Friday, October 10, 2014

October 10th, 2014 I'm Winning

October 10th, 2014 I'm Winning

The late night weather coverage last night resulted in me oversleeping this morning. At least it was for a good cause, right? For some unexplained reason, I was full of energy right up until about 1:30pm when I started crashing.

I couldn't take a nap because I had things to get done before my emcee duties at a local elementary school carnival. The station I work for is a partner in education with this school--and two times a year I contribute my time to emcee an event. It's always a decent turnout. Tonight marks the 5th or 6th year in a row I've emceed this particular event. It went well. I didn't prepare very well, though. I should have packed some food. I didn't. I declined the offers of popcorn, hot dogs and chips tonight--opting instead to meet my daughter Amber and her fiance for dinner at my favorite little Mexican restaurant, immediately after the event. Once again, Fajita Crispy Tacos was the dinner of choice!

I had the calories coming, so I indulged in some chips and salsa with a little sour cream mixed into it, making a nice creamy dip. I counted my chips, declined the cheese, rice and beans--ordered corn taco shells instead of the typical flour tortillas and got out of there within my budget. Still, I have a feeling I'm eating out way too much lately. Will it show up on weigh day, Wednesday the 15th? Maybe. We'll see.

I fell short on my water consumption today and although my rest day was Monday, I decided to take another rest day today, skipping the workout tonight. My FitBit still is giving me a calorie adjustment of over 230 calories based on my activity.

I'm exhausted and simply need to sleep as long as I can to really soak up some good rest. I'm taking some melatonin here in a few minutes and I hope it keeps me from waking up early, instinctively.

I'm not beating myself up for any of this today. I'm still taking extraordinary care and sometimes that means allowing an extra helping of self-compassion. Negative self-talk does an incredible amount of damage--far greater than the physical damage of not getting enough water or exercise, or eating out too often. 

I'm winning, so why try to convince myself otherwise?

My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, October 9, 2014

October 9th, 2014 Enjoying Our Food

October 9th, 2014 Enjoying Our Food

Weather coverage has kept me up late tonight. The weather hasn't been anything severe, just light to moderate and at times heavy. Around here, even when it's not severe, it's important for us to be on the air saying it isn't, because it certainly can sound that way at times! If it's important for us to be on the air when severe weather is threatening, it's also important to be a voice of calm reassurance when it isn't.

I had a great food day. I was creative and I love it when I get creative in the kitchen! One of the things I didn't focus on enough in yesterday's post was the importance of eating foods you enjoy. If you're eating what you enjoy anyway, it makes it much easier to be consistent! If we choose to choke down things we can't stand as a means to lose weight, but we're miserable in the process, we're less likely to remain consistent. This "eat what you like and nothing you don't" point seems to be an obvious one, but is sometimes overlooked in our pursuit of fast results.

Once again, it was a busy day. I did have a late morning to early afternoon nap in the middle--simply because of two things: We were short handed at work and needed someone from on-air/production to stay late in the afternoon and I was anticipating the weather coverage--which did happen, keeping me up very late. I headed back to work at 1pm and stayed for the 2nd half of my day.

I'm on the board of directors of the arts and humanities council and tonight we were hosting a big concert at the Hutchins Memorial Auditorium. Since I'm the radio guy on the board, I get elected to make announcements before the fabulous concerts. We had a good crowd tonight for the Tulsa Playboys! I kept getting positive reactions about my weight loss. One gentleman approached me after my first time on stage tonight, saying: "Sean, I listen everyday and I remember you when you were at your heaviest. You're looking incredible, man!" That was awesome. 

 I also remember when I was at my heaviest. It's throwback Thursday--Here's a "before" picture from years and years ago!
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I naturally do a better job when I'm feeling confident and I certainly had an abundance of confidence this evening. I was wearing a pull over type shirt with a collar-- no over-shirt. The extra amount of compliments was because I was actually wearing something that fit properly for where I am, today.

I covered some weather at the studio--then took a quick break to run to the YMCA and get my workout in before they closed. I barely made it--but I made it, and although I was struggling some against going, I'm glad I did. It didn't take long to get into the right mindset and groove where I get a dose of energy that pushes me even harder than before. I returned to work post-workout for a while--and now I'm home and headed to bed. Goodnight! Or--if you're reading this Friday morning--Good morning!

