Friday, May 28, 2010

Day 619 Welcome To The "Crossing Point," Next Stop: Goal!

Day 619 Welcome To The "Crossing Point," Next Stop: Goal!

I started today not really knowing how everything would work out. It was weigh day for me, but my schedule would have me in the studio until nearly noon and then on the way to Stillwater for the rest of the afternoon. I honestly thought that weigh day would need to be postponed until Friday, I wasn't sure what the schedule would allow, after all, tomorrow is actually busier than today.

I was headed to Stillwater, invited on an afternoon golf outing with a couple of clients, but I gracefully declined. Oh, I would still make the trip—as a designated driver, but I had my own agenda in Stillwater. I decided to drop everyone at the golf course and make my way to the YMCA for an amazing workout in the pool, followed by a semi-surprise visit with Mom, Grandma, and Aunt Kelli. I was in the locker room at the YMCA when it hit me, why not have what will surely be a major milestone weigh day, on the very scales that started it all? I'm right here in Stillwater! The Payne County Health Department isn't that far away, and those old familiar scales are in the same place they've been for the last decade. I would certainly miss the smiling faces at the doctors office and their congrats that come with every weigh-in, but how could I not do this at the PCHD? It was decided—after my swim, it was weigh day! Now, I needed to overcome some insecurities and change in front of these people and get in that pool.

I couldn't do it. I'm shy or modest or whatever I want to call it---insecure, embarrassed, whatever...Changing in front of anyone is still a hang-up for me. It doesn't matter how much weight I've lost or the fact that these people couldn't care less and are in their own worlds and probably not even noticing me. It's all in my head. But still, I changed inside a stall just like I did as a fat kid, and made my way into a pool I haven't been in since I was a fat pre-teen. Oh the memories of this place!

I quickly made my way to the far end of this Olympic sized pool, away from people and into my very own lane. The pool wasn't crowded, but I was warned that the swim team would be coming in an hour. I had plenty of time. I did laps. Doggy paddle laps, backstroke laps, really bad form straight swimming laps, --make that last one “lap.” I need to learn the proper breathing technique while swimming a traditional lap. I felt better with my head out of the water and the backstroke and doggy paddle worked really well. It was exactly what I wanted today. It was, without a doubt, an amazing workout! The only thing that could have made it better was maybe some water proof headphones for my iPod---I might look into those. It would be cool to swim with my tunes! I cut my swim workout at about the 45 minute mark and was hoping I could get back into the locker room and change before the place filled up with swim team members. I changed quickly, out in the open-empty locker room. I was risking somebody walking in and having to face my crazy insecurities. I've never undressed and dressed so quickly in all my life! And just as I finished---here they came...wow, perfect timing.

The Payne County Health department hasn't changed a bit, and neither has my pre-weigh in ritual of using the restroom right before stepping on the scale. Like that is going to help in some major way. I guess it does a little, but really, I'm just strange sometimes---or normal, I haven't decided. It was just like old times. I made so many 500 pound treks back to this scale---every time I would try to start losing weight, it always started right here. This was my moment of truth spot so many times. The moment and the place where I would face the scale. Unlike the first weigh-in along this road on Day 2, not a soul was back there to sneak a peak at the big guy's number. Not that they really did back then, nor would they really care today, after all, I'm no longer the walking-talking-smiling side show of an obese man like before...I look relatively normal sized. I'm not so sure the staff up front even recognized me as I walked past on my way back.

Here I stood---right back where I started, but light years from where I was. I knew I was only 1.5 pounds away from the “Crossing Point,” that wonderful milestone where I've lost more than I weigh. This was going to be so anti-climatic if I don't at least lose two pounds---that's what I was thinking. I climbed on the scale and immediately realized that today was going to be a good one. It almost touched 251---and then it couldn't decide between 249.6, 249.8, and 250 on the nose...it was constantly moving. I decided to try snapping a picture of the scale---and somehow lucked out, as it showed 249.6 pounds. I round up anyway...so regardless, I was taking 250---but really, it mostly was saying 249.8 and 250.0...for a loss of four more pounds---and completely powering past the wonderful “Crossing Point.” I was so happy, I swear...and nobody back there to share it with---uhg! The first one I told was Irene. We had discussed this magical place from the very early stages of this journey, and here I am! I've lost 255 pounds and really, this was the last major milestone before hitting goal. I'm extremely confident that 230 is reachable---and pretty accurate, despite pulling that number out of the air on Day 1. I still have the fat, enough of it to lose and get there...oh yeah, I'm getting there alright!

