, I guess I should say, this morning.

Thank you for reading!
Strength,
Sean

May 23rd, 2014 It's Hard To Explain

May 23rd, 2014 It's Hard To Explain

It's hard to explain, really. This feeling of control, it's just been awhile since I felt this. It feels amazing. In the middle of the isolating and sneak eating, the binges and all that contributed to my weight gain, this seemed a million miles away. I was in deep. I'm not even sure I've accurately described just how deep. I'll try to be brief in this example:

I was on my way to a friend's house one night for a wonderful dinner. It was to be a nicely balanced, calorie friendly meal and of course I was on my best food behavior.  "No, thank you--no dessert for me!" What my friend and not another soul didn't know, was how I was lusting for a binge while driving across town for this dinner. And I wasn't salivating for the meal I was about to consume, I was fantasizing about the giant double cheeseburger and large ice cream shake I planned on buying later, after dinner. Now, take that actual happening and multiply it by, hmmmm... I don't know... a lot.

The kid at the drive-through had no idea he was playing the part of my dealer. Like a paranoid drug addict, I would literally look from side to side, back and forth--making sure nobody caught me while exchanging the money for the goods. I always waited to insert the straw into the shake until I was safely undercover, far from the well lit main drag, on the darkened residential back streets that lead back to my dungeon, I mean apartment. 

Driving slow and sucking in the first tastes of that high calorie dose of sugar and fat was always the best. Then, with each additional mouthful, it just wasn't as good.  Maybe I started mixing some guilt into that shake and a dash or two of shame. When the cup was empty, I'd feel like I was about to burst--completely miserable. The negative inner dialogue was relentless. Then, as if making a new deal with my abusive thoughts (I'd tell myself anything to make them stop), I'd sit in my recliner and promise myself it had been the last time. No more, no more, no more...because maybe if I grab control now, nobody will be the wiser about this--I'll return to my healthiest weight and take these dark secrets to my grave.  The next time would also be my last until the next time and so on. So much for taking the secrets to my grave. Weight gain is terrible at keeping secrets.

A wise person once said "You're only as sick as your secrets." Yeah...that.

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The schedule today included an early remote broadcast with two clients promoting a customer appreciation cook-out.  They had all of the expected items: Hot dogs, chips, cookies and soda. I was well prepared. I packed a turkey and provolone sandwich with plenty of fruit into my man-bag just before departing for the event. I wasn't the least bit interested in the food they were offering. I wasn't, not even a little bit.  It was as if I was a completely different person.  Suddenly I've become someone who plans ahead, sticks to my plan and doesn't negotiate with errant thoughts.  But there wasn't any errant thoughts today. Just peace and calm.
I waited until it was a good time to eat lunch and I dined right there at the broadcast. I politely declined repeated offers and encouragement to indulge, "Hey, those dogs are hot off the grill--doesn't get any better, you should get you one." No thanks, I brought my own food. "We got cookies!" I see that, yes, yes you do. "You want half of my Doritos?"  Nope, I'm good, thank you! This experience left me feeling enormously grateful for the strength that is nothing short of an answer to a desperate prayer.

I enjoyed some good snacks later in the day, took a little nap and made my way to the YMCA for a solid workout on the elliptical. I must look half-crazy on that thing, lip syncing to the music that moves me--but I can't play air-instruments because my entire body is involved in the workout. I get so into it, I don't even notice if anyone else notices my antics. And I don't even care.  Even if they did, I don't imagine a negative reaction--quite the contrary, it would probably be something like, "Wow, look at him go, he's really into his workout! Good for him!" 

Trying to decide on dinner tonight was a little challenging. I had some things at home but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to grill out. It's Memorial Day Weekend after all! I put my ear buds back on and headed into the grocery store as Walk Off The Earth's REVO filled me with positive energy. I grabbed some veggies to grill, some fruit for "dessert," a pre-cut bag of shoestring all natural sweet potato fries and a top sirloin I found on sale for $2.88!  Dinner was on. And it was good. 610 calories worth. I couldn't eat it all and ended up adjusting the calories down to 580.

