Showing posts with label Therapeutic benefits of writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Therapeutic benefits of writing. Show all posts

Thursday, October 2, 2014

October 2nd, 2014 Mother Nature Has A Say

October 2nd, 2014 Mother Nature Has A Say

I was in bed at a decent hour last night. I felt good about it. I was poised to get more sleep than I normally do throughout the work week. Then Mother Nature stepped in and reminded me who was really in control of my schedule. My weather radio started blaring just after 11pm. I don't hear it very often these days--but when it sounds, I'm officially activated and must report to the studio for live on air weather coverage.

I did my job and made it back home and in bed a little after 1am last night and then had some trouble falling asleep. I would estimate I fell asleep about 1:40am. I didn't wake with my usual 4:30am alarm. I slept right through and had to have a colleague step in and handle my show until I arrived shortly before 7am.

October starts our second, less powerful severe weather season. It's really short, maybe a few weeks where the changing of the seasons collide and storms pop. It's part of my job to respond when it happens. I'm just happy it doesn't happen very often this time of year.

My food and exercise were both solid today. I really enjoyed my lunch--oh my--check out the tweet below. The only thing that could have made it better: Grilled peppers and onions--but we don't have that option in the studio kitchen at work...yet.

I wanted to write much more tonight. Writing--digging deeper and dissecting the elements that make up this road many of us travel, brings me great joy. It also brings me clarity in my own trek. Unfortunately, I've run out of time tonight. I set myself a deadline and I'm 4 minutes over at the moment. This "deadline" is actually a clever little reward system I've made for me. If I get my stuff done in a timely manner throughout the day, my reward is---I get to write more later and get more sleep!! If I don't get my stuff done--no writing for me and I still get more sleep!! There may be some days where I'm forced to allow the tweets to tell the story of the day. The point is, make better use of the time earlier--write more later, then still get in bed at a decent time. I think it's a solid plan.

My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support. Making this blog important and getting back to consistent posting each and every day, is staying true to the name The Daily Diary of A Winning Loser and it's doing wonders for me in so many ways. This is my 163rd daily post in a row since reinstating my commitment to daily updates. I'm proud of this work!
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

August 12th, 2014 My Calorie Burn Truth

August 12th, 2014 My Calorie Burn Truth

I woke up this morning feeling good despite not enough sleep. I've resolved to not complain about this dynamic anymore because if it's going to change, I must make it happen. Me complaining about not getting enough rest gets really old if I'm clearly not making it a priority. I don't write those words to be hard on myself, it's just truth. 

I can admit it: I'm addicted to analyzing, dissecting, then communicating the dynamics of this journey from my perspective. Writing in a way that communicates simply and effectively is one of my passions. I take this road many of us travel very seriously. It's critically important to me. And for me, there's no greater joy than when I hear from someone who writes how something I've experienced, analyzed, dissected and effectively communicated has helped them in some way. In many ways, it's even bigger than the joy I feel for my own fantastic progress. 

I'm not alone. You'll find a wonderful community of weight loss bloggers listed along the left hand sidebar of this blog. I've learned and I continue learning incredible things from these beautiful people. I encourage you to scroll down and check out some of these if you haven't already. And if you have a blog I frequent and you don't see it listed--it's an oversight on my part. Let me know! And if you have a blog I haven't enjoyed--let me know the blog address--just leave it in the comments section so I, and anyone else who reads here, can check it out.

I started this morning with some quiet time; a prayer and short meditation for another successful day. I made the coffee and settled down to the computer for a few minutes while I enjoyed my first cup. By the way--I've officially made the switch from using my non-dairy creamer to using almond milk and Pyure Brand Organic Stevia with a dash of cinnamon in my cup. I can now officially proclaim 100% abstinence from sugar, instead of the 97% with a little asterisk to note the coffee creamer. I opened up the blog and found a wonderful comment from Becky in California:

