Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

October 28th, 2014 Like Our Life Depends On It

October 28th, 2014 Like Our Life Depends On It

I was in bed by 8pm last night. My eyes opened at 3:30am, ready to hop up and even though I could have easily done just that, I stayed in bed until 4:15am. The eight hours sleep made a positive difference. I woke up feeling much better, physically. Later in the day, for some reason, I wasn't feeling too good emotionally.

An important part of this journey is self-awareness. It didn't take me long to recognize how I was feeling this afternoon. I wish I could identify it a little better, but I can't. I just felt off. It could be because I haven't felt 100% lately and as a result, my exercise has taken a backseat. And perhaps it was getting to me, finally. Maybe it was a general unsettling we can feel when things don't go how we think they should or how we wanted or had hoped they would go. 

I started feeling compelled to eat this afternoon, not long after my lunch--and at first, I analyzed my food--nope, nothing there should be a trigger. Then, as I was white knuckling it throughout the last part of my workday, it dawned on me--this wasn't a physical thing, it was emotional.

I didn't handle it correctly. I should have reached out to a support buddy immediately--and I didn't until much later in the afternoon. I'm not sure why I didn't at the first notion. I recommend it to others all the time and then, when I need to do it, I don't? What's up with that? I'm no different than anyone else. I get emotional, I get discouraged, I get frustrated, I get sad, I can have temporary bouts of circumstantial depression--heck, I've experienced full blown depression in my past--more than once.

Today, even though I wasn't tired, even though I had the opportunity to get to the YMCA early and get my workout on--I chose to go home and crawl under the covers. My escape from this temporary emotional downturn was to get unconscious as quickly as possible. This was my alternative to giving in to the natural tendency to reach for food, as if food is some kind of magical corrective device. It isn't--and I know that for certain. Had I reached for food instead of my unnecessary nap--I would have felt five times worse. I woke feeling a little better about things. And that's when I called a support buddy to talk out what was left of this funk infecting my afternoon.

The talk did wonders for me. After the talk, I started preparing a good dinner and getting ready for the Tuesday night support group conference call. Our overall focus tonight was "What do we do and NOT do in order to help us maintain consistency?" It was a good group discussion!

I felt absolutely empowered after the call tonight. One member, who is on Day 7 of her abstinence from sugar, stated "last week I didn't believe I could do it, now I know I can." <<<That right there...Oh my...The greatest feeling, my friend. It was one of many highlights from the group this evening.

I enjoyed a great dinner and then laced up my shoes for a good, albeit late, workout at the YMCA. I needed this workout more for the mental/emotional benefits than the physical. It did for me exactly what I needed it to do. I felt incredible afterward.

I'm hitting the pillow late tonight--but really, as much sleep as I've had in the past 28 hours--I likely would have laid awake if I had dropped any earlier. I feel like I had to fight today. I did fight. I don't like fighting. I wish it were easy-peasy every single day, but it's not. And that's okay. The important thing to be is self-aware. When it starts feeling like a struggle is coming on, it's imperative to acknowledge it and try to identify the source and if that takes too long to do, or isn't clear--then go straight to your defense mechanisms--call somebody for support--text someone, get out a pen and paper and write it out--anything...even hiding under the covers works, but honestly--dealing with it straight ahead is always best. I'm glad I did make the call for support after my midday slumber. It made a huge difference for me and the rest of my day/evening.

We must protect our journey with everything we can. It's too important. We're important and we're worth the effort. The easy days are awesome--they're the best, of course! But if this time is to be like no other--then on days when it isn't easy, we must be willing to fight for it like our life depends on it...because it truly does.
  
My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your amazing support,
I'm incredibly lucky and blessed,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

August 19th, 2014 The Here and Now

August 19th, 2014 The Here and Now

What a beautiful day. The outpouring of support for my big announcement in last night's post was a breath of fresh air. My friend and talented writer Tony Posnanski at theantijared.com even wrote a story about this coming together of "The Fitness Instructor and The Man Who Never Ate A Salad."  After reading what Heather wrote in her blog and the piece from Heather included in Tony's story, I immediately sent her a text asking if I had some of the facts wrong. Apparently my memory of how the events unfolded, ultimately bringing us together, was a little off from how they actually unfolded. I trust Heather's memory 100%. As she put it in her text reply, "You were pretty distracted." Apparently, I combined two different speaking event experiences into one. The details of our meeting were largely the same, I just placed them in a different order based on my slightly flawed memory of the events. I almost forgot that I did two speaking events for that company within months of one another. A small one and a big one. It was an exciting time. Still, not quite as exciting as the reality of the here and now!

