August 6th, 2019 Tricky Balance
Yesterday was a 5-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I enjoyed a short elliptical workout, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.
My time off continues to be a good thing. I slept for a full 8 hours last night! It felt amazing.
I did experience a thing last night that was unsettling. I've been having low-level anxiety lately. last night, on the treadmill, it came up, whatever "it" is, in a powerful way. I had to stop at 20-minutes. I did some breathing exercises and some calming meditation and it subsided--but still, carried it "in the background" for a few hours. I'm glad I was able to rest as well as I did.
I had to call an audible last night for dinner. I bought fresh catfish filets and planned to prepare one of my favs, oven-fried catfish, but the fish was not fresh. It was slimy and stinky. I made a beef, bean, and cheese burrito instead. My food plan gives me available options, so it was easy to shift the plan. But man, I wanted catfish!! Just not that catfish.
DDWL Archived Excerpt from March 2010:
I woke up with a real attitude problem today. I didn't go straight to the floor for my sit-ups and then to my chair for the non-weighted squats. No, not this morning. I was severely upset with someone.
So I huffed and puffed my way to the kitchen to start the coffee, grabbed the eggs and pita bread, started cooking, and all the while with a big grumpy scowl on my face.
You know, promises were made to me---and when someone gives me their word, I trust that they'll keep it. The coffee tasted good. I prepared a breakfast taco with the pita using two scrambled whole eggs and salsa—no cheese.
You know what I mean?
When you count on someone to come through, live up to their part of the bargain, do what's right...and then they don't?
And then you have to see them every day---looking at you, yeah---look at them, they know you're disappointed...and they care. At least I think they do, or else they're really good at looking like they care.
Seriously---How much do I have to do for this guy to get a little cooperation in return? I've changed this guy's life in so many ways, flat-out saved him from certain early death and this is the appreciation he gives?
What an ungrateful lump.
He has so much potential---but if he doesn't get it together and really focus on important elements of his development, then I guess mediocrity and less than his best will be the nagging acceptable existence that he must live with---knowing what he could do, but not loving himself enough to do it---to be it---to claim what is right in front of his lazy, ungrateful hands.
Sorry I'm venting here---but you see--the schedule is set, we both know what needs to be done, what must be done---and then he doesn't give me 110%, not even 25%? Not acceptable.
Oh wow...it's frustrating, maddening sometimes really.
Especially when the person that let you down...is you.
Yeah---I had a pretty tough session with my thoughts last night.
I've slipped into a comfort zone—where the workouts are never too much and the schedule is always flexible, regardless of the consequences---even if it means being inconsistent. You know how I feel about consistency. Without consistency---I wouldn't be where I am along this road.
I've come a very long way with consistency.
I can't stop being consistent now. I know what to do, I know how to do it, I know what I want, it's right there for the taking if I'm willing to put in the work.
OK—I'm done now. Done with this attitude problem. I'm ready to proceed---let's do this!
Shall we? Oh, you bet we will---all the way my friend. All the way!
It's hard to believe that was over nine years ago! I've learned a lot more since that was written. I've learned the importance of self-compassion/kindness--and the tricky balance between being kind to myself and enabling behaviors that will keep me stuck...and the last few words, above... "all the way," yeah...that...
The thing about that is this: "All the way" suggests there's a finish line somewhere. There isn't. Unless I look at each day as having a start and a finish. I guess when I hit the pillow at night, that's a finish line.
I tend to digress... my point is, creating an ever-evolving daily practice is what I believe it's all about. When we create that practice, the big mile markers come in the form of major milestones along the way, but hopefully, there isn't a finish line...well, until--you know.
The focus isn't a finish line, the focus is on creating a daily practice that's doable and helps keep me well each brand new day.
If you're thinking about joining the accountability and support group I facilitate now's the time to register! Our next 8-week session starts on August 14th and 15th!! If you're interested, email me right away with questions! firstname.lastname@example.org
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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
If you're interested in connecting via social media:
I accept friend requests on MyFitnessPal. My daily food logging diary is set to public.
MFP Username: SeanAAnderson
My Twitter: SeanAAnderson
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