Day 466 Mother Nature Had Other Plans and Warm Togetherness

Day 466

Mother Nature Had Other Plans and Warm Togetherness

The first thing I did this morning was wake up and look out the window. Nothing. Good! It was just cold! No snow overnight---it looked like we were going to be all clear for our Christmas Eve trip to Stillwater and Grandma's house. Not so fast. Looming to the West was a record snow storm moving closer by the minute. Maybe it'll be OK, I can drive on a little snow. Uh, no...did I mention record snow storm for Oklahoma? The plans were simple. Amber, KL, Courtney, and I would head down late afternoon and Irene would follow a few hours later when she finished work. That plan quickly changed as soon as the storm started. We decided the best move would be to wait until Irene was off work, then all of us go in one vehicle. Better one vehicle out in this than two, right? As the winds blew and the snow drifted horribly---we started to wonder if we could make it at all. My mom kept calling with mixed emotions. She wanted us there, but she wanted us safe. If we had to postpone Christmas we would. But I was still confident. I can drive on anything, I thought.

I had to make a run to Wal-Mart mid-afternoon for some last minute Christmas dinner items. It was bad, but not bad enough at 3pm to keep us from going. Wal-Mart was a zoo by the way. And the blowing snow wasn't letting up. As soon as I walked back into the warm apartment, my phone rang. It was Irene. The next casino shift manager was having trouble getting to work and Irene would have to wait however long it took for them to arrive. Are people really gambling in a blizzard? Wow. So now, instead of leaving for Stillwater at 7pm, we were looking at 8:30, maybe 9pm. I decided that if it was going to be a long night and I had a white-knuckled 45 mile drive ahead of me, I needed a nap. Irene called to wake me up at 7pm. She didn't have to work as late as she feared---but now she was stuck in a snow drift less than a mile from her house. I left the girls at the apartment and headed out to help Irene. As I got dressed for the winter blast outside, I was still confident this trip was happening. I would get Irene un-stuck, we would deliver her vehicle to her house, then head over to the apartment, get the girls and KL—and head South for grandma's house.

Reality stung my face immediately as I walked outside into a near white-out. The drifts were high and the wind was relentless, blowing snow at 30 to 50 mph. It wasn't this bad just a few hours ago! Mother nature had been changing our plans as I napped. I somehow made it to Irene, being careful not to get stuck myself. There was no getting Irene out of this one. Her car was quickly swallowed by the drifting snow. We decided to abandon her vehicle right where it sit. Our change of plans was obvious at this point. There was no way to make it to Stillwater.

Irene contemplated staying at her place tonight and then joining us for the trip on Christmas when the roads would hopefully be improved. I wouldn't hear of it! If we're going to be snowed in, we're going to do it together! I insisted on bringing her back to the apartment to spend Christmas Eve with the girls and me. We barely made it back, almost getting stuck several times, but we made it safely to the apartment. Amber was so incredibly disappointed that our plans had changed, she was so looking forward to the short trip. I assured her that if we tried, we would be sleeping on the side of the road all night long. There was no way. We were warm and safe right here. I hated to miss Christmas Eve with mom---I've never done that, ever! Thirty-seven Christmas Eve nights in a row...but not tonight. We were lucky though. How many soldiers are away from home again this year? How many people were out there stranded in their vehicles? How many are stuck inside closed airports? Yes, we're some of the lucky ones. Sure, it was going to be a different Christmas Eve, but we would make the best of it, and really---it was going to be OK. We had heat and each other. We called Stillwater and found everyone at grandmas house equally disappointed, but thankful we were OK and together and not out on the road.

We decided to go ahead and do our gift exchange tonight. We watched a Christmas Story and It's A Wonderful Life, and Amber baked brownies and chocolate chip cookies. We were going to be just fine. My food today was good. I started with an egg white omelet, had a banana snack---some baked chicken too—a lean hamburger and even a little mac and cheese---and by the time the cookies and brownies were ready---I still had 400 calories remaining for the day. I honestly wanted some kind of dinner type thing...but how could I not enjoy my daughters baking? I decided on one cookie and a small brownie with a half a cup of 2% milk. It was good, real good.

Our trip to Stillwater is planned for Christmas, late morning. We're hoping that the roads are improved for travel by then. We'll get to Stillwater and prepare a wonderful Christmas dinner and exchange gifts with everyone at grandma's house---it'll be wonderful I'm sure. And we'll take plenty of pictures that I'll be sure to post right here. I have 2500 calories to use tomorrow.

Remember, I allow 1,000 extra two days a year. Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't do it for birthdays or any other special occasion, but these two holidays are so centered around food and “goodies,” it just seems like the responsible thing to do. Trying to set a one day calorie record is no longer of interest to me. That was always the plan in the past. It didn't matter how well I was doing at losing weight. Christmas and Thanksgiving was always a free pass to eat as much as I could hold without getting physically ill. Not anymore, I have no desire. 2500 is plenty of calories to throw around all day long. I will have more than enough, be satisfied, and feel great about the triumph!

Amber gave me the most wonderful gift! When we divided into two separate households, Irene got the Foreman Grill. I needed another, and Amber knew it! She's so wonderfully thoughtful! Check out the pictures below---That's genuine excitement my friend! The Lean Mean Knockin' Out Fat Grilling Machine will be prominently displayed on our apartment counter from here on out! Oh the chicken I will grill! And the lean burgers, and the 140 calorie grilled cheese sandwiches---we'll have to have some more “On The Go Videos!”

Thank you for reading. The Christmas Day 2009 post will be coming Saturday morning with more pictures and a recounting of another wonderful day along this journey. It's actually Christmas morning as I post this edition. Everyone is still sleeping. I'm going to the fitness room now for a good sweat! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


What is it??? I'm so excited!


