Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

Sunday, October 5, 2014

October 5th, 2014 The Broccoli Video and Sting Gets It

October 5th, 2014 The Broccoli Video and Sting Gets It

I've had an amazing weekend with Heather. Both of us have been rather busy for the most part, with me emceeing at Oktoberfest yesterday and today and her catching up on her business and 1/2 marathon training schedule. She ran over seven miles Saturday while I worked and another four plus this afternoon. I joined her at the trail today, after my emcee duties for a great 2.7 mile brisk walk. It was a good exercise day!

The dinner at the Italian restaurant Friday night further proved to me that if you express your needs and you do it in a very pleasant, friendly way--people will likely bend over backwards to help accommodate those needs. I still can't get over how accommodating they were--actually going to a store to purchase gluten free pasta prior to our arrival. That's above and beyond good customer service. They absolutely have my loyalty. That was incredible.

We enjoyed a nice dinner in this evening. Heather prepared roasted broccoli as a side dish. We got our feet wet with a video! Heather grabbed the camera and gently encouraged me to try broccoli for the very first time in my life. I tried asparagus a long time ago--and it was the same thing--I'd never actually tried it--and then learned that I actually loved asparagus!! So, with this in mind-- it is theoretically possible that a love affair with broccoli could blossom if only I would give it a try. This was the basis of Heather's gentle encouragement in the following video:



I didn't die. That's a plus. Honestly, it wasn't bad. Of course--it didn't lead to me loading up my plate with it, but--I tried it and discovered it wasn't as bad as I thought. What's next? Maybe a salad! 

I'm looking forward to more videos with Heather. Not all of them will be like this one. I believe Heather and I have a good combination of skills and insights--and could present some wonderful videos with practical weight loss and fitness content delivered in fun and entertaining ways. I'm seriously looking forward to doing more!

My Oktoberfest experience this weekend was much better this year. Last year, I was struggling horribly and my weight gain was very noticeable. This year was different--and not just because I've once again lost a significant amount of weight. It was different because I feel very different about myself these days regardless of my weight. Below is a post from my Facebook page at last years event:

 Sean Anderson

First of all, let me state for the record: I believe wholeheartedly in The Four Agreements. The 2nd agreement is my favorite. Never take anything personally. What others do or say is a reflection of them, not me. With a bright smile on my face, I hereby award today's most creative way someone approached me in public to call me out for weight gain: "Sean, you're a shadow of your former self, but you're making a come back!" I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I think he was genuinely concerned for me, so I thanked him and said I was doing okay. And I am...doing okay. Really.

I wasn't doing okay on October 5th, 2013, really. I wasn't deliberately lying--I was desperately trying to convince myself I was okay--but I clearly wasn't. It's no wonder the gentleman made a comment that day--because I was walking around projecting how I felt about myself on to everything and everyone I encountered.

This weekend was like a 180 degree turnaround. I carried myself with a new level of confidence--a peace and clear understanding of who I am and what I'm all about. I projected a wonderful attitude and positive feeling about me--and regardless of my weight, it was noticed. The weight loss was noticed too, of course--and yes, that feels good too. But more and more, I'm getting compliments that go beyond my appearance--and are brought about simply because I feel good about me on a level I've never known before--and this new perspective and attitude of unconditional self-love is projected very easily because it is a very natural dynamic.

I normally listen to music during my exercise, but today I listened to the TED Talk Radio hour, all about creativity. The talk featured Sting discussing his creativeness and how it works--and what happened when it stopped working and how he rekindled his creativeness. During the interview, he perfectly described what I experienced on my epiphany day, May 15th, 2014. He said that his happiness wasn't dependent on hit records or money or anything like that--his happiness is present within him--a peace he has about who he is and what he's about, and it resides in him regardless of his successes or failures--and this happiness ultimately allows his creativity to flow freely.

I listened to him speak and felt every word, deeply. I knew exactly what he was describing. It was wonderful to hear him say it. For me, it was a conformation of sorts. Sting gets it.

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

September 30th, 2014 A Difference Maker Day

September 30th, 2014 A Difference Maker Day

I opened my eyes this morning a little after 5am. My radio alarm clock was playing my radio station softly, not alarmingly. This explains why I slept an extra 40 minutes this morning. It did start me in a rush and as it turns out, the extra 40 minutes might have been a difference maker.

Today was right on time despite the late start and the frantic rush to the studio at 6am. I slept 5 hours and although I needed more, that's still on average, an hour more--and sometimes 1.5 hours more than I typically get at night. I say "at night" because I often supplement my sleep with daytime naps. The problem with daytime naps is obvious: It pushes everything back, I end up getting to bed super late and then the pattern repeats again and again. Last night's 5 hours might have been a difference maker.

I didn't think I could do it. Between 1 and 2pm, right before calling it a workday, my eyes starting getting super heavy. I felt like I could have slept for hours right there in the studio with the mic in my face and the headphones on. There was a moment where I told myself, you have to nap when you get home!! But then I got up and started moving around. I didn't go for coffee--I just started moving around. I had some errands to run after work, I needed to pay some bills--stop at the bank, those type of things...and I did. And at some point I made the decision that there wouldn't be an afternoon nap.

I decided to get home, take care of some business online--change, fix a Shakeology shake, drink it while my phone charged--then head to the YMCA. Oh, by the way-- I stopped at Sonic on the way home for ice and a banana. It's probably the healthiest order I've ever shouted into that little speaker-microphone intercom thingy. I likely confused the kids inside: "Did he say ice cream with banana?" "No, man--I think he said a bag of ice and a banana--you better double check, repeat his order." Yes-- a bag of ice and a single banana, please! I did notice a few of the items on the menu--wow. I grabbed my ice and banana from the carhop, told him to keep the 70 cents change and peeled out of there quickly. 

Honestly--it wasn't tempting being there, at all. I love what I'm doing, I love what I'm eating, I love how I feel and I love me. I'm content; downright happy. I do not feel the need to comfort myself from indescribable and hard to explain feelings with the new waffle cone sundae. The urge isn't there. The compulsion isn't there. The clarity is there--and it clearly shows me how wonderful life can be when I'm making what one of our weekly conference call support group members calls "righteous food choices!" I feel great about me and my choices. And I refuse to trade this feeling for anything.

I left the house for the YMCA and the elliptical machine. On my way, I dialed up the little Mexican place down the street from the Y to order dinner. With my conference call tonight--I decided I wasn't cooking. I ordered the Hawaiian Fajitas without most of the things included in the order. I didn't want the flour tortillas, beans, rice, or their guacamole. I forgot to say "no cheese," but it turns out they didn't include very much. I asked for three plain corn taco shells instead and a side of lettuce. Since I declined most everything that comes with the fajitas, they charged me nearly four dollars less than the usual price! I told them to wait a bit and I would pick it up after my workout. I walked into the restaurant and was greeted with, "How was the workout amigo?" I smiled big, "It was good, very good!"

I picked up the fajitas and headed straight for the neighborhood grocery store on the South side of town. I ran in and grabbed some fruit and water, then straight home with just enough time to put dinner on a plate and eat before my 7pm conference call. I was in a groove at this point--right on time!

