Showing posts with label self-awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-awareness. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

October 28th, 2014 Like Our Life Depends On It

October 28th, 2014 Like Our Life Depends On It

I was in bed by 8pm last night. My eyes opened at 3:30am, ready to hop up and even though I could have easily done just that, I stayed in bed until 4:15am. The eight hours sleep made a positive difference. I woke up feeling much better, physically. Later in the day, for some reason, I wasn't feeling too good emotionally.

An important part of this journey is self-awareness. It didn't take me long to recognize how I was feeling this afternoon. I wish I could identify it a little better, but I can't. I just felt off. It could be because I haven't felt 100% lately and as a result, my exercise has taken a backseat. And perhaps it was getting to me, finally. Maybe it was a general unsettling we can feel when things don't go how we think they should or how we wanted or had hoped they would go. 

I started feeling compelled to eat this afternoon, not long after my lunch--and at first, I analyzed my food--nope, nothing there should be a trigger. Then, as I was white knuckling it throughout the last part of my workday, it dawned on me--this wasn't a physical thing, it was emotional.

I didn't handle it correctly. I should have reached out to a support buddy immediately--and I didn't until much later in the afternoon. I'm not sure why I didn't at the first notion. I recommend it to others all the time and then, when I need to do it, I don't? What's up with that? I'm no different than anyone else. I get emotional, I get discouraged, I get frustrated, I get sad, I can have temporary bouts of circumstantial depression--heck, I've experienced full blown depression in my past--more than once.

Today, even though I wasn't tired, even though I had the opportunity to get to the YMCA early and get my workout on--I chose to go home and crawl under the covers. My escape from this temporary emotional downturn was to get unconscious as quickly as possible. This was my alternative to giving in to the natural tendency to reach for food, as if food is some kind of magical corrective device. It isn't--and I know that for certain. Had I reached for food instead of my unnecessary nap--I would have felt five times worse. I woke feeling a little better about things. And that's when I called a support buddy to talk out what was left of this funk infecting my afternoon.

The talk did wonders for me. After the talk, I started preparing a good dinner and getting ready for the Tuesday night support group conference call. Our overall focus tonight was "What do we do and NOT do in order to help us maintain consistency?" It was a good group discussion!

I felt absolutely empowered after the call tonight. One member, who is on Day 7 of her abstinence from sugar, stated "last week I didn't believe I could do it, now I know I can." <<<That right there...Oh my...The greatest feeling, my friend. It was one of many highlights from the group this evening.

I enjoyed a great dinner and then laced up my shoes for a good, albeit late, workout at the YMCA. I needed this workout more for the mental/emotional benefits than the physical. It did for me exactly what I needed it to do. I felt incredible afterward.

I'm hitting the pillow late tonight--but really, as much sleep as I've had in the past 28 hours--I likely would have laid awake if I had dropped any earlier. I feel like I had to fight today. I did fight. I don't like fighting. I wish it were easy-peasy every single day, but it's not. And that's okay. The important thing to be is self-aware. When it starts feeling like a struggle is coming on, it's imperative to acknowledge it and try to identify the source and if that takes too long to do, or isn't clear--then go straight to your defense mechanisms--call somebody for support--text someone, get out a pen and paper and write it out--anything...even hiding under the covers works, but honestly--dealing with it straight ahead is always best. I'm glad I did make the call for support after my midday slumber. It made a huge difference for me and the rest of my day/evening.

We must protect our journey with everything we can. It's too important. We're important and we're worth the effort. The easy days are awesome--they're the best, of course! But if this time is to be like no other--then on days when it isn't easy, we must be willing to fight for it like our life depends on it...because it truly does.
  
My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your amazing support,
I'm incredibly lucky and blessed,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, September 4, 2014

September 4th, 2014 Had A Moment

September 4th, 2014 Had A Moment

I had a moment today. It was nearing the end of my work day and a colleague who obviously is under a great deal more stress than I am, exploded in my direction. Perhaps a conversation about the elements of this dissent would have been more appropriate. I'm a much calmer person. I don't ever lose my cool and calm. If I'm angry about something, I'll address it, or not, but responding in a loud and disrespectful way isn't in my make up.

Perhaps it's my lifelong quest in avoiding confrontation that has given me this peaceful approach. I've avoided confrontation my entire life, sometimes to the detriment of my own personal well being, opting instead to just accept whatever was being heaved my way while adapting as best I could in any particular situation.

The colleague with the outburst today was justified in her frustration, but not justified in her expressively negative reaction and style of communication. The far reaching effects of my "epiphany day" on May 15th do not allow me to take such violations of my personal space without firmly standing up and calmly expressing myself in regards to what's appropriate and what isn't acceptable any longer. Since this blog is also read by many people local to me who are familiar with my colleagues, I'll stop sharing any more of this "moment." Rest assured, it's a new day. And the Sean of today isn't the Sean of yesterday. I will not tolerate what was once a given, ever again.

I rediscovered my stress trigger today. Yes indeed, the stress of today's heated "moment" sent me racing up the stairs of my apartment building and toward my fridge with camera in hand ready to photograph and tweet a hastily consumed snack. I wasn't hungry at all--it was purely a reaction to the stressful circumstance at work. I opened the fridge and the first thing I laid eyes on was the jar of peanut butter. "Come here, you!" I actually contemplated taking a picture of a peanut butter covered finger before I came to my senses and stepped away from the fridge.

I had to take pause and assess how I was feeling in the moment and why I was feeling compelled. It was proof positive that even though I'm thankfully void of the binges triggered by the bio-chemical reactions of sugar consumption, I'm still very much human and capable of being triggered by straight up stress, especially when the stress comes from a confrontational moment. Normal everyday stress doesn't seem to have the same effect. I suppose when the stress comes from something you've lived your entire life trying to avoid, it's bound to have a much greater effect. Once I was able to gather my thoughts and truly recognize my genuine needs, I realized what I needed was sleep. So I did just that. I slept well, too long for a nap. It's left me wide awake too late once again. But today, I'm okay with it all. My body said "sleep," and I obeyed. Yay, me!

My plan was to have dinner followed by a workout at the YMCA. Instead, I enjoyed a fabulous dinner and opted to make this my rest day from exercise. I relaxed and enjoyed some me time, including some peaceful mental planning of some exciting upcoming projects. I enjoyed a much needed, refreshing conversation via phone with my sweetheart, Heather. We laughed so much and admitted we could talk all night, very easily. She's actually coming over tomorrow evening for a special dinner and first meeting with both my daughters and grandson Noah. I haven't decided on the menu just yet, but I'm confident it'll be wonderful, whatever it is. I was thinking about grilling, but I'm starting to lean toward a taco bar type meal. (Me choosing Mexican food--I'm so predictable!) I'll figure it out, no worries!

The conversation with Heather, another wonderful conversation with Courtney and a nice call to mom, turned out to be the perfect peaceful punctuation to an otherwise stressful day. I finished strong today. I experienced a stress trigger and lived to tell the tale. I stood up for myself and the world didn't come to an end...which is very interesting, because there was a time in my life when I was convinced otherwise.

My Tweets today:










Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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