I decided to try something different for lunch today (see tweet below). I had a few options ready to go in the employee kitchen, but for whatever reason I wasn't in the mood for anything normal. I decided to try something new and different. I have a digital food scale at work too! I accurately measured 1.5 servings of all natural sugar free peanut butter and 2 servings of 100% all fruit sugar free strawberry spread. I topped a couple of corn tostada shells with these two ingredients and added some thinly sliced apple on each. I named this new idea "PB&J Flats" ("New," unless I'm not the first to think of this simple combination). It was sugar free but my taste buds didn't know the difference. My brain did know the difference, because again--no effects, no compulsions to binge, no extra spoonfuls. I'm in awe of how different my behavior is around this former "trigger food." It wasn't the peanut butter triggering me, it was the sugar in the peanut butter, obviously. I've measured every single bite I've taken from the jar and I've done it without struggle or concern to the contrary.

I normally do not mention my private and personal therapy sessions or the details in each. But I must mention how today was the very last one scheduled. Not by my choosing, mind you! My beloved therapist is moving to the Pacific Northwest. For the sake of confidentiality, I will not mention her name. But I will say her incredible expertise has been an invaluable gift. The timing of how so many of her brilliant and truthful concepts planted in my brain started blooming at the same time, is beyond words in its perfection. Her counsel has helped lead me to where I am today with the emotional and mental dynamics of my life. It was a slightly emotional goodbye. Given the circumstances of today's realities, you couldn't have scripted a better ending to our client/therapist relationship. 

Today's food has been all about trying new things! Variety is good, right? I cooked an incredible dinner this evening before my conference call. I picked up a brand of gluten free/wheat free pasta, a brand my girlfriend Heather recommended for how wonderful it cooks and taste. I topped it with an incredibly delicious homemade sugar free marinara Heather had slow cooked for over twelve hours. She cooked it all day Saturday and sent some home with me. With a side of asparagus, the meal immediately became one of my new favorites! The love of cooking and creating in the kitchen is just one of the many things Heather and I have in common.

I felt like a good walk at the trail tonight. Sometimes it's good to just get out there in the fresh air and feel the breeze through your hair, you know? I didn't quite hit the 5K mark, but close, doing 2.5 miles before heading for the vehicle. It was a walk of reflection on a beautiful day.

My food tweets today:








Don't think I didn't notice the 505 calorie total of my dinner!


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, July 18, 2014

July 18th, 2014 Off The Merry-Go-Round

July 18th, 2014 Off The Merry-Go-Round

I sat down for lunch right next to the box of donuts someone brought to work. They were left on the table for anyone to grab for a quick sugar fix. I didn't. Not only did I not, I sat there enjoying my lunch without the slightest compulsion in the direction of the donuts. After lunch, I contemplated a good question: What keeps me from indulging the most? Is it my abstinence from sugar, keeping the addictive pleasure sensors in check? Or is it the accountability and support system I have in place? Or is it a combination of both? 

All I know is, it was a short four or five months ago when a similar box of donuts was left on the table and I patiently waited for everyone to leave the studios before privately stuffing two of them into my face. But today, not even an inkling, not the slightest itch? It was as if the box didn't even exist. The donuts no longer possessed a power over me. I wasn't looking for the pleasure they provide, instead I was focused on the pleasure I get when I'm remaining true to myself and taking extraordinary care. There isn't any deprivation or feelings of deprivation in my food plan. I eat well. I also know the truth about the pleasure of donuts for me...

It's a very temporary pleasure to partake, requiring a temporary suspension of all things important to me in exchange for a few sugary moments. Then, when the temporary suspension is over, the pleasure is replaced by a flood of negative emotions and self-abusive thoughts about what just took place. At the same time the negative emotions are taking hold, the bio-chemical reactions created by the ingestion of sugar are screaming: "Must have more and more!!" And since this reaction is coming in the moments I'm feeling horrible about myself, my defenses are considerably weakened or non-existent. The quickest (and most temporary) way to feel better in this situation is to follow the brain's command and eat more donuts...and the cycle repeats itself over and over. 