I proved something to myself today. I proved that sometimes when I think there isn't any way I can go on without a nap--I probably need to get up and move around a little and then convince myself of what it is I need to do. Sometimes a nap may actually be the healthiest choice. Not today, though. I felt energized enough to get things done. I powered through my day and made it just fine. I wasn't whipped during my workout either--it was a really good workout! I pushed it well and feel great about making the decision I made to stay up and get things done. Now I can get more rest. I'm getting to bed even earlier and I'll see what 6 to 6.5 hours feels like! This is real progress in the sleep department.

And these goals we have, you know it's not about perfection, it's about progress--and when I can see the progress and feel it too, like today's experiences, I must smile--because this is what it's all about.

My Tweets today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, August 11, 2014

August 11th, 2014 Harmony Still Surrounds

August 11th, 2014 Harmony Still Surrounds

I felt really alive today. You know what I mean? It's a wonderful harmony. I use that word a lot lately, "harmony," but what does it mean? My only explanation for this sudden and frequent usage of a word I rarely noticed before now is, perhaps it took authentically feeling it to genuinely use it in my writing and speech.

Despite the struggles and challenges, harmony still surrounds when I choose to recognize its existence. It's a feeling of acceptance, no matter how imperfect this journey is at times. It's still beautiful. And the fact that: I don't drink enough water. I may or may not be getting enough calories each day or maybe too many. I eat too late, too close to bedtime. I often don't get enough rest--are details needing adjustments, modifications, things that simply need patience, time and a willingness to change. Consistency is critical, perfection isn't. I carry a confident patience as I move throughout each day.

I'll weigh again on Wednesday and I know that no matter what the scale says, I'm doing well. And I know I will keep doing well. If the loss this three week period is something that brings a big smile, great! If it's a loss that raises an eyebrow of concern, then okay-- perhaps I'll make some adjustments--maybe move some disciplines up the priority list.  

The point is, I'm in this for the rest of my life. I will make it to a healthy body weight and I will be in the best physical condition I've ever known. The practices I'm making important are things I will always do. I don't plan on ever returning to sugar and that's a big deal for me. I'm not proclaiming I'm beyond relapse--oh, I've made that mistake before--none of us are beyond relapse, ever. I know if I'm to have the best chance at avoiding relapse, I must continue making support, accountability, abstinence from sugar and taking extraordinary care important, non-negotiable ways of life. That's my plan. And it is the plan that gives me the best shot at continuing to feel this wonderful peace and harmony. 

I'm so happy. Why? I just am. Happy. To go from a deep dark place to where I am now, is--just a miracle in so many ways. I honestly believed it might be impossible to feel like this again. So grateful it wasn't impossible.

I love receiving messages from people who are feeling empowered again. I opened the most wonderful message today from a reader named Beverly. She said something so wonderful: "I know I've said things before about getting on track ... I guess those were just times when I wasn't willing to get WORSE. Now I'm determined to get BETTER."

 I have a feeling Beverly is about to embark on the most amazing transformation of mind, body and soul. Having been on the edge of commitment, I'm fairly good at recognizing the same in others. It's a place where willingness meets action and actions meet consistency and it comes together in a way unique to us and what we need, what we can handle--what works for us. 

My workout tonight was the spin and swim combo. Cycling, as it's called at the Y, was brutal!! And by "brutal," I mean it was fantastic. Remember me writing a while back about running into the spin instructor at the grocery store? He was the one leading our class this evening. When I walked in he made an elated sound to greet me. His elation and smile coming my way felt amazing. He too has gained some weight from his previous healthier weight, something he shared with me as a way to encourage and relate. And it did, beautifully. He's the one who told me to just get in there and do what I can, as I can--and I did. My "can" was really good today. 

The swimming tonight was really good. I did strain my neck a little by doing pull ups on the side of the pool. I was pulling myself up, nearly half way out of the water and holding it there for more than 20 seconds. Every muscle in my arms, back and shoulders were engaged. Afterward, I realized my neck muscles were in on it too. It is feeling better now, so that's good. I need to be careful in my "freestyle" water workouts!

You wouldn't believe how confident I feel by the pool and in the locker room. In one week, I've gone from a paralyzing fear to 100% comfort and confidence in this area. I don't hide in a bathroom stall to change either, nope. I do what I need to do in the locker room just like everybody else. I shower before getting in, I dry off, I change clothes, whatever! It's a dramatic shift in perspective--these are things I couldn't, uh--wouldn't do before.

I took the heart monitor I borrowed from a dear friend to spinning class but waited too long to figure out how to enter my weight in an effort to get an accurate calorie burn, so that experiment will wait until tomorrow. I'm anxiously awaiting to see those numbers and how they compare with what MyFitnessPal says I'm burning. This information will help me make any adjustments I might need.

I enjoyed my food today. It was good. With the spinning/swimming combo, I fell short again on the net calories after exercise goal and I'm okay with this for now. I need more data before I can confidently claim the need to eat too much more than I do. The question is: Am I exercising enough--burning enough calories to justify the added fuel? The nutrition science behind this "eat more-lose more" philosophy is solid stuff. We must give our bodies what it needs to operate on an optimum level. Anything less and this road gets rough with potholes full of frustration.

I think about Michael Phelps, the USA Olympic Gold Medal swimmer. I'm NOT comparing myself to him--I'm just saying, when he trains he eats 10,000 calories a day. When I first read that I found it hard to imagine. Some time later, I heard him say that exact thing in an interview. 10,000 a day!! I don't think I've ever consumed that many even on my biggest binge days of old.

Food tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your support! I look forward to conversing with you in the comments section below.
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

June 17th, 2014 The Best I Can, Today

June 17th, 2014 The Best I Can, Today

I'm feeling better now, than I think I ever have in my life. That's a pretty big statement. I mean, ever, in the history of Sean. It has some to do with eating better, exercising and losing weight, of course, but the majority of this feeling comes from the epiphany of May 15th, 2014: My identity and self worth will never be tethered to the shape of my face, the size of my pants or the number on a scale. The same qualities and positive attributes I love about me are constant, at 505 or 230, for richer or poorer. Read the blog post from May 15th by clicking here.

Never before has something stayed with me in such a powerful way. And it goes beyond recognizing and understanding. I've taken this into practical application in my everyday life and its effect has been nothing short of miraculous.

I enjoy spending time with me. I don't think I've ever known what that was like until now. I have a greater confidence no matter where I am or who I may run into, I always hold my head high. What makes this exceptionally better is, I'm feeling great about myself, so when I'm around people I'm not busy projecting negative feelings about me onto them without their knowledge. In fact, it's the opposite. I think I'm awesome, so surely they do too! I don't tug on my shirt as much, as if doing so makes me appear slimmer. I don't look in the mirror and pepper myself with self-loathing and disgust. I look in the mirror with gratefulness and appreciation for what I have and what I don't have. I take extraordinary care in planning, selecting and preparing my food. I'm making me important. I even bought myself some new sweat pants today. I'm recognizing my talents and celebrating them--nurturing them, instead of discounting and under valuing. The added confidence has decreased my sensitivity, so I don't take things personally as often as I once did. I'm proceeding along this road with an excitement and vigor like never before.  When someone compliments me on my appearance, I say thank you instead of launching into a laundry list of reasons to invalidate their suggestion, followed by --"but yeah, thank you for that." Just as importantly, I don't invest too much in what people say about me in a positive way. I don't gravitate toward them like a puppy with wagging tail and wanting eyes, saying give me more, give me more... and hoping if they say it enough I'll eventually believe it too.

