Thursday, June 10, 2010

Day 632 Being Personal Was The Only Way For Me and Not Immune To The Occasional Tough Day

Day 632

Being Personal Was The Only Way For Me and Not Immune To The Occasional Tough Day

Finally—a good morning, back in the routine—feeling good about everything, and looking forward to many wonderful days ahead! This chipper little attitude makes this entire journey a whole bunch easier. Attitude is everything, right? Absolutely!

I started with the non-weighted strength training exercises, hit the coffee pot, cooked a very nice low calorie egg white-mushroom-mozzarella omelet and sat down at the computer. Hmmmm…Oxford University is requesting that I take part in a study about bloggers who get really personal in their writing. I actually received this last week…just now really checking it out. If you’re a blogger, did you get this too? Are you taking part in the study? I’m not sure I’ll participate. It is a prestigious university, but seriously---my reasons for being so personal are based in what I had to do to get to the bottom of my morbid obesity. I don’t do it because I’m an “inappropriate talker,” I'm actually not. I do it because...

I had to understand myself better. I had to dig deep and uncover the many brutally honest layers of past attempts. I wanted to know why I always failed at losing weight in the past, and in the process, I thought, maybe I could learn more about myself---and unlock the mystery once and for all. Escaping obesity for me, meant writing from the heart every single day---treating this blog like the most private and personal diary it is---but putting it out there as a way to keep me accountable. This self-exploration has worked very well and it’s given me unexpected blessings, like the many people who tell me that I inspire them.

Me? Really? It still seems like such a foreign idea. I often think Oh boy---if they only knew me two years ago as a mess of a 500 pound man---with zero control and an excuse for every turn---yeah, if they only knew. And then I think---Hey, they do know…they’ve looked at the pictures, how could they not? Maybe it comforts someone to know, that even when you’re feeling completely hopeless and out of control, there is hope and you can do it. Control is yours for the taking. Because if I can turn this ship around, so can you. Seriously, you can.

Christine inquired about Nathaniel, my friend from the casino who is just starting out. I haven’t heard from him since Saturday night late, when he left this comment:

Hey Sean, It's been a while since I've blogged, and WOW, a T-Bucket, now that is a real accomplishment. I have had the luck owning a few 1950's trucks in my day. I wanted to fix them up, but there was NO WAY that I could fit in them. I've since gotten rid of them.Since I've seen the pics of you in the Corvette, and now a T-Bucket. I'm fully confident that I will for sure be driving my Trans AM again in a couple years. I can only hope that my body transformation goes as good as yours has, because you look awesome. Well I'm gearing up for the big Weigh In on the 7th. I wish every body luck on this, our life changing adventures. See you all at the finish line.

By “blogged,” I’m sure he means commenting. If you’re reading this Nathaniel---and you do have a blog, please let us know! I know many people who would love to offer you support. And you WILL be driving that Trans Am in less than two years! Consistency and self-honesty are two of the most important elements along this road. Without them, it’s a constant struggle. With them---this road can become a joyous celebration everyday! I’m not saying it’s always simple and easy. I have my rough days every now and again, in fact---one year ago today I was having a bad day. Here’s an excerpt from June 9th, 2009:

Today has been a really tough day for some reason. Wow, listen to me “for some reason,” it certainly couldn't be my own doing could it? OK, I'm not going to pretend that I don't know why. Isn't that a wonderful way to make ourselves feel better though? Just pretend that we don't know why it was a tough day. If you get super honest with yourself, like I have, then you realize that often the choices we make determine the outcome of our day. I can make good choices on food all day long (most days—continue reading), but it seems I have a real problem making good choices when it comes to my sleep and exercise schedule. And when the sleep schedule is all messed up, it makes everything else more difficult than it needs to be. I've had problems today with urges to cut loose on a platter of tater tots, I missed my workout, opting to nap instead, and then ended up sleeping way longer than I should have. I have to remember the law of consequences.

Everything we do has a consequence, good or bad, and we're the ones that decide. I've come way too far to feel this way. I know that I'm not perfect, but today has just been a mess of emotions stirred by tiredness that has shaken my solid foundation. Maybe I've become too confident. I've been walking along this road with such a confident swagger, perhaps I needed to be reminded of my vulnerabilities. I needed to be brought down a notch or two, just enough to refresh me on the fundamentals that have made this a successful journey so far. Keeping some semblance of a normal schedule is part of that. The easy way out when it comes to food, is to eat whatever and how much ever. The easy way out when it comes to exercise is to just not do it. The easy way out of keeping the schedule on track is to just go sleep regardless of the time or how bad it will mess up the groove. Gravitating to the line of least resistance isn't something I can afford.