"Sean, I can't tell you how much hope this post gave me. It was so beautiful to read. My weight loss efforts still feel a bit like swimming upstream against my comfort-eating desires... like this morning when I really wanted pancakes at Denny's, and went and got them. And it's more than just wanting the pancakes, it's not wanting to count calories. It still feels like being on a leash to me, and that is what I rebel against. I can't seem to get over that chasm and into a head space where I can think of calorie counting as a Tool for My Benefit and Ultimate Happiness. I guess it's kind of like wanting to be rich and not having to worry about balancing my checkbook... LOL. Yes, it's an immature attitude, I know. I just get frustrated being surrounded by people that maintain a normal weight without ever thinking twice about how many calories, or how much sugar, or any of that. I say all this not to be negative, but to let you know that I know you have been where I am now, and reading that you have reached a point of peacefulness and joy in your relationship with food truly does give me hope. Now if you could just write a guidebook on how to get from where I am to where you are, I would be so grateful! I'm so tired of yo-yo-ing."

Becky's incredible support of what I do is sincerely appreciated. I related 100% to her words. I could pinpoint moments in time when I carried the exact same perspective. I couldn't help myself, I had to reply right then and there. Becky inspired me with her comment to explore my own experience and communicate the perspective that has helped me break away from what was naturally ingrained for years. So--remember, I'm addicted, Let's strike that word and use "passionate" instead. I'm passionate about communicating (translation: A long reply on the way!), so I replied:

"I'm so glad this post gave you some perspective, Becky! Thank you for your complimentary words!
It's important for you to know that what you're feeling is very normal and you're so right, I've been RIGHT THERE where you are, in a "jealous and rebellious" place. When we see people around us who can eat whatever they want, whenever they want--without too much worry, and never gaining an ounce--and some even go as far as bragging about this wonderful ability--it stings!!! I was never happy for these people and their natural metabolic blessings because I was too busy wanting to be like them, too busy being jealous of them--and too busy chasing the idea that I could be like them too-- I wanted to be "normal," or better, I wanted to be their "normal." 


What I didn't understand was "normal" is a relative term. While I was trying to be someone else's normal, I completely rejected my own, rebelled against it and ate my way into spending two decades near, at or above 500 pounds. The frustration of this perceived injustice led to feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness and despair--and when these feelings started swirling, my solution was always to eat more in an attempt to comfort. 

Is it fair? Depends on your definition of "fair." We're simply different. Their normal isn't ours because our bodies do not naturally handle things the same way. But it doesn't make us less than, it simply is what it is, it's us--it's our normal. It's unfortunate in a few ways--namely because the coping mechanism many of us use isn't something our bodies are naturally designed to handle. Our normal doesn't match our perceived version of "normal." 

When we embrace our "normal," and we decide to let go of these very natural reactions to want to be anything other than what we are, that's when we can start getting to a more positive place--a solid ground for our foundation moving forward.

The wonderful news here, Becky--is that we can experience a wonderful life. We can decide to shift our perspective and embrace what we once rejected and resented. We can take this lot, and do a 180, looking at it from a different angle than ever before--Does it require some effort? Big time. Is it easy? No. Are we worth it? YES. We deserve to live better, Becky. For you and me--and people like us, it takes an extra effort, but this effort can give us some of the most wonderful peace and harmony we've ever known... And here's something interesting to think about: How fortunate are we to be able to reach this place of peace and harmony? Some who can eat whatever they want are not living in this place because they have other things going on in their heads. 

Willingness, accepting and embracing where you are--loving what is your normal, isn't impossible Becky--understanding that you can--you can reach a place of peace and harmony with this, is very comforting. 
Pick up the tools enabling you to experience this new and different perspective--don't reject, embrace-- and mostly-- realize that you are your normal--and that is something good. You're exceptional, you're fantastic--you are you and there's only one of you!!! Be kind to you--be compassionate--allow yourself to proceed with a feeling of empowerment, not discouragement. The difference is found in the perspective you choose.I've kind of rambled on here...I hope some of this makes sense. My best, Becky. Thank you for your wonderful support. My best."    

I told you it was a long reply! I made need to join a brevity challenged writers support group...or start one. 

Dupster replied:
"Wow, what a great reply Sean. THIS reply should be a blog all by itself. So much insight and wisdom! Thanks!"