And I'm showing an abundant gratitude and thanks everyday for effectively being branded with two life changing experiences at the same time: The positive physical/mental effects of finally giving nearly 100% abstinence from sugar an honest effort and the mental/emotional freedom afforded by a new perspective on identity and self-worth.

I'm also keenly aware that these gifts are not in any way locked into place. Only with my continued diligent practice, my constant awareness of where I am and a confident patience for where I'm headed, will I be allowed to keep the peace I currently enjoy. Only a fool believes he's figured out the combination for eternal peace without continued effort and practice. I've used the word "practice" a lot lately because it's what it is. I'm not perfect, never will be and that isn't the goal. The pursuit of perfection is the quickest detour to disappointment.

I'm doing the best I can, today.

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Today was good in many ways. I had a productive morning show and afternoon production session. I left work, went shopping for myself (hardly ever do that), took care of a friend's dogs, then came home and started preparing an incredible meal. The food was almost done when I started my weekly Tuesday night support conference call, so I let it stay in the warm oven until the call was over. I enjoyed the meal tremendously--wow--Loved it!!





I worked out on the elliptical at the YMCA after dinner, helped my oldest daughter with something--went back out to care for the dogs, then headed home to eat my #lastfoodofday and write this blog post.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, June 7, 2014

June 7th, 2014 Not Leaving Things To Chance

June 7th, 2014 Not Leaving Things To Chance

I had an 11am-2pm broadcast at an auto dealership today. The owner of the dealership bought his staff lunch and extended the offer my way. Having brought my own, I declined. The free food opportunities have been numerous lately. I suppose it's that time of year. When everyone else started eating, I grabbed mine too. One of the sales associates noticed my lunch, walked over and said, "You're really serious about eating better, huh?" I replied, "It is one of my highest priorities, very important."

I'm not leaving things to chance. When a situation comes along (and it will) where I'm not prepared and find myself looking at a menu, I'm confident I'll navigate my order well. I've made it important to minimize those situations.  I enjoy cooking, pure and simple. I never use recipes, I just jump in and throw things together, hoping for the best. I'm thankful for my natural culinary skills.

Having a Twitter account dedicated to tweeting pictures and calorie counts of everything I eat has been an unexpected blessing. It has slowed me down nicely and inspired me to take care in preparing and enjoying what I eat. I plan better too. And once I get an idea in my head, it's tough to change it. I've declined a couple of dinner invitations because, "I'm sorry, I already have dinner plans." I leave out the part about it being dinner for one at my place. I truly, for the first time in my life, actually enjoy spending time alone. This is a very recent development. Since the epiphanies of May 15th, I feel different in a wonderful way.

Never before has an epiphany had this powerful of an impact on me and everything I am, do, think, feel and say. It's inspired me to take better care. It's a beautiful thing.  If you haven't read the May 15th post, you can find it here.  Also check out a post from a few days later titled "The Secret To Happiness."

I had planned on a YMCA trip today before I discovered they close at 6pm on Saturday. I thought it was 7pm. I think it was at one point. Instead, I opted for a late night walk. It was shorter than normal because I'm a little tired today. My sleep has drastically improved but still, my schedule has been relentless lately and I think it's catching up to me.

I'm out of mind crazy excited about weigh day on Wednesday the 11th. I can feel and see the difference in fairly significant ways. My efforts are rewarding me and that feels fantastic.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, June 4, 2014

June 4th, 2014 My Perfection Is Imperfection

June 4th, 2014 My Perfection Is Imperfection

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and beliefs, their passions; convictions. I'm very respectful of all people and I do my best to be gracious. When someone has something helpful for me in the way of advice or concern, I immediately recognize it as a positive. Last night's post was a perfect example. I couldn't be more grateful for the wonderful perspective Janis gifted me. And it was spot on.

This morning I received a direct Twitter message from someone in the UK who has read this blog often over the years. She wrote, "Hi Sean, I checked out your MyFitnessPal diary for a few days. You are vastly undereating. That can't last. You MUST nourish your body. That you are restricting shows you have an eating disorder or more properly, Eating Distress. Restricting your food intake so low won't help. I wish you all the best in your recovery. Please consider my words. God Bless."

I explained that I was aware that I had an eating disorder called food addiction. She went on to say that she doesn't believe in food addiction, only in food behavior addiction. She wasn't mean at all, in fact--she said "Sean, I wish you every good thing and deep flourishing! Take care of your precious self." She later added, "You're inspiring. Be nice to yourself. :)"

I'm sharing this, not in an effort to attack her, not at all. I believe she's 100% sincere and well intentioned. I'm sharing it because it had such a negative effect on me all day long. Why did I let this well intentioned advice get under my skin? I don't know.  What I do know is....

I'm at peace, more now than I've ever been in my entire 42 years. I feel a quiet and calm with food that I honestly thought was impossible for me to experience. I certainly don't feel like I'm under-eating at all. The only time I ever feel the slightest twinge of hunger is first thing in the morning, otherwise I'm perfectly comfortable. I eat three meals a day and anywhere from one to three snacks a day. When I workout I feel plenty of energy, like I feel my body getting stronger. The 1700 calorie budget seems to be serving me well. I had lost 25 pounds at my last weigh in (approximately 4 1/2 weeks worth-if my calculations are correct) and I understand that may seem like too much-too fast, but for someone with so much to lose I also know it's not uncommon for larger numbers up front. I feel exceptionally healthy. My sleep has also improved.

I'm the first to admit when I'm wrong, but everything about what I've been doing for almost two months feels so right for me.  Lord knows I'm not a dietitian, nutritionist, doctor or anyone else who knows better. I haven't studied the theories and nutrition books and websites or any of that stuff. I'm simply eating well. I'm eating better than I ever have in my entire life. I'm not binging and I'm 100% convinced that the nearly 100% abstinence from sugar has completely taken away the compulsions to binge. I'm not saying I'll never have them again, but for now, they're virtually non-existent. It's a beautiful peace, my friends.

I was stressing all day long, second guessing, frustrated--in a foul mood...and it didn't help that it was a long day at work. When I feel so right and good, I can't accept that what I'm doing is all wrong and bad. I called a support friend and professional late tonight for an impromptu session and she asked, "Why would you allow anyone to steal your serenity?" Good question.

I don't proclaim to have all the answers. I do not proclaim to be an expert. I'm just a guy who is doing the best I can. I'm taking good care of myself for a change. I want to live and experience life at a healthy weight. I'm tired of obesity. And for me, it seems my body naturally gravitates toward higher weights, especially if I do nothing. I'm very aware that for me, maintaining a healthy weight will require a diligent practice the rest of my life. And I'm finally at peace with that truth.

If this days worth of food doesn't look sufficient, it certainly feels so.

Breakfast



Snack



Lunch



Snack #2



Dinner



Snack #3



Perhaps my perspective will change someday, I'll get into lifting weights and I'll consume twice as many calories per day while training. But for now, this seems to be working well considering my level of activity.

It's interesting and somewhat of a coincidence that I actually went over my 1700 calorie budget today for the first time in nearly 50 days. I was adding my dinner into MyFitnessPal when I discovered a 50 calorie overage. Instead of immediately being consumed with panic and negative emotions, I calmly declared that it would likely end up about 150 over because I planned on some fruit while writing. I ended the day at 1,854.