I'll be up late tonight working on the final preparations for a wedding reception I'll be DJ'ing tomorrow evening.  I don't usually do mobile dj work, but a friend recently gifted me his old equipment and when he declined the date, he told them to call me. For some strange reason I said yes. Oh yeah, they offered to pay me, that's why. Just between these pages, I honestly don't like doing mobile dj work. It's completely different than what I do on the radio. I don't feel very confident in my dj'ing ability, is what I'm saying. But I accepted the gig and I shall give them my best.  I mean, it is one of the most special days of this couple's entire life, I suppose I better give it everything I got.  I plan on packing a good, portable dinner tomorrow evening. I don't want to be caught off guard by the wedding reception buffet.

Again, I'm pleasantly surprised by this fantastic feeling of control, purpose and positive spirit. The recent identity-self-worth epiphanies have been working their magic on me. I spend a lot of time alone and usually I don't like it at all.  But you know what? I'm digging it. Suddenly and effortlessly, I don't mind being alone as much. In fact, I kinda like me a lot. It's like getting better acquainted with a long lost friend you promised yourself you'd take the time to get to know someday.

You're welcome to follow me on Twitter: @SeanAAnderson I post pictures and calorie counts of every bite of food I eat.  It's an extreme accountability measure. And I don't say "extreme" in a negative way. It's simply working well for me.  And something important to remember--I don't post the pics as an example of what anyone else should eat. I wouldn't do that. What I like and what you like may very well be two different things completely.  And if you're also on this road, I believe it's important to eat what you like.  I do find myself taking extra time and care in preparation of my food--and plating it nicely for the camera...and that's nothing but good because it slows me down and allows me to enjoy my meals and snacks even more. The food picture Tweets have been an invaluable tool of my recovery.  If you enjoy that type of thing (the food pics), then awesome, it's a win-win!

I'm also on MyFitnessPal under the user name: SeanAAnderson  I welcome you to friend request me there as well. One of my MFP friends pointed out today that my stats still say "0 pounds lost." It does because I haven't updated the weights in there. I've used MFP strictly for logging my food and exercise. I suppose I could sit down and go through entering all of the different weights in order to get an accurate profile display, but I just haven't had the time. I may do that sometime over this holiday weekend.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 22nd, 2014 The Best Thing That Happened Today

May 22nd, 2014 The Best Thing That Happened Today

The positive momentum building here is palpable. That weigh day yesterday, even if some of it was water weight, was over the top. I've been here, I know what's coming and it will slow down, of course. I'm feeling ready for the road ahead.

Some of the mysteries are gone, replaced by experience, hardened by lessons--and that's wonderful. I'm taking a do-over. I thank God that I didn't slip all the way back. I'm thankful I didn't delete this blog when the darkness of the spiral suggested it was the best thing to do. It wasn't the best thing to do at all. But in that mindset everything is flipped, the good things seem repulsive and the bad things alluring. This chance I've been given is an opportunity to move forward into a familiar territory, armed with a fresh perspective, a new appreciation, a reverence for things I didn't give a chance before. I'm not a failure.

I'm not a failure. I'm far from it. In fact, I'm a success. If this sounds like positive self-talk working hard to defeat some deceptive inner dialogue, you're right, it is--but there's a difference now. It doesn't have to work very hard because I believe it. I truly believe those words so deeply, it's become a thing within me. I'm proud of my success.  I'm proud of my experience and what I've been able to learn.  How much better will it be to reach a healthy weight again and understand that I deserve to be there?  To not feel like a stranger in my own skin because this time around I've taken the time to reacquaint myself with the real me, will be a very powerful thing.  And the great thing about this developing relationship is, it isn't something I'll receive when I reach some magical point along the way. It's developing now. And I reap the rewards regardless of my weight.

The best thing that happened today was a phone call from mom.

Last June I accompanied her to the Stillwater Senior Center to see about mom becoming a regular visitor.  She enjoyed the tour and seemed genuinely excited to get to know so many new people.  But brewing in her was this negative inner dialogue about how she would be received.  To anyone that knows my mom, you know she's one of the most loving people in the world. Her smile, her conversation, her spirit--has a way of brightening everything.  She is easily loved by all who meet her. Still, she harbored a deep fear of rejection.  What if they don't like me? 

She's struggled with this for almost a year, even suffering sleepless nights full of anxiety over imaginary scenarios where she's rejected or simply not liked for whatever reason. I understand where that stuff comes from, I do and even while I was doing similar things to myself--I kept trying to encourage her to break free from this hold. Today she did it.