Such a wonderful gift! Thank you Amber!

Day 465 Special Message To A New Reader and Weigh Day Is Good

Day 465

Special Message To A New Reader and Weigh Day Is Good

Getting up at 3:30am seems so unnatural. I did it again this morning. By 3:45am I was on the elliptical in the fitness room. I hopped off and onto the treadmill after a short warm-up, I was off to the races. I finally took a nice jog on the treadmill. I have to jog to feel like I'm raising my heart rate these days. A simple power walk takes too long to get me there. I can power walk a mile and not even break a sweat at this point, but when I bump it up to a light jog---OK, that's when the heart and sweat glands take notice. I'm here to workout. At 3:45am? Have I gone mad? As much as you might expect me to say that I'm making this a part of my morning routine, I'm not. No way, no how. There's no excuse for not getting the workout worked before bed, in the afternoon, or early evening. No excuse at all! Same with writing this blog. My mornings must be strictly about breakfast/showering/and morning show prep! I'm getting there!

The day before a holiday break is always busy. You may relate. Everything must get done before our absence to ensure things go smoothly while we're away. That was the case today. I had also planned to watch The Godfather this afternoon with some friends. Why The Godfather? Because I've never watched it before---and that is downright unacceptable at Team Radio! I had to cancel. I needed a serious nap this afternoon, nothing major---an hour at least. Then I would hit the scale for another wonderful weigh day!

Well...Uh, yeah. My hour nap turned into two with zero effort on my part to stop it. I knew the doctors office/clinic would be open late---so I wasn't worried about that. I needed the sleep. I arrived at the clinic shortly after 7pm, ready to face the scale! I love these bi-weekly trips into that office, I do. I've written many times before about how this office staff remembers me as a patient in my worst condition and highest weight. I can't stop them from smiling from ear to ear when they see me now. The nurse on duty told me about her father and his serious weight related conditions, including sleep apnea, high blood pressure, and unfortunately diabetes. She knows that if he were to lose weight it could dramatically improve his health. She expressed real worry, overwhelming concern and love for him, and it reminded me of the worry I created for so many years for my family. She said she was going to point her dad to this blog.

And just in case she did, ---this is for him specifically or anyone else just starting their journey: I'm not some super human weight loss machine, I'm not a weight loss guru, I'm not an expert or doctor. I'm just a man who spent his entire life morbidly obese and finally cut through the self-imposed complications/barriers, and did something to change my life. I was over 500 pounds for years...and now, through a very simple common sense approach I've lost over 230 pounds. I no longer take any kind of medication, nor do I have sleep apnea. I'm completely free to live and breathe like a normal person for the first time in my life. My family doesn't worry anymore about my weight killing me. You can have this freedom too. You can choose change before change chooses you. You can do this no matter what you think otherwise. Please go back in my archives and read from Day 1. I'm far from perfect, but perfection isn't the goal. Living is! Along the way you'll notice that the simple approach and the mental exercises are both paramount to success. You ready to live? You ready to feel better than you have in years or ever? Let's do this. Ask your daughter how bad of shape I was in prior to this transformation---She has my permission to share the ugly details! You can do this. And your daughter can ease her worry about you. Bless you sir. I wish you the best.

Where were we? Oh yeah...weigh day! Or in this case, weigh night! I stepped on the scale and found another 3 pound loss waiting! That's two in a row! I'm thrilled. The next weigh day should put us into the 260's---and that's just awesome! I weighed 272 tonight, down from 275. That brings the official total to 233 pounds lost in 465 days. You know how hard it was to not use an exclamation mark after that? I'm trying to cut down. ;)

I sincerely appreciate your support and readership along this road. We'll be traveling in a blizzard tomorrow to get to grandmas house for Christmas. We'll take plenty of pictures I'm sure---I can't wait to share them with you in these pages. I plan on using one of these pictures to update the sidebar photo of this blog! That picture is now officially 32 pounds old! Yeah---272 feels pretty good. I hope you have a safe, warm, and wonderful Christmas with family and friends. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 464 Slow Down: Natural? And Is Psychology Partially To Blame?

Day 464

Slow Down: Natural? And Is Psychology Partially To Blame?

My feet hit the floor at 3:30am, now I know what I said. I said I didn't want to ever get up earlier than 4am, but I still managed to get five hours of sleep. I hit the fitness center first thing and then after a great warm-up, retreated to the apartment to write yesterday's post. The entire topic of loose skin was one of those blogs that was going to take a little longer to write, so I finished half and headed for the showers and the studio. My Tuesday morning breakfast consisted of an egg white omelet—no cheese, just mushrooms and pepper, and a banana. It was awesome really. I'm trying to not be so predictable. Not to you, but to me. Maybe one of these mornings I'll combine an egg white omelet and some oatmeal---ewww---no, not together, but as two breakfast selections. I could do this and still have a breakfast count of around 250 calories.

I started getting down on myself today and I immediately squashed it like a bug. I've written before about how after a bunch of success it's easy to become lax in our efforts. If we're not careful, what was considered unacceptable early on this journey becomes...Oh, that's fine---look at how far I've come! But that's a dangerous place! I've been at that place where it's real easy to find an excuse to not workout, and that's completely contrary to what this journey and blog is all about. If you've read the early days of this blog and compare it to the last 200 days---you'll see the difference. I'm not disputing the fact that as we progress our weight loss naturally slows, I'm just wondering how much of that slow down is because of this psychological dynamic.