 My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and you wonderful support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, October 8, 2014

October 8th, 2014 If Consistency is Key, What Are The Keys To Consistency?

October 8th, 2014 If Consistency is Key, What Are The Keys To Consistency?

I believe we get what we give. The more we put into something, the more we get out of it. I want consistent results, so I give myself extraordinary care, consistently. It isn't always easy. It's certainly not as simple as saying. "I'm going to be consistent from here on out!" Don't we wish it were that easy?

As I analyze the fundamentals of what I've been doing in my recovery mode, I realize I've built a system that works for me. It's a system of accountability, support and open communication. In relapse, two of these three things were non-existent. I shut down my accountability and isolated, I may have communicated some, but not about my struggles. The support was always there, but largely ignored, by my own choosing, so it wasn't effective.

Being consistent during this turnaround from the regain has required me to elevate my accountability. My Twitter feed pictures of everything I eat has been an invaluable accountability tool. I was resistant to the idea at first, fearing it would be a huge hassle. It's actually a complete pleasure and it's inspired me to eat better! I take my time in choosing, preparing and eating my food. I enjoy it more--all because of this twitter feed. I've made it important.

I've recognized and accepted support in many forms. Your readership is support, your comments are support and I've established a list of people I know I can text or call anytime, night or day, if I'm needing someone to talk me through a tough time, or talk me out of a drive-through. I'm loving the relationship Heather and I have developed because it is full of support for one another. She is all about living a lifestyle conducive to weight loss and maintenance and she totally gets me, on so many levels. 

Open and honest communication--basically, the opposite of isolating, is crucial to my consistency. In the dark depths of relapse, nobody knew how bad it had become because I was alone when I did what I was doing with food. It was my secret trip to the ice cream place every night before bed. Nobody knew, not my daughters, mom or anyone close to me. I was consistently in "hiding." Now, if those feelings/compulsions to binge show up--I pick up the phone and reach out for "spot support." Gerri Helms has been there for me on numerous occasions. And I have others who are ready if I need them. And I will, I'm sure--at some point. On the other hand--I'm also available for them, anytime.

Keeping things simple is a major part of the foundation making my consistency possible. I don't get too technical. I don't crunch the numbers or get into confusing plans or patterns. I simply eat as well as I can and desire and I make time for exercise. I have some personal food rules, of course: No sugar, I avoid trigger foods, measuring is very important and proper portion control is a must. I make sure I'm eating things I truly enjoy. And I'm not afraid to be repetitious in my selections, especially with breakfast and lunch. If I get tired of something, I'll naturally shift to other things. If I don't get tired of it and I enjoy it, then what's not good about that?

Simple, simple, simple...It is crucial to maintaining consistency. We're the ones who make the rules--if we keep the rules simple to follow--then our chances of maintaining consistency goes up dramatically. And as we develop along the way--we can get as fancy and as specialized as we want and need, when we're ready. It's a natural evolution of good choices. Not a sudden and dramatic change where we expect to be a completely different person as soon as we wake up on our pre-determined start day.

My focus on consistency isn't long term. It's today. I want to make today a good day. I want to hit the pillow tonight, knowing that I gave it my best shot--my honest to goodness, best. Not perfect, mind you--rather, the best I could do today. I want to do that again tomorrow. It feels good!! We gain momentum in either direction, good or bad. Good choices lead to more of the same and bad choices lead to more bad choices.

Big time accomplishments are not done all at once. It's a collection of much smaller accomplishments, each of which contribute in a positive way to the bigger goal ahead. I'm setting small, doable goals--and hitting them square with everything I can. And I'm getting back some wonderful results in return. You get what you give, it's a universal truth.
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Today was another long and busy day. I made sure to get my workout in early. The later it gets, the less likely I am to get a good workout. The earlier the workout, the better the workout--that's how it is for me, anyway.