I was at the studio working when she called and told me the great news. It was a wonderful experience for her, everyone was friendly and she's planning on going back a few times a week. Talk about breakthroughs! This is a major breakthrough because she's risen above the negative and untrue inner dialogue, taken a chance and now she's free.

It's like me and the YMCA situation not too long ago.

I'm so very proud of my mom.

Today was a little bit turned around for me.  I was about to head to the Y this afternoon, until I got summoned into work by thunderstorms moving through.  This changed my plan. It was workout, dinner, writing. Instead it was working, dinner, writing and workout.  The rain has left a super moist smell in the air and it's so inviting, I'm headed out there within minutes for a good walk. Tonight's workout will not be as intense as the elliptical, and that's okay. It will be intense in other ways.

For food pictures of everything I enjoy, visit my Twitter account @SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 20th, 2014 Always Learning and Doing What Works

May 20th, 2014 Always Learning and Doing What Works

If you're just now tuning in, reading only the latest entries, then you might think: Wow, this Sean guy has it all figured out! That would be a very incorrect assumption. I don't have it all figured out but I'm doing my best everyday. I've established support and an ultra high level of accountability. I'm doing what works for me.

The thought of committing to a writing schedule and tweeting pictures of every single bite might seem excessive and unnecessary to some. For me, it's the reason why I'm actually looking forward to getting on the scale tomorrow. After twenty years of being near, at or above 500 pounds, I tasted the freedom a healthy body weight provides and it lasted for about a year and a half before I fell into the same patterns of my past. Emotional circumstances, life changes and so many variables accompanied the weight gain that has brought me back today. The biggest lesson I've learned is all about denial of addiction and how just when you start thinking you've got it all figured out, you must check yourself, and check yourself fast.

The emotional epiphanies of late have been nothing short of ground breaking for me.  I'm re-building a foundation for myself. A foundation that will support a lifetime of recovery and all of the wonderful freedom it and a healthy body weight affords. And this will be a life work. There isn't a finish line. Why would there be? So I can turn around and go back the other way? Acceptance and peace with the knowledge of what I must do to remain successfully in recovery is what it's all about. Instead of dread, I feel relief. I feel relieved because I've found hope and promise for a better life when I was seriously starting to doubt I could ever recover.

At my darkest points along the way, I came real close to shutting everything off.  Deleting this blog entirely, deleting my Facebook account and doing my best to put this part of my life behind me. I was that close to giving up.  But time and time again, just as I was about to hit "delete all," an email would come from Jon in Wisconsin with a link to his Spark People blog where he had written about how my journey had inspired him. Days would go by and I'd reach a point of desperation again--just wanting to isolate, be alone--shut everything down and accept that this seemingly hopeless trek was determined to take me out, then I'd open my email and find this:

Hello sean

I hope you still pick up your emails on this account.
I picked up your blog on day 1 and I have not put it down since.  I'm currently on day 142.  I have followed your methods every step of the way and I'm achieving some fantastic results.

The main thing I wanted to email you about was to say

Thank you for saving my life

All the way from the UK
Nick 

The moment I opened Nick's email on my phone, I was sitting in the drive through line at Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store waiting on a thousand calorie dose of my preferred drug and hoping nobody in line or any of the employees recognized me as "that guy who lost all that weight and wrote that book and wow, he's put on some weight." If Nick only knew where I am right now, not just physically--in this drive through--but mentally and emotionally--he would likely be shocked, I thought. 

Realizing that I had no idea who or how many might be reading some of the over 820 postings in the archive of this blog, there's no way I could just delete everything. I couldn't do it. And I'm glad I didn't. My hope is, someone like Nick might keep reading and learn from not only my success, but my relapse and recovery.  

We all want long term results. None of us start out thinking, hey--I'd like to get down to a healthy weight to see what it's like--just so I'll know--then I'll be back.  What I'm doing now is what I must to take the best care of me and experience not just long term results, I want long term recovery...that's the goal.  

And isn't it poetic that some of the people expressing gratitude toward me, have actually played a key role in my turnaround? I'm enormously grateful for their support.

Today was a fantastic day in several ways. I'm constantly trying new ways to carefully plan and prepare my food.  Something as simple as dry grilling my sandwich on a Foreman Grill at lunch today, adds variety and a little excitement to my food plan. I enjoyed an appetizer before dinner tonight: Mushroom Pizza Cap! I love these things.  I took a large mushroom cap, filled the center with 1/2 a serving of sugar free marinara and a slice of mozzarella--and baked it until the cheese started to brown. It's one of the most delicious 123 calories of recent memory. Of course I LOVE mushrooms! I've found a lot of people don't.