Becky replied:
"Wow. Sean. I didn't expect you to take the time to write such a lengthy response when you have to work today-- let alone such a PERFECT response. I told you that writing a guidebook was impossible, but I think you just did it. Your words ring true and hit me in both heart and head simultaneously. Thank you for your understanding, support, patience and wisdom. So much."

This is how I started my day. After this, I knew I would be propelled toward another successful day.  

I prepared and enjoyed dinner in the six o'clock hour right before my Tuesday night weight loss support group conference call. This is a major victory for me, someone who routinely eats dinner incredibly too late!

The call was wonderful tonight. Immediately after, I prepared myself for an elliptical workout at the YMCA. I recently borrowed a heart monitor in order to get an accurate measure of calories burned during my workouts. Tonight was the elliptical. Tomorrow evening will be spinning class. I entered my current weight, height and sex into the device, strapped it around my back and chest and headed toward the Y with an air of excitement about the revealing statistical information to come!

I did my usual 30 minutes, this time on level 8 instead of 6. My heart rate reached 152 at its highest--but mostly stayed in the 140's. I was dripping with sweat by the time I finished. I stepped down off the machine and immediately stopped the device. Then, instantly--my suspicions were confirmed. This incredibly accurate device, linked directly to the heart in my chest, registered a calorie burn of 344 calories. That number is HALF what My Fitness Pal has been saying for an elliptical workout on level 6--and this was level 8.

What does this mean? Well-- it means on some days I've eaten more than I needed. It also means on some days when I was stressing about hitting 1200 net calories after calories burned--and not making it, I actually did! I suspect spinning class will burn much more than this tomorrow--but not the 800 calorie burn I've been counting. This is great information to have! I'm sold 100%--I'm buying one of these heart monitors very soon!

Today I consumed 1,582 calories. I entered a 15 minute elliptical workout into MFP instead of the 30 minutes I completed in order to get the closer to accurate reading of 342 calories burned (actually 344). My net calories after exercise calories burned was 1,240. Perfect. Tomorrow I'll likely need to eat more because I guarantee the burn will be higher in spinning class. Plus, I'll do water exercises. I can't take the heart monitor into the water, so I plan on cutting the calories burned to half of whatever MFP reads.

What a wonderful day! I even stopped by the farmers market this afternoon to grab some fresh veggies for dinner (see tweet below). 

My food tweets today:





Thank you for reading and your continued support! The comments section below is the blog post "after-party" where we can discuss your thoughts about today's post, so please don't hesitate to ask a question or simply offer your perspective on the topics explored.

Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

May 21st, 2014 Weigh Day...But First Some Recent History

May 21st, 2014 Weigh Day...But First Some Recent History

When I stepped on the scale in January I was hoping the number attached to my obvious weight gain would immediately jolt me into action. The scales showed a 143 pound gain.  There I was, 373 pounds, a weight I promised myself I would never see again. I made the same declaration at every major milestone.  I remember crossing down into the 400's, 300's, 250--and every time "I'll never see that number again!"

 What went wrong? A few things. I didn't give my food addiction the respect it deserved, certainly a form of denial. I honestly believed after maintaining my 275 pound loss for nearly a year and a half, perhaps I could be normal--completely normal with food. I adopted a cockiness about it, like hey, I got this! Then I experienced emotional turbulence and stress, succumbed to a heavy dose of depression brought on by a constant state of exhaustion from severe sleep apnea...and within a short amount of time I was medicating with food, coping with food--surviving with food, again and again, just like the old days.

During this downward spiral, the struggle seemed magnified between good and evil, between what I knew was right and everything else. Not only did I feel bad for how out of control I was--I felt worse because this wasn't supposed to be me. 

 After that sobering weigh-in, I did jump back on track for a little while. I managed to lose 10 pounds and I celebrated it as proof that I could still lose weight. I started writing more, I jumped back on the weekly conference call with Life Coach Gerri Helms where we discussed all of the issues included in weight loss with a wonderful group of participants. Make no mistake, even in times of my greatest struggle, I could relate and offer sound, quality advice. Talking the talk is one thing. I can sit down one on one with you and we could have the most inspiring-motivational discussion ever, and then as if possessed--I can go about doing the polar opposite for myself.

