Wednesday, December 10, 2014

December 10th, 2014 A One Track Mind

December 10th, 2014 A One Track Mind

The last time I was this nervous going into a stand-up gig was opening for Sinbad in front of 26,000 people in an open air stadium. I was only eight months into my comedy career when I landed that job. I wasn't ready. I stressed over it relentlessly. Tomorrow night will be fine. It's actually a good sign to be this aware and on edge. I didn't stress this much over big auditions! I must remember, some of my best performances came after feeling this way.

What I'm doing tomorrow night is very different. Nearly all new material--not one shred of weight related self-deprecating stuff, so it's very experimental for me. It's a really good thing I have another experienced comic in the show. What's the worst that could happen? I mean, really? I'm not doing this for a living. I have nothing to lose. I'm simply working out material in front of an audience. If it goes well, bonus. If not, no loss--I'll write some more, edit and do it again next time.

This stand-up thing is a direct result of the epiphany I had May 15th. Finding our individual 'Happiness Code' has everything to do with exploring the things that make us uniquely us and bring us joy--then nourishing those things. It's truly one of the secrets of happiness. Although my brain is screaming "what have you gotten us into?"

The new water accountability element has worked very well today. I've consumed 10 cups of water. That's a rarity! The bottle of water this morning filled me up, so much so, I didn't take a second cup of coffee. So there's something, perhaps it'll cut down my coffee consumption. As a coffee lover, I'm not sure this is a positive!

I voiced a radio commercial for Domino's Pizza today. Then I started craving pizza. It wasn't a serious, I need to reach out for support type craving, just a simple, that sounded delicious, type thing. I decided to make a nice low cal version as a small afternoon meal using a plain gluten free wrap, sugar free marinara, fresh mushrooms and two slices of mozzarella. These super thin gluten free wraps bake up really nice! It was all the flavor I wanted and well within my calorie budget. It was perfect!

I'm so obsessed with my set list and material for tomorrow night, I've made this an off day for exercise. I have a one track mind at the moment. I'm constantly thinking about my set, fleshing out ideas and rearranging things. I'm likely over-thinking it just a touch. It'll be fun, I'm sure of it! I plan on celebrating the conclusion of tomorrow night's show with a good workout, likely a 5K in the park. The exercise, combined with the relief of the show being behind me, will feel incredible, I'm sure.

Okay--time to rehearse some more.

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, December 9, 2014

December 9th, 2014 Excited And Terrified

December 9th, 2014 Excited And Terrified

I had a little trouble getting to sleep last night. I'm not sure why, perhaps a little anxiety over the upcoming comedy show. It is very possible to be excited about something and terrified by it at the same time. It's like getting on a new roller coaster. It's been a very long time since I did stand-up regularly. It's a part of me that needs to be exercised. My workout starts Thursday night, 7:30pm at UnWined in Downtown Ponca City.

I sincerely appreciate all of the advice I received today concerning yesterday's post about weight training. I've decided to start with the basic tutorial from a trainer at my YMCA and at that time, discuss training options. I'm committed to doing this. I'm doing it. Enough with the apprehension. I'll take it nice and slow, because nice and slow is better than talk and never!

I enjoyed a great call tonight on the weekly weight loss support group conference I co-facilitate with Life Coach Gerri Helms. Each of us talked about our individual plans, then we developed one enhancement we could add--then committed to adding this enhancement to our plan for the next week. I had two. I committed to meeting with a trainer at the Y and I agreed to be more accountable in the water consumption department.

I have always made getting enough water an issue. I know of the benefits!! It is a tremendous benefit to weight loss because it helps everything. It speeds up the metabolism, it aids in digestion, it cleanses our bodies... yes, I totally understand...and yet, most days I finish with about 6 cups. And, as you may have noticed, I don't seek accountability for it, either. I don't tweet anything about my water consumption, never have! Why? Because I didn't want to be accountable!! This changes now. Starting tomorrow, and for at least the rest of the week, I've committed to adding my water consumption to the list of things I tweet. I guarantee it will immediately make a difference.