It's like a mushroom pizza without the crust! I eat it with a knife and fork...and napkins.

My workouts on the orange trimmed elliptical at the YMCA have been progressively better.

I shall now proceed to own this machine. And not a "I broke it and they made me pay for it" type owning. #sweaton pic.twitter.com/5btsvZYxKu
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 19, 2014

The biggest victory for me has been walking into the Y with complete confidence and not a shred of the emotions I wrote about not too long ago.  Those fears and emotions were a big hurdle to get over and I just said a prayer, walked in and did what I needed to do. I've since ran into several people I know--many whom I exercised alongside during my initial weight loss--and NOT ONE has given me anything but the most supportive words and sometimes it's just a smile. I'm happy to see them again too.

Thank you for reading and being so wonderfully supportive. If something I've written in these pages has helped you in some way, that's such a wonderful thing to me. It's precious to me, really. I'm just learning. I'll never stop learning along this road.

For the complete food picture tweet stream, follow me on Twitter @SeanAAnderson  I keep a food and exercise journal on MyFitnessPal and you're welcome to join me there too. My username is: SeanAAnderson

I'm looking forward to weighing tomorrow and sharing it with you on my next post.

Thank you for reading,

Strength,

Sean

May 5th, 2014 What If?

May 5th, 2014 What If?

I woke up this morning with painful cramps. I knew exactly what happened. I swallowed some of the air from my cpap machine. I still felt better rested than before this new mask, but obviously there was an issue at some point in the night.  I felt the cramps until mid afternoon before they subsided.  What's strange is not having these issues previous nights and then all of a sudden it's an issue.  I'll pay close attention to this and hopefully it doesn't become a major problem.

I'm still thinking about the dynamics explored in Saturday's post. The simplified epiphany for me is in the form of questions. Once again these questions employ the subjunctive, the what would happen if...At least applying these to the future is much better than what would have happened if I hadn't done X...

What if I loved myself as much as I am loved by my mother, daughters and other family? What if I didn't look in the mirror and harshly judge my appearance? What would it be like if I wasn't compelled to look in the rear view mirror, criticizing almost every turn along the way? What would happen if I fully, unconditionally embraced me--and stopped negatively comparing where I am to where I've imagined?  What if I woke up tomorrow and decided to take the best care, not because it's what I need to do, but because I truly deserve nothing less and because I want to do this, for me. What if I stopped caring about what others think of me, dropping the self-imposed shame and embarrassment that comes so easily where I am?  What if I believed in me on the same level as some of my biggest supporters?  What would happen if I set myself free?  What kind of internal revolution would be released, transforming my heart, mind, body and soul? You want to talk about a transformation?  That would be a transformation!  And here we are, standing on the edge of imagination asking what if?  I say we go for the ultimate transformation, turning what if into reality then asking what now? Anything is possible.

These thoughts have been freeing to me the past 48 hours.  I've felt empowered, stronger than I have in a long time.

I've had some interesting prayers and meditations lately. And I don't write too often about that side of things because it's so personal and private; an individual thing, our spirituality, unique to each of us. I'll just say, it's helped me tremendously to reconnect.

You're welcome to follow along in my public food and exercise diary on MyFitnessPal, username: SeanAAnderson.  And nearly every piece of food that crosses my lips is photographed and shared on Twitter, most of the time with a calorie count.  Now that might seem obsessive to some and I'll be honest--I was very hesitant to start but I'm glad I did. It isn't about "Hey look at what I'm eating" or "look at how I prepared this!"  No, not at all.  It's about my personal accountability factor. Regardless if it helps anyone else, it's doing amazing things for me.  Even if I'm the only one who sees them--those tweets are powerful to me, for me.  If you're curious and you want to see, simply visit www.twitter.com/seanaanderson

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 4th, 2014 A Good Sunday

May 4th, 2014 A Good Sunday

I took some time to prepare my breakfast just right this morning.  I enjoyed the process, a much better experience than inhaling a bag of whatever from a drive through. It requires me to slow down and enjoy my food, from preparation to the plate.  I love making omelets. I take enormous pride in my omelet making skills. My uncle Jimmy taught me how to make an omelet when I was a pre-teen and I've never lost the touch.  I once entertained the idea of offering fresh omelet making services of some kind, somewhere--that's how much I love making them.  A well prepared omelet is like a work of art.