I had a few good days, then several bad, followed by a couple good--and so on.  My writing became sporadic once again and I was clearly struggling. I was fighting. I was hurting. I just wanted to scream out to the heavens, "Why is this so hard this time??? Why???? Am I destined to go all the way back??"

 The 143 pound gain and my constant attempts to get back on track seemed to be pushing me even further down. I felt horrible about myself with a long list of reasons why. The struggle continued and clearly I was gaining once again.  The worst of it was running out of clothes.  I wore the same outfit to work everyday for weeks on end because nothing I had in the closet fit anymore. Sometime in early April, I don't remember the date--I know it was a Saturday, I had a remote broadcast.  I couldn't wear stretchy sweat pants to a public appearance, so I squeezed into the largest pair of pants I owned. The size 50's were a far cry from the 36's that felt so loose and wonderful at 230.  And they didn't fit. I made them work for this broadcast.  I was in pain the entire time. My right leg had recently started swelling again because of the dramatic weight gain and it pressed tightly against the pant leg of these jeans that were suffocating me.  I spent the entire broadcast trying to conceal the obvious issue with my leg. I stood in strategic spots where I thought it would be less noticeable. I peeled them off when I got home and discovered I was bleeding from their tightness.

A few days after that painful experience, I walked into the doctors office and faced the scale once again.  I just knew I had to have crossed back into the 400's again. I certainly felt like it. Maybe this time would be the dose of reality I needed.  The scale shot back 394. I had put on 31 pounds in record time.  I didn't tell a soul, I was too ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, sad and desperate. I eventually told my mom and a couple of others, in order to express how bad things had turned. Now what?

 I was ready to throw in the towel.  Even 394 staring back at me wasn't enough. I still struggled, still felt possessed and driven to self destruction via food.  On one of my darkest nights, I emailed Marty Lerner, the director of Milestones In Recovery in Florida. Milestones is an in-patient food addiction treatment center. If you've read my book, you might remember Marty Lerner Ph.D., he wrote a fabulous review in the opening pages. I asked Marty about the costs of a 30 day in-patient stay at his facility in Florida.  He was very nice in his reply, although the cost immediately disqualified it as an option.

Now what?

 It was now or never in my mind. I started an intense prayer and meditation campaign. I spent time seeking council from my therapist. I sought advice from Life Coach Gerri Helms. I studied all I could online about recovery for someone like me and I reached some concrete conclusions and solutions.  When I started struggling, one of the first things I did was stop writing on a regular schedule. I also stopped logging my food on MyFitnessPal. Getting those things back in order was paramount if I really wanted to recover.  And as I did, I discovered an enormous amount of love and support waiting for me--and it was always there--even when I isolated and felt so alone, I wasn't alone.

I have enjoyed almost a month of daily writing on this blog. In committing to this writing schedule, I've kept in touch with my emotions--writing it out each night and learning more each day. Recently, I've experienced some groundbreaking personal epiphanies about my identity and self worth that are poised to have the most wonderful effect on me...they already have, actually. And I've shared it all right here in these pages.

I've maintained my food and exercise log in MyFitnessPal and as an added source of accountability, I started tweeting pictures of every single calorie I consume (And I'm having fun doing it!).  I've committed to working out on a consistent schedule too.

This is how I'm recovering.  I'm doing what works for me, what I need--the writing, the food pics, the regular contact with close supporters who have been here, like Gerri. I'm making my private spiritual side important too. I've offered support to others as best I can and I will continue to do more. All of this is a direct reflection of my importance level. It's turned all the way up.  

Because I'm not giving up, ever.

Today was weigh day.  And I will weigh every three weeks. The next weigh day is Wednesday June 11th.
I stepped on the scale today and discovered a 25 pound loss.

25 pounds!!!!!!!!!! From 394 to 369. Hang around a while because we're going to have some fun.



I haven't been this happy about weighing 369 since I first broke 370 during my initial 275 pound loss.  And that's an important point.  Because not only am I headed in the right direction physically, my perspective is also pointed in the right direction.

 Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, May 17, 2014

May 17th, 2014 I Haven't Been The Same

May 17th, 2014 I Haven't Been The Same

It's been over 48 hours since the epiphany on the way to the YMCA that I wrote about in the May 15th post. And I still can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I was given a secret to a great mystery. This concept I discussed as it applies to me is universal too. This will be my TED Talk someday. Oh yeah, I don't think I've ever expressed my dream of speaking at a TED Conference. It will happen sometime within the next five years. I've envisioned it in detail, watching my imagination's best version.  I'm 100% serious.

Once understood, finding the core of who I am and have always been required a simple question: What are the qualities in me that do not change?  If I'm 500 pounds or 230 pounds, what positive attributes do I possess at both of those weights?  The same question can be applied to other things, example: If I won the lottery tomorrow, what positive qualities about me would remain from my previous financial existence? These core qualities are the ones with us through it all.  Stability and certainty, instability and uncertainty.  The list includes not only the way our brain works through compassion, empathy, sense of humor, intelligence, etc. It also includes our likes and dislikes, our roles as parents and grandparents--the things that bring us joy and peace, love and laughter. These things are often overlooked because identity and self-worth has been attached to something that fluctuates.

My identity and self-worth was always hooked onto my weight. Someone else's identity and self-worth might be tied to their bank account.  And another's might be tied to whether or not they perceive their current station in life as stable or unstable. Still another's might rely on the progression of their career. All of these things fluctuate. And through it all, we're still who we are within our core qualities.

In order for these core qualities to flourish and enrich our lives to the fullest, they must be loved and nurtured like watering a plant. If they're neglected, they wilt and wither. I believe this is from where the expression "I feel dead inside" comes.  And when identity and self worth is attached to anything else, these positive attributes get neglected on both sides of whatever is fluctuating. When the changing source of identity and self-worth is moving in a positive direction, we feel great about ourselves. And when the source is moving in a negative direction we feel worse about ourselves. Then we get into a tug of war, constantly battling to feel good.

We've all heard, "Happiness must come from within."  Now I understand how that can happen and I understand how it doesn't happen when we rely on external things that change.  Money doesn't buy happiness. Losing weight doesn't magically fix us. Getting the big promotion or settling down into a relationship doesn't do it either. We're truly free when our identity and self-worth is authentically attached to the core qualities of who we are.  And the best thing?? It can NEVER be taken away from us, no matter what.

 About today...

I've never felt more determined to take the best care of me than I do right now. And taking the best care will ultimately result in a healthy body weight once again.

I didn't plan my food very well today, that's for sure. I ate well, don't get me wrong--but I ending up skipping lunch, had an early dinner and found I had 524 calories remaining afterward. Then I was asked by a friend to be the designated driver for their wedding party, and I accepted the responsibility--not eating another thing until I returned home after midnight.  My #lastfoodofday was a turkey burger with onion, swiss and a Laughing Cow French Onion wedge and I still ended the day with 151 calories unclaimed in the Calorie Bank and Trust account.  I'll plan better tomorrow!

It was a great day for many reasons. I got up and caught up on a few emails, read some other blogs, took care of some business at the bank and post office, then went into work to catch up on a few things before heading to the YMCA for an amazing workout on the trusty elliptical.

I'm telling you--since this whole identity-self worth thing hit on Thursday night, I haven't been the same person. My friend whom I was driving tonight asked me, "Have you been drinking?"  No!! Is the change in me that noticeable?? Perhaps I'm a little giddy. And you know why?

It's because I've spent my entire life not understanding how to genuinely love myself and just be okay. And please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying I've figured it all out, but I'm exploring areas and things long forgotten, things sacrificed by the pursuit of fulfillment in all the wrong places.

Now I'm contemplating a very exciting question: What can I accomplish now that my strongest embrace is around the things that matter most? Redefining the list of things that make me worthy of all things good is like giving myself permission to soar, no matter the direction of the wind.

As I continue my journey back to a healthier body weight and beyond, I've put into place some high accountability tools. I've committed to tweeting a picture, description and calorie count of anything and everything I eat.  And I'm keeping the Calorie Bank up to date with a MyFitnessPal food and exercise log.
Join me on Twitter, I'm @SeanAAnderson And SeanAAnderson on MyFitnessPal.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, May 12, 2014

May 12th, 2014 An Emotional Day

May 12th, 2014 An Emotional Day

It's been a powerful day. It was great day. It was a long day. It was an emotional day.  It was a day for gratitude. It was a day I'll not soon forget.

