Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Day 463 A Seriously Dreaded and Often Avoided Topic

Day 463

A Seriously Dreaded and Often Avoided Topic

Every now and then it happens. I try to avoid it, I try to pretend it doesn't exist. If I ignore it maybe it will go away. But then somebody ask the question: So how's your skin holding up? Should I pretend that I didn't get this e-mail? Maybe it went straight to my junk filter! Yeah, yeah...for some reason all e-mails that contain the words “loose skin” are automatically filtered to junk! I'm kidding. Really, it depends on who's asking. If it's somebody who's never been morbidly obese, then it's just their curiosity running wild, and I have no responsibility to satisfy their curiosity. But when it's someone who is or was morbidly obese, and it's a completely sincere concern that they're dealing with, then I give a completely sincere answer. So...how's the skin holding up?

My “problem” areas after losing the first 230 pounds are all over. Stomach, of course! Inner thighs, you betcha! My rear? Yeah, a little. My arms, some. I'm really not worried about the arms or rear end---it's nothing weight training can't fix, but the stomach and inner thighs, well---let's call them “battle scars.” We could call them “signs of abuse,” because that's exactly what I did to my body my entire life. I abused myself to over 500 pounds, challenging my body to produce as much skin as I needed and then stretching that skin thin as I grew. Now that I'm taking away the stuffing that filled my shell, well---this skin situation is to be expected. But it's OK. You know why?

Because I'm healthier now than I've ever been. I'm free to live again, I've survived somehow and I have the battle scars to prove my ordeal with morbid obesity. It might seem unfair really. I wouldn't dare take my shirt off at 505 for fear of embarrassment because of all my fat and now I wouldn't dare take it off for fear of embarrassment over my loose skin. Will I ever be happy with me? Yes. Because the trade off is worth the loose skin “problem.” Notice I put the word problem in quotations. I did because it's not really a problem. If someone came to me when I weighed 505 and said they could instantly and magically make me 230 pounds---but I would have to have loose skin as a trade-off...I would've jumped at the chance. Well, someone did make me that offer, it was me. And here we are dealing with loose skin. I've talked before how I plan on getting surgery to remove the skin, that's what I hope to do, but that stuff is extremely expensive---we'll just see how that works out. I haven't made any progress finding out about donating the skin to a burn center in exchange for the surgery, but I will very soon!

Besides, I can look decent in clothes now and in the future. It's not like a bunch of people are going to see me without clothes anyway. I've joked about wanting an “underwear model” body, but seriously---I'm just happy being healthy and not 505 pounds. Loose skin is a small price to pay for the way I feel now. One reader e-mailed: it's just that - well, you know...we worked so hard and this is it. It doesn't seem fair. If I had never been fat I would have an awesome, rock solid body. That reader has lost well over 100 pounds and is now a size 2 to 4. She also runs, like seriously runs fast, yeah! She agreed that dealing with the skin issues in exchange for being that small and so healthy, well---it's all worth the trade.

Today was a good Monday. Calorie budget was good, rock solid really. I did enjoy a half a cookie today. It was 80 calories I could have lived without, but that's alright. A co-worker brought a couple dozen cookies and a big brownie as a way to express her holiday cheer. She then apologized to me saying “I'm not trying to ruin your diet.” First of all---no apologies are necessary, and secondly---nobody but me and my choices can “ruin” anything! So we're good! I assured her that I was fine and that I may have one or not, regardless---I appreciated her Christmas cheer. And it wasn't long before I took a half a cookie and indulged a little. I guarantee that “old Sean” would have polished off 1,000 calories in cookies in about fifteen minutes---and still said aloud “what are we having for lunch?” I'm a very different person now. It's a wonderful thing indeed.

Amber and KL are planning to workout with me in the fitness center during their holiday break stay. We planned on doing it together tonight, but we all got tired really fast. I opted to hit the pillow early and get up way early for a workout and blog writing. I got up at 3:30am after going to bed shortly after 10pm. Still not enough sleep, but not too bad given my history. I worked out long enough to feel the burn and sweat, then I rushed up stairs and started writing. This topic of loose skin was just too complicated to express and I couldn't get it done before the thrust of my pre-show activities (shower-dress-drive), so once again I'm posting the day before---the next day. I hope you don't mind.