I visited a little bit with my oldest daughter Amber this morning before heading to the grocery store for a few things.  I tend to gravitate toward a standard list.  I'm such a creature of habit. If you browse the food pics on Twitter (@SeanAAnderson) you'll notice I'm pretty much a taco fanatic.  Beef tacos, chicken tacos, turkey tacos--I've even tried my own version of fish tacos and a scrambled egg filled breakfast taco.  I'm out of Joseph's Pita's for a bit and I couldn't find any today, so I may need to order from www.netrition.com   I swear Joseph's Bakery doesn't pay me a dime to promote their 60 calorie pitas!! Although they did send me a nice hand written letter and a complimentary case of pitas a few years ago.

I came home, prepared a turkey burger and an extra large helping of sweet potato fries and watched a documentary on screen writing.  I only made it half way through the documentary when I paused and started thinking about yesterday's experience.

This is why I write this blog--I needed to write what I did yesterday for me to make a better connection with it all.  Those kinds of deep explorations happen around here occasionally.

I enjoyed a different kind of fish tonight, Swai and some jumbo shrimp.  I wasn't too impressed with the Swai. I had never heard of it before. Apparently it's a catfish or a close cousin to the catfish. It was fairly inexpensive, so I thought I might as well give it a shot.  I'll explore other methods of preparation and serving because I have the rest of the bag in the freezer.

After another 1.7 mile walk tonight, I headed over to see Noah.  Noah will be 10 months old on Tuesday! Seeing him always reminds me of one of the big reasons taking the best care of myself is critically important. I want to have a long and wonderful relationship with him.

It's late and my new mask awaits! I've been sleeping a lot better with this new cpap mask. It's a BIG difference.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 3rd, 2014 Dressing Room Mirrors

May 3rd, 2014 Dressing Room Mirrors

Today was a tough one. It wasn't tough with food and exercise, I did stay within budget and I had a good 1.7 mile walk this morning.  It was tough because I made a trip to buy some clothes to get me through.  I hated to spend money on clothing I know I'll be too small for in a month, but I needed them, so I did it.

Subjunctive thoughts plagued me today, you know the "if only, had I just done X, coulda, woulda, shouda" line of thinking.

Inside that painful box known as the dressing room, surrounded by mirrors revealing the reality that is, I couldn't help but think about my positive plans, hopes and dreams as they once were and then wonder how I ended up back here, looking at a much larger body as if it were a stranger, but knowing it was me...it was all of me. And how did I not realize how far I was heading back?  I foolishly believed one more day wouldn't hurt, but in that line of thinking, the ONE day needed is put off until reality slaps you hard. I've had several of those slaps along the way.  And it hurts.

As I was trying on and rejecting articles of clothing for various reasons, namely because of size, the only comforting thought was that I'm headed in the correct direction once again.  And with that thought comes a fierce determination to never see those Destination XL employees again.  Nothing personal toward them...Just, you know.

I settled on a few items and made my way to the counter and another thought occurred to me. I must immediately re-frame my thoughts on this whole situation.

Subjunctive phrasing and thinking is fun and exciting when it's applied to the future because it encourages positive hypothetical thoughts.  When it's directed to the past, it opens up a plethora of opportunities to feel very negative things.  No more of that nonsense.  Did you know some languages never use subjunctives in their language and grammar?  So these type of thoughts never occur to them. They literally don't understand the idea of "If only I had done this, things would be different." In languages void of this, they simply live today, never wandering into the land of "shoulda, woulda, coulda." It's not that they don't understand consequences, they do, but they don't dwell on the imagined consequences of things that never occurred.

If you're like me, someone who's been on both sides of the scale, then you'll get this: We've had one of the rarest opportunities--the experience of transforming into what appears to be a completely different person. But here's the deal--the core of who we are doesn't change. I'm not saying it can't change, of course it can--but these inner changes aren't dependent on diet and exercise.  With good eating and exercise, the appearance changes--the outside, sure--but we're still who we are. And that is who we must love.