The smartest thing for me to do after dinner would have been workout followed by writing. Instead I decided on a little refresher nap. Only one problem, I don't know how to take refresher naps. It's all or nothing with me when it comes to sleep. The sad thing is, I really wasn't that tired. I was doing it in the name of “relaxing.” And relaxing is a good thing, but only when everything else is done, affording you the luxury. I couldn't afford it tonight.

My workday turned very busy, keeping me at the studio until 5pm. I couldn’t believe it, but I had to miss spinning. I didn’t want to miss, but I couldn’t get there in time---I decided instead, to ride to the trail—then walk/jog a 5K. Only one problem…

My front tire was flat. Hmmm. But it wasn’t flat last night, so now I’m wondering what happened. Big Clyde or anyone---What makes a bicycle tire go flat for no apparent obvious reason? I decided to drive---and when I arrived, I grabbed my iPod, made a good playlist, and started hoofing. I power walked mostly. Maybe someday, I’ll stop talking about and actually conquer the C25K program. Uh, yeah---I will! I certainly wouldn’t bet against me!!

I enjoyed dinner out with just Amber. No boyfriend, just the two of us. I was having a real craving for fresh guacamole—so I had some. It was good, about 350 calories worth good. But it was so worth it! Even better was my communication with Amber. We have some amazing conversations about everything and anything. We talked about our changed family dynamic, school, her summer job, future plans, and her personal struggle with weight loss. I’m so proud of Amber. She has a clarity and maturity I didn’t even realize existed at age 20. Despite her challenges and struggles, I’m fully confident---she’s going to make it, she really is going to make it. And that makes me happier than anything else in the world.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

7 comments:

  1. Hey Sean! Congrats on the loss of 3 more pounds! Amazing, but that is what happens after all of those little daily choices. Good for you, my friend.

    As for the bike...I have no idea why they can go flat so quickly. My friend is a cycling coach and he says that we should all re-inflate the tires before every ride. Now, his rides are 40-50 miles each time so maybe that distance makes it worse. So, I don't have a good answer as to what happened. Maybe someone else might know.

    Big Clyde

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  2. If a tire goes flat overnight there's either a tiny puncture in the inner tube or something wrong with the valve ( I mean the part where you pump the air in - english isn't my native language ). Best thing to do is get the inner tube out of the outer, inflate it and push it under water if it's leaking you'll see tiny bubbles coming out of the tube. When you find the problem you can fix it. Replacing the inner tube is another option. Of course you can also let a specialist do it for you :). Good luck on your tire trouble !

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  3. Thank you so much for this post, it was like a big ol' light shining in, helping me see things...

    -Self-honesty and consistency can't be neglected, or the struggle will start up again.
    -Not to take the easy way out with the food, sleep, exercise, etc.
    -Don't pretend we don't know what's happening... we made choices, and choices have consequences...

    In trying to figure out why I was struggling, I totally didn't factor in my messed up sleep! And that was MY choices. You are so right.. it has made EVERYTHING else harder, like a domino effect.

    I, for one, am GLAD you made the choice to hang it all out there in your blog. Because so many of us, like me, learn so much from you.

    Thanks for that,
    Loretta
    =^..^=

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  4. That's kind of funny that you would be seen as getting personal, considering some of the REALLY personal blogs out there. I think you've had pretty good boundaries when it comes to what you choose to share and what you keep private.

    Well, this is really just a kudos to you on your ability to strike a healthy balance on your blog. One thing I really admire that you are open about: your emotions. Also, I like that you don't really shape your prose to meet your audience's needs but to meet your own needs. That way you attract readers who really relate to YOU. Very smart.

    Best of luck for much future success!

    Love, Joni

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  5. sleep is essential for me. very. If I don't get enough sleep everything goes whack a doo.
    I am a personal blogger because I had to to get to the bottom of what was wrong with me and why I was harming myself with the food.
    Keep up the good work.

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  6. Just started my own blog about my weight loss journey. You inspire me! Thanks for sharing!

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  7. I am a PhD student in a different field but I can tell you that we absolutely rely on participation of subjects in research. We just can't understand a particular area without it. So I hope you reconsider and decide to do a service to your fellow bloggers and readers and help create groundbreaking work about the blogosphere. I consider it as much a civic duty as voting! And if you don't consider yourself to fit the description in the abstract, all the more reason to participate and tell 'em that they're wrong! Seriously - if you don't, they'll never know and then you'll read articles years later that don't seem right to you!

    I'm glad you're doing so well and I wish Nathaniel all the best! My man's called Nathaniel and I think its a great, sexy name!
    -Texan Girl

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