Day 700, 701, and 702
The Once Dreaded Fitting Room is Fun, Speaking Engagement, and Binge Control
Breakfast is something that just can't be compromised. It can be abbreviated, simplified, grabbed on the run, whatever, but it is imperative--everyday. Even when I'm running late, breakfast is a top priority. I was never a "breakfast person" at my heaviest, and if I did grab something back then, it was usually a load of junk. Little chocolate donuts, some powdered too (in the name of variety), maybe some Doritos, and a big Dutch chocolate milk--sometimes the quart size...Oh, and are those deep fried cinnamon rolls? Sure, throw one (or two) of those in the bag! Breakfast is very different for me now and more important than ever. The first calories of the day are spent now, knowing what a favor I'm doing for my metabolism. If coffee is what I need to get me moving, a good breakfast is what my metabolism needs to start burning.
I was running behind Monday morning, which isn't unusual for me, unfortunately...and I found myself in a fast food drive-thru for breakfast. This wasn't a bad situation, it could have been--sure, but I know that what makes anything bad or good--ultimately---comes down to my choices. My choice in this moment: A simple order of scrambled eggs and a banana. It isn't your typical fast food breakfast order, and you will not find it on their menu as a breakfast combo, but it is available--all I had to do was order what I wanted. What I wanted was a good breakfast, and that's exactly what I had Monday morning.
Early afternoon found Me on the road to Tulsa. I was on the way to Sherri and Terry's home. Sherri is my cousin, Terry is her husband--they're family--very good people. Sherri is helping me manage my ideas and professional desires and seriously, I couldn't find anyone better to have in my corner.
I planned on arriving in Tulsa with a business meeting at 3pm, followed by dinner and shopping! You see, a while back---I think it was when I posted the red high heel photos (fundraiser for Domestic Violence of North Central Oklahoma), Sherri noticed how baggy my jeans were---and at that time, she told me that she would love to buy me a pair of jeans someday that actually fit correctly. Well, tonight was the night!
I purchased a pair of 36-30 jeans on Sunday, even posting the picture of the tab here, but of course I couldn't believe that I was really a size 36 waist. I mean really, me? Surely it was just the Levi Jeans company---maybe their size 36 was actually 38 or 40. Tonight at Macy's, I experienced some confirmation of my new jean size. I tried on some 36-32's--Tommy Hillfiger---Uh, they fit---perfectly. (It turns out that I needed a 32 inseam all along and can even use a 34) I settled on a pair of Nautica--size 36 waist with a 32 inch inseam. Wow---these jeans feel amazing!!!! Oh Sherri, you didn't have to be so kind, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I needed these jeans to cement in my mind a size, a size that sounds crazy to me---so unbelievable that it's mine---so far from the old Sean, squeezing into size 64's. My Aunt Margaret (Sherri's mom) bought me a shirt, and that was another amazing experience in the fitting room.
Many of the extra large shirts were too big. Seriously, let me type that again---Many of the XL shirts were too big. Wow, really? Yes, really. At the same time--many of the large shirts were just a tad too small. I'm between an "L" and an "XL," and I'm right in the middle of being thrilled. Thank you to Sherri and Aunt Margaret for the wonderful gifts. I've never enjoyed a fitting room in a store quite this much, ever in my life.
I decided on a late night walk/jog/old fashioned foot race for a workout tonight. It takes me back to my very early childhood. Every time I do it, a sprint, I'm transported back to my childhood---P.E. class, and Mrs. Brown with a stopwatch---everyone lining up and running as fast as we could. I hated it back then, because I was always the slowest. I love doing it now, simply because I can. It's not about the speed or winning a race---it's about the feeling of accelerating my body under my own power---the feeling of a runner, and realizing that it doesn't hurt---in fact, it releases an amazing feeling in me that makes me feel euphoric for a little while. Endorphins are amazing little things my friend, just incredible really.
Tuesday morning the counter was set. Terry was up early preparing the arena--The omelet cooking showdown was on! The ingredients were chopped and ready, the pans were in position, and we were off! His technique was amazing---and something I must try. Instead of folding it over, Terry finishes the omelet under the broiler...wow, it looked absolutely amazing. Now I'm upset with myself for not taking a picture of his omelet creation. It was absolute perfection. I was schooled. And really, we learned from each other...which was the point in the first place. We all gathered outside on the patio for a fantastic breakfast--It was perfect in so many ways.
My mid-day speaking engagement at the Broken Arrow Business Women's Association meeting was a phenomenal experience for me. Not only was Sherri, Terry, and My aunt Margaret in attendance---Cathy was too! I met Cathy, a regular reader of this blog (picture below), who told me that when she realized that she was only a mile away--she just couldn't pass up the chance. The menu was lasagna (loved it!), salad (no--I didn't eat salad---you know me), broccoli (uh-no..;), bread, and brownies. I don't normally like to eat before a speaking engagement, but I made an exception here---enjoying a half a piece of lasagna and a half a slice of bread before taking the floor.
I was very happy with my presentation. I was well prepared and completely confident in the structure of my message. The toughest thing for me is realizing that I can't say everything I really want to say--there isn't enough time. I must remember---this isn't a full blown weight loss seminar---it's a 30 to 35 minute speaking engagement. I was very pleased with the impact of my message. I could tell that people were listening intently and feeling the range of emotions that confirm the effectiveness of my communication---and that's exactly what I wanted to accomplish.