It's not as urgent as it once was. I don't worry about dropping dead everyday like I did at over 500 pounds. I look in the mirror and for the first time in my life I'm actually liking what I see. Success, happiness, healthy feelings...it's all enough to make me take it easy a little. And this was the source of my self-centered contempt today. And then all of a sudden I stopped and started counting my blessings and accomplishments along this road. I reminded myself that I've never become lax in the calorie department, and that made me feel much better. My main problem all of these years was an out of control addiction to food. I'm conquering that without any decline in enthusiasm or drive. So there, self! Where I'm headed physically is certain. How quickly I get there will be determined by my commitment level in the fitness room, on the racquetball court, and most importantly---in the weight room. Oh I just had to mention the weight room. Isn't that the biggest glaring flaw of this entire journey of mine? Lack of commitment in the weight room?

But the great thing is this: I can correct the course. I can commit. I can do anything I decide I can. If I want to develop these “guns” and this behind of mine---I can, and will---It's a choice.
I could go into a long drawn out study of why I've been so lacking in the weight room, covering everything from simple intimidation to my birth defected right arm, but it all amounts to excuses. Anything...that's what I can do. Did you see the Iron Man Triathlete without any legs? The guy competes in triathlons with two artificial legs all the way to his hips. You talk about an inspiration. This guy understands all about choices huh? He knows that the only thing that can and does stop us is us.

I left the studio today shortly after 4pm and headed for a round of errands before arriving at the apartment close to 5pm. I was tired and needed a nap. I took an hour nap and got up just in time to head back to the studio for a special holiday broadcast from 6:30 to 8:30pm. I arrived at the studio and realized that I was really hungry. What about dinner? My broadcast partner for this broadcast, Gayle Williams, had some kind of incredible gourmet shrimp casserole thingy and boy did it smell good! She let me try it and wow, it was amazing! I then dug around and found a Marie Calenders beef and noodles type dinner. I popped that 320 calorie meal in the microwave and prepped for the broadcast. It wasn't bad at all really. Maybe a little high in sodium, but honestly---I didn't check. I just knew I needed some calories and I didn't really care how I had them at this point. I also enjoyed about a half an ounce of cheese with my beef noodle dish.

I made sure to drop in bed by 10:15, but I wasn't asleep until after 11pm. Tomorrow (Wednesday) is weigh day again! Yes, we're ready! Come on scale, show me something good! I'll let you know how that goes. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 463 A Seriously Dreaded and Often Avoided Topic

Day 463

A Seriously Dreaded and Often Avoided Topic

Every now and then it happens. I try to avoid it, I try to pretend it doesn't exist. If I ignore it maybe it will go away. But then somebody ask the question: So how's your skin holding up? Should I pretend that I didn't get this e-mail? Maybe it went straight to my junk filter! Yeah, yeah...for some reason all e-mails that contain the words “loose skin” are automatically filtered to junk! I'm kidding. Really, it depends on who's asking. If it's somebody who's never been morbidly obese, then it's just their curiosity running wild, and I have no responsibility to satisfy their curiosity. But when it's someone who is or was morbidly obese, and it's a completely sincere concern that they're dealing with, then I give a completely sincere answer. So...how's the skin holding up?

My “problem” areas after losing the first 230 pounds are all over. Stomach, of course! Inner thighs, you betcha! My rear? Yeah, a little. My arms, some. I'm really not worried about the arms or rear end---it's nothing weight training can't fix, but the stomach and inner thighs, well---let's call them “battle scars.” We could call them “signs of abuse,” because that's exactly what I did to my body my entire life. I abused myself to over 500 pounds, challenging my body to produce as much skin as I needed and then stretching that skin thin as I grew. Now that I'm taking away the stuffing that filled my shell, well---this skin situation is to be expected. But it's OK. You know why?

Because I'm healthier now than I've ever been. I'm free to live again, I've survived somehow and I have the battle scars to prove my ordeal with morbid obesity. It might seem unfair really. I wouldn't dare take my shirt off at 505 for fear of embarrassment because of all my fat and now I wouldn't dare take it off for fear of embarrassment over my loose skin. Will I ever be happy with me? Yes. Because the trade off is worth the loose skin “problem.” Notice I put the word problem in quotations. I did because it's not really a problem. If someone came to me when I weighed 505 and said they could instantly and magically make me 230 pounds---but I would have to have loose skin as a trade-off...I would've jumped at the chance. Well, someone did make me that offer, it was me. And here we are dealing with loose skin. I've talked before how I plan on getting surgery to remove the skin, that's what I hope to do, but that stuff is extremely expensive---we'll just see how that works out. I haven't made any progress finding out about donating the skin to a burn center in exchange for the surgery, but I will very soon!

Besides, I can look decent in clothes now and in the future. It's not like a bunch of people are going to see me without clothes anyway. I've joked about wanting an “underwear model” body, but seriously---I'm just happy being healthy and not 505 pounds. Loose skin is a small price to pay for the way I feel now. One reader e-mailed: it's just that - well, you know...we worked so hard and this is it. It doesn't seem fair. If I had never been fat I would have an awesome, rock solid body. That reader has lost well over 100 pounds and is now a size 2 to 4. She also runs, like seriously runs fast, yeah! She agreed that dealing with the skin issues in exchange for being that small and so healthy, well---it's all worth the trade.

Today was a good Monday. Calorie budget was good, rock solid really. I did enjoy a half a cookie today. It was 80 calories I could have lived without, but that's alright. A co-worker brought a couple dozen cookies and a big brownie as a way to express her holiday cheer. She then apologized to me saying “I'm not trying to ruin your diet.” First of all---no apologies are necessary, and secondly---nobody but me and my choices can “ruin” anything! So we're good! I assured her that I was fine and that I may have one or not, regardless---I appreciated her Christmas cheer. And it wasn't long before I took a half a cookie and indulged a little. I guarantee that “old Sean” would have polished off 1,000 calories in cookies in about fifteen minutes---and still said aloud “what are we having for lunch?” I'm a very different person now. It's a wonderful thing indeed.