I've been working on my set-list for Thursday night. 98% of the material is brand new-never tested in front of an audience, stuff. The point of this and other upcoming shows, is to not only allow that creative side of me to flourish, but also to workout material for a big fundraiser show in late May for the local domestic violence shelter. It doesn't matter how many shows I did over a decade ago. Big, small, low profile, high profile--It's almost like the entire experience is brand new. I hope it's like riding a bike. I'm truly excited and terrified. And that's not a bad thing. It makes me feel more alive.

My food was exceptional today. I was talking to a colleague this afternoon all about food and specifically dinner ideas. She suggested the green beans and squash idea, then later suggested adding mushrooms. Oh my--it was incredible! 

I made a super simple fruit sorbet for dessert using fresh pineapple, whole blueberries and sugar free cool whip. I blended these three ingredients in my Ninja blender, then poured it into a bowl to freeze. I left for my workout and came back to a delightful dessert! I sent the photo to Gerri and exclaimed--look what I did!! Turns out, she does this all the time! She occasionally uses almond milk instead of the sugar free cool whip. And I bet the new cashew milk would work great, too! I'll be making more of this stuff, for sure.

My Tweets Today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, December 8, 2014

December 8th, 2014 Looking For Inspiration

December 8th, 2014 Looking For Inspiration

I was up early and ready to make today a good day. I enjoyed my coffee, prepared breakfast and was out the door in plenty of time to not feel rushed. This was a good start. In the clarity of my well rested morning, I decided this would be the day I start a weight training routine.

I've done some weight training here and there, but seriously, we both know that if it isn't backed up with consistency, then it isn't going to be effective. Doing some light lifting and body weight strength training--then exclusive cardio for a while, then a day or two of strength training here, followed by two weeks of cardio there...just doesn't count. Results demand consistency. I know this, I'm living this with the exercise and nutrition I make important. So, anyway...

I make this decision this morning, yet--I don't tell anyone. Uh huh...Yep. And why not? Every bite of food I eat gets photographed and tweeted to the world. So why not this decision? Or, if not a tweet--why not facebook, or this blog?

I was giving myself an out. That's why. I have a serious psychological hangup when it comes to weight training and I know where it started.

It was in 8th grade, in the weight room at school. Each of us had to bench press. I watched as everyone went before me, I stepped aside because I didn't want to do it. When it was my turn they left some weights on the bar from the previous kid. I couldn't budge the weight. So they took some off. Still, nothing. Then, they took it down to just the bar. I lifted the bar--then my right arm dropped, unable to handle the weight. The initial laughter wasn't the worst part. It was a couple of kids that kept saying how they couldn't believe I was so weak, that kept going. 

I was a big kid. It was fairly easy to project the illusion of strength. Now, after failing to bench the bar, everyone knew I wasn't. 

Now I know, that was long ago--but seriously, I think it's what keeps me from moving forward and committing to a regular weight training schedule. I sincerely want what it will give me. I suppose the getting started is the hardest part. I honestly believe it will be like my sugar abstinence experience, where I quickly become a believer, 1000%.

I walked into the Y tonight, checked in and went up to the weight training area. It was a busy night (Monday's always seem to be busy) and a lot of people were on the weights. It took me all of about 30 seconds to talk myself out of starting this evening. Instead, I made my way over to the familiar elliptical and worked it hard, like I do. It was a great cardio workout. I was sweating a bunch. But it wasn't weight training. 

I must get over myself in this area. The weight training is imperative for my overall fitness.

Other than that, I'm thrilled with my day. The food was good, the exercise was good--and I feel good. I just wish I could understand how I can commit to doing what I do, everyday--the food, the tweets, the daily blog posting, the consistent exercise---and the consistent weight loss...and, still, I haven't committed to the weight training. 

Do you do strength training? What was it like when you started? I'm curious. If you have the time, I'd appreciate your experience in the comments below. I suppose I'm looking for inspiration.

