Day 619 Welcome To The "Crossing Point," Next Stop: Goal!
I started today not really knowing how everything would work out. It was weigh day for me, but my schedule would have me in the studio until nearly noon and then on the way to Stillwater for the rest of the afternoon. I honestly thought that weigh day would need to be postponed until Friday, I wasn't sure what the schedule would allow, after all, tomorrow is actually busier than today.
I was headed to Stillwater, invited on an afternoon golf outing with a couple of clients, but I gracefully declined. Oh, I would still make the trip—as a designated driver, but I had my own agenda in Stillwater. I decided to drop everyone at the golf course and make my way to the YMCA for an amazing workout in the pool, followed by a semi-surprise visit with Mom, Grandma, and Aunt Kelli. I was in the locker room at the YMCA when it hit me, why not have what will surely be a major milestone weigh day, on the very scales that started it all? I'm right here in Stillwater! The Payne County Health Department isn't that far away, and those old familiar scales are in the same place they've been for the last decade. I would certainly miss the smiling faces at the doctors office and their congrats that come with every weigh-in, but how could I not do this at the PCHD? It was decided—after my swim, it was weigh day! Now, I needed to overcome some insecurities and change in front of these people and get in that pool.
I couldn't do it. I'm shy or modest or whatever I want to call it---insecure, embarrassed, whatever...Changing in front of anyone is still a hang-up for me. It doesn't matter how much weight I've lost or the fact that these people couldn't care less and are in their own worlds and probably not even noticing me. It's all in my head. But still, I changed inside a stall just like I did as a fat kid, and made my way into a pool I haven't been in since I was a fat pre-teen. Oh the memories of this place!
I quickly made my way to the far end of this Olympic sized pool, away from people and into my very own lane. The pool wasn't crowded, but I was warned that the swim team would be coming in an hour. I had plenty of time. I did laps. Doggy paddle laps, backstroke laps, really bad form straight swimming laps, --make that last one “lap.” I need to learn the proper breathing technique while swimming a traditional lap. I felt better with my head out of the water and the backstroke and doggy paddle worked really well. It was exactly what I wanted today. It was, without a doubt, an amazing workout! The only thing that could have made it better was maybe some water proof headphones for my iPod---I might look into those. It would be cool to swim with my tunes! I cut my swim workout at about the 45 minute mark and was hoping I could get back into the locker room and change before the place filled up with swim team members. I changed quickly, out in the open-empty locker room. I was risking somebody walking in and having to face my crazy insecurities. I've never undressed and dressed so quickly in all my life! And just as I finished---here they came...wow, perfect timing.
The Payne County Health department hasn't changed a bit, and neither has my pre-weigh in ritual of using the restroom right before stepping on the scale. Like that is going to help in some major way. I guess it does a little, but really, I'm just strange sometimes---or normal, I haven't decided. It was just like old times. I made so many 500 pound treks back to this scale---every time I would try to start losing weight, it always started right here. This was my moment of truth spot so many times. The moment and the place where I would face the scale. Unlike the first weigh-in along this road on Day 2, not a soul was back there to sneak a peak at the big guy's number. Not that they really did back then, nor would they really care today, after all, I'm no longer the walking-talking-smiling side show of an obese man like before...I look relatively normal sized. I'm not so sure the staff up front even recognized me as I walked past on my way back.
Here I stood---right back where I started, but light years from where I was. I knew I was only 1.5 pounds away from the “Crossing Point,” that wonderful milestone where I've lost more than I weigh. This was going to be so anti-climatic if I don't at least lose two pounds---that's what I was thinking. I climbed on the scale and immediately realized that today was going to be a good one. It almost touched 251---and then it couldn't decide between 249.6, 249.8, and 250 on the nose...it was constantly moving. I decided to try snapping a picture of the scale---and somehow lucked out, as it showed 249.6 pounds. I round up anyway...so regardless, I was taking 250---but really, it mostly was saying 249.8 and 250.0...for a loss of four more pounds---and completely powering past the wonderful “Crossing Point.” I was so happy, I swear...and nobody back there to share it with---uhg! The first one I told was Irene. We had discussed this magical place from the very early stages of this journey, and here I am! I've lost 255 pounds and really, this was the last major milestone before hitting goal. I'm extremely confident that 230 is reachable---and pretty accurate, despite pulling that number out of the air on Day 1. I still have the fat, enough of it to lose and get there...oh yeah, I'm getting there alright!
I was on my way to grandmas house when I discovered everyone sitting at one of our favorite Stillwater restaurants, Charlie's Chicken. My visit was a semi-secret surprise. I mentioned it in my blog yesterday, but wasn't sure if mom would read before I made it down. Turns out, Kelli had read it and knew I was coming. Mom just watched the video and decided to read the blog later this evening...perfect. Kelli didn't tell anyone either---when I pressed myself against the window of the restaurant, the genuine surprise on my mom and grandma was wonderful to see. We visited, took pictures, and grandma warned me for the 300th time--"don't you lose another pound!" I smile everytime she says it, I love that beautiful lady! I remember, and so does she---the concerned conversations about my weight for so many years. It's nice to be here, it really is special.
Irene read Day 617 today. She knew it was there but avioded reading it on purpose, just too many emotions wrapped up in that post. She texted me and asked, "Is it going to make me cry?" Writing it made me, so yeah, good chance buddy! Irene commented:
"That day was a tough day for me too buddy...all the memories all the times good and bad that we have shared came flooding back in. and as we walked the last walk as a married couple down that hall to the judges chamber there was nothing there but love...you have always completed me, you have been my best friend forever since I was 15 I have relied on you to make me laugh to comfort me to hold my hand and reassure me everything was going to be alright...We are not over buddy you will always be a part of me in everything I do. I will always comfort you and I will always be here for you through anything and everything...I will always love you buddy and I will always be your buddy."
Thank you buddy, thank you. I feel the same, absolutely!
OK---I was going to post an excerpt from a year ago, but I'm running out of time here. I had some good food today. A quick re-cap: A homemade breakfast burrito, banana, orange, a serving of Triple Greens, small chicken breast, two chicken chunks at Charlies and a small order of mashed potatoes. Some smoked turkey with barbeque sauce and a few fried mushrooms after picking up the guys at the golf course, and I also enjoyed a junior sized frozen yogurt cone from Braums with mom....and a late night banana---and I think that's it.
What an amazing day! Tomorrow is set to be a little crazy. I have my radio show from 6 to 9am, some production and remote broadcast prep---then two location broadcasts starting at 11am and ending at 6pm. I'll be running around like crazy. No mid-day spinning---uhggg---I love my spinning! And make no mistake---the spinning has helped me tremendously, as well as the improved over-all consistency of my workout schedule---that's how I nailed this 4 pound weigh day and huge milestone. 250 feels incredible!
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
The scale couldn't decide. It changed over and over from 249.6 to 249.8 and 250.0, then back to 249.6...changing fast---I was just lucky to snap this at the very second it was on 249.6--but really, officially it's 250. Now if it would have hit 249.4, I would have rounded down. I've always rounded...I never liked using "point" anything.
With mom at the restaurant---surprise!
With grandma and mom, very nice!
With Aunt Kelli