Amber and KL are planning to workout with me in the fitness center during their holiday break stay. We planned on doing it together tonight, but we all got tired really fast. I opted to hit the pillow early and get up way early for a workout and blog writing. I got up at 3:30am after going to bed shortly after 10pm. Still not enough sleep, but not too bad given my history. I worked out long enough to feel the burn and sweat, then I rushed up stairs and started writing. This topic of loose skin was just too complicated to express and I couldn't get it done before the thrust of my pre-show activities (shower-dress-drive), so once again I'm posting the day before---the next day. I hope you don't mind.

Thanks for reading. I leave you with pictures from my friends New Orleans weekend of indulgence. He just texted me that his pants are actually feeling tighter today. Yep...he knew that would happen! He's going to be so ready to workout when he gets back tonight. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Strawberries with double cream and a glass of Sazerac---just part of breakfast


Eggs Husarde


Bananas Foster more breakfast fare


Chocolate Pecan Pie with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream ---desert after breakfast. Wait a second...desert at breakfast?? Must be a New Orleans thing!


Classic Po Boy


Roast Beef Po Boy


Now that's a bowl of Red Beans and Rice!

Day 462 Where Thirty Pounds Makes A Big Difference and It Doesn't Have To Be A Struggle

Day 462

Where Thirty Pounds Makes A Big Difference and It Doesn't Have To Be A Struggle

A friend of mine is in New Orleans on vacation. He's indulging in all sorts of things, like chocolate pecan pie with vanilla bean ice cream, tequila for breakfast, bananas foster, giant poor boy sandwiches---and that's all just for starters. I guess New Orleans is famous for this over-indulgent atmosphere. Wow, I'm in awe of the pics he's sending me. I'm not sure if I could ever again allow myself to go crazy like that, even for an extended weekend. My friend and his wife are strong, they'll recover...but they're not me. I would be too afraid that the over-indulgence would send some serious mixed signals to my brain. I just want to eat responsibly for the rest of my life. But---I suppose there's a time and a place for indulgence like this, especially on a vacation in a city famous for many things---including food. I'm having some technical problems right now uploading pictures, or I'd share them with you. We'll get it figured out.

Speaking of pictures, I really must update the picture along the sidebar here. That was nearly 30 pounds ago! It's cool to be at a place where 30 pounds really makes a difference, and it really does now. Not at 505, but here---oh yeah---30 pounds is a big deal. As soon as I get this picture thing figured out, we'll get it updated! I need more pictures!

I'm really enjoying the switch to the steel cut oats. I say “switch,” but I've had them many times before---and I'll have my egg whites again too. I just get in a habit, a groove, a routine---and sometimes it's hard to break that pattern. Wow---doesn't that sum up just about everything right and wrong about a journey like this! Breaking our old horrible patterns is what this is all about. Breaking free!

I received an e-mail from a reader asking me when it gets easier. The reader writes: Sean, I enjoy your blog everyday and it's helped me stay on track for the last three months and twenty-eight pounds. It's still hard and a struggle everyday. When does this get easier?

This journey can be hard or easy. It's really up to you. I know that sounds too easy, but hear me out here... If this road seems like a constant struggle then maybe you're trying to force certain changes that you might perceive as imperative to weight loss success. We are conditioned from an early age to be completely misguided when it comes to our perceptions of how to lose weight. Just reading my blog or any other like it doesn't automatically shake these misconceptions. You have to trust me when I tell you that the very simple approach of eating 1500 calories and moving with some form of exercise works. It does for me, for you, for most everybody! Don't over-complicate this journey or else you will get frustrated and feel like it's a struggle every single day. And whatever you do---you mustn't ever discount the mental process. The mental part is 80%. If this road always seems hard, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your motivating thoughts, your “iron-clad” decision, and the importance level you've assigned to this mission. How high is that importance level? Are you depriving yourself? Do you really believe that “nothing is off limits?” I've said it many times and I'll say it again: To me, there are no bad foods---only bad portions.

This reminds me of Day 229 titled “What If It Was Impossible To Cheat:” My number one rule from the beginning has been to keep it simple. And I do, completely! It almost sounds too good to be true. I've lost 156 pounds so far because I've kept everything simple, there's absolutely zero deprivation, and I have the freedom to adapt to any food situation. Nothing is off limits. I've decided that there are no “right” or “wrong” foods, only good and bad calorie values. This makes a huge difference to me psychologically. In the past, one wrong food choice and I was done until next time. Next time might be a week or a month away, in some cases a year or two away. Why I ever allowed one meal or one food item to completely derail my efforts in the past, I have no idea. But I'm not the only one! I've talked with several people who have said the same thing. One double cheeseburger and, “Well, I failed again. Maybe next time I can keep it together, let's go get a banana split!” Not anymore, and that's a major difference in my approach this time. Could you lose weight if it was impossible to cheat? That's why it's so effective. Now of course you have to watch the serving size. You have to be honest about the portions and the calories, but for me there isn't a food that simply eating would be considered cheating. Really, it all comes down to being honest with yourself. Complete 100% honesty is paramount to my success. The rationalizations and excuses that made me feel better about overeating were completely eliminated as soon as I made myself get honest about my habits. Suddenly I was free to excel.