My Tweets today:


















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, December 7, 2014

December 7th, 2014 The Chinese Buffet Experience

December 7th, 2014 The Chinese Buffet Experience

I'm not necessarily afraid of buffets anymore, however they are a little more work to navigate. I still took the precaution of communicating with a support buddy going in and coming out. In case you didn't read yesterday's entry--today, I had a family get together at a big Chinese buffet in my hometown.

My strategy was set before the trip South. My plan was to avoid anything fried, anything in a sticky sauce--find some kind of sugarless meat, add some fruit and grab some mushrooms and perhaps some shrimp. I have dined at this place before, so I know what they typically offer, and it was pretty much the same as always. The difference was my approach. My abstinence from sugar makes dining at this place much more difficult. My previous favorite, the coconut shrimp, is deep fried and then coated with a sugary coconut sauce...Yeah, that was off the list! Oh, and the sesame chicken? Goes without saying--not on my plan!

I focused on visiting with family. I consumed my lunch and I left the restaurant feeling satisfied and accomplished. It wasn't a big deal. It's strange, really. I made it such a big deal before--and now, I just walked in--knew the boundaries I had in place, so as I looked everything over, it automatically registered if the particular food was within my boundaries. There were a few entire buffet line sections where nothing fit. I mean, not a thing!

I'm proud of how I handled the Chinese buffet today. The support text back and forth was really good at keeping me focused on my goal, as was the Twitter feed. These are exquisite accountability measures!!

I've made today a rest day and to fully get the most out of it, I'm headed to bed within minutes! Starting the work week well rested is something I rarely do. Monday's are usually my most tiring day of all, simply because I wreak havoc on my sleep schedule over the weekend, then immediately try to correct Monday morning at 4:30am. Dropping in bed shortly after 9pm will feel amazing.

My Tweets:














Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, December 6, 2014

December 6th, 2014 I Don't Want To Play Anymore

December 6th, 2014 I Don't Want To Play Anymore

I started my day by chaperoning teenagers outside Hobby Lobby as they rang the bell for the Salvation Army. I was asked to do it and I agreed to a two hour shift. I'm glad I did, it was heartwarming to see so many people put money in the bucket, especially little kids. It was nice to smile and wish people a Merry Christmas, too. It was a fabulous way to start my Saturday.

I spent some time catching up on sleep this afternoon. It was a little bit long for a nap, but I think it was needed, so I'll be good with it.

The outpouring of support following yesterday's post was incredible. I sincerely appreciate every single comment, message and email. Thank you! It was really good for me to write that post.

I'm feeling better than I have in a very long time along this road. I have my days and moments when I get the blahs, but don't we all? When I'm fully engaged, writing and communicating, sharing thoughts and exchanging support, I am at my best.

I was asked today if I've had any relapses since going sugar free. I haven't, but without the support and accountability system I have in place, I doubt this would be the case. My reply:

"I haven't relapsed since going sugar free some time in April (I would need to go to the blog to get the actual date)--BUT---

 Please remember this: My accountability measures kept me in line the first month or so--then, after experiencing the most amazing effects of being sugar free--in ways that to me, were crystal clear (no binges-no urges, even) I was firmly in possession of a perspective that views sugar like poison.

 Without my accountability tools like the Twitter feed of everything I consume and the daily blog, I may not have lasted a week without relapse. It's hard!!! Especially at first!

 But rest assured, there's a point up ahead, where the direct effects of sugar free become so apparent....and the positive consequences of your abstinence start surrounding--and that's the time to ask yourself, Would I give this up for a candy bar or piece of cake?

 For me, the answer is more than a no. I avoid sugar like I avoid stepping off a cliff.

 I know if I allow a relapse-- That side of my brain, the addiction part, will light up and be ready to "play." I don't want to play anymore."