I'm off the merry-go-round. I've jumped off the cycle. I've given up on insanity. I no longer expect a different result, because I know what happens next, without fail, if I make that choice. So what keeps me? I think it's a combination of both, my abstinence from sugar and my support/accountability system. These two things are critical elements of my recovery and they must be embraced forever with the highest importance level.

I left the studio shortly after 4pm and headed straight for the YMCA for a solid elliptical workout. I had just enough time to workout, race home, shower, change and pick up some friends for the big Boston concert tonight. I thought about preparing a dinner to go, but I didn't allow enough time. Instead, I decided to go to the concert "without a net," fully trusting my instincts in selecting a good dinner from the unknown offerings available at the venue. I decided that if I couldn't find anything acceptable, then I would just need to wait for dinner until I got home.

After a quick scan of the menu, I quickly concluded there was only one choice for me: The sirloin steak. I asked the server to skip the bread, potato and seasonal veggies (the veggies at this venue are not very appealing to me)--instead I wanted cottage cheese and fruit with my steak. I also requested the steak be grilled without brushes of butter or other fat, a technique many restaurants employ. The server assured me the steak was 10 ounces. I cut it in half, kept one and gave the other half away to the person sitting next to me. I don't keep cottage cheese at home because of my track record of routinely eating the entire container in one or two sittings, so this was an opportunity to enjoy a favorite food in a controlled portion.

My ex-wife Irene, her steady Alen, my daughter Amber and her boyfriend KL also made it to the Boston concert. I'm so glad they all came up together for the show. I'm telling you, it's wonderful to have such a good relationship post-divorce. There's a lot of mutual love, respect and genuine happiness for one another.

The concert was amazing. Free concert tickets is a wonderful perk of my broadcasting career! If you get a chance to see Boston on their "Heaven On Earth" tour, I highly recommend! I was also very happy that everyone riding with me agreed to leave shortly after, because that's exactly what I preferred. I dropped off my passengers and made my way to the store for a few items, then home for a late night #lastfoodofday snack and some alone-time reflection on another successful day.

My meal Tweets today:






Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, June 2, 2014

June 2nd, 2014 Free From All That Noise

June 2nd, 2014 Free From All That Noise

I managed to get to work this morning after a short three hours sleep. I could have pushed it an extra thirty minutes, but I knew if I did I wouldn't have time to prepare breakfast. This whole thing of taking time to take better care is something fairly new, at least on this level.  Not preparing breakfast isn't an option I'm allowing. I can remember several times in a similar situation where I would navigate the choices in a drive through as best I could or run into a convenience store foraging for something I could feel good about. I have those skills should I ever need to employ them in an emergency. It wasn't an emergency this morning.

I headed home after my show for a nap before returning in the afternoon. I prepared a fantastic lunch using a Joseph's 60 calorie pita, a turkey burger, mozzarella and some all natural sweet potato fries. I've started using the George Foreman grill at work and at home to "dry grill" sandwiches--or in the case of today's lunch, the pita. The results have been fantastic. No added calories while transforming it into a different experience, so good!

I found out that Monday afternoons around 5:30pm is the busiest time for a workout at the YMCA. I was lucky to find one machine open on the row and type I prefer. I'm still able to walk in there without even the slightest hesitation or negative feeling. I hold my head high, slip in my ear buds, turn on my music and I'm gone to another world where I can do anything.  I saw several people there whom I haven't seen in some time. Still--no feelings of shame or embarrassment. That breakthrough Y trip a while back literally set me free from all that noise.

I made a small grocery trip this evening. I don't like big grocery trips. I like small-focused trips. That's what this was tonight.  I enjoyed some whole wheat pasta, just to try something different. It's been in my cupboard a while. I usually avoid pasta, but in this case, I carefully measured all ingredients--so I was confident in what I was eating. I topped it with an all natural sugar free marinara with 2oz of lean ground beef.  A side of baked mushroom cap with marinara and mozzarella and some pineapple rounded out this interesting meal.

