Friday, June 11, 2010

Day 633 Weigh Day: 17 Pounds To Goal and "Gaunt," Who? Me? Stop It Already!

Day 633

Weigh Day: 17 Pounds To Goal and “Gaunt,” Who? Me? Stop It Already!

After a little nudging from Texan Girl in yesterday’s comment section, I’ve decided to go ahead and participate in the Oxford Study on personal bloggers. It can’t hurt, maybe I can contribute some real insight to the motivations behind such a commitment. I’ll tell you right now, I’m not sure I’d be 17 pounds away from goal if I hadn’t started this extensive personal study that is The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. This blog has been key to my success in understanding nearly every aspect of my transformation. I certainly don’t know it all---or I wouldn’t have any insecure hang-ups, but I know way more than I ever did before. Enough knowledge has been gained to confidently hit goal and stay thin for the rest of my life.

Yeah, I said 17 pounds to goal!!! Oh, I forgot---I sent the facebook and e-mail weigh day update, but if you’re not one of my facebook friends or on my e-mail list at, then you’re just now finding out! I stepped on the scale and found 247.2 staring back at me. I rounded down to 247 for a very nice 3-pound loss! I’ll take it! It’s amazing how every pound seems to make a noticeable difference these days. I absolutely love it! When I can wash my 38 button fly shrink-to-fit Levis, dry them on HOT, and put them on effortlessly---then yeah, the difference is amazing…and I need to buy new jeans. 36 waist jeans seems so unreal to me, of course 38’s seemed that way at one time. I started at size 64. Now, at 17 pounds to the 230 goal---I’m getting some friends politely telling me that where I am is perfectly fine. Hmmm, well---I appreciate that, I do---But I’ve been looking at 230 since Day 1. And maybe that wasn’t very smart to pick a number like that without anything to base it on, but I did---and I will hit 230. If I need to gain a few pounds, so be it…that would be a cool problem to have, very crazy thought indeed.

Here’s the growing opinion displayed after I posted the weigh day update on facebook:

Chris: Dude! Enough already! LOL You going for birth weight?

Sara: Sean, I'm agreeing with Chris. The last pic on the jetski and last tux picture makes you look a little "gaunt." (Bet you never thought you'd be called that a year ago!) But really...if you had the extra stuff removed, I'll bet you'd be less than 230. And it does NOT show in the picture w/o the over-shirt! So proud of you! You look amazing.

Lisa: Sean, who was it last week that said "Dont you lose another pound?" Wasn't your mom this time. I mean it...don't! Your cheeks will be all sunken in and you will look like you are depriving yourself. Gain that 3 250 was perfect:) I'm smiling but I am serious! And get some good sleep, and do something fun that isn't physical for Pete's sake:)

Linda: Sean, people just aren't used to seeing you so slender. You're eating very healthy, and exercising. You're going to where your body is healthiest- it's natural weight. You go! You're doing amazing! You hit that 230 mark & keep it off. You'll live many, many more years than you were going to. You probably are adding 20-30 years to your life, at least. THAT'S A GOOD THING!

I love my friends. Thank you guys! But please understand---I set a goal and have been working toward it for 633 days straight. I must hit that goal, or I fear the psychological effects might disrupt the space-time continuum. I’m kidding, but seriously---I can get there. Perhaps I should post extremely unflattering pictures of the fat still hanging with the loose skin around my mid-section---or a picture for each thigh, with me holding the excess fat. I’d be embarrassed to post pictures like that, I just couldn’t---but trust me, 17 more pounds can afford to go. And “gaunt,” Sara---really? Well, I never! That one really made me smile. I like the definition of my facial features---after having such a giant fat face for so long---it’s so very cool to only have one chin!

In my daily time travels---I made it back to June 10th, 2009. Here’s an excerpt from exactly one year ago today:

The wonderful comments and e-mails I received about yesterday's blog were extremely appreciated. You know, I often start the day by reading what I've written the night before. And many times I have a much clearer perspective of the situation after reading. It helped to have so many comments and e-mails giving support, thank you. I cringed at the dramatics in some of my sentences. I'm not a fan of dramatics. I try to maintain a level head at all times, always trying to be cool and collected, but I couldn't help expressing myself in a semi-dramatic tone last night. I needed the therapy writing provided. And I honestly thought about not dealing with it, I mean I didn't break my calorie budget, but I felt like I broke off a piece of my will, and with that I knew I had to be honest about my behavior and share what I was feeling.

A couple of comments mentioned something to the effect of “maybe there's pressure to be perfect...” There isn't, trust me. For one, if you've read this entire blog, you know already that I'm far from perfection, and I'm not after perfection. Trying to be absolutely perfect on a mission like this is a sure fire recipe for disappointment. My goal is to be consistent in my efforts and I've accomplished that successfully so far and I'll continue to be consistent. The mental changes I've experienced are permanent changes and those changes are exactly why I immediately recognized the breakdown last night. As Val put it in her comment... "A year or two ago, that same choice would not have even registered." Very, very true! In fact a year or two ago I would have made it a game where the girls took turns throwing tater tots at my open mouth from across the table. If you think that's a stretch, just ask the girls one of these days; we've done that before! It certainly wasn't as big a deal as I thought it was. I was just scared when I caught myself having those old thoughts and behaviors. I do take pride in my consistency and the example I'm setting for my family and friends. So if I do something I'm not proud of it really gets to me. Today was a new day and I'm stronger from the experience of yesterday. I feel good, real good.