Well, wow...that was 74 pounds ago...and we're only 45 from goal. I guess what I'm trying to say is---if you're keeping it very simple and focusing on the mental aspects that I've talked about all throughout this blog, then it will become easy and natural. It doesn't have to be a struggle—you don't want it to be a struggle. I look at this as a wonderful transformation of mind and body. It's a beautiful thing, this breaking free from morbid obesity---I always dreamed of doing it, but never before now did I realize that I held the key to my cell door. I was the poor victim imprisoned for life. My crime? Food addict. Is that a crime? I mean really. Why must I feel trapped under hundreds of pounds of excess fat?? Punishment for my crime? Must be, but then I realized that I was the one responsible for my horrible choices---thereby making me the punisher and the punished. OK---I might be rambling at this point. Did you get that? Thanks for staying with me! ;)

I haven't talked much about Sunday and this is Sunday's post. It was a nice day. I took Amber and KL on a tour of Christmas lights tonight with a nice little intermission of low calorie frozen yogurt. Amber picked the equally good calorie value in the orange sherbet. It was a nice little Christmas excursion!

After our tour of lights we settled in for a good movie at the apartment. I didn't realize that the movie would be so long, so I decided to hit the fitness room first thing Monday morning. I did, immediately after getting up. Not sure if I like that approach. It took me a little bit to get going, but less than an hour later I had completed 20 minutes on the elliptical and two miles on the treadmill. It was a wonderful feeling to do it early and really get my blood to pumping, but it really put me in a rush afterward. I guess figuring out time management has been one of my biggest challenges throughout this journey. I still haven't figured that out!

Thanks for reading. I look forward to posting some updated pictures soon! To my friend in New Orleans—Thank you for the photos—I bet you're having a blast. When you get back we must hit the racquetball court together! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 461 So This Is How It Feels To Really Move and A Cool Change

Day 461

So This Is How It Feels To Really Move and A Cool Change

Saturday morning came a little too quickly for me. I normally enjoy sleeping in on Saturday, but occasionally duty calls for an early rising on a Saturday---and today was one of those days. Still, at just after 8am, in comparison to when I get up during the week---I guess I did sleep in, but you know what I mean. I started the coffee and decided on steel cut oats for breakfast. It was a warm and wonderful way to start the morning!

I had a broadcast scheduled on location at a big shoe store in town at 11am, and I needed to travel to the studio to produce a couple of things and grab my broadcast information sheet. Even though I jumped out of bed at 8am, I was still rushed. I could never be this rushed before, at my heaviest. I didn't move like this back then. I couldn't. It's so hard to believe how horrible it had become and how it's taken this weight loss so far to really show me how bad it was. I guess when something is all you've ever known, it's hard to truly realize how bad it is until you have something to compare. I have that something now, and trust me, in comparison, it was really bad at 505.

The “wow” reactions happen so frequently these days that I hesitate to write about them all. I really enjoy them and I'll never get tired of that look from people, but seriously---I could almost have one to write about everyday. This morning it was the shoe store owner and his employees. I've bought shoes from this place for years---they all knew me at my heaviest, but I hadn't been in there for over a year---and the reaction was one of complete disbelief followed by sincerely happy congratulations and excitement. Then of course the questions “How have you done it? Slim-Fast?” I didn't go into my weight loss philosophy and why products like Slim-Fast are temporary weight loss tools at best. I've written pages about that stuff and all of the different ways people lose weight by doing the opposite of what they should for long term life changing results---but this wasn't the time to explain all of that stuff. I'm always tempted, but I didn't. I just replied, “No---just portion control, counting those calories, and exercise---and a bunch of mental exercises. It's 80% in our heads and 20% food and exercise.” That answer found agreement among the staff and the conversation was closed. We had shoes to sell! It was a nice broadcast indeed. And promptly at high noon---several pizzas were delivered for the shoppers to enjoy courtesy of Team Radio and Domino's Pizza.

Domino's has completely changed their original hand tossed pizza recipe, so I had to try a piece. In fact, I have a commercial for this change to produce this weekend---So I needed to try it, right? It's good, really good—-but for an old calorie counter like me, I'm not sure I'll be investing too many calories in this new style. I'll stick with the calorie friendly thin crust.

I base my food decisions on “calorie value.” I want the most bang for my calorie “buck,” and that pursuit has helped me many times make the better choice. It's simple really. Mustard instead of mayo, red sauce over alfredo, thin crust instead of thick...little tweaks can make a huge difference. I still eat what I like and occasionally that means Miracle Whip (better than mayo calorie wise—and taste wise in my opinion), or alfredo sauce, or in todays situation---a non-thin crust piece of pizza, but I'm always looking for ways to cut calories. Like that 395 Kentucky Grilled promotion. I explained how you can make it a 315 calorie meal instead with a couple of easy adjustments. A tweak here and a tweak there, and pretty soon you'll feel like you've consumed plenty but still have calories remaining for the day. It comes with experience, I will say that. I don't recommend someone just starting out to worry about all of these calorie cutting maneuvers. It must develop gradually and naturally. That's why I have always said “nothing is off limits.” The road to better choices must evolve from what we like. If it's unnatural and forced---then any results we get will become temporary. Just be calorie aware and count 'em up. When you only have 1500 to use daily, you 'll naturally figure out ways to get the most out of them! And the things you learn along the way about normal portions, wow---it's been a real education for me.

Some friends invited me out tonight for Karaoke. I got in a quick workout in the fitness room before getting ready and heading out. It wasn't the best workout—ten minutes on the elliptical and 1.5 miles on the treadmill, but it was a workout. Amber and Courtney had plans with their friends, so I accepted the invitation from my friends. Karaoke was a blast. I performed “Cool Change” from the Little River Band. It's one of my favorite songs from LRB and is so fitting for me these days. And it's within my vocal range, so it's easy for me to sing. I put some real emotion into that one, it was fun! I didn't drink at all. I did however allow myself a few diet Cokes adorned with maraschino cherries. I spent almost a hundred calories on those cherries---but they were worth it!

