Saturday, August 28, 2010

Day 710 and 711 Missing Old Sean and New Pictures

Day 710 and 711

Missing Old Sean and New Pictures

I've looked at the pictures from my last post over and over, and it's strange, but I really do kind of miss that guy. I "get it." That guy was affected in so many different ways. Ok--I need to stop talking about my previous physical appearance like it was someone who has passed away. But, in many ways it is just like that. I was that big for so long and my personal appearance, the morbid obesity, helped shape my personality and social behaviors. What has remained the same are my thoughts, beliefs, fears, and personal values--the stuff I know inside, when I'm all alone---just me. That guy is exactly the same. I love that guy too. It all reminds me of the reaction of my now ex-sister in law, when she laid eyes on me for the first time in a long time. It was almost a year ago:

My sister-in-law is staying the night with us. Irene has several sisters, and this one hasn't seen me in a really long time. I really don't know how to take her reaction to the much smaller me. She was shocked, I mean in total disbelief. She told me I looked great and that she was happy that I was healthier for the effort and then she did something unexpected. She started crying. It wasn't tears of happiness, these were grieving tears. She was grieving the loss of the old me. She said “My entire life you've looked the same and now that person is gone.” I assured her that I was still me inside. I still have all of the memories, all of the feelings, all of the humor, I'm Sean Anderson, that will never change! She kept wiping away her tears and we hugged, to which she replied “you don't even hug the same.” I guess I didn't realize how much she loved me. It really touched me deeply. I love her too. Judging from her reaction, you would have thought I had died. And I explained to her that I would have died in the next five or ten years more than likely, had I stayed at over 500 pounds. She just kept going on about it. She'll never see the old Sean again, and that just devastated her completely. It wasn't the reaction I expected at all.

It's really a swim through a giant pool of emotions when I look at my before pictures. I can absolutely relate to the feelings my sister-in-law expressed. I look at those old pictures and I feel sorry for that guy. He's gone. He'll never be back. He'll never walk into the room. He'll never walk onto that stage. That guy died a long time ago. Oh sure, it's still me now, but the presence of that big guy will never return. And I don't want him to come back. He can't. I've completely cut off the mental hangups that gave him a thread of hope on ever returning. I guess we'll just have to get use to it, because I feel amazing---and it keeps getting better and I keep feeling sorry for that big man, but I shouldn't. It might be possible that even at my heaviest, I still loved myself enough to feel a sense of loss now for who I was then. OK---this is getting waaaayyyy too emotional and crazy deep. Let's move on to happy stuff, shall we?

I've lost much more weight since and I have ran into my ex-sister in law a time or two lately. Now, she totally understands---compliments me, but always expresses how she always loved the previous version of me just as well. Her husband also shared that it took him some time to accept my new appearance, but he has, and no longer feels compelled to punch me for no good reason, other than because I (in his words) "look so good." Lucky me. Seriously, the guy's a fighter, I'm not.

As I focus more and more on the fundamentals that have brought me this far, I find myself eating mostly at home and my commitment to exercise has increased dramatically this week. Those are both wonderful things! Could I do more? Absolutely. Should I? Of course. Will I? You can bet the farm, yes!

I had remote location broadcasts all day Friday. The first was a mid-day broadcast at the Oklahoma Blood Institute, where I gleefully made a double donation of red blood cells. OK, maybe "gleefully" isn't the right word. But, I donated never the less. I actually tried to donate a week ago, but they requested that I wait, so I could do it on the air. The second was at the Davis Moore Auto Group, the local Chrysler-Dodge-Jeep dealership.

My vitals were good, real good...and since they run a million test on the blood with every donation, soon I'll once again receive a report on my "numbers." My blood pressure today was 123/82...just a touch higher than the previous 120/78, and my pulse---check this out: 57!!! Athletic, they say! Unbelievable, I say.

