Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Day 464 Slow Down: Natural? And Is Psychology Partially To Blame?

Day 464

Slow Down: Natural? And Is Psychology Partially To Blame?

My feet hit the floor at 3:30am, now I know what I said. I said I didn't want to ever get up earlier than 4am, but I still managed to get five hours of sleep. I hit the fitness center first thing and then after a great warm-up, retreated to the apartment to write yesterday's post. The entire topic of loose skin was one of those blogs that was going to take a little longer to write, so I finished half and headed for the showers and the studio. My Tuesday morning breakfast consisted of an egg white omelet—no cheese, just mushrooms and pepper, and a banana. It was awesome really. I'm trying to not be so predictable. Not to you, but to me. Maybe one of these mornings I'll combine an egg white omelet and some oatmeal---ewww---no, not together, but as two breakfast selections. I could do this and still have a breakfast count of around 250 calories.

I started getting down on myself today and I immediately squashed it like a bug. I've written before about how after a bunch of success it's easy to become lax in our efforts. If we're not careful, what was considered unacceptable early on this journey becomes...Oh, that's fine---look at how far I've come! But that's a dangerous place! I've been at that place where it's real easy to find an excuse to not workout, and that's completely contrary to what this journey and blog is all about. If you've read the early days of this blog and compare it to the last 200 days---you'll see the difference. I'm not disputing the fact that as we progress our weight loss naturally slows, I'm just wondering how much of that slow down is because of this psychological dynamic.

It's not as urgent as it once was. I don't worry about dropping dead everyday like I did at over 500 pounds. I look in the mirror and for the first time in my life I'm actually liking what I see. Success, happiness, healthy feelings...it's all enough to make me take it easy a little. And this was the source of my self-centered contempt today. And then all of a sudden I stopped and started counting my blessings and accomplishments along this road. I reminded myself that I've never become lax in the calorie department, and that made me feel much better. My main problem all of these years was an out of control addiction to food. I'm conquering that without any decline in enthusiasm or drive. So there, self! Where I'm headed physically is certain. How quickly I get there will be determined by my commitment level in the fitness room, on the racquetball court, and most importantly---in the weight room. Oh I just had to mention the weight room. Isn't that the biggest glaring flaw of this entire journey of mine? Lack of commitment in the weight room?

But the great thing is this: I can correct the course. I can commit. I can do anything I decide I can. If I want to develop these “guns” and this behind of mine---I can, and will---It's a choice.
I could go into a long drawn out study of why I've been so lacking in the weight room, covering everything from simple intimidation to my birth defected right arm, but it all amounts to excuses. Anything...that's what I can do. Did you see the Iron Man Triathlete without any legs? The guy competes in triathlons with two artificial legs all the way to his hips. You talk about an inspiration. This guy understands all about choices huh? He knows that the only thing that can and does stop us is us.

I left the studio today shortly after 4pm and headed for a round of errands before arriving at the apartment close to 5pm. I was tired and needed a nap. I took an hour nap and got up just in time to head back to the studio for a special holiday broadcast from 6:30 to 8:30pm. I arrived at the studio and realized that I was really hungry. What about dinner? My broadcast partner for this broadcast, Gayle Williams, had some kind of incredible gourmet shrimp casserole thingy and boy did it smell good! She let me try it and wow, it was amazing! I then dug around and found a Marie Calenders beef and noodles type dinner. I popped that 320 calorie meal in the microwave and prepped for the broadcast. It wasn't bad at all really. Maybe a little high in sodium, but honestly---I didn't check. I just knew I needed some calories and I didn't really care how I had them at this point. I also enjoyed about a half an ounce of cheese with my beef noodle dish.

I made sure to drop in bed by 10:15, but I wasn't asleep until after 11pm. Tomorrow (Wednesday) is weigh day again! Yes, we're ready! Come on scale, show me something good! I'll let you know how that goes. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

6 comments:

  1. "It's not as urgent as it once was."

    To be honest, this is a concern of mine. I have a friend who has lost almost 200 lbs, and is nowabout 240 lbs still. But she said she is comfortable, can do anything she wants now, and it's just not a priority right now, she wants to not have to focus on it for awhile.

    For me, I still have a ways to go, and am still "hungry" for it. But how do we not lose that "desperation", that drive, that determination to go all the way to goal??

    Maybe you could talk some more on this... I have learned so much following your journey, and appreciate all you share.
    Thanks,
    Loretta
    =^..^=

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  2. I've been following your journey since *almost* the beginning, and have made some remarkable changes in my life, too. When I started my journey, on July 1st, I was, according to the BMI charts, obese. I weighed 155 lbs (I'm a shortie). Now I'm very very close to hitting 110 (still well within a healthy BMI range for my height), and lots of days I feel... jiggly, dimpled, and just plain big. And discouraged (when I should feel grateful and amazed I've come so far). I have friends and family who tell me how great I look, and I KNOW that the number on the scale and the size of my clothing tell me I am no longer obese. But, but, but. Sean, as you've said so many times, this is 80% a mental battle. Not only does motivation come from within, but self-acceptance, too. So, my advice to you (and the advice I'm trying to take myslef) is to be kind to yourself. Kind means learning to accept (and even love) our bodies as the miracles they are. I am praying that by loving myself as best I can, I will find the motivation to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle for the rest of my life. You are an inspiration to me.

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  3. I understand your reluctance with the weight room as I struggle with the same thing. I know I should do it but I don't. The one good think I did this year was start Muay Thai Kickboxing and there is a lot of body weight resistance type exericses we do in a class - sometimes I do 200 pushups in one class, for example. While it's not pumping iron it is pumping my weight and I have noticed a change because of it. As for the whole loose skin business - I have it too and I've only been about 50 lbs. overweight at my heaviest. I like your take that it's a battle scar but I have to admit that one day, I'd like to have it removed.

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  4. Sean...

    I think being self-centered is underrated and actually something very positive and necessary...wrote a blog entry about it...want to read it? here is goes.. (remember David Alan Grier?)

    http://kgershman.blogspot.com/2009/12/selfish-self-centered-and-self-absorbed.html

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey sean, Just wanted to pop in and say Merry Christmas. I hope you have a great holiday and enjoy yourself with your kids.
    God bless.

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