Tonight, I stopped in to visit with my daughter Courtney and my grandson Noah. I'm so proud of Courtney. She's doing so well and is such a wonderful mom. She's working hard, taking good care and giving Noah the wonderful attention he deserves. Her job at the Child Development Center is perfect, because Noah goes too, right along with her. She doesn't handle Noah's class--so it's like she's dropping him off at daycare and going to work--and the distance between her work and Noah's care is literally right down the hall.

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I love these two! Adorable!!! (Proud dad and grandfather here!)

My Tweets today:
**Special note: Time stamp on tweets do not always reflect when the food was consumed. I take the photo immediately before consuming. If I'm running late, generally busy or with people, or better, in a meeting like today at lunch, I'll wait to enter the details in MFP and Tweet the tweet.***
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

October 7th, 2014 A Long Day

October 7th, 2014 A Long Day

Today was a very long day. I was off work early in order to make a trip to Stillwater to accompany mom to her doctors appointment. We enjoyed lunch together before the appointment at a place called Jimmy's Egg. The portions were big! I cut my entree in half.

Mom's appointment was good news, for the most part. And after taking her back home, I raced back home to accompany Amber to the car dealership where she took delivery of her new car. Irene was with her too and her fiance. It was nice!

I arrived back home just in time for my weekly weight loss support group conference call. I still had dinner and a workout to complete after the call. I quickly threw together dinner, enjoyed it--let it settle a bit, then eventually made it to the trail for a 2.7 mile walk. I planned on the YMCA elliptical tonight, but quickly realized it wasn't an option--too many things came up. The workout was still good and I'll get into the Y tomorrow!

It's late and I must drop in bed. Goodnight!

My Tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, October 6, 2014

October 6th, 2014 A Full Circle Experience

October 6th, 2014 A Full Circle Experience

As I write this post, it's 4:30am on Tuesday. My internet service was in and out last night. I was able to reply to comments, then when I tried to compose a new post it decided to stop working. Perhaps my internet decided I needed to go to bed a little earlier. I messed with it a little while, doing all the things I know to do and finally decided no amount of rebooting my computer and modem could fix the situation. It felt very weird going to bed without composing a post. It was beyond my control, so I'm okay with it--but still, felt strange.

This daily diary plays an important roll in my recovery. Its importance to me is immeasurable, for what it does is therapeutic. No matter how crazy, shaky, organized or strong, happy or sad--a day might be, I feel grounded when I sit down and sort it all out on these pages. I've encouraged many people along this road to write something, anything--each day as they proceed. Make it a blog, a Facebook page--a private journal if you prefer--JUST WRITE. And remember, when it's coming from your heart, there's no right or wrong. It just is what it is--and what it can be is a source of incredible strength and understanding as you get in touch with you. I recently described it to another on facebook like this: "You're a student at YOU U." 

Today (Monday-October 6th) started a little rough. I overslept my alarm and had to skip my slower morning routine in exchange for a fast and furious one that would get me to the studio as quickly as possible. I had to find some time mid-morning to breathe and center, calming down and "resetting" my attitude and perspective, or else risk this hurried start affecting my entire day.

I still took a few minutes to scramble some eggs on high heat. Normally, I set the heat on low and slow and my omelets cook while I get ready of a morning--I have it timed pretty well, knowing fairly well how long I have before it gets overcooked. I've missed it a few times, but usually I do okay. This morning it was high heat and scrambled--no time for pretty omelets, it was cook faster!! And it was good. Breakfast is simply too important to miss. Had I missed breakfast, it would have been much more challenging a task to center and reset myself after the hurried start, because I would have been very hungry.

I had the pleasure of experiencing a full circle kind of thing, today. I accompanied my daughter Amber to the Honda dealership to shop for a nice, reliable car. It was nearly three years ago when she was struggling and we both sat on my balcony discussing life, dreams, goals, stress, and everything else that a life well lived can bring. I was a father desperately searching for words that would help inspire her to stay in school and finish strong. One of the smaller things we discussed was how she could someday put herself in a position to purchase a vehicle she's always wanted. And though it seemed so far away with incredible obstacles between her and that day, I reminded her that there will be rewards along the way for her hard work and diligence and to keep on, one day at a time.