What a relief that it went well...seriously, I was "replacing" a successful contestant from NBC's Biggest Loser program. Yeah---I know!! When Danny Cahill's (not sure if that's how he spells his name) schedule no longer fit for this event, that's when I was contacted to speak. So--there's a little pressure---but seriously, none felt really---I'm more than confident with who I am, where I've been, where I am, where I'm headed, and my ability to communicate effectively...so really...no worries. I don't have the "Biggest Loser" element of celebrity like Danny--But I certainly didn't need it today, or ever. My story and my weight loss philosophy was everything I needed and more.
Wednesday was a day that refused to stop. From my morning show at 6am to my broadcast from a casino in the evening---I finally arrived home by 8pm. I prepared a couple of pita pizzas for dinner and had a good talk with a loved one...then, because I refused to believe how tired I actually was--fell asleep in my recliner and slept all night. I hate it when I do that...Uhhhggg!!
Someone asked about binging lately--If I ever binge and how I deal with the urge to binge...So I found the following excerpts in the archives that deal with this issue:
...From the very beginning, I knew that if this time was really going to be the last, if it was really going to be different, I had to analyze my past failed attempts. One key flaw was that I never really gave this journey the importance level it deserved. When I felt that crazy unexplained urge to binge, I would always rationalize my way into feeling OK about “letting loose” a little. I would binge and then rarely ever be back on track in a solid way. Binging was no longer an acceptable thing this time. When those crazy thoughts would come---I would have to be honest enough with myself to recognize the danger threatening my journey. It's a real war inside the brain. But I had given this journey the utmost of importance in my life, and if I binge---it's going to surely be ripped away from me. I couldn't let that happen. This is too important. So I fought those crazy thoughts---I beat them down. Just tonight I commented a struggling friend and suggested this: Whenever something is threatening your journey---anything really---a thought, a circumstance, an emotion, an unexplained yearning---whatever it is---treat it like it's an intruder trying to kidnap one of your kids. Treat it like it's someone trying to kill you. If either one of those situations were happening, you would fight to the death to defend your family and yourself. Make your journey that important. Because it really is. You have to be strict with yourself. A gradual decline in your resolve can eat away at your journey slowly---with equally deadly consequences. Defend it with everything. Don't let anything steal this away from you.
Here's an excerpt from Day 24:
My level of strictness is equal to my desire to be successful on this mission. I want it and I want it bad, and I know myself better than anyone, I know that if I give myself an inch, I'll eat the whole thing. I feel like this is training for a healthier lifestyle. I'm training myself to understand food better, to discover flavors, to understand proper portion amounts, to really better understand exercise and nutrition benefits, I'm in training for a healthier, longer, more satisfying life. And I have to do it on the straight and narrow. When I put my head on that pillow I have to feel good about my calorie and exercise performance. And when you feel good about what you're doing, your confidence goes way up, your results start to add up, and you'll never be kept up by guilt. Guilt makes us feel bad about ourselves and that's when we're the most vulnerable to temptation, and I understand how that can snowball into a complete crash. I'm keeping it between the lines.
The only acceptable level of binge control is complete prevention. Fight for your success. Fight hard and soon it's not a fight anymore. Those crazy urges go away because they know that you'll stand up for yourself against them. Tricky, because the enemy you're fighting is the old you.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
On stage last Saturday representing KPNC before the "Hankerin' For Hank" concert
With "Hank Williams" after the show
Fitting room fun at Macy's in Tulsa...The idea of shopping in a "regular" store and wearing "regular" sizes isn't just an "idea" anymore. It's a beautiful reality...and one that I still can't believe.
Same outfit, pretty sure...maybe a different size shirt...
With my cousin Sherri---This outfit makes me look bigger...see, I'm getting it...
Terry--waiting while we all shopped and I made a mess of the fitting room. Terry is the best, just like me really---My natural inclination is to get in and out in record time...I'm not much of a shopper really---I think Terry and I have that in common.
The size sticker on these new Nautica Jeans. I'm so happy and proud of this sticker...would it be bad if I just left it on the pant leg---and when someone mentions it, I can pretend I didn't notice.."Oh really--wow, silly me---what is that, 36-32, what does that mean? Oh, it's my size, yes...I feel so silly, thank you for pointing that out!"
My Tuesday morning breakfast. A veggie and cheese omelet made with two egg whites and a whole egg, fresh veggies, and a 50 calorie slice of mozzarella---a beautifully filling omelet and only 165 calories! A banana and a couple of strawberries, plus coffee---and great company--made this an absolutely amazing breakfast.
With regular reader Cathy! It was absolutely my pleasure to meet you Cathy!! I'm so glad you were able to make this mid-day event!!
Enjoying my lasagna lunch right before speaking. It's fitting to my weight loss approach and philosophy--that I'm eating lasagna minutes before speaking about my weight loss transformation.
Finally, it was time to speak...
It was an awesome experience, an honor---absolutely! To speak, write, and effectively communicate my passion about weight loss and this entire transformation road is a dream come true. And I hope someone in that audience, even one person---realized that they have the power within them too. I'm no different--I struggled near, at, or above 500 pounds for nearly two decades. Each of us holds the key to our individual freedom---we have the power to choose change before change chooses us.