Cathy Cole, the director of Ponca City Medical Center's Healthy Woman program and the Lose To Win program, for which I've spoken on many occasions, is also an accomplished photographer. She came to my broadcast Friday and did me a wonderful favor in snapping some "current" pictures for this blog and my facebook profile picture. Thank you Cathy! I'm not sure Cathy will mind or not, but I think I'm safe in telling you...she's lost nearly 50 pounds and is beyond excited about where she's headed on her transformation road. She's keeping a strict "Calorie Bank and Trust" account and walking around her beautiful neighborhood every evening with her family and friends. She's found the joy in finding the best calorie values too, getting the most bang for her calorie buck, and in that regard---finding the Joseph's 60 calorie pita. She sent me a thrilling text message from the store upon finding her supply of these pitas that have become a staple in my home over the last year.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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This is a three ounce portion of Rib-Eye steak, an entire 70 calorie can of green beans, and a half a baked potato with a couple of teaspoons of sour cream. The entire meal was just under 450 calories. By the way, the Rib-Eye is possibly the worst calorie value steak out there, but it's also my favorite!! So, I allowed a 3 ounce serving for 220 calories, no problem. A lean sirloin would have given me more meat, but really---I was completely satisfied with my plate. I was full and happy--and I had Rib-Eye steak by golly.

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I really haven't a clue what this machine does...but they tried to explain. Something about taking extra red blood cells, a double portion (not sure "portion" is the right word unless you're a vampire) and then it replenishes your body with saline--and when it does that part, it feels like ice water is running through your veins...because the saline is room temperature. I don't really have to understand it to know that it saves lives when it's needed in an emergency.

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I feel like Ricky Bobby. What do I do with my hands?

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Sitting on a nice motorcycle on the Davis Moore showroom floor. Not to worry my dear sweet mother, but someday--I'd really like to have one of these.

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Big before picture with my daughters! Wearing the black jacket with black undershirt. Apparently, this is a big fashion no-no...at least someone told me it was recently. Really? I never knew. I wonder if Johnny Cash was ever told the same thing? I do agree---a little more color in my wardrobe would be nice. I'm working on that!

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I'm kind of squinting here because of the sunshine. Thank you Cathy for the pictures!!

31 comments:

  1. great pic Sean. I can't help but notice, still no tucking huh? haha. I love that bike you are sitting on. If you happen to get it, just let me know, I will come on over and test ride it for you.

    For the record, I would have just let the questions re: you and Kenz lie. It is not any of our business. I have been as curious as anyone but again, none o' my bidness!

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  2. Sean,
    I loved looking at the new pictures. You continue to amaze me with your honesty and willingness to deal with any issue that comes up in your blog.

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  3. Sean, You do not owe anyone an explanation. You inspire me every day. I see that you still are eating canned green beans. YUCK They are loaded with sodium. Go to fresh or frozen.

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  4. Sean,

    I can relate to the way your ex sister-in-law felt when she expressed tears seeing your transformation. You may not remember, but when had our picture taken together at the final weigh-in at Lose to Win, I got teary eyed after Cathy snapped the picture of us while giving you a hug. The difference was, my tears were tears of joy and awe. Your transformation did that to me. I wasn't expecting to get emotional. I was thinking..."Is this really Sean, so happy, healthy and full of life?" I don't miss the old Sean because you are still the same person with the same heart, just happy and healthier, and for that I am so grateful.

    Congratulations on your weight loss Cathy!

    Take Care and God Bless!

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  5. Hey Sean. You look amazing in your photos and it's easy to see the joy that has come with your transformation.

    Thanks for being willing to share all that you do. You feel like a dear friend even though we may never meet.

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  6. There are several brands now that have canned "no salt added" versions of many veggies. Yes they are a little bland. But you can spice them up with your favorite spice blends.

    Oh...and lookin' great Sean. Love all the pics.

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  7. Sean - thanks for being a blood donor! My last donation in July completed my 10th gallon! I've never done the double reds, though. I've always done it one pint at a time! I have a similar picture of me giving blood at that last donation -- not exactly the best place for a photo op!

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  8. Really interesting perspective. Love how you share so much that I just never thought about!

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  9. Hi! I was bouncing around the internet tonight and I somehow stubbled onto your blog. WOW!! I can't wait to dive in and read every. single. post.
    I have about 100 lbs to lose and I just started my journey on July 1 of this year.
    You are such an inspiration and intend to add you to my reader so I can follow along with your continued journey. God Bless you, Sean. You are an amazing person!
    ~Jessica
    http://healthyfor100.blogspot.com

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  10. the hands.
    I don't know.
    I always end up putting my hands on my hips. course I'm a girl.
    you would look a bit funny.
    the casual thumb tuck in the pants pocket works though. lol.