Returning to a regular writing schedule has been one of the best things for me.  It's been the most empowering thing to reconnect with the purpose and passion and the bottom line accountability it brings. One thing I will promise you and me: No matter how this goes, it will be chronicled in these pages.  In other words, when I fall, it will be here and when I soar, it will be here.  In the past, if my journey was the slightest out of alignment and many times, completely off the rails, I would cease writing altogether. Call it hiding, isolating or whatever--I honestly felt what I had to offer during those times wasn't helping me and certainly not others.  But the other side of the great days is important too.  This isn't about perfection. This is about life.  Real life. And real life isn't perfect. It rains sometimes.  So there you go, no more sudden disappearances from the blogging world. I've made a commitment to me that is in many ways stronger than my initial weight loss "run."  I'm not afraid of the accountability because I have nothing to fear.

Yesterday I shared a list of foods I don't trust myself around anymore.  How could I forget cold cereals, milk and mixed nuts?  With me, one bowl leads to another and one handful, the same thing.  It's important to note that this list has developed from my own personal behavior, habits and track record.  I'm not condemning any of these foods, I'm just saying I will not keep them around my living space. This list is something fairly new to me, after all, I was the one "eating what I liked and nothing I didn't," and I always promoted the nothing is off limits philosophy, the idea being to not villain-ize any particular food---but to change the behavior and perspective used while eating them.  I still offer the "nothing is off limits" advice to anyone who is just starting and asking it of me.  Why?  Because I believe it's important to simplify this journey as much as possible in the beginning, then as you go your choices can naturally evolve for a variety of reasons.  My food evolution has brought me to sobering truths about my addiction and emotional/stress eating, which are two different things. Now I know things about me that I had no way of knowing in September 2008.  Also, when I post every bite of food I consume on twitter, I'm not saying anyone should eat what I'm eating. We all must navigate our own likes and dislikes, and over time, with effort and awareness, our food choices can evolve in a positive way.   

I had an emotional afternoon, wonderful, but emotional.  I received a private message recently asking if I would come and visit a young man at the Opportunity Village, a sheltered workshop for adults with developmental disabilities.  I had met this young man once before at an outdoor festival.  The private message shared with me that he listens to my radio show every morning and he talks about me all the time. The person sending the message told me it would mean the world to him for me to visit and she went on to tell me his favorite song.  I agreed to visit and it was set for today.

I honestly didn't realize the level of emotion this meeting would evoke. I brought him a CD of his favorite song and with a smile, I made my way into the building where I was greeted and thanked by staff for coming. This young man is blind and bound by a severe developmental disability, the exact kind I don't know, and it doesn't matter. What I do know is the reaction he had upon hearing my voice instantly moved me to holding back tears.  There was a big group of people all around as I mustered every bit of will I could to keep from breaking down right then and there.

This young man, so positive, so happy and so inspiring, touched me. He was giving me something far greater than what I brought to him.  The visit we shared meant the world to him, this was very clear in every word he said, every question he asked and every touch of my hand. He made a difference in me today. By just being himself and so wonderful, He gave me perspective and reminded me to be grateful and to not take anything for granted, and to be kind, always.  He asked if he could be on my show tomorrow (Tuesday) morning at 6:40am to talk about the Oklahoma Special Olympics State Summer Games coming up later this week.  Of course he can. It would be my pleasure. What an amazing young man.

When I made it to the car, I pulled out of the parking lot crying harder than I have since I lost my brother in 2001. He reminded me of my little brother Shane. That was it.  Connecting with this young man today instantly took my brain back to a time when I could share a conversation with Shane. I was Shane's hero too and I never really felt worthy of that admiration. I also don't think I ever properly or completely grieved over losing him.  Back then, I stuffed those emotions down with more food.