I can't take all the credit for inspiring her. She's had incredible support from her mother, fiance, KL's parents and others. She did keep on, graduating with honors and now she's a special education teacher with incredible talents and abilities in working with kids who need special attention. And today--today, in that car, riding in the passenger seat of a Honda Civic as she test drove that thing all over town, knowing it was hers if she decided so, was such a beautiful thing. We dealt directly with the owner of the dealership, who offered Amber an incredible deal--and it'll be one she accepts on Tuesday evening, when she drives away in her Civic.

I allowed my day to get away from me and finally decided to make it a non-workout day. It was likely the first Monday I've done that-- but it's okay, it was all good. A very good day, indeed.

My Tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, October 5, 2014

October 5th, 2014 The Broccoli Video and Sting Gets It

October 5th, 2014 The Broccoli Video and Sting Gets It

I've had an amazing weekend with Heather. Both of us have been rather busy for the most part, with me emceeing at Oktoberfest yesterday and today and her catching up on her business and 1/2 marathon training schedule. She ran over seven miles Saturday while I worked and another four plus this afternoon. I joined her at the trail today, after my emcee duties for a great 2.7 mile brisk walk. It was a good exercise day!

The dinner at the Italian restaurant Friday night further proved to me that if you express your needs and you do it in a very pleasant, friendly way--people will likely bend over backwards to help accommodate those needs. I still can't get over how accommodating they were--actually going to a store to purchase gluten free pasta prior to our arrival. That's above and beyond good customer service. They absolutely have my loyalty. That was incredible.

We enjoyed a nice dinner in this evening. Heather prepared roasted broccoli as a side dish. We got our feet wet with a video! Heather grabbed the camera and gently encouraged me to try broccoli for the very first time in my life. I tried asparagus a long time ago--and it was the same thing--I'd never actually tried it--and then learned that I actually loved asparagus!! So, with this in mind-- it is theoretically possible that a love affair with broccoli could blossom if only I would give it a try. This was the basis of Heather's gentle encouragement in the following video:



I didn't die. That's a plus. Honestly, it wasn't bad. Of course--it didn't lead to me loading up my plate with it, but--I tried it and discovered it wasn't as bad as I thought. What's next? Maybe a salad! 

I'm looking forward to more videos with Heather. Not all of them will be like this one. I believe Heather and I have a good combination of skills and insights--and could present some wonderful videos with practical weight loss and fitness content delivered in fun and entertaining ways. I'm seriously looking forward to doing more!

My Oktoberfest experience this weekend was much better this year. Last year, I was struggling horribly and my weight gain was very noticeable. This year was different--and not just because I've once again lost a significant amount of weight. It was different because I feel very different about myself these days regardless of my weight. Below is a post from my Facebook page at last years event:

 Sean Anderson

First of all, let me state for the record: I believe wholeheartedly in The Four Agreements. The 2nd agreement is my favorite. Never take anything personally. What others do or say is a reflection of them, not me. With a bright smile on my face, I hereby award today's most creative way someone approached me in public to call me out for weight gain: "Sean, you're a shadow of your former self, but you're making a come back!" I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I think he was genuinely concerned for me, so I thanked him and said I was doing okay. And I am...doing okay. Really.

I wasn't doing okay on October 5th, 2013, really. I wasn't deliberately lying--I was desperately trying to convince myself I was okay--but I clearly wasn't. It's no wonder the gentleman made a comment that day--because I was walking around projecting how I felt about myself on to everything and everyone I encountered.

This weekend was like a 180 degree turnaround. I carried myself with a new level of confidence--a peace and clear understanding of who I am and what I'm all about. I projected a wonderful attitude and positive feeling about me--and regardless of my weight, it was noticed. The weight loss was noticed too, of course--and yes, that feels good too. But more and more, I'm getting compliments that go beyond my appearance--and are brought about simply because I feel good about me on a level I've never known before--and this new perspective and attitude of unconditional self-love is projected very easily because it is a very natural dynamic.