 Tonight, I treated myself to dinner out. My favorite little Mexican place knows me so well, they can recite my order before I say it... "No rice, no beans, no cheese, no pico, no guacamole--just fajita chicken, no onions, no peppers--lettuce, yes? And sour cream? And corn taco shells instead of flour tortillas?" You got it. I am very predictable! I go in with a strategic calorie plan and I stick with the plan. I leave very satisfied and confident in my choices. They even give me a nice discount! I suppose it's because I'm saving them money by saving me calories.

I gave myself three options for a workout tonight: Running stairs at the studio, doing a 5K in the park or doing strength training/body weight exercises, including PiYo, at home. I chose the home workout. It was a decent workout, even though I lost my balance and fell over in my floor at one point, creating a ceiling shaking experience for the nice lady who lives in the apartment below. She's in her early 80's and is the sweetest neighbor of them all. I wasn't hurt, just sorry I disturbed her!

This home workout wasn't as intense as a good cardio workout, but I could tell, it was working me. My arms are sore from doing counter push-ups after the PiYo. I really get into the proper form on these. The further I put my feet back, the greater the weight and workout. I keep my elbows close to my side and it doesn't take long to feel the burn.

My Aunt and Uncle from Michigan are visiting again. They're on a return trip home from their drive to California. They're staying at mom's and tomorrow we're all getting together at a giant Chinese buffet in my hometown for a good visit. Wonderful. I didn't pick the place but I will get to pick my choices. I'll be well. There's plenty of good choices available at this "super" buffet.

I look forward to sharing the Chinese buffet experience with you in tomorrow's edition.

My Tweets Today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, December 5, 2014

December 5th, 2014 It's About All We're Gaining

December 5th, 2014 It's About All We're Gaining

Before I started losing weight in September, 2008, I remember having some separation anxiety with food. So many times, this anxiety would serve as the catalyst for "one last binge" before I "really got serious" once and for all. My focus was clearly on what I would be giving up. When I started back then, I decided to have a nothing is off limits approach, as long as I could fit it into my calorie budget. This approach helped curb the feeling of forced deprivation, but I still felt separated from the bigger portions.

In retrospect, it wasn't separation anxiety over any specific food, it was the perception of losing my coping mechanism; my drug, in the amounts I was accustomed. Eating to excess, sneak eating, binge eating, stress eating, emotional eating, eating for sport--all of it was a way of life. It's all I knew. I was really good at it, too.

I've communicated with a lot of people about this very topic and I discovered it's a very common thing to experience. What I quickly discovered was, my perception was faulty. My focus was driven by my addictive brain that felt its supply was threatened. Once I came out of the fog a little bit and I started losing enough to see and feel the difference, my perspective started to change.

Instead of focusing on what I had to give up, I started focusing on all of the wonderful things I could now enjoy along the way. All of these wonderful things, made possible by my decreasing size.

I remember them all. The first time I sat in a chair with arms without discomfort. It was actually at one of my daughter's school functions. Normally I would just stand or look for a folding chair without arms in the back of the auditorium, or not go altogether. I remember when the seat belt in my vehicle finally fit. I remember when my wife's arms could finally go all the way around me and actually touch! I remember the first time the doctor looked at me and said "your numbers look great, keep doing what you're doing!" I remember enjoying an amusement park with my family for the first time since childhood, and even though I was scared of the big rides, I rode 'em all--simply because I could...fit. I remember the first time I had a foot race with my daughters. Yeah, they still won--but I was running like the wind blows. 

I wasn't focusing on all of these positive things when I first started because I didn't know them. All I knew was, things would be very different at buffets, and that really bothered me.

At some point, with consistency and hard earned results, a shift is made. Suddenly it isn't about all of the things we're giving up, it's about all we're gaining. My friend, Life Coach Gerri says it best: "I traded an abundance on my plate for abundance in my life."