I talked to mom on the phone today and explained what I was doing and why and how I was feeling about it and her first question was, "Did you gain weight?"  She loves me regardless of my size, to the point of not even seeing the difference.  She loved 505 pound Sean just as much as 230 pound Sean because she has unconditional love for me.  That doesn't mean she doesn't want me to be healthy, she certainly does, but when she sees me she doesn't see a weight, she sees her son.  And this is what I must do. I must love myself unconditionally, regardless of weight or appearance--simply because I'm me. Anything less and we get all of this negative mental noise plaguing our efforts, weighing us down and making our travels along this road harder than it needs to be.

I know I've written about this self-love and acceptance topic many times and just when I get to the point of thinking I have an honest handle on it, I walk into the dressing room of a big and tall store and I forget everything.

The point of developing the habits, routines and discipline to achieve and maintain a healthy weight can't be because we'll love and accept ourselves more. That part must be a separate deal--a separate work and understanding. Getting to a number on a scale doesn't change the most important element needed for our continued success: A truce, an embrace--an unconditional love of self anchored in our own personal spirituality.  We get that part straight and I believe the body follows the mind.

Perhaps I needed to gain back a portion of what I lost in order for me to learn and deeply understand these things.

I enjoyed a nice walk this morning. It's rare for me to walk in the AM. It felt so good to be out there moving, listening to my favorite music and feeling good about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it.  I'm staying connected and that's a big deal.  I'm making me a priority, even more so than before.  I'm taking care the best I can today.  I'm not perfect by any stretch, I'm just me... And ME is going to be alright.

Food was really good today...Oh my, from an amazing turkey melt omelet, to fresh fruit snacking while driving, to the Chipotle visit for a post shopping dinner...I ate well and stayed comfortably within my budget.
If you're interested, you can check out my food and exercise diary on MyFitnessPal, username SeanAAnderson.  And for food pictures, visit me on Twitter: @SeanAAnderson

I've had several remind me they don't do twitter, however you can still see the page without an account--simply click on www.twitter.com/seanaanderson  I'm using Twitter and MyFitnessPal this way in order to amp up the accountability factor.  It works very well for me.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 1st, 2014 In Search of Good ZZZZ's

May 1st, 2014 In Search of Good ZZZZ's

I slept horribly last night. I made it to work looking half dead on a morning I needed to be at my best and somehow I made it through and did well.  I had nine in studio guests and one special co-host this morning. I have no idea how I got through the show. I suppose after 26 years I've learned how to "fake it" when I'm not feeling my best.  I doubt anyone listening could tell, and that's good.  My in studio guests had to have noticed; I was rough.

I've employed the same strategy with this sleep issue.  It's something I should have addressed a very long time ago, instead I put it off--pretended to be okay, sought therapy and when it didn't work, carried on pretending I could be fine, while the effects of sleep deprivation were wreaking havoc on me in multiple ways.  Just as we say "never give up" with our weight loss efforts, I declared the same on this sleep disorder.  I reached a point where it was breaking me down, making everything harder and becoming an immediate hazard to everything important in my world.

Yesterday I ran around trying to get everything done and I missed my opportunity to get my sleep monitor reading and some kind of suggested solution. Today I did make it in and the statistics clearly supported the obvious effects on my face, or is it the other way around?  Anyway, for whatever reason, I can't seem to keep my mouth closed during the night--and that's a must with most cpap masks.  An open mouth, even just a slight bit, is enough for the positive air pressure to escape thus rendering the therapy pretty much useless. Tonight I'll try a full face mask. I can't wait to experience the difference good sleep will make in my day to day.  It really doesn't matter if my mouth droops open while using the full mask. Considering I've been a lifelong nighttime drooling kind of guy, I probably should have had a full mask from day 1.

It's strange to say what I'm about to say, but I'll say it because it's true: I didn't feel much like eating today.  I know! Strange! I fell a little short of my 1700 calorie budget, checking in at 1544.  I didn't do a mid-morning or mid-afternoon snack. The urge to eat didn't occur. I still ate well today.  Despite feeling completely exhausted, I held my ground on food--because I wasn't having any compulsions to do otherwise.  That's a good thing.  I don't understand it, but I'm not complaining.

You're invited to take a peek at my daily food pics on Twitter. Most all of them get posted--simply follow @SeanAAnderson
My corresponding food and exercise diary is online too at MyFitnessPal, username: SeanAAnderson

The best thing I can do right now is fall into bed.

