Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Day 603 The Flat Stomach Position and Fighting Cravings/Stressful Triggers

Day 603

The Flat Stomach Position and Fighting Cravings/Stressful Triggers

I was in the floor this morning doing my non-weighted strength training exercises when I discovered something. I took a rest, leaning on the side of my bed, loose skin hanging down---and I reached down and felt my abs. Wow…underneath the loose skin and some fat, I have a six-pack I tell ya! It was something about that position on the side of the bed that separated the loose skin from the abdomen area. It was crazy strange. And although I’m in no hurry to have a surgery, and I’m not even sure I will, it makes me smile to know that I’m really making some amazing changes to this abused body. I probably sound like a nut, but I just sat there on my knees, leaning against the mattress, and marveling at the flat stomach and hard abs underneath. It felt like it wasn’t my belly button. OK---Now I’m sounding crazy. But really---it made me so happy. I don’t even care that they’re hidden behind the loose skin---this is me, I haven’t anyone to impress but myself. And I was impressed!

I had scrambled eggs, a pear, and a banana this morning. It was such a good breakfast! After the crazy weather day yesterday, we were off to a pretty good start.

Even after 603 days, I’m not immune to cravings and crazy urges to overeat. They come much less and when they do I usually can talk myself out of a meltdown pretty easy. Still---I sometimes end up making some less than stellar choices in the process of controlling myself. I recently spent 240 calories on salted peanuts from a convenience store. Oh, it doesn’t end there. M&M’s just came out with a pretzel version---the entire single serving pack checks in at a low 150 calories. I picked up the package out of curiosity---noticed the 150-calorie count proudly displayed on the wrapper---and made a snap decision to enjoy them completely! This kind of indulgence is important for me to allow occasionally. Why? Because it’s normal. I’m eating like a normal person. And if a 150 calorie pack of pretzel M&M’s prevents me from going off on an out of control binge, then it’s worth it! Nothing is off limits---I have zero deprivation. I refuse to ban anything. Well, except maybe large containers of ice cream in my freezer. The half-gallon of ice cream is symbolic for me---it always meant the end of a well-meaning weight loss attempt. It’s psychological, I know.

I was thinking of this today after my daily time traveling trip back into the archives. Here’s an excerpt from May 11th, 2009:

Some days are certainly easier than others. When the storm clouds gather and the stress rains down, that's when I'm at my most vulnerable. It's the stressful triggers I've talked about so many times before. The natural reaction to look for something that taste good, something pleasurable to make me feel better, is something that I've learned to identify and defend against. As strong as I am, on this day, yes, on day 239, I felt weak. I was having those old thoughts of feeling lost and out of control, but without actually losing control. I can be proud of that. But to still feel threatened after 239 days seemed disappointing. It shouldn't because I did exactly what I needed to do to avoid a meltdown. I did it right. I know that stress is a part of life. Everyone can have some form of stress, it's different for everyone. And feeling that my resolve was weakened is completely normal. How we handle that weakened resolve is the key. I immediately got scared. I have too much on the line here. I can't afford to ever see 400 or dare I say 500, ever, ever, ever again. I firmly believe I wouldn't survive a return trip to those numbers, physically or mentally. After the initial scare, I started focusing on my motivating thoughts. I blocked out everything and everyone, I didn't even tell anyone goodbye when I left the studio. I was in my own little world, dealing with issues that have me stressed while fighting the ingrained reaction to turn to food and a couch. I started going through my library of motivating thoughts. I even went back and read the first five days of this blog. I started thinking about my life and how wonderfully different it's becoming.

That was after 239 days, and here we are at 603. It is much easier today, I will say that. Like everything along this road, it does get easier as we get comfortable with new habits and routines. I’m such a routine kind of guy. A comment on yesterday’s post made me smile and reminded me of the person who recently commented that a cookbook from me would only have 10 recipes. Anonymous said:

“First of all, I love your blog. Second, please learn how to cook some new meals. It feels like deja vu every single day with the whole omelet thing!”

I do love the omelets! Recently I talked about “the adjustable pizza,” well, it’s the same thing with the omelets. I can make them super light on calories or as loaded as I want---whatever fits my calorie budget at the moment. I guess you can do that with anything by simply modifying the recipe, but yeah, ok…you’re right. I do need a little more variety!!

I enjoyed dinner out with Amber and her boyfriend KL. We dined at JW Cobbs Family Restaurant. My choices were good and always start with the senior menu. They should really just call it the “smaller portion menu,” because they don’t mind non-seniors ordering from that side. I chose some good old-fashioned meat loaf and potatoes. Small portions mind you! The entire meal couldn’t have been over 500 calories---even with the half a dinner roll and a few fried mushrooms. This is living and eating normally for me. Normal portions that don’t stuff, they just satisfy nicely.

My workout schedule is a wreck again this week. No excuses---it just is. I’ll be correcting that with a late evening YMCA workout after my Wednesday evening casino broadcast tomorrow night.

Thank you for reading! Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

8 comments:

  1. I so appreciate you honestly sharing about those urges and crazy cravings, even at day 603.

    Sometimes I mistakenly think I should be over them... and then they take me by surprise and it IS scary. I appreciate hearing how you handle them, and that it is just... normal. Thanks!

    Loretta
    =^..^=

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  2. I have urges and cravings too, but not quite the same as you

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  3. Sean, I prolly wouldn't have the surgery if I were in your position. But that is something you will have to decide for yourself. If you love yourself, that is most important, and if someone wouldn't love you or accept you because of loose skin, then they don't matter anyway. "The people that mind, don't matter. The people that matter, don't mind."

    Oh, and you never know, your loose skin could be a reminder of where you once were, and where you are now:) Why replace one scar for another? We are all going to have loose skin some day:) You have come so far! You never cease to amaze me...sigh.

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  4. Sean, I often envy your success and wish I were just like you... and it's these posts that assure me I am.. and assure me I am headed in the right direction.

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  5. hmmm....I don't know..If I could afford the surgery for loose skin I would definately get it.
    For me. For all the hard work I put in.
    But that's me.
    I don't need loose skin...I have a new tattoo ;o)
    on my upper left chest...just got it today.
    So goodnight tattoo twin.
    lol.

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  6. I remember learning once that most really healthy people eat pretty much the same meals throughout the week. Then on weekends, they will relax it and eat a more varied diet. Ask Melissa....I'll bet it was in her talk last year.

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  7. I think I suffer from the same problem as you: my calendar is so crazy, it's hard to schedule "regular" workouts. Unlike you I have a normal 9-5 job, but it's all the after-work, social and organizational committments that vary day-by-day. I think you do a tremendous job of putting your exercise on your priority list. You fit it in even when it's hard of inconvenient. This little grasshopper has much to learn! :-)

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