And we still get to eat. We just don't get to abuse food to cover, comfort, buffer and smother us away from dealing with life. It's difficult. Life is hard sometimes, especially when you're morbidly obese. I noticed the emotional eating compounding issue at a very young age. I would eat to feel better and the resulting weight gain would leave me feeling worse, so I had to eat even more--because now it was a compounding problem. My coping mechanism was giving me even more reasons to use the coping mechanism.

The biggest challenge becomes learning to deal with things we avoided. This is where writing comes in very handy. Good therapy is another tool, if you can get it. Once the shift in perspective is made, and we're no longer fretting or downright grieving over the perceived loss of food, that's when we can really start enjoying our transformation. That's when we start making it much more than just a physical one, it becomes a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual transformation.

What's really scary is, once these transformations start happening, it can all be surrendered if we lose our grip on the proper perspective.

I lost 275 pounds. I decided I had figured it out. I experienced all kinds of transformations--all of the above. The discovery of true forgiveness was life changing. The physical change was mind blowing, the improved health was miraculous...then...Just when I thought I had a lock on this for the rest of my life, I started giving it all back. I traded in my new perspective for the old ones and the resulting weight gain came fast.

With each additional pound, it became harder and harder to find my way back. I thank God I didn't go all the way back to 505 pounds. Stopping the slide wasn't something I did on my own, that's for sure.

The fundamentals I practice today, including the highly accountable elements, like the daily Twitter feed and this daily blog, are critical to my continued weight loss. The support I seek and give and the perspective I hold and know to be good and true are things deserving of my constant devotion.

Do I eat far less and differently than I once did? Yes. And I still eat well. I don't eat sugar, no matter what--it's off limits for me and that's okay, too. In fact, it's an absolutely wonderful thing to be able to say without any shred of loss, whatsoever.

I live a satisfied life with food. I hope and pray I don't ever again trade the abundance in my life for abundance on my plate.
----------------------------------------
I had a full day of work. A co-worker brought donuts and upon announcing their availability, apologized to me for bringing them, as if they were a temptation. I said, "no apology necessary!" My perspective is shifted and fully engaged. There isn't a donut in the world worth losing my fortunate blessings.

My workout at the YMCA was really, really good. Level 13 continues to challenge me every time.

I spent a good part of the evening with my grandson, Noah. We enjoyed dinner together. He even let me feed him some fruit and sugar free Cool Whip!
photo photo43_zps6cdfae10.jpg
This is unusual. Normally he insists on feeding himself. I love this little guy, so much. 

My Tweets Today:


















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, December 4, 2014

December 4th, 2014 The Body Knows Best

December 4th, 2014 The Body Knows Best

The late night yesterday made today somewhat difficult. Today was scheduled tight with a separate voice-over project at another studio immediately after work. After the session, I returned to work to finish up a couple of things. It was after 5pm and I was exhausted. It was too late to take a nap, or so I thought--my body didn't think so. The body knows best!

I stopped by the store to grab some fresh fish and yellow squash and then headed over to a friends house to grill dinner and watch Peter Pan Live on NBC. I'm fascinated by a live production on television. I suppose SNL has been doing it almost my entire life, but for some reason--this production fascinated me a little more. It wasn't enough to stay awake! I made it through the first twenty minutes then woke shortly after 9pm. I missed Captain Hook altogether and he was the main reason I wanted to watch!

I'm doing myself a favor and dropping in bed within minutes. It's funny, I went out of the way--above and beyond to get a workout in last night, but tonight--I'm opting out. I need sleep. I'll workout again tomorrow.

My Tweets today:










Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, December 3, 2014

December 3rd, 2014 I'm Riding It

December 3rd, 2014 I'm Riding It

I really wanted to get my workout in before my scheduled trip to Oklahoma City late this afternoon. The time didn't allow and before I knew it I was on the highway, knowing I wouldn't be home until late--and without a workout today. I took a rest day on Monday. I needed to make time for a workout. Although, with this schedule today I would have and could have felt fully justified in not getting it done. 

I was two hours from home and it was getting late. My late afternoon apple snack didn't hold me very well. I was getting very hungry and I knew, I needed to find something. Rather than try to make it home to a super late meal, I decided to dine out.