I was on my way to grandmas house when I discovered everyone sitting at one of our favorite Stillwater restaurants, Charlie's Chicken. My visit was a semi-secret surprise. I mentioned it in my blog yesterday, but wasn't sure if mom would read before I made it down. Turns out, Kelli had read it and knew I was coming. Mom just watched the video and decided to read the blog later this evening...perfect. Kelli didn't tell anyone either---when I pressed myself against the window of the restaurant, the genuine surprise on my mom and grandma was wonderful to see. We visited, took pictures, and grandma warned me for the 300th time--"don't you lose another pound!" I smile everytime she says it, I love that beautiful lady! I remember, and so does she---the concerned conversations about my weight for so many years. It's nice to be here, it really is special.

Irene read Day 617 today. She knew it was there but avioded reading it on purpose, just too many emotions wrapped up in that post. She texted me and asked, "Is it going to make me cry?" Writing it made me, so yeah, good chance buddy! Irene commented:

"That day was a tough day for me too buddy...all the memories all the times good and bad that we have shared came flooding back in. and as we walked the last walk as a married couple down that hall to the judges chamber there was nothing there but love...you have always completed me, you have been my best friend forever since I was 15 I have relied on you to make me laugh to comfort me to hold my hand and reassure me everything was going to be alright...We are not over buddy you will always be a part of me in everything I do. I will always comfort you and I will always be here for you through anything and everything...I will always love you buddy and I will always be your buddy."

Thank you buddy, thank you. I feel the same, absolutely!

OK---I was going to post an excerpt from a year ago, but I'm running out of time here. I had some good food today. A quick re-cap: A homemade breakfast burrito, banana, orange, a serving of Triple Greens, small chicken breast, two chicken chunks at Charlies and a small order of mashed potatoes. Some smoked turkey with barbeque sauce and a few fried mushrooms after picking up the guys at the golf course, and I also enjoyed a junior sized frozen yogurt cone from Braums with mom....and a late night banana---and I think that's it.

What an amazing day! Tomorrow is set to be a little crazy. I have my radio show from 6 to 9am, some production and remote broadcast prep---then two location broadcasts starting at 11am and ending at 6pm. I'll be running around like crazy. No mid-day spinning---uhggg---I love my spinning! And make no mistake---the spinning has helped me tremendously, as well as the improved over-all consistency of my workout schedule---that's how I nailed this 4 pound weigh day and huge milestone. 250 feels incredible!

Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Photobucket
The scale couldn't decide. It changed over and over from 249.6 to 249.8 and 250.0, then back to 249.6...changing fast---I was just lucky to snap this at the very second it was on 249.6--but really, officially it's 250. Now if it would have hit 249.4, I would have rounded down. I've always rounded...I never liked using "point" anything.

Photobucket
With mom at the restaurant---surprise!

Photobucket
With grandma and mom, very nice!

Photobucket

Photobucket
With Aunt Kelli

25 comments:

  1. Way to go on the milestone! I bet yesterday was one of the best days of this journey for you-the weight loss and surprising your mom, grandma and aunt. You are doing great Sean and I know you will meet your goal soon-you can do anything you put your mind too!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hooray for the crossing point!! Only 20 more lbs til goal...my goodness what a journey it's been!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You look like Tom Cruise in the pictures!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That is fantastic, Sean. What an amazing achievement! I am very proud of you.

    Wonderful comment from Irene, also.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow, congratulations doesn't start to describe the journey you've been on. Thanks for taking us all there with you :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sean, how wonderful. 20lbs to go? How incredible. What an achievement. You continue to be an inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is the magical crossing over place everything you had hoped it would be in your dreams? Or better?

    I'm hoping "better!"

    Amazing. You made it to the other side. Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Congratulations! Many thanks for always putting in words what the rest of us are feeling or are sure to feel on this journey.