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  11. You look fantastic Sean, and the pic of you on the motorcycle looks absolutely natural and awesome! (I too would love to have a motorcycle someday!)

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  12. I agree with anonymous about the green beans. It's no wonder you can't stand vegetables if you only eat canned. Steam some fresh green beans, find some at a farm stand if it's not too late in the season.

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  13. Never eat sirloin when you can have rib eye! Good choice.

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  14. I've had to delete several "off-topic" comments in the last 24 hours. It started, because I tried to write and post a very short, sweet, friendly paragraph about something I should have just left alone. And by the way--That's the wish of the other party involved...she'd rather I not mention anything. So I've respected her wishes and edited the original post twice and deleted 4 or 5 comments that were of that nature.

    In the words of Byron Katie, there are three types of personal business: My business, your business, and God's business.

    I've done my best to keep my personal business out of these writings. This is a weight-loss blog, not a soap opera.

    I sincerely thank the readers that get that and value what I write about my weight loss experiences and epiphanies along this road. I hope you'll continue to read.

    For the ones hell-bent on my personal business, this blog isn't for you, sadly. Because if you discovered this blog because you were interested in weight loss--and that's what you're interested in reading about, then I believe you can find some wonderful value here. But if your interest is my personal business, your focus clearly isn't where it should be---and that's on your business.

    You cannot judge a situation without fully understanding the dynamics, personalities, emotions, and stories involved...and there's only two that know that story. And that's the way it shall remain.

    So please, consider that when deciding what to write as a comment, and if you can't understand the pureness of that request, then it's best you move on to other blogs.

    Good Choices,
    Sean

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  15. I agree with never eat sirloin when you can have ribeye! Yum!

    I don't like frozen green beans at all. Fresh only if they're cooked to look and taste like canned. You still get vitamins and nutrients from canned veggies, so don't feel bad about eating them.

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  16. Oh, I forgot about all the veggies you use in your omelets. I should have said that you hate "green veggies". But you're doing great so... maybe add some fresh green veggies once in awhile?

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  17. Sean...did you ever think you would get so many comments about your canned veggies! I eat canned veggies too. And fresh ones. I say as long as you are eating veggies, it doesn't matter. I learned as soon as I started reading you that nothing is off limits. You will enjoy whatever in the correct portions. So, enjoy your canned veggies!!! LOL!

    By the way, you are very correct about what you said about the personal comments. It is none of anyone's business but you & the other person. There has to be a line drawn somewhere.

    Wishing you the best...and good choices of course!
    Jodi
    PS...I'm still reading you from the beginning. I'm a month in. I got so far to go with reading, but I am really loving it. Thank you for sharing this gift with us. Tomorrow is my weigh day. Keep your fingers crossed. I'm still at 193 pounds lost and I need the scale to move a little bit!!

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  18. I ahve read your blog many times but have never commented. In fact I am a follower, just a silent one;) I do just want to congratulate you though for this amazing accomplishment!!!!!!!!!!! I am a 63 year old woman, have been working out faithfully for a year but have not lost weight. I only need to lose about 10 lbs. but I go up and down 3-4 pounds all the time. It is very frustrating. I eat healthy too so I think it is my age. I guess. God bless and keep on. You look mahvelous, darling:):) XO, Pinky

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  19. Lol. I hope I make people cry after I lose 200 pounds. That would be awesome and funny.

    You look amazing btw. Really hot!

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  20. Okay, sorry about razzing you on the "black on black" thing....But when I see something that is ALMOST perfect, I just have to try and make that tiny correction that will put it over the edge! Call me a nitpick!! Seriously, you're too handsome to do the "Johnny Cash" thing.

    Oh, and I eat canned green beans too, sometimes the whole can by myself...there's just something yummy about them. I won't touch any other veggie from a can, but green beans, oh my, so good.

    Randa

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  21. sean!!!!!!!!!!!!! You look soooooooooooo good!!!