The overwhelming emotions today brought an initial compulsion to eat, it did...I recognized it sitting in traffic, wiping my tears with my shirt. I was drained. Instead of eating, I decided to take a nap. I needed one.
I woke up 2.5 hours later. That was way too long for a nap.  I didn't need that long of a nap, I assure you. Now I find myself up too late, again.

I started to prepare dinner and realized I was out of too many things, so I opted to dine at the Mexican restaurant not far from my apartment and make a grocery trip later, after my workout.  I navigated that restaurant to the best of my ability, getting in and out for 546 calories.  My strategy was solid. I counted out the serving of chips, separating them from the bowl. Then I asked the server to remove the remaining chips from the table.  I ordered two crispy chicken tacos with the cheese on the side and a small serving of guacamole.  I avoided the typical rice and beans, sipped ice water and ended up leaving over 100 calories on the table. (the 546 is the adjusted count)

After dinner I dropped in on my oldest daughter Amber for a quick visit and then it was off to the YMCA for an amazing workout on the elliptical.  Thirty minutes may not sound like much--but it is phenomenal what it does for me.

I finished the workout and headed to the grocery store where I shopped while listening to my favorite inspirational/motivational songs.  I did this for the first time recently and found that it greatly reduced the desire to waiver from my list.  I ran into a couple of people I knew, so I took one ear plug out to talk, then put it back in and rocked my way around the store.  It was a nice ending to a powerful day.

I'll be weighing again on Wednesday May 21st, then I'll have a weigh day update every three weeks. That works for me.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

April 29th, 2014 Staying Connected

April 29th, 2014 Staying Connected

When I look back at the fundamentals that kept me going strong while losing weight, I must recognize the power of sitting down and writing things out.  And when I look at where things started to get bumpy, it was when I stopped writing consistently.  And even after this short time of daily blog postings, I can tell a major difference in how I feel.  My focus has sharpened, my attitude and resolve is in an optimal place and I'm getting back my confidence.  My challenge to me is to explore other ways in which I can add to this positive effect. Reaching out more to others, being supportive, increasing the time I spend in meditation and prayer---all of these can only strengthen my stride and they're once again assigned a very high priority.

This feeling of renewal and strength doesn't mean it's easy.  It's about being better prepared to handle the challenges as they come. Sometimes a giant ice cream shake seems like the perfect move. Putting some space, just a little, between the thought and the action--long enough to identify the what and why of the situation, is often all that's needed to correct the skid.  If it doesn't quite work--reach out to someone and share the experience and feeling. It's very powerful.  Expose it, shine a light--and discuss it with someone who gets it.  As a food addict, I'll tell you this: I've had times where I've felt driven to the fat and sugar.  Have you felt this too?  When, despite the consequences--despite what you know is true, that a binge isn't going to fix anything and in fact make it all worse, you're driven like a moth to a flame?  That's when it's really scary. The isolation that often accompanies such a leap is a dark, depressing place. And the only way out is to get connected, not only with your spiritual side, but also with people who understand what you're experiencing.  And stay connected.  Because you're not alone. We're never alone.  If we isolate, then we're still not alone, but it sure feels that way. I'm staying connected.

Today's schedule was a little challenging for me because I wasn't feeling rested, yet I had important appointments keeping me from a nap allowing split shift.  Remember HALT?  (Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) Yeah, I was getting too tired, too quickly and finally, a little after 2pm, I had to take a break for a refresher nap.  I was back at 4pm as planned and finished what I needed to finish by 4:40pm.

I prepared a wonderful dinner tonight (menu on MyFitnessPal and the picture is on my Twitter feed) and then I settled in for a good conference call with the weekly support group.

It's 9:15 and I've decided to post today's blog and hit the pillow early.  I've been battling exhaustion like crazy today, so I'll give myself a pass on the walk tonight.  Tomorrow I'll get a look at the results of my sleep monitoring.  It's the next step in figuring out an immediate solution to my sleep issues. The long term solution is on me--it's getting the extra weight off and getting truly fit, and even then it may not be 100%, but there's a great chance it will be if it's coupled with effective therapy.

I'd love you to follow me on Twitter: @SeanAAnderson and Friend me on MyFitnessPal: SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading and for your support,
Strength,
Sean
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