I still felt a little tiny, itty bitty twinge of guilt for "breaking the bank," so to speak, but I didn't react irrationally, going off the deep end. It is what it is. I'm not perfect. I don't have to be. And that's all I have to say about that. Breaking the bank was actually good for my psyche. I did it and I handled it with love and compassion for myself. It's not a big deal and it doesn't mean I failed today. I did not fail today. Not at all.

Oh yeah--I didn't exercise today either. I gave myself permission to take a day off. My resolve is strong. My head is on straight. And I will proceed beautifully...Wonderfully right or pleasantly wrong.  My "perfection" is imperfection.

There were so many insightful and golden comments on yesterday's post. Thank you to everyone who added their thoughts and shared their experiences. I didn't have time to reply to each today, but I plan on going back tomorrow sometime and catching up.

My food diary is public on MyFitnessPal--username SeanAAnderson. My Twitter feed features pictures of everything I eat with calorie counts. These are tools of accountability for me.  A friend asked me if I was okay this evening and if I was feeling like a binge, and I replied--"If I do, you'll see it on my Twitter."

 I feel fine.

Thank you for reading and your support. I likely have one less friend in the UK after this post, I hope not--I mean, she meant well--she just didn't know how her words would effect me. BUT I seriously need to get over the idea that I can somehow be pleasing to everybody. That's a lifelong thing for me--always wanting to be liked and loved...and sacrificing whatever to get it... even when it meant sacrificing what I believed in or what was best for me. NO MORE.  There are people who don't like me and that's okay!! In fact, you may be reading this now thinking-- man, I can't stand this guy... Good for you!! Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

As far as my tendency to be a people pleaser, I know what my straight talking fellow blogging friend Christine at "A Deliberate Life" would say, "CUT THAT SH*T OUT!" Except she wouldn't use an asterisk.

Goodnight,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, May 19, 2014

May 19th, 2014 The Secret To Happiness

May 19th, 2014 The Secret To Happiness

The thing I've focused on the most the last several days has proven to be a wonderful exploration.  It is, in short, the secret to happiness. Millions have figured it out already and they live it every day. Millions struggle with understanding it and they spend years, sometimes a lifetime in pursuit of it. The thing about loving and caring for the constants within us, the things that can't ever be taken from us, the elements making us who we are deep down no matter what comes or goes in this life is a key to emotional freedom.

I think about the man in India who lives with his wife and kids in what can best be described as a tent.  He gets up everyday and walks for miles into the city where he pulls a rickshaw, transporting tourist and business people for 8-12 hours a day. Then he walks home and has dinner (usually white rice and anything else they can afford) with the family he loves. He's one of the happiest people you'll ever meet.

I think about the person who was able bodied their entire life before a drunk driver rendered them a quadriplegic. Yet, some of these people who have had so much taken away from them, are transformed into some of the most inspirational, positive and fascinatingly happy people in this world.

I believe that people who find and live their happiness are doing so, because they're connected to the core qualities within them that can never be taken away. Whoever first said "happiness must come from within," this is what they meant.

If we tether our identity, self-worth, definition of success and happiness to anything that naturally fluctuates or can change dramatically, then we're in for a roller coaster ride of emotional unrest.

I've always attached my self-worth to my weight. Well, until now of course. I've often talked about potential and not living up to potential. But here's the thing: Potential is tied directly to the constant qualities within us and if our focus is on the pursuit of happiness in every direction except within, then those qualities aren't allowed to flourish, to grow--to give life to the potential within us all.

This whole thing makes me want to take the best care I can. I've never felt more determined to return to a healthy weight. It's what I need physically. What I need emotionally isn't affected by weight loss. And making that distinction provides a nice inner calm, a peace.

The question to determine these inner qualities needing attention and love is: What are the qualities in me that remain regardless of my weight, regardless of my financial situation, regardless of my relationship status, regardless of my professional success--what about me stays the same when all of these other things can and do change?  My heart, soul, sense of humor, natural compassion for others, likes and dislikes, pride in parenting, artistic talents, selflessness, humility, etc. Have you made your list?  And when these constants are cared for and loved, watered, so to speak--they grow, they flourish--and they give us what we need to experience emotional freedom, the freedom and ability to claim our happiness come what may.

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I slept on my shoulder a little too long in the same position again. I started the day with a hurt shoulder and at some point during my radio show, it severely affected my neck. Suddenly I became feverish and nauseated. I took a half day off and took care of me. In all, I've had Aleve, a muscle relaxer, a massage and a coating of an Icy Hot like product that is still working. Working well enough in fact, that I was able to go to the YMCA and absolutely crush my workout on the elliptical.

On the way home from the Y, I stopped to visit with my grandson Noah. We had fun, talked a little to one another (me mostly talking to him--but give him a little while) and he made a point to fill my phone protector with drool...and that's okay! Because his drool is precious. Oh my goodness, I love that little guy.

I prepared a great dinner tonight, completed my MyFitnessPal entries for the day, Tweeted my #lastfoodofday and wrote this blog.  I'm ready to call it a great day.

You're welcome to follow me on Twitter, @SeanAAnderson   And friend me on MyFitnessPal: Username- SeanAAnderson.  My Facebook is www.facebook.com/seananderson505

I'm very grateful for many things.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

photo f97d04e9-2f52-46b9-9cf0-d3dbf800c1bf_zpsacbd673f.jpg
My grandson Noah. Now there's a happy little guy!
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Sunday, May 18, 2014

May 18th, 2014 Sean 1, Buffet 0

May 18th, 2014 Sean 1, Buffet 0

I remember not too long ago when I felt so far removed from any semblance of control. In that place it seems so hopeless and scary.  I'm grateful to be where I am today.  I feel strong and determined, like in the beginning of this blog.  It's a new day and I deserve to feel great.  You do too.

I visited mom this evening and we dined at a buffet. I wasn't the least bit inclined to do anything other than stick to the plan.  I selected a small lean sirloin, one slice of turkey breast, green beans, sauteed mushrooms, fresh strawberries, pear slices and a serving of cottage cheese with two crackers.  My meal checked in at 559 calories. I added 15 calories for a non dairy creamer cup for my after dinner coffee and conversation with mom and my aunt Kelli and her husband Tim. Kelli has lost 50 pounds in the last year by simply eliminating sugary soft drinks. Way to go Kelli!

I picked up some fruit and eggs from the grocery department at Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store on the way home, then stopped at Walgreens for some paper towels. Both of these places have been my "dealer" at one time or another.  It feels good to walk in, buy what I'm after and be proud of my choices for a change. I'm sure it's confusing for some of the regular employees, "No ice cream tonight?"  No thank you, I got what I want and need.

I came home and decided to walk around my apartment community for a half hour. The weather has been beautiful here--perfectly cool for a nice neighborhood stroll.

I did a little cleaning tonight, planned out some food for tomorrow and I'm headed to bed!

Good day!  By the way, I've explained the recent identity/self love revelation to a couple of people over the weekend and they related to it in a powerful way too.  Lord knows it isn't something "new," but truly understanding how it works--experiencing the "click," after not properly understanding this my entire life has left me feeling renewed and even more empowered.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, May 17, 2014

May 17th, 2014 I Haven't Been The Same

May 17th, 2014 I Haven't Been The Same

It's been over 48 hours since the epiphany on the way to the YMCA that I wrote about in the May 15th post. And I still can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I was given a secret to a great mystery. This concept I discussed as it applies to me is universal too. This will be my TED Talk someday. Oh yeah, I don't think I've ever expressed my dream of speaking at a TED Conference. It will happen sometime within the next five years. I've envisioned it in detail, watching my imagination's best version.  I'm 100% serious.

