Thursday, May 7, 2009

Day 234 Light Years From Perfect and Why Overeating Is Not On The Menu

Day 234

Light Years From Perfect and Why Overeating Is Not On The Menu

I was reading another weight loss blog the other day written by a regular reader of this blog. In her writings she mentioned me and the fact that I “never cheat.” I sincerely appreciate that, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe I'm conveying an underlying message of perfection. Well, I hate to destroy that illusion, but I'm light years from perfect. I've never been perfect, and wouldn't want to be perfect. Perfect would be boring. I'm flawed just as much or more than you perhaps. If you read my blog from Friday May 1st titled “What If It Was Impossible To Cheat,” then you'll see how I've decided that cheating cannot be a part of this journey because I've declared everything allowed. Well, everything except over eating. That's the only way that I could possibly “cheat.” So what keeps me from diving into a tub of ice cream or a 3,000 calorie plate of nachos? I don't do it, not even once, because I know how it works. I've remembered every failed attempt at weight loss in my past, and I know that saying “OK, just this one time,” leads to another and another, and soon I'd be right back at 500 pounds. On September 15th, 2008 I made a commitment to God, my family, and myself to bust through every hang-up that's held me back before. I prayed that I would be given the time I needed to lose the weight because I was so worried that I had waited tragically too long. So you see, there isn't any room to cheat by overeating because I've made this journey one of the top priorities in my life. I can't remember how many times I use to say “well, one little binge isn't going to hurt.” But it did every time. It doesn't matter if you need to lose 25 pounds or 250 pounds, make it one of the most important things you do and you'll have a much better chance at succeeding. At this point, the desire to over eat is gone. I'm eating all the time anyway, at least every three hours, so I'm never “starving.” I've said it before, knowing what I know now about losing weight with good choices and a desperate desire to succeed, I can't even imagine busting loose at a buffet. I couldn't even if someone was trying to make me. That's one of the fantastic parts about this journey. I never made it to this point before, not many people do. But I bet if you asked someone who has they would say the same thing. I'm at a point now that my former behaviors with food are so foreign to me, I just can't do them anymore. I didn't even know this stage of the journey existed until I naturally discovered it along the way. I use to love buffet restaurants, I mean really love them. Now, my brain has a hard time understanding why they even exist. I have zero use for a buffet. I'll have a nice satisfying meal with normal portions and be completely satisfied. Never again do I want to feel the bloated misery after tearing down a buffet in the name of value. “But it's such a wonderful value!” I use to say that all the time, and with a big fat enthusiastic smile “you can have steak, chicken, pasta, pizza, cinnamon rolls, four different kinds of potatoes, and so much more for one low price? That's amazing!” No, it's sickening. Now some will say “Sean, I can walk into a buffet and just have one plate.” Good for you, I can too now, but not before this journey. Irene was always a one plate buffet eater. I use to complain that she wasn't eating enough at these places, “come on baby, eat more so we'll get our money's worth.” Crazy huh?

I may never cheat, but I still get hit with cravings and random urges to over eat. When those thoughts happen I have to call in “the troops.” They are every reason not to do it. My motivating thoughts, my family, fear for my life...these are “the troops.” Like I said above, I know that allowing myself to give in to certain urges could possibly open the flood gates, and then where would I be? Lost, that's where. Dead by 45, that's where. Some might roll their eyes at the dramatics of the last couple of sentences, but listen...That's what I'm talking about when I say that you have to make a commitment that is iron-clad. You have to make it one of the most important things you do everyday. Make it dramatic. Ignore the eye rollers! You're on a mission that only you can do, nobody can do it for you, so don't worry about what others think about your approach. Don't be too casual about it, or you might end up doing what I did so many times in the past: “I'm just going to cut loose this one time, then I'm right back with it tomorrow.” Never even considering that “tomorrow” really meant later, sometimes much later. As I started feeling the effects of carrying around over 500 pounds, I eventually realized that “tomorrow” wasn't guaranteed, certainly not in that condition, certainly not in any condition.

I bought a pair of workout pants tonight. Doesn't sound like a big deal does it? But oh, oh my, it was! I walked into a store not even a mile from my house, walked back to the mens department, picked out a couple of pairs to try on, and did it! I grabbed a 3X and a 2X. The 3X had plenty of room, the 2X fit OK too! I bought the 3X because I liked the added room in the legs. Then I spent the first mile of our workout constantly pulling them up before I figured out how to tighten the waistband. It's really hard to get it through my head that I don't have to drive to Oklahoma City or Tulsa to buy clothes anymore. I can shop for clothes like a regular person. I haven't done that since I was a kid.

I sincerely appreciate your readership. Thank you for the support! Tomorrow the broadcasting company I work for is hosting the “Taste of Home-Spring Sensations” Cooking School live from the Poncan Theatre stage. Jamie Dunn from Taste of Home magazine will perform cooking demonstrations, sponsors will have exhibits and prizes, and everyone through the door gets a goody bag full of recipes, cooking items, coupons, and a bunch of other wonderful things. I'll tell you how it was in tomorrow's edition. Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

3 comments:

  1. I so needed this post. I binged tonight and cannot seem to forgive myself.

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  2. I really and thoroughly enjoyed this blog! It said so much to so many in different ways. It was probably contemplative for some, a reminder for others, and maybe even a wake-up call for others....
    Well done!!! I'm so glad you get to shop at regular stores now. I remember how it used to be for you and how you talked of the day you could shop like everyone else! Congrats on making it!!! You're right up there with Al Roker!!! lol He was here in Branson with the Taste Of Home people. And it all took place right down the road from where I live. There was a pie making contest from celebrities, as well as performances, plus Al Roker done his weather broadcast for the today show. And there were prizes, and all kinds of stuff. But, in typical Deb fashion...I totally forgot about it! It's all thanks to that condition I have called CRI (cranial rectal inversion) LOL Have a good day and I'll catch ya on the next bend in the road!

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  3. What really hit home with me was your statement that "it really has to be a priority". I spend so much time taking care of others....it's time I MAKE time for me....I'm doing that now. Thanks for all the encouragement! (Tuesday was weigh in--- I've lost 12 pounds in the past 7 weeks! Your blog has kept me going.)

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