Thank you for reading and I look forward to the wonderful milestones ahead. The weight loss/current weight crossing point is coming soon. That'll be big! After many fantastic suggestions from readers, I still haven't decided what to call that rare weight loss feat. Maybe you too have an idea. It's the point where you've lost more weight than you currently weigh. What should we call that crossing point? Without calling it the “crossing point.” I think I wanted something that sounded a little more scientific. Like when Doc Brown spoke of breaking the “Space Time Continuum” in Back To The Future. Any ideas you have would be greatly appreciated! And if you've already given me some, thank you, and keep 'em coming! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 460 Even If I'm The Only Reader and Just Enjoying The Season Responsibly

Day 460

Even If I'm The Only Reader and Just Enjoying The Season Responsibly

It was good for me to write yesterday's post. I can't describe how this blog has guided me through this journey. It's had a profound effect on me. Sitting down everyday and writing it out, getting it out on the screen. This has been a phenomenally therapeutic experience. And it continues to help me step by step---all the way to my goal and beyond. Every blog posting I say "Thank you for reading," and I do thank you and sincerely appreciate your support. But the truth is, I'd still be writing this very same blog even if it were only me reading. It's extremely important, very dear to my heart.

I've been handling the goodies at work really well. I allowed for 200 calories worth of cheese today, but I refrained from having even a handful of the Poppy Cock. The boss called from the home office and suggested someone come and pick up the big container of homemade Chex Mix that was gifted Team Radio. He wanted it gone from his sight for the same reason I would rather it not be here at the studio. That stuff is addictive! I'm confident I could and would handle myself responsibly, but really---I don't want it around if I have a choice. I don't keep a half gallon of ice cream in the freezer anymore either, I just don't. I could and would probably be OK---No, I would be OK, but some things represent more to me than just overeating or being one of my "favorite foods." Some foods for me have symbolism. Buying a half gallon of ice cream was always a dead giveaway that I had given up in the past. Every bite would make me feel like a complete failure, but still I would eat and eat some more. It was so sick, it really was.

I've been asked several times recently "How have you handled/are handling the holidays?" And I tell them "I'm just eating responsibly and exercising---I'm still enjoying the treats of the season and the wonderful foods, I'm just not pigging out on anything." Too many times in the past I just accepted that it was too hard to do this during the holidays, but I was missing a very valid point. Our goal here isn't to temporarily proclaim everything bad and off limits, it's to learn how to handle food in a responsible way in real life everyday situations. I know what normal portions look like now, I obviously didn't before.

The girls had a night at Mom's planned and I had a Christmas party to attend tonight. They had dinner over there and I cooked a lean hamburger patty with mustard and some scrambled egg whites with mushrooms---I love it! It might not sound like anything you might like, or maybe it does, but I'm telling you---it's very filling and my entire plate came in 340 calories! And I even put some ketchup on the eggs! Call me weird, but I like it!

I arrived to the party late and found about a dozen revelers enjoying the festivities. They had some party snacks---including cookies and chex mix. I had both. I had a few small handfuls of the chex mix and over the course of the party, I consumed a cookie. I ate that cookie one bite at a time, every bite about thirty minutes or more apart. I just left it on the platter too...Nobody was going to touch a partly consumed cookie! It was a very tame party---and that works for me, I'm typically not the "party" type, but I had fun, and it was good to get out and see friends.

Today was a good day. Day 460, wow...we're really rocking at this point huh? 230 pounds lost and counting, and everything is changing. I'm riding the waves of change like a pro surfer---Keeping my thoughts in line and staying focused on the important things, and staying up!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 459 I Want It So Bad For Them and Choosing Change Before Change Chooses You

Day 459

I Want It So Bad For Them and Choosing Change Before Change Chooses You

I’ve been thinking a bunch lately about friends and family that I dearly care about who are struggling with this battle. I often wish there was a way to transfer what it feels like to be free, to be so close to goal that the major effects of obesity no longer control your life. It’s a beautiful experience. And I remember how hopeless I once was. I remember feeling like the only way out was a tragic end that I honestly didn’t want, but felt powerless to steer clear from that horrible end. I can remember eating in bed and literally bursting into tears because the thought of what I thought it would take to really do this was just too overwhelming for me. Every now and then I randomly select a day from the archives to read. It serves as a reminder of where I’ve been and gives me determination and strength to continue along this wonderful road. Today I read Day 25 and it fit my thoughts so precisely. Here’s an excerpt:

I've learned that not everyone has arrived at the proper place mentally to take on this challenge. They know that they need to, they understand the deadly effects of not doing it, they understand the wonderful benefits of doing it. But like me in that doctors office back on June 10th, they're just not ready. I know I've talked about how easy this is, and in the proper mindset it does get real easy, but I also understand that if a person isn't ready to accept and adapt to a major lifestyle change, then it's nearly impossible. I once thought that the only way I would ever do this would be to go into a hospital like setting, where everything is done for you. A place where they control everything...what you eat, drink, sleep, exercise...The schedule and food is all handled by someone else. I really didn't know if such a place existed until just recently. I was watching Discovery Health or some channel like that. The program featured people that were much bigger than me. People that had to be rescued and put into a hospital under strict supervision. It was their only way out of certain and very soon death. It was very sad to watch and know that for some, the right mindset never happens. I have to thank God everyday that I have been given the strength to get into the right mindset and stay true to this mission to the very end goal. I'm one of the lucky ones. It's amazing how when you think you're the only one, when you feel like you have it the worst, and you feel completely hopeless to change, you're shown somebody who can only dream of being in your present condition. I'm very blessed and I can't forget that. I had an opportunity to choose change before the changes chose me. I'm forever grateful for that strength. I pray that others will also find that strength. And it certainly doesn't come from reading this blog, it comes from a very deep and personal place within each of us. And once the decision is made to change, then perhaps this blog can be a daily booster. It's certainly helping me.