Once understood, finding the core of who I am and have always been required a simple question: What are the qualities in me that do not change?  If I'm 500 pounds or 230 pounds, what positive attributes do I possess at both of those weights?  The same question can be applied to other things, example: If I won the lottery tomorrow, what positive qualities about me would remain from my previous financial existence? These core qualities are the ones with us through it all.  Stability and certainty, instability and uncertainty.  The list includes not only the way our brain works through compassion, empathy, sense of humor, intelligence, etc. It also includes our likes and dislikes, our roles as parents and grandparents--the things that bring us joy and peace, love and laughter. These things are often overlooked because identity and self-worth has been attached to something that fluctuates.

My identity and self-worth was always hooked onto my weight. Someone else's identity and self-worth might be tied to their bank account.  And another's might be tied to whether or not they perceive their current station in life as stable or unstable. Still another's might rely on the progression of their career. All of these things fluctuate. And through it all, we're still who we are within our core qualities.

In order for these core qualities to flourish and enrich our lives to the fullest, they must be loved and nurtured like watering a plant. If they're neglected, they wilt and wither. I believe this is from where the expression "I feel dead inside" comes.  And when identity and self worth is attached to anything else, these positive attributes get neglected on both sides of whatever is fluctuating. When the changing source of identity and self-worth is moving in a positive direction, we feel great about ourselves. And when the source is moving in a negative direction we feel worse about ourselves. Then we get into a tug of war, constantly battling to feel good.

We've all heard, "Happiness must come from within."  Now I understand how that can happen and I understand how it doesn't happen when we rely on external things that change.  Money doesn't buy happiness. Losing weight doesn't magically fix us. Getting the big promotion or settling down into a relationship doesn't do it either. We're truly free when our identity and self-worth is authentically attached to the core qualities of who we are.  And the best thing?? It can NEVER be taken away from us, no matter what.

 About today...

I've never felt more determined to take the best care of me than I do right now. And taking the best care will ultimately result in a healthy body weight once again.

I didn't plan my food very well today, that's for sure. I ate well, don't get me wrong--but I ending up skipping lunch, had an early dinner and found I had 524 calories remaining afterward. Then I was asked by a friend to be the designated driver for their wedding party, and I accepted the responsibility--not eating another thing until I returned home after midnight.  My #lastfoodofday was a turkey burger with onion, swiss and a Laughing Cow French Onion wedge and I still ended the day with 151 calories unclaimed in the Calorie Bank and Trust account.  I'll plan better tomorrow!

It was a great day for many reasons. I got up and caught up on a few emails, read some other blogs, took care of some business at the bank and post office, then went into work to catch up on a few things before heading to the YMCA for an amazing workout on the trusty elliptical.

I'm telling you--since this whole identity-self worth thing hit on Thursday night, I haven't been the same person. My friend whom I was driving tonight asked me, "Have you been drinking?"  No!! Is the change in me that noticeable?? Perhaps I'm a little giddy. And you know why?

It's because I've spent my entire life not understanding how to genuinely love myself and just be okay. And please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying I've figured it all out, but I'm exploring areas and things long forgotten, things sacrificed by the pursuit of fulfillment in all the wrong places.

Now I'm contemplating a very exciting question: What can I accomplish now that my strongest embrace is around the things that matter most? Redefining the list of things that make me worthy of all things good is like giving myself permission to soar, no matter the direction of the wind.

As I continue my journey back to a healthier body weight and beyond, I've put into place some high accountability tools. I've committed to tweeting a picture, description and calorie count of anything and everything I eat.  And I'm keeping the Calorie Bank up to date with a MyFitnessPal food and exercise log.
Join me on Twitter, I'm @SeanAAnderson And SeanAAnderson on MyFitnessPal.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, March 6, 2014

Chasing Endorphins

Chasing Endorphins

I hadn't made it a quarter mile when the burning in my legs started whining. I decided to focus on the music and not my legs. Would I get a 5K in this evening? Probably not and that's okay. I'm not back there just yet. At about the 3/4 mile point I noticed my legs feeling better and stronger. I was determined to make it at least 1.7 miles. By the time the 2nd lap of the trail was finished, I was so into my music and feeling good--I pushed it another lap, ending with a solid 2.64 miles. That's fantastic. I honestly felt like stopping that first 1/4 mile, but as I alternated between air guitar and air drums, I was thinking about how it was when I first embarked on this trail September 15th, 2008 at 505 pounds. I only made it 1/4 mile on that first day because I was convinced another step further would literally kill me. I knew pushing it tonight wouldn't kill me and I was after those mood altering endorphins. And I got 'em, I got 'em good.

I left the trail feeling accomplished. I felt proud and happy. I made it to the store, picked up a few ingredients I needed to prepare dinner and I cooked a meal I felt good about.

Today was a good day. The choices I made alleviated the familiar struggle I often feel in the evenings. Morning to late afternoon is often the easiest time of day for me because it's more structured with my work schedule. The evening is up to me. And when there aren't any boundaries and I'm free to navigate my evening in whatever way I choose--that's when it's the toughest.

I confided in a friend recently about how I felt like I was on the verge of a calorie bank meltdown. Instead, on that particular evening, I went to bed uncharacteristically early (7:10pm), thus avoiding what felt inevitable. It wasn't a bad move, really. I did what I felt I needed to do in that moment in order to maintain the integrity of my calorie budget. But after tonight, I must question, had I exercised, how would I have felt at 7pm that particular evening? I'm betting I would have been in a much stronger mindset, influenced by the bio-chemical reactions released by exercise.

It's a positive momentum dynamic. I exercise, I feel better, I struggle less (or not at all) and I ultimately feel great about my choices. And good inspires more of the same. I must keep this in mind the next time I'm on the fence about whether or not to exercise.

I'm a pro at finding fantastic reasons why I shouldn't exercise on any particular day. Granted, I've had legitimate circumstances for a while now because of my sleep issues. But now that these are being treated, I'm getting more rest. And suddenly a long work day doesn't seem like a good enough escape clause. And why would I avoid exercise anyway? I do quite often. But I can't recall ever regretting a good workout. Isn't that interesting? I always feel better afterward. Always. And since I listen to my favorite tunes while I'm doing it, I'm actually having a blast, (see the air guitar and air drums reference above.) I've even went so far as to play air piano, air violin and air upright base.  Will somebody see me? (Somebody did this evening--I know, because they mentioned it on my facebook post) I don't care if they see me! This is what I mean when I talk about becoming "lost in the music." This is why I prefer to workout alone. My exercise time is my time to dream within the rhythm of the songs that inspire me. I've compromised before, trying not to embarrass my walking partner: I would often curb my enthusiasm. I will not curb my enthusiasm ever again! So if you've ever asked me to walk with you and I haven't accepted, please don't take it personal. It's just me being me...gloriously me!  

