Weigh Day: 17 Pounds To Goal and “Gaunt,” Who? Me? Stop It Already!
After a little nudging from Texan Girl in yesterday’s comment section, I’ve decided to go ahead and participate in the Oxford Study on personal bloggers. It can’t hurt, maybe I can contribute some real insight to the motivations behind such a commitment. I’ll tell you right now, I’m not sure I’d be 17 pounds away from goal if I hadn’t started this extensive personal study that is The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. This blog has been key to my success in understanding nearly every aspect of my transformation. I certainly don’t know it all---or I wouldn’t have any insecure hang-ups, but I know way more than I ever did before. Enough knowledge has been gained to confidently hit goal and stay thin for the rest of my life.
Yeah, I said 17 pounds to goal!!! Oh, I forgot---I sent the facebook and e-mail weigh day update, but if you’re not one of my facebook friends or on my e-mail list at email@example.com, then you’re just now finding out! I stepped on the scale and found 247.2 staring back at me. I rounded down to 247 for a very nice 3-pound loss! I’ll take it! It’s amazing how every pound seems to make a noticeable difference these days. I absolutely love it! When I can wash my 38 button fly shrink-to-fit Levis, dry them on HOT, and put them on effortlessly---then yeah, the difference is amazing…and I need to buy new jeans. 36 waist jeans seems so unreal to me, of course 38’s seemed that way at one time. I started at size 64. Now, at 17 pounds to the 230 goal---I’m getting some friends politely telling me that where I am is perfectly fine. Hmmm, well---I appreciate that, I do---But I’ve been looking at 230 since Day 1. And maybe that wasn’t very smart to pick a number like that without anything to base it on, but I did---and I will hit 230. If I need to gain a few pounds, so be it…that would be a cool problem to have, very crazy thought indeed.
Here’s the growing opinion displayed after I posted the weigh day update on facebook:
Chris: Dude! Enough already! LOL You going for birth weight?
Sara: Sean, I'm agreeing with Chris. The last pic on the jetski and last tux picture makes you look a little "gaunt." (Bet you never thought you'd be called that a year ago!) But really...if you had the extra stuff removed, I'll bet you'd be less than 230. And it does NOT show in the picture w/o the over-shirt! So proud of you! You look amazing.
Lisa: Sean, who was it last week that said "Dont you lose another pound?" Wasn't your mom this time. I mean it...don't! Your cheeks will be all sunken in and you will look like you are depriving yourself. Gain that 3 back...lol 250 was perfect:) I'm smiling but I am serious! And get some good sleep, and do something fun that isn't physical for Pete's sake:)
Linda: Sean, people just aren't used to seeing you so slender. You're eating very healthy, and exercising. You're going to where your body is healthiest- it's natural weight. You go! You're doing amazing! You hit that 230 mark & keep it off. You'll live many, many more years than you were going to. You probably are adding 20-30 years to your life, at least. THAT'S A GOOD THING!
I love my friends. Thank you guys! But please understand---I set a goal and have been working toward it for 633 days straight. I must hit that goal, or I fear the psychological effects might disrupt the space-time continuum. I’m kidding, but seriously---I can get there. Perhaps I should post extremely unflattering pictures of the fat still hanging with the loose skin around my mid-section---or a picture for each thigh, with me holding the excess fat. I’d be embarrassed to post pictures like that, I just couldn’t---but trust me, 17 more pounds can afford to go. And “gaunt,” Sara---really? Well, I never! That one really made me smile. I like the definition of my facial features---after having such a giant fat face for so long---it’s so very cool to only have one chin!
In my daily time travels---I made it back to June 10th, 2009. Here’s an excerpt from exactly one year ago today:
The wonderful comments and e-mails I received about yesterday's blog were extremely appreciated. You know, I often start the day by reading what I've written the night before. And many times I have a much clearer perspective of the situation after reading. It helped to have so many comments and e-mails giving support, thank you. I cringed at the dramatics in some of my sentences. I'm not a fan of dramatics. I try to maintain a level head at all times, always trying to be cool and collected, but I couldn't help expressing myself in a semi-dramatic tone last night. I needed the therapy writing provided. And I honestly thought about not dealing with it, I mean I didn't break my calorie budget, but I felt like I broke off a piece of my will, and with that I knew I had to be honest about my behavior and share what I was feeling.
A couple of comments mentioned something to the effect of “maybe there's pressure to be perfect...” There isn't, trust me. For one, if you've read this entire blog, you know already that I'm far from perfection, and I'm not after perfection. Trying to be absolutely perfect on a mission like this is a sure fire recipe for disappointment. My goal is to be consistent in my efforts and I've accomplished that successfully so far and I'll continue to be consistent. The mental changes I've experienced are permanent changes and those changes are exactly why I immediately recognized the breakdown last night. As Val put it in her comment... "A year or two ago, that same choice would not have even registered." Very, very true! In fact a year or two ago I would have made it a game where the girls took turns throwing tater tots at my open mouth from across the table. If you think that's a stretch, just ask the girls one of these days; we've done that before! It certainly wasn't as big a deal as I thought it was. I was just scared when I caught myself having those old thoughts and behaviors. I do take pride in my consistency and the example I'm setting for my family and friends. So if I do something I'm not proud of it really gets to me. Today was a new day and I'm stronger from the experience of yesterday. I feel good, real good.
I was invited to dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant tonight. I’ve been out to eat way too much lately, I mean---way too much! But when I do go out, I make sure to understand my strategy before dining. I feel like I can navigate any restaurant, anytime---give me a menu, and I’ll show you exactly the best calorie value, I swear. My Italian restaurant plan was simple---and similar to my Mexican restaurant plan. I always start with water and lemons, I limit my bread (one roll tonight), and I order pasta with a red tomato based sauce---instead of a white cheese or cream based sauce. And I'm honest about the portion size. I eat, I enjoy, and I win!
If I said I had a great workout tonight, I’d be completely lying to you and myself. It was a workout, a hurried two miles in the heat, a walk/jog…but it wasn’t anything inspiring. Maybe a little pathetic. OK—I’m being way to hard on myself with that statement. It wasn’t my best and I know it. There, that’s better. What happened? Well---what happened has happened several times along this road. I take a short nap that turns a little longer, and then I’m rushed to get back and clean up before my evening plans. It’s nauseating to write sometimes, like a broken record---But really---I’m lucky, and I should give thanks that I’m able to be so active, and I do. I just need to get out there and really push myself a little more.
It was a fantastic day really---great weigh-in at the doctor’s office, wonderful dinner, good friends, and great times. A very different existence than my 505 days, for sure!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
My regular weigh-day doctors visit! Can you believe how far we’ve come? So excited!!
The question: Could I get in and out of this place under 500 calories? Yes! And you know what? I was completely satisfied. I enjoyed a roll, my spaghetti marinara, and water with lemon. I picked the smallest roll in the basket---oh my, it was so good.