Tuesday, October 28, 2014

October 28th, 2014 Like Our Life Depends On It

October 28th, 2014 Like Our Life Depends On It

I was in bed by 8pm last night. My eyes opened at 3:30am, ready to hop up and even though I could have easily done just that, I stayed in bed until 4:15am. The eight hours sleep made a positive difference. I woke up feeling much better, physically. Later in the day, for some reason, I wasn't feeling too good emotionally.

An important part of this journey is self-awareness. It didn't take me long to recognize how I was feeling this afternoon. I wish I could identify it a little better, but I can't. I just felt off. It could be because I haven't felt 100% lately and as a result, my exercise has taken a backseat. And perhaps it was getting to me, finally. Maybe it was a general unsettling we can feel when things don't go how we think they should or how we wanted or had hoped they would go. 

I started feeling compelled to eat this afternoon, not long after my lunch--and at first, I analyzed my food--nope, nothing there should be a trigger. Then, as I was white knuckling it throughout the last part of my workday, it dawned on me--this wasn't a physical thing, it was emotional.

I didn't handle it correctly. I should have reached out to a support buddy immediately--and I didn't until much later in the afternoon. I'm not sure why I didn't at the first notion. I recommend it to others all the time and then, when I need to do it, I don't? What's up with that? I'm no different than anyone else. I get emotional, I get discouraged, I get frustrated, I get sad, I can have temporary bouts of circumstantial depression--heck, I've experienced full blown depression in my past--more than once.

Today, even though I wasn't tired, even though I had the opportunity to get to the YMCA early and get my workout on--I chose to go home and crawl under the covers. My escape from this temporary emotional downturn was to get unconscious as quickly as possible. This was my alternative to giving in to the natural tendency to reach for food, as if food is some kind of magical corrective device. It isn't--and I know that for certain. Had I reached for food instead of my unnecessary nap--I would have felt five times worse. I woke feeling a little better about things. And that's when I called a support buddy to talk out what was left of this funk infecting my afternoon.

The talk did wonders for me. After the talk, I started preparing a good dinner and getting ready for the Tuesday night support group conference call. Our overall focus tonight was "What do we do and NOT do in order to help us maintain consistency?" It was a good group discussion!

I felt absolutely empowered after the call tonight. One member, who is on Day 7 of her abstinence from sugar, stated "last week I didn't believe I could do it, now I know I can." <<<That right there...Oh my...The greatest feeling, my friend. It was one of many highlights from the group this evening.

I enjoyed a great dinner and then laced up my shoes for a good, albeit late, workout at the YMCA. I needed this workout more for the mental/emotional benefits than the physical. It did for me exactly what I needed it to do. I felt incredible afterward.

I'm hitting the pillow late tonight--but really, as much sleep as I've had in the past 28 hours--I likely would have laid awake if I had dropped any earlier. I feel like I had to fight today. I did fight. I don't like fighting. I wish it were easy-peasy every single day, but it's not. And that's okay. The important thing to be is self-aware. When it starts feeling like a struggle is coming on, it's imperative to acknowledge it and try to identify the source and if that takes too long to do, or isn't clear--then go straight to your defense mechanisms--call somebody for support--text someone, get out a pen and paper and write it out--anything...even hiding under the covers works, but honestly--dealing with it straight ahead is always best. I'm glad I did make the call for support after my midday slumber. It made a huge difference for me and the rest of my day/evening.

We must protect our journey with everything we can. It's too important. We're important and we're worth the effort. The easy days are awesome--they're the best, of course! But if this time is to be like no other--then on days when it isn't easy, we must be willing to fight for it like our life depends on it...because it truly does.
  
My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your amazing support,
I'm incredibly lucky and blessed,
Strength,
Sean

16 comments:

  1. Awww Sean! Glad you got through a really trying day with your dieting dignity intact. :: hugs ::

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    1. Thank you, Gwen! I'm so glad I did. I felt close to unraveling. I feel night and day better and focused today. Feels good!