 I've noticed a major positive difference since declaring to be more self-compassionate. The guilt and shame of regain is pretty much gone. I give an incredible amount of credit to the numerous people who have come forward, sharing their own stories of regain. Feelings of shame and guilt prefer to be alone for optimal growth. And because so many have shared with me their stories and their hope, I know I'm not alone, ever.
Getting back on track has been another big factor in alleviating the brutally abusive thoughts and resulting emotions. I know where I'm headed. And it feels good to be going in a positive direction. The hopeless feelings of a downward spiral always feel that way because of the decent. When we're back up and moving in a positive direction we suddenly realize there is hope after all.

I better wrap this up. I've enjoyed some wonderful perspectives on facebook recently. The other day I posted:

"I've heard from several people recently who have told me they're “starting over." First, realize you're not completely starting over. Now, you're armed with new information about yourself—some you may not have considered before now. Every “failed” weight loss attempt in my life wasn't a failure, it was a teacher. With this new perspective--approach with simplicity, confidence, and joy. And know: This time will be unlike any other because the focus is heavy on YOU and the real changes you desire,—the ones you once thought impossible...they're not, they're yours for the choosing."

Michael Prager, Author of "Fat Boy, Thin Man" commented:
 "I start over every morning, regardless of how yesterday went. I only have today."

Isn't that the most wonderful perspective we can embrace? What if we let go of yesterday and fully embraced today? Now, if yesterday was awesome, then fine---but still, today is all we have. Truly, this is a one day at a time road we're traveling.

I invite you to friend me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/seananderson505 On Twitter: @SeanAAnderson and on My Fitness Pal: SeanAAnderson

I keep most of my food pics and "in the moment" type stuff on twitter. I micro-blog and interact on facebook and I log my daily calorie bank, exercise and water consumption on My Fitness Pal.  And of course, this blog is...well, you're here...

Thank you for reading,
Goodnight and...
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, March 2, 2014

The Thing About Focus

The Thing About Focus

I'm ready to amp this amp as I head into March.  I've been rocking my Calorie Bank and Trust to the tune of 1700 or a little less each day. I haven't fully committed to an exercise schedule and it's okay, but that's about to change! My goals for the upcoming week include being better prepared for lunches at work, exercising of some kind each day, increased writing and more water! I can do this. These are things in need of my focus. And when I apply myself toward this positive focus, incredible results follow.

A very important element for me and any of us, is to be very careful of the thoughts and things we lend our focus.  I'm a huge believer in the law of attraction. Basically, what we focus on the most is what we get more of along the way. I have numerous things in my life where I can dissect the dynamics and follow it back to where my focus was strongest. Most times, a negative focus is grounded in fear.

Fear of regaining can be paralyzing. And when you're in the middle of regaining it feels like the focus is hijacked into a very negative and dark place where nothing is working anymore.  I had "505" tattooed on my arm as a reminder of where I've been and a nod to never go back.  BUT... if I could go back in time, I would change the number to 230. And I may still have "-275=230" added.  Why? Because as I was losing and after hitting goal, I spent a whole lot of focus on the number 505. I named my start up "505 Industries," the tattoo of course and several other thoughts and practices were centered around that number. It got to the point to where I started seeing 505 everywhere. My purchase at the store would come up $5.05, I would notice the clock at 5:05 all the time and when the security code on one of my cards showed up 505, I smiled and thought, "How perfect?"

But how could I break away from this five hundred pound identity if I'm choosing to constantly focus on the number 505?  I can tell you with absolute certainty, had it not been for the support of people like you--I'd be back to 505 or beyond.  Changing our focus isn't easy. And changing our deep seeded identity is where it gets extremely challenging.

In my opinion, in order for us to eventually, slowly but surely, accept a new identity--we must focus on where we are and where we're headed, not where we've been. You've heard people say "never look back" and I agree. Then someone pops up with, "Don't ever forget where you came from!" And then what?  Well, we don't have to forget where we came from and we likely couldn't if we tried, but we can keep that identity from being our main focus.

This focus on where we're headed puts the law of attraction to the test. Long before I watched "The Secret" documentary on Netflix, I experienced this powerful dynamic. As I started losing weight back in 2008, I employed the law of attraction without realizing what I was doing. Everyday I would look in the mirror and smile at myself. I was complimenting myself for doing a great job and then I would intensely focus on where I was headed. I would envision how my appearance would change.  And no, simply doing this isn't the only thing needed---but what happened was, it affected every choice I made. I was locked into my transformation. I was focused on the positive changes coming my way in regards to physical and mental health and of course, appearance. I was imagining the possibilities and with each passing day, week and month--those possibilities were happening.

An entire book could be written about this topic of focusing and then another book could be written on the effects of the transformation as it applies to our identity and how it affects our relationships with others and more importantly, how it affects our relationship with self. I imagine if I search a little, I could find some good books already written on these topics!

I'll tell you right now, the big guy in some of the photos below--I never properly dealt with losing him. The truth is, I never lost him--it's me, but the identity and all of the personality and heart invested in that existence was transformed right along with my body and wardrobe.  It felt like "old Sean" died. It wasn't until the last year or so that I fully understood why my ex-sister in-law cried the first time she saw me after hitting goal. She was mourning the loss of  "old Sean." I did recognize this then, but I didn't fully get it until about a year ago.  So the work continues.

For me to understand that the positive effects of being at a healthy body weight far outweigh the attachment to my old identity, takes a committed and consistent focus.

I want to live as long as God plans for me to live. I want to be healthy and experience life to the fullest. And doing this means letting go and allowing myself to transform without focusing on negative emotions tied to my previous normal.  There were many positive and wonderful qualities in that guy, but the lifestyle was one that isn't conducive to longevity.  Instead of focusing on a perceived "loss," I must continue to focus on a hybrid version of me--one that combines the positive qualities of the past with the lifestyle and focus of today, giving me the best shot at a longer and healthier life.

Where is the focus? That's a question I must keep on the top of my mind. As long as I remain attentive and aware of this focus, I can continue making positive strides toward my goals.

Join me on facebook at www.facebook.com/seananderson505 (notice the 505) and on twitter @SeanAAnderson and My Fitness Pal: SeanAAnderson.

Tuesday evening starts the 6 week group teleconference coaching sessions with my good friend Life Coach Gerri Helms. Gerri has maintained her 100 pound weight loss for 21 years and has helped countless people identify and reach their goals in weight loss and other areas of life.  The 6 week session is $60 dollars and includes the weekly call, additional text support when needed, a private Facebook group for conference members only and an incredible chemistry for support from the group. For an average of only $10 per week, it's a bargain! If you're interested in signing up, it's not too late! We keep the group small, so space is limited. Send an email to me right away to sean@transformationroad.com and I'll reply with a link for you to click and register.

I've included several pictures below. I am focusing on where I'm headed, not where I've been. I am focused on a future where I speak and write for a living and one where I experience the positive effects of living at a healthier weight everyday.

Attitude. Perspective. Focus. It's powerful, my friend.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

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big face

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Stand-up comedy head shot and stage profile shot

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This idea of focus, attention and the law of attraction, has me questioning if I should ditch the before picture and old size 64's for future speaking engagements.
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Sunday, February 23, 2014

Of Clarity and Perspective

Of Clarity and Perspective

Just a day after my Monday appointment, I received the call about my sleep study results, including the pressure needed and the home health prescription. The same day, the home health place called and starting working on my insurance company about getting me a new machine.  More on that in a moment!