“Choose change before the changes chose me,” hit me particularly hard in regard to my desires for my morbidly obese friends and family. I so desperately want it to happen for so many others. I want them to choose change before change chooses them. No matter how difficult change can be to accept, I think we would all agree that it’s much easier on our own terms, right?

I put the steel cut oats in the crock-pot on low last night. The plan was to shut them off around 2:30am when I typically wake for a run to the restroom. I didn’t wake until 4am and by that time the steel cut oats were in really bad shape. Five hours is way too long, even on low! Oh well, I made some egg whites and mushroom---then grabbed a yogurt on my way to the studio. I was also content that I had fresh fruit waiting at the studio courtesy of a nice gift earlier in the week. I love fresh pears! Oh my! The best 120 calories I’ve had in a long time, I must buy some of these soon! Oh so good.

Amber and her boyfriend KL arrived this afternoon for the Christmas break. They’re both so relieved that the semester is over! Amber made all A’s and one B---and an amazing A on an in-depth ten page essay on the Beatles. She’s rocking her grades! I’m so proud. Courtney absolutely aced three of her five finals so far; she’s wrapping up finals today. Courtney is on track to continue her nearly 4.0 gpa with all A's except one B too!! I have to give thanks for being blessed with two beautiful and smart daughters. They’re so well balanced!

Amber wanted to rent a movie tonight and have us all watch it together. She picked up the Disney/Pixar release “Up.” Is was wonderful! I decided to wait to workout tonight and write this edition until in the morning---the time spent with my girls was well worth it!

It was a good plan and then I overslept horribly! 5:10am left no time for working out or writing the Friday morning!! That’s the risk of waiting until the next morning. I’m OK with it all. I’ll be getting in a great workout Friday with Amber, KL, and Courtney! We’ve all decided to hit the fitness room together before they spend the night with their mom Friday night.

Thank you for reading. If you’ve just discovered this blog I want you to understand that all of this is very new to me. And there is nothing that I’m doing or have done that isn’t within your reach. You can do this. I was so hopeless for so long, I really was…or at least I thought I was. You’re not hopeless either. I recommend you go back into the archives and read from Day 1. That’ll give you the best perspective of this most wonderful journey that makes me beam with pride. Can you tell how proud? Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 458 A Friend Hits Goal and I Never Really Cared About My Hair Until Now

Day 458

A Friend Hits Goal and I Never Really Cared About My Hair Until Now

A big Daily Diary of A Winning Loser congrats go out to a fellow weight loss blogger friend who had a fantastic day today. Fat[free]Me stepped on the scale and made her goal! She's spent the last nine months setting a wonderful example and spreading fantastic inspiration throughout the weight loss blogging world. Hats off to you my friend. I'm so happy for you, couldn't be any more proud! Check out her blog if you haven't already, dig into her archives, and see for yourself the wonderful journey she's chronicled at www.fat-free-me.blogspot.com What a wonderful success story. She really inspires me and her support of my journey has really lifted me on many occasions. Thank you again my friend!

This morning was wonderful. I jumped up in plenty of time to cook a nice breakfast and I even thought about working out before work, but I didn't. I did think about it though, yes I did! That's a big improvement really. I think I'll try to make that a part of my morning routine. Not a big full fledged workout, just something to start me moving and burning early. I'll still workout later in the day, but a quick one or two miles on the treadmill or a twenty minute elliptical burn might be a nice pre-shower ritual. As long as I can still get up at 4am, I'll be cool with that plan. I don't want to get up even a minute before 4am. If I start getting up any earlier I'll have to start going to bed by 8pm, and you know I've never been that guy.

I arrived at the studio with my apple and banana mid-morning snack in hand and then I discovered a wonderful gift waiting. Dr. Amy had sent some apples, pears, mixed nuts, and cheese. Thank you Dr. Amy! I'm looking forward to having Dr. Amy on my show with a “health minute” feature in the new year. I had her on my old show and now she'll make the move with me. It's always a pleasure to have her wisdom on the air! She'll actually be on both KLOR and with me on KPNC, we're excited! Her and her husband Jeremy have really built something special with The Ranch Wellness Center. They're good people!

I double checked the Poppy Cock canister today and discovered the horrible truth. In last night's blog I mentioned the calorie count as 160 for a cup of that stuff. No, no that was wrong. It's 160 for a ½ cup! Oh my goodness. I have no idea how they pack that many calories in such a small amount of snack, but they do. It's just horrifyingly bad!

I checked with a local barbecue place today, asking if they had any leftover smoked chicken from the day before. When they do, they sell it cheap. I bought three smoked half chickens for less money than I could have bought them at the store. I immediately made smoked chicken breast and a banana my lunch. It was so good!

I left the studio this afternoon and went straight to the hair stylist for a good haircut and goatee trim. I was overdue! I like my hair more now than before. It fits my head so much better. Does that sound weird? My head and face is so much smaller now and it really makes a difference in how my hair sits atop my head. I never bothered with haircuts before until I absolutely couldn't wait another day to get one. I never maintained a style because I just didn't care I guess. Ask anyone that knows me personally. I would get a haircut and it would look great for a couple of weeks, then I'd let it grow out until I looked absolutely shabby. Taking better care of myself and really liking me is a major part of this journey, obviously.

I had a 4pm meeting today and of course my weight loss came up the minute I walked in the door. Someone suggested that I'm probably tired of talking about it---Uh, no way, are you kidding? Never. I plan on spreading the word about natural weight loss the rest of my life, there's no time to tire of the subject. Besides, it's just too exciting to grow tired!