I normally listen to music during my exercise, but today I listened to the TED Talk Radio hour, all about creativity. The talk featured Sting discussing his creativeness and how it works--and what happened when it stopped working and how he rekindled his creativeness. During the interview, he perfectly described what I experienced on my epiphany day, May 15th, 2014. He said that his happiness wasn't dependent on hit records or money or anything like that--his happiness is present within him--a peace he has about who he is and what he's about, and it resides in him regardless of his successes or failures--and this happiness ultimately allows his creativity to flow freely.

I listened to him speak and felt every word, deeply. I knew exactly what he was describing. It was wonderful to hear him say it. For me, it was a conformation of sorts. Sting gets it.

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, October 4, 2014

October 4th, 2014 Emcee at Oktoberfest

October 4th, 2014 Emcee at Oktoberfest

I spent the day as the emcee at Oktoberfest. This is the second year in a row for me to do this--and today, unlike last year, felt amazing. I hadn't come to terms with my regain and relapse a year ago. I was still smiling and saying things like, "I'm on it." I remember writing on facebook October 5th last year, about a guy who approached me and commented directly about my weight gain.
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I didn't have this issue today. In fact, I experienced several compliments today. At least once or twice I caught myself trying to downgrade or disagree with the compliments. I caught it, simply said thank you, and moved on. It is so hard to just accept a compliment sometimes--but it's the best thing to do, simply say thank you and end that part of the conversation. I try real hard not to jump into a 3 minute explanation of how the thing they complimented about could be better.

Oktoberfest is known for its food vendors and I get that, completely. But I honestly didn't feel like I missed a thing, at all. I packed a calorie dense little lunch. I wasn't focused on the food and beer. I was focused on the people and announcements I needed to make throughout the day. I was working and it was good.

The hills on the E.W. Marland Estate provided me quite the workout today. I knew my workout today would be the five hours on my feet walking and climbing hills and stairs all over Oktoberfest. My calorie adjustment from MFP was over 350 calories. That's higher than most regular workout days!

I was very tired when my Oktoberfest MC duties were finished today. I came home, changed and enjoyed dinner out and the Denzel Washington movie, The Equalizer, alongside Heather. I almost passed out in the theater. The wonderful news is: I can sleep in tomorrow. I'm back as the emcee tomorrow at Oktoberfest from noon to 2pm.

My Tweets Today:














Thank you for reading and your support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, October 3, 2014

October 3rd, 2014 The Italian Restaurant

October 3rd, 2014 The Italian Restaurant

I dined out this evening with Heather, Amber and KL. The four of us dined at an Italian restaurant. Italian restaurants are tough to navigate. It's not impossible, just a little more difficult than your average restaurant. I called ahead to inquire about their menu options. I was checking to see if they served gluten free pasta. I was told they didn't have any on the menu, but they might have some in the back.

I was put on hold by one person and another picked up the line 20 seconds later. They had it in the back. I replied that we would be there between 6:30 and 7pm.

When we arrived we were seated and approached by our server who explained what happened after my phone call earlier in the afternoon. Upon checking, they found whole wheat pasta was the kind they stored in the back for special requests--not gluten free. But it was okay--because they made a special trip to buy some, especially for us!!  That's amazing service! It was perfect!

My tweets today:










Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, October 2, 2014

October 2nd, 2014 Mother Nature Has A Say

October 2nd, 2014 Mother Nature Has A Say

I was in bed at a decent hour last night. I felt good about it. I was poised to get more sleep than I normally do throughout the work week. Then Mother Nature stepped in and reminded me who was really in control of my schedule. My weather radio started blaring just after 11pm. I don't hear it very often these days--but when it sounds, I'm officially activated and must report to the studio for live on air weather coverage.

I did my job and made it back home and in bed a little after 1am last night and then had some trouble falling asleep. I would estimate I fell asleep about 1:40am. I didn't wake with my usual 4:30am alarm. I slept right through and had to have a colleague step in and handle my show until I arrived shortly before 7am.

October starts our second, less powerful severe weather season. It's really short, maybe a few weeks where the changing of the seasons collide and storms pop. It's part of my job to respond when it happens. I'm just happy it doesn't happen very often this time of year.