Wednesday I transported mom to her eye specialist in Oklahoma City. I've been preoccupied during so many visits with mom and she notices every time (call it a mother's intuition). I can't count the times she's asked, "What's wrong, son?" or "Is everything okay?" And most of the time I would sugar coat my answer in an attempt to save her from worry. But she knew. She always knows when I'm "out of alignment" with my truest self. And instead of me "saving her" from worry by clamming up, her concern becomes amplified, because now she must play a guessing game as to what's wrong with her son.

Something was very different during this time we spent together. The difference maker is, I'm taking good care and I'm on the right track. I'm feeling good about myself. I'm maintaining a calorie budget again and I'm dealing with all stressful triggers head on, instead of ignoring them and simply managing the stress they create. We all know how I choose to manage stress. In other words, I'm taking charge of my life on different levels. I'm treating the root cause and not just managing the symptoms, if you will. My preferred treatment of "symptoms" is to eat, and eat some more, taking a temporary escape route where nothing is solved, only made worse by the added guilt and shame that floods in after the brief hiatus from caring. At that point, everything negative is magnified, the result of my natural coping mechanism.

It isn't easy to break away from these dynamics. Not easy at all. But when we declare our independence from these ingrained ways, positive things start clicking and we have some of the purest interactions with the ones we love.  My trip with mom on Wednesday was one of the best we've had. Mom's eyes are doing great, by the way. Again--no surgery needed and another checkup was set for late June. Mom said "I've laughed more this morning than I have in a very long time." I live to see that woman smile and her laugh is music to my ears. We discussed issues important to both of us, with some serious points along the way, but for the most part, we enjoyed observational humor and improvised "stand-up." It was pure joy to laugh so hard and feel so free and once again enjoy our time together, instead of being preoccupied with the countless distractions the quicksand of a downward spiral brings about.

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Getting the call from the home health supply place was good. A new machine with precisely the settings I needed was waiting for me. Upon arrival, I immediately noticed this paper attached to the wall:

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I can personally attest to most of this list. If my recent doctors check up is any indication, I may have dodged the cardiovascular health issue, at least for now. It would have become a much more serious issue had I let it go, unchecked and rampant, without putting on the brakes and admitting it needed immediate attention.

I left their office with a new machine and a truckload of hope and anticipation of the incredible differences being properly rested will bring. I've had three nights on this new machine and the difference is profound. It isn't perfect as I try to get accustomed to a new headgear and mask, but even with this adjustment period, I still feel more rested than I have in three years. Exactly as I hoped.

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A little more than a month ago, I received a message from a man who said he wanted to meet and talk about his weight issues. He told me we had communicated once before about this, but now more than ever, he was ready to sit down and discuss how to start, because like many of us at one time or another, he was stuck in the place where the question "Where and how do I start" weighs heavier than any number we've seen on a scale.  We set a time to meet face to face at the studio and we talked for a while before walking to Subway for a low calorie dinner. If you condensed the resolution to our discussion down to three words, it was "keep it simple."

We met up again Thursday evening and it was a different man in front of me. He was thrilled with the simplicity of using My Fitness Pal for calorie counting. He had been maintaining his calorie budget despite an upside down schedule and a high stress kind of job that takes him to the streets of North Tulsa five nights a week. His recent doctors appointment showed a loss of 6 pounds. He's gained a confidence, calm and patience that was shining through with every word and expression.

He thanked me for taking the time to meet with him again and discussing this road we both travel. And I thanked him. Because let me tell you something---as much as he thinks I'm doing him a favor...he's doing me one equally significant. The support we give and receive is so crucial to our success. And he's the one doing this. He's the one shifting his perspective and making the big and small adjustments. He's the one inspiring, not only me, but everyone around him. He has a very positive road ahead and I'm honored to be riding shotgun.

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I received an email today from someone who has devoted the last several years to his education and in that pursuit has accomplished his goal of starting a profession that will serve him and many others for the rest of his life. As he prepares for the most difficult final exam of his new career, he was questioning if his reluctance to fully commit to losing weight and the better health it provides was justified or if using his intense education schedule as the barrier, was simply a "cop out." I spent some time thinking about and composing my reply and I think it's something very important to remember:

Whether it's a cop out or not depends on your perspective. My opinion is, it's a valid reason. That's my perspective. And there's a good reason for this perspective.

We both know that it was/is completely possible to take care of our calorie budget and exercise no matter the circumstances. I think we both agree there's a place, a zone that exist, where it doesn't matter...nothing penetrates...no stress, situation, emotion, nothing...nothing, nothing stands in the way... And that's all well and good, except it's missing something.

It's missing the element of self-compassion. When we're in that zone, we set the bar so high that suddenly any deviation whatsoever--even if not acted upon....yes, any deviation, even in thought---becomes a target for self-ridicule and negative emotions.  And that negativity starts an unraveling, then suddenly we feel like we're a million miles away again. This dynamic starts with a resolve based on perfection. Not necessarily perfection in our choices...but perfection in our consistent ability to maintain the budget and exercise.  When our thoughts and actions fail to live up to this level of perfection, we turn on ourselves with blame, guilt and shame...
We must include a level of compassion for ourselves.

I believe the pursuit isn't perfection, it's pursuit of a balance. That balance we're looking for is a place where eating good and exercising naturally becomes part of our daily lives, no matter what we're experiencing. And we accept that it doesn't need to be perfect. We accept that we shouldn't label every circumstance an "excuse" or "cop out." And we know the difference because we're intelligent people. In this "compassionate state," I believe we're actually able to accomplish more than we did before and in a more solid, sustainable fashion--because we're not sabotaging our emotions with negativity.  So the simple answer to your question is, no, it's not a cop out. 

This issue has been a big factor for me this time. This whole self-compassion dynamic has been key for me the last six weeks. I'm practicing compassion and I'm finding balance and success. It's like I'm learning to crawl again, lifting myself up and eventually walk again and then, I will run again. The pressure to be "perfect" has been dismissed, replaced by the ruling majority of better choices and taking one day at a time, one step at a time. And I'll get to where I envision and I'll arrive stronger than I ever imagined.

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Proud grandfather alert!!!
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The video below is my grandson Noah a day after he figured out how to crawl. He too is off to the races and soon he'll be walking, running and jumping. He doesn't ever have impatient thoughts about his development, because he hasn't developed the references needed to form and qualify them. Instead, he happily, confidently and patiently proceeds, doing his best...growing and learning, and progressing on a schedule unique to him. My tender connection to him was never more profound as it was while watching him become emotional and fight against taking his medicine. Without thought, my lip started to quiver and emotion swept through me, as if we had transmitting cables connected between us, feeling each others emotion on the deepest level. Dear Lord, I love that boy.



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Now that I'm feeling better rested, it's time to exercise more regularly. That's my plan as I continue on, maintaining my 1700 calorie budget. Giving and receiving support is a must-have element to my success. I'd love for you to connect with me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/seananderson505), Twitter (@SeanAAnderson) and My Fitness Pal (SeanAAnderson).