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  22. Hey Sean! Congratulations on your journey so far. For those of you who read Sean's blog let me introduce myself. I am a co-worker of Sean's and I have known him for a number of years. It has been my pleasure to watch Sean transform over these past few months. Not just the weight loss, but a journey of the soul. Of course the weight loss is super important and is the outward evidence of the inward journey. I have watched Sean grow as he shrinks. I have watched him stumble, yet always get back up and continue his journey. I know the road has not been easy for him, but his commitment to change is powerful. Above all I would like to share something with those of you have followed Sean's journey, but do not have the luxury of knowing Sean in person on a daily basis like I do. What I want you to know is that Sean has a kind and loving heart. He cares for everyone who enters his life, whether in person or here online. This caring for others is part of what makes Sean's success possible. No one, and I mean no one can go through a meaningful transformation and maintain it without this inward kindness. I believe that with all of my heart, and I KNOW that Sean personifies this principle. I share this because I have seen Sean go through some tough times and I have been proud of the way he has handled himself. Maybe more than proud, amazed. Real change can happen, if you want it and are willing to be honest enough with yourself. Congratulations again Sean. You may weigh less, but you are a bigger man now than you ever were.

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  23. Ok I want to put my 2 cents regarding canned green beans...I grew up eating only canned grean beans....hated frozen or fresh...then one day last year I stir fried frozen green beans with a touch of olive oil and garlic now I'm hooked....I actually could sit down and have a bowl myself...lol

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  24. I'm just starting my journey to improved health, but your phtoos are amazing, inspirational and encouraging. Goodness, you and the guy posing with his daughters could be brothers! You look vaguely similar, but nothing alike. Congratulations on your amazing transformation to a healthy Sean (that probably gets old to hear/read, but it is sincere) ... and Susan Astramskas-Simpson, I also grew up eating only canned green beans. I don't care for fresh or frozen. Hmmm ... I may have to try your olive oil and garlic trick. Thanks for that suggestion!

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  25. What a testimony! Thanks for sharing and what a lovely thing for Amazing Dave to say. You have a wonderful co-worker Sean!

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  26. I've been a lurker, but now I must weigh in (no pun intended) on the canned veggies debate. I like heating canned veggies gently and having them as a snack. I just get the unsalted version.

    But what REALLY rocks is canned beans. Especially garbanzos. I have to rinse them very well before eating them, though.

    And then there's my favorite canned item--tuna. I eat it straight from the can. I don't even bother making a sandwich any more.

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  27. P.S. I grew up having to eat my mother's overcooked, frozen mixed vegetables. I still, as an adult, have to sort the ones I like from the ones I dislike. Now I just get the fresh veggies I like and eat 'em raw--broccoli, carrots, snow peas, cukes, etc.

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  28. Sean!!!! Sorry to post again, but I had to tell you! I weighed myself today. Three more pounds gone! I'm at 196 lost now. Four pounds away from 200. I'm going to be such a girl and cry like a baby when that happens! I just wanted to share this with you. Thank you for all your encouragement. You're the best!! Good choices my friend!!! :)
    PS..Thanks about your comment about Larry & Harley. That is my favorite picture of them!! Speaking of pictures..you look SO handsome in your new pictures. (Ok, the tux one is still my favorite) Love the Harley pic (hence the name of my cat!)

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  29. Hey Sean. Thank you for being an inspiration. My first weigh in today an I lost 9 pounds in the past 7 days. this is working great. thanks again.

    Tom

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  30. Okay, I just have to say that canned green beans are gross. You know I love green beans, but from the can? No way...Just saying. :)

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  31. I made a WONDERFUL fresh tasting vegie combo last week... WW recipe... 1 bag microwave steamed baby peas... 1 bag microwave steamed sugar snap peas and 1 lb fresh asparagus cut in two inch lengths and also steamed in microwave added to pan and sauteed with 1 tbsp olive oil chopped shallots, lemon zest, fresh tarragon and fresh ground pepper..it was AMAZING tasting and so gourmet looking! the vegies were really crisp and crunchy..i made it for my boyfriends birthday dinner with mashed potatoes and filet mignon and the vegies tatsted the best!!!

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