    ReplyDelete
  9. What an amazing journey you have had, congrats on yet another milestone. I know you will achieve anything you put your mind to. Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sean,

    This blog gave me mixed emotions. First I was smiling when you mentioned being "modest" because I can relate in a way that is somewhat humorus on my part. My friends in Jr High and High School used to make fun of me because I refused to change in front of them. When we had slumber parties they would say "Where's Lisa?" and I would say in a muffled voice, "I'm in the closet changing," depending on where I was at the time:) To this day, I am just as modest. I bet too, I was the only married woman of almost 25 years, that would not undress in front of her husband...lol. He would remind me of that quite often. I really had/have no reason to be this way, just my nature, and my sweet daughter is the exact same way, bless her heart:)

    I went from smiling to tearing up all over again reading Irene's sweet reply. Oh my goodness Sean, lump #2 in my throat as I type. God Bless you, Irene, and your girls! An your pictures with your mom, grandma and aunt and are precious and priceless!

    God Bless You.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You & Irene are both incredible people! For that you are blessed!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Glad you got a swim in :) the dog paddle is something we actually do in a drill on swim team only modified. We call it "long dog" to practice reaching forward for a longer catch for the pull and then make sure we pull mid-line under our body ALL the way through to our hip and then recover underwater with a flutter kick and face out of the water.

    Whole lotta feelings here in this post. Healthy ones, even the modesty.

    ReplyDelete
  13. What a journey! Congrats on reaching the Crossing Point. How exciting to be that close to your goal.

    I was also touched when I read Irene's comment. That says a lot about both of your characters, that you have come to a place of understanding and friendship.
    Loretta
    =^..^=

    ReplyDelete
  14. Congratulations! Keep up the good work! Whatever happened to shaving that fuzz off of your face?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow..I'm so thrilled for you. Your efforts have paid off incredibly up to this point, and I cannot imagine (yet) how amazing you must feel.

    The pictures with these beautiful ladies melt my heart a little. :)

    These little words just don't seem like enough for what you've done, but sincere congrats to you Sean...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Way to go on the loss! Awesome achievement. I feel you on being self conscious. I went to a new YMCA a couple of weeks ago and when I got out of the shower I realized my towel didn't exactly fit around me. Some ladies saw more of me than they bargained for.

    I took a trip to Costco and got an enormous beach towel that fits just fine. Used it today as a matter of fact...and had a great swim to boot.

    Congrats on getting your swim in too!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Congratulations on another amazing milestone, Sean! I'm so excited for you, and as always, you are a total inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  18. WooHoo Sean - Congrats on the loss and reaching this point.Kepp up the inspiration
    Lisa in NZ

    ReplyDelete
  19. Fantastic, Sean! That must be an amazing feeling, to know that you are LITERALLY half the size you once were. I hope you get to celebrate with someone soon.

    I am blown away by your consistent success. I'm also continually blown away by your relationship with Irene and the rest of your family. What amazing, loving, supportive people you all are.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am so proud of you for reaching and passing the Crossing point. I can't even imagine what it feels like to be half of your original size. But I am truly proud of you. Also, I am proud of you and Irene and your commitment to remain friends and family and co-parents despite a divorce. As a child of divorced parents who can't stand each other, this is really wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  21. congratulations sean.
    You have succeeded on nearly every level.
    I bet everyone who knows you feels proud to know you.
    Have a great night.

    ReplyDelete
  22. FIRST, CONGRATULATIONS!

    Thank you for sharing your cross road victory! I also feel tugged from smiling to misting as I read Irene's response. I am glad you both have walked away from one another with love in your hearts and genuine caring, and it allows you to still reach out, when needed. God Bless!

    ReplyDelete
  23. WOW... what a wonderful milestone. Congratulations (*_*)

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm a fairly new reader to your blog. Maybe a month or so. I don't think I've ever posted. But I just wanted to tell you how inspiring you are. When I read your posts I think "It's possible." So thank you for telling your story. You are undoubtedly inspiring people that you don't even know about.

    Also, had to tell you that you have really nice teeth! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Congratulations on the milestone - that is AMAZING!!

    ReplyDelete

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!






Copyright © 2008-2017 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.