I'm teaming up once again with Gerri Helms to offer a weekly conference call support group where our small group gets on the phone and we talk about this road, we set individual goals, we share stories and we offer one another tremendous support. This group starts Tuesday March 4th at 7pm Central and every Tuesday after for 6 weeks. The group chemistry that naturally develops through our shared pursuits and struggles, is significantly positive. We still have some spots available in this group if you're interested. For more information, simply send me an email: Sean@transformationroad.com

Thank you for reading and your tremendous support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, February 9, 2014

Why I Do What I Do

Why I Do What I Do

 Someone asked me the other day why I share the way I do and why it's so important to me. They suggested, in their opinion, I sometimes "over-share." They were interested in the motivation behind my efforts.  Is it for attention? To be loved? To feel important? Is it the product of some kind of deep seeded deficiency dating back to childhood? 

 My response started with a question. What is it about what I do, that stirs you to the point of having these questions? Do I touch a nerve or two? Does what I write and share occasionally hit home on points too uncomfortable to handle, so instead of questioning yourself, your defenses go up in the form of questioning my motivation? 

 Only two people have ever witnessed my raw, emotional reaction when I receive an email or facebook message from someone sharing their story with me. Nothing reduces me to tears faster than reading some of the most sincere, empowering words from someone who is finding their inner strength to choose change. When I tell someone I'm overjoyed for them, I mean it. 
I suppose it's very hard for some to grasp. 

 This blog started as a tool for me, for my benefit. I started it to keep me focused and true to myself with the added accountability factor of a publicly shared journal. This blog was a way for me to dissect, analyze and unravel the inner mysteries keeping me over 500 pounds for so many years. Very few people followed along, reading each post, before AOL ran a feature story on their home page. Then things started changing. I started connecting with more and more people and I started realizing how this wasn't just helping me, it was helping others. Did I get caught up in the commotion of it all? Perhaps. But nothing brings me back home to the most raw, emotional place--like reading someone else's story of liberation.

 I write this blog for me. It must be for me, first and foremost. If it wasn't, then I would have continued a song and dance during the darkest periods of regain. Instead, I retreated from what was best for me in many different ways. Some say it would have been helpful to read the "off the rails" version of things...And I get that, but again--where I was wasn't a place inspiring me to write anything helpful to me or anyone else, really. Coming back and sharing about where I've been and where I want to go, is as good as I can do. 

 Occasionally, I might write a piece as if I were in the middle of the fall--kind of a time traveling concept...might be fun and therapeutic for me.  But maybe not. I mean really, could be kind of scary. 

 I also don't do this for money. Yes, I would very much enjoy doing what I do for a living and there isn't anything wrong with that at all. But to this point, the relatively small financial reward hasn't been a big component of what I do (Just ask my creditors!). 

The last sentence of my Day 1 entry still holds true, "I believe it will help me stay on track and maybe along the way it will inspire someone else to stay on track."  Pretty simple.

 That's what it's all about. I don't do what I do for attention, for love, to feel important or any other slightly bent off-center motivation. I do it for me, to help me and when what I do in helping myself affects someone else in a positive way, it's the most wonderful bonus of all. 

 I am loved. I am important. And those facts were true long before The Daily Diary of A Winning Loser or Transformation Road came along.  

 There's still plenty of road ahead. And I'm honored you're choosing to ride along. Thank you.

 Jon in Wisconsin is someone who's story completely moved me. He's blogging now on Spark People, so if you have a Spark People account, I highly recommend connecting with him. His Spark People ID: WEWRTFO 
He recently wrote a blog entry about how we came to know one another. Here's an excerpt:

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 Back in February of 2012 I stumbled upon his book on Amazon, at the time I did not know Sean. I found the reading of the book absolutely riveting and powerful. Being similar weight, height and body type the motivation from his book hit me like a home run. At the time I was a very private person and not one willing to discuss my own weight issues with others. 

I took at chance and emailed Sean hoping for a response. Here are some quotes from my original email. 

( " thank you for help me grasp, come to terms with what I need to do, have been wanting to do, have been putting off the past 20 years.") ("Yeah, definitely over ready almost as if your book was written for me. The mental aspect part of it and being accountable for my own actions.") ("Perhaps what sticking most in my mind is I see a mirror image of myself reading your book.") 

I was very excited having Sean respond. Here is some very powerful quotes I will never forget in the first email Sean sent me. 

("Okay--after reading your story--I must say, I can't wait to see your transformation!!! Jon--you're discovering something so wonderfully liberating....You have the key---and you're free now...The weight will come off without struggle when you exercise this power you have to choose change.") ("on--this is about getting to know yourself---and getting super self-honest with yourself. You have all of the answers already. Look in the mirror and realize---when you do---you're looking at the only person in the world that's gonna do this like no other--or fail...either way---in the mirror is the one responsible for the turnout....Nobody else--and nothing else....no person, place, thing, circumstance, emotion----Nope....)") 
"(Steel curtain zone it, Jon....Tighten your SCZ---and decide you're going to live like never before. Jon---YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE LIKE NEVER BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ") 

Back in February of 2012 this was very powerful motivation, a man who truly cares about helping others with there own weight issues, and have stayed in touch with Sean ever since. If not for Sean, I would not be blogging or have created my Spark People page. Since February 2012 I often visit Sean's blog archive or read his newest post. Sometimes pick up his book or exchange emails. My one constant go to source that has enabled me to get to the point where I am at today. I encourage anybody who has not read Sean's book, please do so. Thank's Sean for being such a great friend and motivator! 

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 This is why I do what I do.

 The only thing missing from my response to Jon back then, was how important it is to connect with your spiritual side. Whatever that is, is totally up to you and your understanding. And for some, this connection is very natural, going hand in hand with making changes. But for me it's been a learned element through trial and error. I've always been one to learn things the more challenging way. But in that, I've learned a great deal I might not have otherwise. We're not alone along this road, ever. 

 Someone who recently purchased one of my "I'm Choosing Change" adjustable leather bracelets
sent a very nice message describing her recent grocery store situation:

 "Today is two weeks since I started eating healthy again and exercising minimally , but have managed to lose 10lbs. At the store last night, for no good reason other than habit, I walked up to the ice cream section, opened the door and reached for my all time favorite non-narcotic drug of choice, but mid-reach, as I spotted my bracelet, I thought to ask myself if the calories and self- loathing to follow my treat will be worth it, and I imagined you and all of your supporters there with me in that moment, as I allowed the door to close. I continued to shop, without a battle raging in my head for and against the ice cream. It was like an out of body experience thinking of all the other people out there who say no too, and made it, in that moment, easier than it has ever been in my recent memory to walk away empty handed. Thanks Sean"

 Reading this also empowers me! Do you think I could possibly be in the frozen "treats" section of my local grocery store without remembering this message? No way. We've helped her. And she's helped us. 

 This is why I do what I do.

 I would love for you to connect with me on My Fitness Pal (SeanAAnderson), Facebook (facebook.com/seananderson505) and Twitter (@SeanAAnderson). Each of these social media platforms have a different type content and do different things for me. I post a bunch of food pictures to Twitter. My daily food diary is public on My Fitness Pal and Facebook is a place where I connect with friends the most, often through what I call "micro-blogs" and various other postings.

 Quick update on where I am: I'm keeping a 1700 calorie budget. I haven't been exercising regularly, yet, and that's okay for the moment. I'm having another sleep study the night of the 14th to at last determine the proper therapy enabling me to finally feel fully rested. My doctors appointment that was the 11th had to be rescheduled for the 17th and that's when I'll have my first official weigh-in since "coming back to life." I'll continue with monthly weigh-ins from that point forward.

 I sincerely appreciate your continued support,
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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