Maybe I could find a Chipotle? But then I realized for once, I wasn't in the mood for Mexican. I ended up finding an Applebee's. I ordered from their under 600 calorie selections--modified it slightly after asking about the pictured topping on the steak. The server couldn't say with certainty if it had sugar or not. "It's a tomato and vinaigrette glaze," he said.  "Glaze" sounded like sugar to me--so I opted out of the topping. The meal was excellent and it was free! Applebee's sent me a couple of gift card codes in my email after I Tweeted about their food a while back. I hadn't used them--and thought, why not? 

I left the restaurant shortly after 9pm. The meal pretty much cemented that this would go down as a good food day. Now, if I could manage some kind of workout, I would be so proud!

I immediately called one of Edmond's (just north of Oklahoma City) YMCA's to ask about their hours. They closed at 10pm and so did the other Y's in the area. It was 9:20pm. I summoned Siri's help, asking her to give me turn by turn directions to the nearest YMCA. She was on top of it and I was pulling into a YMCA 10 minutes later. I hurried in and explained that my membership was in Ponca City--they quickly looked me up by name, had me sign in and I asked, which way to the elliptical machines? 

I didn't get on the elliptical until 9:35pm. I had to cut my usual 30 minutes down to 25. It was still a wonderful effort, a good sweat and a fantastic choice. 

I don't always make the best choices, but tonight was a good choices kind of night. I could have hit the pillow feeling somewhat justified, but still feeling bad about missing another workout, instead, I'm hitting the pillow knowing I made it a priority--very important, and I made it happen. A day and evening like this, creates a wave of positive momentum. I'm riding it.  

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

December 2nd, 2014 Helping You Helps Me

December 2nd, 2014 Helping You Helps Me

Today felt good. I had a productive day at work, a good food day, an excellent weight loss support group conference call and an awesome workout tonight. I also had the opportunity to offer some advice via text to a friend about weight loss and support.

The phrase "helping you helps me" is one of the truest statements of all time. It strengthens my resolve to take extraordinary care and considering yesterday--it gets me out of my head and focusing on others, far away from dwelling on counter productive issues.

It's ironic how yesterday, as I was feeling mildly depressed, I booked my stand-up performance night for December 11th at UnWined in Downtown Ponca City. The more joyful things I can focus on, the better. I'm also planning to invite my daughters and grandson over to my place for hot chocolate and tree decorating.

The stand-up night will be interesting. It's been a very long time for me and I'll be taking about 95% new material behind the microphone. No worries, though. It'll be a wonderful experience, I'm sure. I've invited comedian Robbie Neville to join me for this night of laughs. He's like my comedy show insurance policy. If I bomb (could happen), then he'll do well enough to make the show a show.

My Tweets Today:
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, December 1, 2014

December 1st, 2014 Okay With Me

December 1st, 2014 Okay With Me

It's hard to believe it's December. It is, it's here. I haven't decorated yet, but I may invite my girls and grandson over later this week to do some. I might need that cheer.

I don't know what came over me today. I left work early with plans to go back and finish my day, but I never went back. I took a nap and woke up feeling not so well. I contacted my boss and requested the rest of the day be a sick day. I did log in from home to finish some work remotely.

I watched a documentary on the Muscle Shoals Sound and FAME Studios. I listened to comedian Marc Maron interview Norman Lear and I tried to get some work done on my meditations project this evening.

I prepared a solid dinner and finished the day 100 calories under budget--and since this was a rest day from exercise, that's okay with me.

I also read a little bit into the archives of this blog. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not. Looking back in reflection with a perspective toward learning valuable things and mining critical lessons, is good. Any other perspective, isn't.

I feel like I have nothing of substance to offer this evening. And that's okay. Some days are like this, I suppose.

If you're a fan of music, I highly recommend the documentary Muscle Shoals on Netflix. That's something!

My Tweets Today:












Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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