Goodnight and thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

I'm Worthy Of More

I'm Worthy Of More

I'd be grossly misrepresenting if I pretended this week has been a cakewalk. Poor choice of words. It has been very difficult to maintain balance. I've stayed within my calorie budget. On the surface that's a wonderful thing indeed.  Below the surface, I've fought very hard to keep the calorie budget intact. Call it steel curtain zone or whatever you want, it's been a battle. But why?

Stress triggers reactions and for someone like me, those reactions are hard wired and often circumvent the rational part of the brain, the frontal cortex. This dynamic is addiction, pure and simple. I've watched some incredible documentaries on the subject, the best being "Pleasures Unwoven." 

The only way I've been able to survive is through prayer, meditation and reaching out to friends in moments of weakness. I've been staying "visible," instead of isolating. It's amazing how something as quick and simple as sending a tweet, sending a text or responding to an email or facebook message, empowers me, brings me back around and gives me strength. And hope. Because there's plenty of hope. And that's an important thing to hold tight, especially in the face of stress.

So what to do? I mean really, stress is a part of life, right? Yes, it is. The question is, can I face the stress and handle it in ways that work to alleviate the stress? In other words, deal with issues head on? Yes. Yes I can.

My recovery is very important to me. It's much more important to me than it was during the initial weight loss. Why?  Because I understand it better now.  I understand me on  a level much deeper than before. And this understanding is met with a greater respect.

Suddenly, my goal isn't a number, or a particular size of jeans, or anything external. Sure, some of these will be visible milestones.  And I'll be sharing those along the way.  But I'll always, forever-more keep my eye on a higher definition of success.  My truest and most important goal is raising my level of self-care and self-love to where it needs to be for optimal living.  Having compassion for myself is the biggest component in this quest. No longer is self-loathing and internally abusive thoughts okay. I'm worthy of more than I've given myself.  Let me say that again:

I'm Worthy Of More Than I've Given Myself.

I understand that many of the stresses in my life were created by me and then made worse by my attitude and perspective toward them.  And that's okay. Isn't that interesting? It is to me. When I dissect particularly stressful elements of my life, I can clearly identify how they were created, when they were created and I can honestly evaluate how I've reacted to them. This is a breakthrough for me. And this isn't another chance for me to be harsh on myself, not at all--quite the contrary, in fact. If I can clearly identify the stress I've created, then I can change my attitude and perspective toward it and alleviate its power.  I can face these things head on and armed with a new attitude, I can manage them one by one.  And you know what that means?

Less stress equals less struggle.  Alleviating some stress might require simplifying certain things and that's a good thing. Simple is good. I like simplicity.

The other day when I chose the meatball sub full of fat and sugar, I knew it wasn't the best choice. I counted it and moved on. I didn't beat myself up for the choice. I did however, acknowledge it and evaluate the choice.

One of the things that's helping me stay on track is my food planning.  I do not, under any circumstances,miss breakfast. Well--except tomorrow and I'll explain in a minute.  I start each day with a good breakfast full of protein and one that taste good.  Typically, it's a combination of whole eggs and egg whites, with veggies and low fat-part skim mozzarella cheese on a Joseph's Pita.  If I want more, I add some yogurt or fruit. I keep posting similar breakfast photos on twitter and lately with the resolution to switch it up some--- maybe some oatmeal with fruit every now and then. While I'm preparing breakfast I'm also preparing snack baggies of fruit.  I'll include some string cheese too. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes a lunch of some sort.  I've been coming home often in the middle of the day to nap before going back to work for the "second half." I'll normally have time to work out lunch during this time. I've been doing this because of my sleep condition.  Not feeling rested is an enormous issue.  I return for another sleep study on the 14th.

Tomorrow morning I'm fasting for blood work. I can have water and surprisingly, black coffee. I'll take it! When the nurse said "Nothing except water and if you're a coffee drinker, black." I was shocked. I'd always heard just a sip or two of water was best. But I'm not arguing with the professionals. I'm happy to have coffee in the morning. It'll be very different not eating breakfast early.

My regular doctors visit will be the 11th.  I'll get the blood work results and weigh in at that visit.

I'm keeping active on Facebook (facebook.com/seananderson505), Twitter (@SeanAAnderson ) and My Fitness Pal SeanAAnderson. If we haven't already, I'd love to connect with you on any of those social media platforms.

Thank you for reading,
Goodnight and,
Strength,
Sean