My food and exercise were both solid today. I really enjoyed my lunch--oh my--check out the tweet below. The only thing that could have made it better: Grilled peppers and onions--but we don't have that option in the studio kitchen at work...yet.

I wanted to write much more tonight. Writing--digging deeper and dissecting the elements that make up this road many of us travel, brings me great joy. It also brings me clarity in my own trek. Unfortunately, I've run out of time tonight. I set myself a deadline and I'm 4 minutes over at the moment. This "deadline" is actually a clever little reward system I've made for me. If I get my stuff done in a timely manner throughout the day, my reward is---I get to write more later and get more sleep!! If I don't get my stuff done--no writing for me and I still get more sleep!! There may be some days where I'm forced to allow the tweets to tell the story of the day. The point is, make better use of the time earlier--write more later, then still get in bed at a decent time. I think it's a solid plan.

My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support. Making this blog important and getting back to consistent posting each and every day, is staying true to the name The Daily Diary of A Winning Loser and it's doing wonders for me in so many ways. This is my 163rd daily post in a row since reinstating my commitment to daily updates. I'm proud of this work!
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

October 1st, 2014 A Redirection Of Focus

October 1st, 2014 A Redirection Of Focus

Things are going very well. I'm losing weight consistently and feeling fantastic. Things are well, not perfect. If I had to identify two things I need to improve, it's the amount of sleep at night and the amount of water I consume each day. Improving both of these numbers will only benefit my health.

I feel like I'm experiencing some breakthroughs with my time management/sleep issues. First of all, it's important for me to note that fortunately, I'm not writing about sleep apnea symptoms at this time, it's all about quantity at this point. I seem to be resting very well during this part of my transformation. I say "this part" because I know from previous experience that I must constantly be aware of how I'm sleeping and breathing and how I feel upon waking and throughout the day. Unfortunately, sleep apnea symptoms can and often do come back, despite weight loss. Right now, I'm enjoying some freedom from it and I sincerely hope and pray it continues for a very long time.

Breakthroughs-- yes. Here's the thing: In regard to the issue of constantly going to bed way too late, I was focusing on the wrong thing. I was focusing on trying to fix the end result instead of focusing on the elements leading to that result. It was frustrating because my focus was "I've got to get to bed earlier and by golly I'm gonna do it!" But then, without changing the elements throughout my day, I would repeat the same thing over and over--even reaching a point I wouldn't complain about it anymore within these writings; trying hard not to mention the issue. My attitude was a no-nonsense, slightly harsh one: If I'm going to continue doing it, then I might as well shut up about it already!!

Yesterday and today--no nap. And I was just fine. I made it through quite well and I'm about to hit the publish button on this one and hit the pillow. The proper focus--and it's something that was probably very obvious to you, was needed earlier in the day. The choices I make at the intersection of my work day and the rest of my day/evening, are the critical ones in need of focus. And it's all about attitude and perspective. I've challenged myself yesterday and today and I've come out on top of it. That feels really good!

This redirection of focus reminds me of the overwhelming feeling some of us have experienced when we're faced with a large weight loss challenge. If our focus is on the "I must lose weight--I've got to lose almost 300 pounds or 200, or 40"--it can seem overwhelming--but if we reel that in and point our focus on the smaller elements--the one day, one choice at a time approach, pretty soon we realize we're actually doing it--the smaller focus on the supporting elements needing our attention make this big, sometimes overwhelming challenge, totally doable. We don't have to figure out the big thing all at once. We figure out the small things and suddenly the big thing changes into something we can handle.

I had a long work day today that took the lions share of my afternoon and then a recording session this evening for a voice-over project. I made sure to enjoy dinner before the session and get a good two mile walk in immediately after.

I've had a meatless day. I don't know how often I do this because I honestly haven't paid much attention. It stuck out to me today because I was debating on adding some sirloin tip steak atop my pasta, then I added the calories, eventually deciding it wasn't needed. Interesting.

This focus on time management is important to me for a variety of reasons. I have two big projects on the horizon, an audio meditations project and book number two--plus I have the very strong desire to get focused on a YouTube series with my girlfriend, Heather.  Proper time management is going to become even more critical, quickly.

My Tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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