I've reached a point where I'm calming down and taking a very nice one day at a time approach.  Am I excited for the road ahead?? Oh yeah. Very. But I'm keeping my feet on the ground and maintaining the steps important to my recovery.

I welcome you to friend me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/seananderson505) and MyFitnessPal (myfitnesspal.com/seanaanderson) and of course my live-tweet Twitter account where I share pictures and calorie counts of every single thing I eat, everyday.

Speaking of, it's about time for my #lastfoodofday!

Life Coach Gerri Helms and I will kick off our next six week session of teleconference group support tomorrow night at 7 Central/8 Eastern/6 Mountain/5 Pacific. The group includes the weekly conference call, individual one-on-one attention, a private facebook group, plus email/text and call support when needed. It's truly a bargain at $60 for six weeks. If you have defined your goal for the next 6 weeks, let's get together in this group and create some outstanding additional support.
If you're interested in this awesome group, click this link: http://lifecoachgerri.com/events/your-missing-piece/ Due to technical limitations within our conference call service, this group is only available for people in the US and Canada.

Thank you for reading and your support!

My best,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, May 28, 2014

May 28th, 2014 Scheduling Passion and Joy

May 28th, 2014 Scheduling Passion and Joy

Finding a balance with time management has been a challenge for me. I remember having this same issue when I started this blog. The things I'm doing, the elements of my recovery are all important and each has their place, an importance. Realizing that the challenge isn't any of the elements, it's the time management of everything as a whole, is an important distinction.

Better quality of sleep is helping. Not getting enough sleep isn't helping. I understand that this will not change unless I make it a priority. I remember when I was in the middle of my initial weight loss and I decided it was a great idea and a wonderful time to pursue a lead role in a dramatic play. I had always wanted to act and with the new found confidence within me I won the role and had the time of my life. And I was still working full time, still exercising consistently, still writing nightly...and all while committing to a six week/5 day a week rehearsal schedule. How did I do that?? I honestly don't remember. I think it had a lot to do with how much passion was involved and how much joy it brought me. It was truly a dream come true and I was living it so wonderfully, that perhaps the adjustments needed in the schedule just effortlessly conformed.

I'm once again experiencing a considerable amount of passion and joy, but I wouldn't say the schedule is effortlessly conforming. Adjusting will take deliberate actions; choices best suited for doing what I love while maintaining and taking care in other areas of my life. This is one of the issues near the top of my priority list, right up there with the key elements involved in taking the best care.

Three different people in the last few days have commented on my weight loss. All three have said the exact same thing, "I can really tell in your face." Isn't that always the first place people notice? I think that's simply because it's where people are focused the most. We look at each others faces more than anything else.  I'm excited because not only can I see it in my face, I can see it in other areas too---and most importantly, I can feel it all over.  

It's interesting: The thought of taking pictures of all of my food and sharing it via social media was once something I was absolutely against. I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want anyone to feel like I was saying, this is what you should eat (because that ISN'T what it's about at all), and let's be honest--I didn't want the accountability. <<< That. That was the biggie.

What I had been doing was a product of my inconsistency and struggle. I've written about having a few good days followed by four bad and another two good and so on---and during the good times I might enjoy preparing a fabulous meal--a meal so wonderfully suited for me--calorie wise, taste wise and everything wise...so I would take a picture and post it to my facebook page. But it wasn't indicative of anything other than that one meal...because the next day I might be eating God only knows what--and where's the picture of that?  Nobody wants to see my fried catfish (not a bad calorie value, really) and three hundred calories worth of tarter sauce (horrible calorie value, really). The point is, if it's accountability I wanted and honesty--then I needed to go all or nothing. And in doing so for all the right reasons, I've found my initial objections have all faded away.

I'm loving it. I mean--like, looking forward to it-kind of loving it. Not one person has expressed judgement of any kind in any way. I've clarified my objective several times--It's a tool for me. Having this accountability tool in place inspires me to eat better, to slow down and enjoy not only eating my food, but preparing it. And in this, it's inspiring me to take better care. I still eat what I like and nothing I don't. Trust me--if I don't like it, I'm not eating it. It doesn't mean I'm not open to trying new things--it simply means if I try it and hate it--it'll not be back, ever.  You're welcome to follow the live-tweeting of food and exercise on my Twitter page by clicking here.