I was invited to dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant tonight. I’ve been out to eat way too much lately, I mean---way too much! But when I do go out, I make sure to understand my strategy before dining. I feel like I can navigate any restaurant, anytime---give me a menu, and I’ll show you exactly the best calorie value, I swear. My Italian restaurant plan was simple---and similar to my Mexican restaurant plan. I always start with water and lemons, I limit my bread (one roll tonight), and I order pasta with a red tomato based sauce---instead of a white cheese or cream based sauce. And I'm honest about the portion size. I eat, I enjoy, and I win!

If I said I had a great workout tonight, I’d be completely lying to you and myself. It was a workout, a hurried two miles in the heat, a walk/jog…but it wasn’t anything inspiring. Maybe a little pathetic. OK—I’m being way to hard on myself with that statement. It wasn’t my best and I know it. There, that’s better. What happened? Well---what happened has happened several times along this road. I take a short nap that turns a little longer, and then I’m rushed to get back and clean up before my evening plans. It’s nauseating to write sometimes, like a broken record---But really---I’m lucky, and I should give thanks that I’m able to be so active, and I do. I just need to get out there and really push myself a little more.

It was a fantastic day really---great weigh-in at the doctor’s office, wonderful dinner, good friends, and great times. A very different existence than my 505 days, for sure!

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,

My regular weigh-day doctors visit! Can you believe how far we’ve come? So excited!!

The question: Could I get in and out of this place under 500 calories? Yes! And you know what? I was completely satisfied. I enjoyed a roll, my spaghetti marinara, and water with lemon. I picked the smallest roll in the basket---oh my, it was so good.


  1. Congrats on the 3 pound loss! You will get to 230 and when you do you will be one of the most amazing days of your life; once you hit 230 then decide if you need to gain a little or stay right where you are. 230 has always been your goal so never give up on that goal.

  2. Okay, dude. Do I have to be the one to say it? You're thin. My boyfriend says guys don't want to hear that, but somehow I don't think you'll mind. ;)

  3. I hear you! I get so frustrated with 'well meaning' work colleagues who say silly things about me having lost too much etc. I'm not even a healthy BMI yet. I think they just get used to seeing you fat, they dont adjust to the slim you any quicker than we do ourselves! I also sometimes wonder if there's a little bit of jealousy there, or insecurity. People are comfortable with us being fat, we're not threatening. Suddenly we are stronger, more confident and walking taller and I think the whole thing freaks them out, whether consciously or not. For the record I think nobody knows but YOU when you have reached your goal. And you're a constant inspiration.

  4. I'm 17 pounds to my goal weight too! I have a feeling you're going to beat me.

  5. I'm still amazed by how much food I'm served at times, but what's more amazing is looking back and realizing how much I ate even when I was no longer hungry.

    I value portion control everyday now, and I'm happier and healthy because of these choices. :)

    You look incredible now, and you'll look incredible 17 pounds from now...I agree that it's important to reach the goals we set..and if you have the 'problem' of needing to gain a few then that will be another new and interesting experience...

  6. Well, look at your gaunt little self at the restaurant! (Glad I made you smile. You know I love you, brother!) You may not know that Lisa is a friend of mine. Don't make us come down to the studio, kidnap you, and start force-feeding you at Sonic! Really, Sean, of course I know that only you know what is best for you. And I do understand the "goal" number. As long as you remember you also said "or whatever feels right." You are an amazing inspiration to so many of us, and I know you will get this part of the journey just as right as you got the first part. Love ya, friend

  7. Congratulations on the 3lbs! Wonderful motivation I'm sure. You're looking great and feeling great. That's what matters!

    Oh, when it comes to rolls in restaurants, butter is usually slathered on (quite generously) with a large pastry brush (think large-sized painting brush) dunked in a big bowl of melted butter while the rolls are hot. That way, most of the butter is absorbed by the roll and isn't really noticable by the customer. I've worked in the food industry before and have seen this happen. So many hidden liquid calories there! Good idea in being cautious.

    Keep movin' and losin' until -you- feel comfortable. This is -your- journey after all! :)

  8. I love your video blogs!!!
    Great job navigating through your life...going out to eat, going to the gym, and being you. Your three pound weight loss is wonderful. Keep going -- you know you will reach your ultimate goal soon! Go Sean Go!

  9. Thanks for the on-the-go-video. LOVE it! It is very helpful and encouraging and educational and inspirational. But alas, I couldn't get past the OVERshirt. I thought we agreed to get RID of those? If you want to wear a button-down shirt, please, I beg you, button it up and make it your shirt. WHY wear a printed t-shirt underneath? MUST be an Okie thing, because here in CA nobody wears OVERshirts - not skinny people, and not fat people.

    I love you anyway. You are a rock star in my book. Just trying to help you look as GOOD as you are!!

  10. lol @ Sara! Sean, I would never kidnap you and take you to Sonic! I just think you need to maintain where you are, but you know better than I do:) And I would NEVER try to discourage you from doing what you have worked so hard to do for so long(making your goal). It's just that, in your face, you do look a little...the "G" word in some of your photos, and it may be from being tired from your busy schedule. But you look great overall:) Oh, and I ate at Napoli's with my friend Sherri last weekend. She ordered a supreme pizza(large), I ate only the top(veggies and a little meat) off 3 slices, and had water and lemon as usual. I did have a dinner salad, and was full afterwards. Didn't touch the bread. I Let Sherri take the leftovers home. The servings are too much, and I tried to find a marina sauce with noodles and couldn't find one on the menu. But what I had was good. Now, I am done talking. Good luck losing your last 17 lbs(that was hard for me to type):)


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