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  2. Looking back, there were many days, (and more to come, I'm sure) where I thought I was 'hungry' shortly after a reasonable meal. I stuck food into my mouth so often prior to this new path, that emotions felt 'hungry'.

    So glad you didn't buy into the urge to eat, Sean. Hey you can call or text ANY time. I am here for you, my friend.

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    1. I felt like I was walking a tight rope. So nice to know you're a safety net when I need to reach out!! Thank you, Gerri!!

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  3. Do you work out in long sleeves and long pants? I would die of heat exhaustion!! Looking very slender though.

    It's what you do when you are struggling that makes you so inspiring, Sean! If it was easy peasy for you every day no one would be able to relate to you. You rode the tiger, got through it safely, and moved on.

    I had my new favourite lunch today, inspired by your pictures. Nachos with lots of fresh salad on top. Yum.

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    1. I did ride the tiger--indeed. It was scary. I'm so thankful to have made it through--even if I did run for cover--literally.
      Mmmmm...Nachos, delish!! Happy my food tweets inspired you!

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  4. That was a very bravely honest post, Sean. Thank you for sharing your inner self.

    You know, under the circumstances, I think maybe l the "crawling under the covers" was a very rational thing to do. It allowed you to distance yourself from both the emotions and the temptation of food, and distance can sometimes be the most produtive thing. No one is capable of facing things head on (effectively) when feeling swamped by emotions. You handled it very well, I think!

    If there was a catalyst for those uncomfortable emotions, I hope that some kind of peaceful resolution, evolution or acceptance helps to alleviate them very soon.

    You're looking great in that photo.

    Hope you sleep well tonight. : )

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    1. Becky, thank you for this. I feel that way too--like I did the best I could do in those moments. Thank you for the compliment!

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  5. Sean, good for you! I have something going on that has been a trigger the last couple of days...I have been squeeking by, but today's blog is an inspiration to keep looking for ways to get through it. Glad you are feeling better, too.

    Dede

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    1. We can make it, Dede. We can get through on these tough days because we're determined to do things differently!! Thank you!!

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  6. This post sort of brought a tear to my eye, Sean! We all know that struggle you had and those emotions, so raw. In the end what you learned and what everyone learns when they get through it is that we're so strong. We have the power to succeed... !
    Great ending to a NOTSOHOT start of your day! That my friend is a success right there
    To a new day!
    Rosie

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    1. Rosie-- I sincerely appreciate you. Thank you. We do have the power to overcome and succeed, like never before. To a new day, indeed! A today was remarkably better!

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  7. Sorry to hear you struggled through the day. However, just being self aware helped you to stay away from the comfort of food. You are lucky to have a support buddy to talk things through. I have found I have tried with a couple of people to talk to when I am struggling, but honestly unless they have been through this cycle of ups and downs, they truly don't get it. Take care

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    1. Katrin, you're so right. When seeking out a support person--it's so important that they "get it." When they don't--it just doesn't work. No amount of explaining the dynamics can adequately replace the experience. Thank you, Katrin I will take care, you too.

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  8. It is so hard to unearth the emotional behind the wanting food. You chose the "block" to reaching for food which I applaud you for Sean! Hope you also were able to dig up the sneaky emotional behind the scenes trigger and cause. I love the enlightenment of what that is because we are then "prepared". However, I try to remember Your blog of having an epiphany and how it must be applied and worked, it must be exercised regularly in order for us to experience its full effect. Seems (for me anyway) if a trigger works through my wall of defense it tries again. I am so glad you have worked through this. I need to get someone to talk to during the struggles. So far it has been like Katrin's experience for me, so I journal. Will look for a person that will understand.
    N~

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    1. Nancy, it is very difficult sometimes to identify the source. The block seemed to be the only option yesterday. Getting up and calling a friend helped tremendously. I hope you can find someone like that, too-real soon. It does help when it's desperately needed. The journal is a great thing, too!!! I'm so happy you're writing, Nancy! That is truly one of the best things you can do along this road.

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