I had two workouts today. I didn't officially count the first, but it still counts because I'm a little sore from the experience. I helped a friend clean up his private dock at the lake this afternoon. I was balancing on loose rocks, climbing insane angles up and down a ramp affected by seriously low water levels and bending over, over and over while picking up debris. I was stretching and even dancing.  Well, I wasn't intentionally dancing. A couple of times I was doing what might have appeared to be a dance while I dodged red hornets--and at one point I stepped on a board and out shot a big snake. This thing was at least a few feet long. I don't know what kind it was, maybe a blue racer? All I know is, when he shot out from under the board and into the water, I was dancing a nice fade away in the other direction. The other workout was a good 1.7 mile walk in the park this evening.

I plan on another YMCA visit tomorrow.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

May 27th, 2014 Training Wheels On

May 27th, 2014 Training Wheels On

I'm settling down into a nice groove and it continues to feel amazing. I still have issues I must address, like time management and drinking more water. But I must say, overall I'm very pleased with myself these days.

I hosted a teleconference tonight with Life Coach Gerri and I think it went fairly well. I always think of ways I could have articulated ideas better, afterward. Of course I'm my worst critic when it comes to this stuff. One thing that came up during an answer to a question was, if after relapse I felt like I hadn't learned anything previously.  I learned so much during my initial weight loss but now, looking back I can clearly identify things that fell short. The shortcoming was in the emotional and stress eating department. The thing is, I set my support and accountability system so high, that it carried me through things I would have otherwise ran for cover from in a drive-through. I lost the last 75 pounds going through a separation and divorce. The thing I didn't stop doing under any circumstance was writing my blog every night.  I still had that strong element of support and accountability--and it gave me strength. The mistake was after the storms had passed, I thought my survival without relapse meant I had somehow found a way to end my emotional and stress eating tendencies---when really, I was carried through those times by the level of accountability and support I had built over the course of my transformation. Then...

When I stopped writing the blog everyday--and then sporadically at best--I suddenly didn't have the same support system and accountability factor... And things were okay for a almost a year and a half.  They were because everything seemed great--I was writing my book, I staying connected with people and life seemed rosy.  When it stopped being all peaches, is when suddenly I discovered I had abandoned every tool that brought me so far. Like a kid who's trying to ride a bike for the first time with the training wheels off, I stumbled time and time again. But my foolish pride kept me from re-installing the training wheels and getting back to basics... That is until the mud of one too many ditches made it very clear, I needed to get back to what worked for me.  Training wheels on!

Still, I wouldn't trade this experience, really. I needed to be humbled. I needed to see all sides of this journey. And thanks to regaining--I've been able to go back and investigate the areas where I clearly need more study. I call it a blessing in disguise, 100%.

I also didn't give my food addiction the respect and consideration it needed.  I didn't want to accept it completely. So once again, I learned the hard way--there are certain things I mustn't eat. When I consume sugar, I struggle--I binge. When I don't, no struggle and no urges to binge.  And when I'm not fighting the battle of the binge--it frees me to focus on the food and exercise fundamentals and the very important practice of maintaining my accountability and support system.

This presentation tonight was in advance of our next weekly teleconference support group.  If you're interested in signing up for the six week program starting June 3rd, please email me your intention: Sean@transformationroad.com.  The weekly support group is Tuesday evenings at 8 Eastern, 7 Central, 6 mountain, 5 Pacific.  It is very different than what we did tonight. It's a lot of one on one, exploring you and your experience--your puzzle and offering support toward helping you achieve your weight loss objectives. The weekly group includes a private Facebook group for call members only and unlimited email, text, and call support when needed. Think about it--and I'll have sign up details for you in the next couple days.

I prepared some amazing turkey enchiladas tonight. I had them oven ready before the teleconference tonight, then finished them and enjoyed the dinner shortly after.  The picture, along with everything else I eat daily, is on my Twitter feed: @SeanAAnderson I also enjoyed an incredible workout tonight at the YMCA on the elliptical. It is getting easier and easier to handle. I'll start upping the resistance and duration very soon.

Thank you for reading and your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean
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