Thanks for reading. I leave you with pictures from my friends New Orleans weekend of indulgence. He just texted me that his pants are actually feeling tighter today. Yep...he knew that would happen! He's going to be so ready to workout when he gets back tonight. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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Strawberries with double cream and a glass of Sazerac---just part of breakfast

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Eggs Husarde

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Bananas Foster more breakfast fare

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Chocolate Pecan Pie with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream ---desert after breakfast. Wait a second...desert at breakfast?? Must be a New Orleans thing!

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Classic Po Boy

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Roast Beef Po Boy

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Now that's a bowl of Red Beans and Rice!

15 comments:

  1. Sean I think you get the award for the best attitude of the year. You are still my inspiration!

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  2. I think of it as a battle scar as well. I'd much rather have loose skin than not be able to fit on a ride at the fair.

    Food Looks Delicious!

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  3. Some loose skin seems like a small price to pay for the transformation you've been able to achieve. Keep up the great work!

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  4. Thank you, Sean, for the idea to look at it as "battle scars". I love that! I'm not even halfway, and I already have battle scars, LOL! I love your spin on it. I can live with that. :-)
    Loretta
    =^..^=

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  5. The loose skin really bothers me. I hope I can afford the surgery one day. I agree it's a small price to pay for where I was....but it's still an issue for me.

    And I'm a sandwich freak....now I want a Po Boy. Thanks a lot Sean!!! lol

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  6. I still don't understand why people use the excuse of loose skin as a reason to stay fat.

    I have some loose skin after losing over 100 pounds, but it's not really noticeable fully clothed (and it is a pretty short list of anyone who would see me nekkid!).

    I would never ever trade the loose skin. In fact, I am glad I have it because it means that I still have kept the weight off!

    My thought is that if you get thin and don't like the loose skin, you can always gain back the weight LOL!

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  7. Too bad you're not Canadian. Our health care system covers surgery for that issue if you've lost 100 pounds and kept it off. You, my friend, fall in that category. I know many Americans don't like our health care system, but it does have some pluses!

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  8. Thanks for taking on the topic, Sean. As usual, your attitude is fantastic.

    I like the "battle scars" analogy. That's the way I feel about the foot-long trough/scar up my thigh from two hip surgeries. I'm proud just to be able to walk. Who cares about the scars!

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  9. A friend of mine had a tummy tuck, some lypo, a breast enlargement, and loose skin removed from her arms (and she really didn't need any of it... she had only lost about 35 pounds and looked great both before and after the loss), anyway, all that work cost her about $10,000 at one of the most expensive doctors in our area. That is a lot, but people regularly pay that much for a good used car, so its not unreachable.

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  10. As someone from New Orleans, that is one sad looking poboy! The first one....not the roast beef. Your friend needs to call me up, so we can show him what a real poboy is. That one appears to only have about 6 oz of meat...a "real" one would have closer to 10 or more. Scarry huh?

    No wonder we are a bunch of porkers around here!

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  11. Great post as usual. I am glad you share your inshight with others. You lift me up.

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  12. you could always get some removed...I do hope I don't have abunch...I will probably have some but think some weight training will take care of most of it...as for the rest Oh well.
    Once I hit 50 nobody will be able to tell what was from fat and what was gravity lol.

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  13. I have had some skin removal and am having more in february. It is a painful process but I am pleased with the results. I can say that for every person skin elasticity is different. I lost the first 150 or so lbs at the age of 25 and almost ALL the skin went back. Then I had two kids and lost more weight and um well...it did not go back! now that I have lost 100 lbs more aint NO WAY it's going back! Everytime I see my Plastic surgeon I wanna hug her! The tummy tuck changed my life and made exercise so much easier!

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  14. I definitely have loose skin problems and I hope to get it taken care of eventually after I've kept my weight off for a good period of time. I too think of it as my battle scars. I'm thankful to have lost the weight though and wouldn't trade the skin for the fat.

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