Had a “small world” moment today. Remember my “I told you that was him” encounter at Wal-Mart the other day? It turns out that one of those nice young ladies works for the Salvation Army and is booked as an in studio guest on my show in the morning. The Salvation Army still has over 300 kids on their Angel Tree, many of them will not receive anything for Christmas unless a bunch of people step up and make some wonderful donations. That will be our focus with this interview. If you're a local reader of this blog, tune in for all the details of the need and a very special broadcast we'll be doing Monday with Four States Exteriors to further help the wonderful efforts of the Salvation Army. It's a small world indeed!

I was flying solo for dinner tonight. I prepared an egg white, mushroom, and smoked chicken breast omelet. It was amazing and wonderfully low in calories at 210. Too low really, considering I still have 325 calories remaining tonight as of this writing. I may have some soup or maybe a frozen real fruit pop or both! I'll still end up leaving some calories on the table. In the morning I will not have another omelet. No, tomorrow morning I'm having steel cut oats sweetened with Splenda and topped with diced apple. I have the oatmeal in the crock pot on the low setting right now! I wonder if I should throw the apples in now? I think I will!

I hit the fitness room again tonight for a nice workout. Once again I burned for twenty minutes on that blasted elliptical. Actually it was probably a little less because I stopped every now and then to ease the burn. I know, I know...the burn is good, but it hurts! I'm such a baby, for goodness sakes. The treadmill is all mine. I own that thing. I can treadmill for a while before I even start feeling like I'm having a workout. I did jog some tonight, but mostly just a brisk power walk. After the elliptical, I was really feeling like I had a serious workout. I can still feel it, oh my.

This journey has been such a wonderful blessing to me. Thank you so much for reading and giving me your support. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 457 A Really Bad Breakfast and A Great Tuesday

Day 457

A Really Bad Breakfast and A Great Tuesday

Yesterday left me tired and feeling a little down. I even overslept a little this morning. Of course oversleeping for me these days is 5am. But despite my rushed starting routine, I had already decided that today would be a better day. That's it. I decided. And it really was a better day. Thank you for all of the wonderful e-mails and comments I received after posting Day 456. I know I have many friends near and far ready to offer positive encouragement anytime I need a pick-me-up.

I was in such a rush this morning that I didn't have time to prepare my normal breakfast. I quickly grabbed a couple of apples and a banana and hit the door. I stopped for a second to look for my keys and that was when I put down my fruit bag for just a few seconds. I forgot to pick it back up. I was nearly to the studio when I realized I was without anything for breakfast. Now what? Well, I started searching for food at the studio. I was going to find something and I didn't really care what. The company received a Hillshire Farms sausage and cheese gift pack recently---cheese! I love cheese! I tore into that thing and then put on the brakes right before cutting a slice. I decided that an ounce was all I would eat. I didn't have a food scale, but I did have a cheese cutting board and slicer. I cut what I guesstimated to be an ounce, or 100 calories of sharp cheddar cheese. I didn't open the sausage. But I did open something I wish I wouldn't have. I opened a canister of Poppy Cock. I had never tried Poppy Cock. And I only allowed myself a handful this morning. One look and I knew it was something I needed to put the lid on and walk away from. It's candy coated popcorn with pecans and almonds. Oh my, it was amazing. Has this stuff always existed? I'd never tried it before and I doubt I'll sample too much more at 160 calories per one cup serving. 160 calories for a cup? Wow, I told you it was good! This is very likely the worst breakfast I've had since that time I enjoyed a king size Rice Krispy treat at a Wal-Mart broadcast. At least that was made of cereal. This was cheese and Poppy Cock. Not exactly the breakfast of champions, but what was I to do? I didn't want to miss breakfast and I didn't want to wait until after my show. I probably should have waited. My metabolism might have forgiven me later, I'm sure!

An ounce of cheese and a hand full of what amounted to candy just didn't do much for me. I was not satisfied in the least. I knew I didn't want anymore cheese or Poppy Cock, So I drank coffee and water and waited until lunch to eat again.

I had a dentist visit today. Nancy Tyndall reminded me that this was my 15 month anniversary of starting this journey. So cool! I use to dread the dentist, but not anymore. Tyndall Family Dentistry has been so good to me. Today was a cleaning and a very positive conversation about the future plans and goals I have. It really lifted me up and reminded me just how wonderfully fortunate I am to be where we are. I left the dentist office feeling energized and on top of the world.

I was short on time for the rest of lunch, I seriously needed to get back quickly, so I headed for the drive through at Wendy's. I ordered a plain baked potato and a grilled chicken wrap without the sauce. I enjoyed half the small potato for what was easily 100 calories and the 210 calorie grilled wrap was perfect. It was just what I needed after a horrible breakfast!

Courtney had to work tonight and Irene came over to help organize the apartment. I picked up a Subway sandwich for us to share before our apartment work. It was a good start to a very productive night. This apartment actually looks like what it should look like now. Courtney and I have decided to decorate with framed motivational posters. I think it's a fabulous idea. Right now the walls are bare, but we'll be adding those soon!

Irene and I finished up about 10pm. She headed to her house and I changed into my workout clothes for a trip downstairs. I did twenty minutes on the elliptical last night and I did it again tonight. The last seven minutes or so is just murder on the muscles that front my upper legs. Quads? Is that what they're called? I should know this huh? Anyway, I don't need to know their name to know they were burning with workout glory tonight! The treadmill is so easy compared to the elliptical, at least for me. I'm just not accustomed to the elliptical yet. I'll get there, I will!

It's been a decent Tuesday, it really has been good. We're getting there, wherever “there” is...it'll be just fine. 275 is feeling great by the way. I love weighing 275. It's like I'm a kid again! I'll love weighing less even more! Downward we go! Thanks for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean