Showing posts with label confidence levels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence levels. Show all posts

Saturday, August 30, 2014

August 30th, 2014 In Harmony With How I Feel

August 30th, 2014 In Harmony With How I Feel

Today started with a big cleaning of my apartment. It was a deep cleaning, the kind that doesn't get done often enough! It was a wonderful opportunity for me to clear some things out. I made several trips to the trash dumpster downstairs! I didn't realize how wonderful the exercise was until this evening when I felt it in every move made! It was absolutely a workout!

I realized a connection between the condition of the environment we keep and how we truly feel about ourselves when I experienced some serious depression last year. As I cleaned today, I kept thinking--wow, I've come along way from when "this" was acceptable. Cleaning isn't fun. I don't like it. I'm not good at it. But I'm willing to get better, because I want to get better--because I'm feeling better about me. Having a cleaner apartment feels good. It's more in harmony with how I feel about me. It correctly reflects this. It always has. And I truly believe this dynamic is universal.

I was genuinely tired after today's cleaning project. I knew a nap was in my future as soon as I opened my eyes this morning. By the time I was at a point to take one, it was late in the afternoon. I set the alarm for an hour and a half, laid down and I was out for 2.5 hours. It was some of the most restful naps I've experienced in a very long time. Oversleeping a nap happens. This evening it almost cost me big!

I was scheduled to pick up my daughter Amber for the concert this evening, by 6pm. I was set to arrive at the music festival around 7pm and be on stage by 8:15pm. I woke at 6:38pm to Amber's voice asking, "are you coming?" My first thought wasn't, oh no, I'm late! My first thought was that was a premium nap!

My arrival at 7pm wasn't mandatory, thank goodness. The plan to arrive that early was purely for my benefit, so we could arrive and I could relax a little before my brief MC duties. Still, this extended nap wreaked havoc on my plans to be prepared food wise.

I had a late breakfast and late lunch, which is typical for me on a weekend day. I knew I wouldn't be ready for dinner before the event tonight, so my plan was to prepare and pack a good meal for Amber and me to enjoy in the broadcast vehicle prior to settling into the evenings festivities. I knew there would be a big free hospitality buffet for VIP's and sponsors, but not knowing what that might include didn't set well with me. I really didn't want to leave my food choices up to whomever planned this part of the festival.

I left my apartment without a dinner plan of any sort. I was so rushed I didn't even have time to blend a Shakeology to help get me through. I picked up the station vehicle, picked up Amber and we headed North to the festival 25 minutes away. I was cutting it very close. About ten minutes out, I called the promoter and informed her I was indeed en route and would be arriving shortly. I'm glad I made the call. The promoter was waiting for me as soon as we pulled into the parking lot. We were handed our VIP parking pass and all access badges and lanyards, then escorted to where we needed to go. Within minutes I was on stage making announcements and getting the crowd ready for Pat Green and the night's headliners, The Little River Band.

The promoter wasn't the least bit phased by how closely I cut the schedule. She graciously offered, "You're not late, you're right on time! But you did miss the free buffet." Awe, darn. Our food choices outside were worse than the infamous chili and omelet fiasco of Thursday night. The choices were hotdogs, snocones, other various concession stand food, liquor and beer. Uh, no thank you to all of the above. After my early announcements, we had a couple hours before I needed to do it again, so this gave us time to make our way from the outdoor festival grounds and into the restaurant located inside the host casino.

Once again I asked for some menu modifications and was met with a most helpful server, ready to go above and beyond. The grilled squash and zucchini in the below dinner tweet photo? That particular side dish isn't found on their menu. My sincerely polite queries and obvious important concern inspired the server and kitchen staff to get creative and the result was a meal I could feel great about. Amber and I tipped our server extra for this extraordinary service.

When I look at the below photo of me on stage tonight, my first thought doesn't immediately focus on the fact that as of last weigh in, I'm still ninety-five pounds from my previous healthiest weight. Not at all. My first thought was, I need smaller shirts! I felt confident on stage tonight and it showed. And showed very well, according to my daughter!
photo f69a5681-f888-429b-8a73-0b4533bcf4b4_zps8b4da643.png
My Food Tweets today:












Thank you for reading and for your absolutely incredible support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, August 15, 2014

August 15th, 2014 I Believe It Now

August 15th, 2014 I Believe It Now

It has been a very long Friday! I had a full day at work and then a meeting this evening with organizers of a big music festival coming up Labor Day weekend. The meeting included a buffet of fried chicken wings, beef ribs and a big selection of fruits, veggies and cheese. I was planning to eat something home cooked afterward, so I opted for some fruit and cheese to hold me over. It worked perfectly.

It was neat to meet and mingle with studio staff of other competing radio stations. I felt a nice confidence within me while I was in the room and why not? I do mornings at the number one station! I'm not bragging, I'm noting something that stuck out to me. You see, I'm someone who, for the most part, has lacked confidence my entire life, except in my broadcasting skills. It's the one area where even at my heaviest I carried an air of confidence. Perhaps it's because I've been doing it since I was 16 years old. Maybe it's also because when I'm behind the microphone, my truest personality comes through, because you can't see me. 

I'm just a voice coming out of your speakers. In your radio speaker, appearance is completely taken out of the equation, the second I turn on the microphone the one element I've allowed to make me feel less than my entire life (until very recently) no longer exists. Tonight, there wasn't a microphone to hide behind and it didn't matter. I felt amazing. It was another example of the power of what I refer to as my self-worth/identity epiphany day, May 15th, 2014. I'm just now feeling the same confidence in person as I've enjoyed inside people's radios all these years. This mental dynamic is fascinating to me. The freedom it offers to just be myself feels beyond description.

It was very interesting in the room tonight. Different stations were set up at their own tables and nobody was mingling. I was the only one making my way around, introducing myself and shaking hands with people from different stations, asking names and chatting about the upcoming festival and the artists on the lineup. We weren't there competing for listeners tonight, we were all there for the common goal of making this giant two day festival a big success. I'm looking forward to standing on that big stage and greeting the thousands expected, then introducing several of the big name acts. I'm not sure I would have been looking forward to this not too long ago. Now I'm like, bring it on! It feels good. My demeanor in public has changed. It's like getting the confidence I once thought was only possible at an optimal weight, early. Because honestly--it doesn't matter what I weigh, and that's what's so special about this feeling. It is a feeling that truly is NOT dependent on what the scale says. I'm me, and me is good enough, always. It always was, actually--I just didn't believe it before. I believe it now.

A major part of the epiphanies of May 15th is the importance of nurturing the core of who we are--the likes, the talents, the things we enjoy, the things that bring us the most joy in life. Stand-up comedy was absolutely one of those things for me. So I made a phone call yesterday to a classy little place not far from our downtown studios. We're meeting early next week to discuss a stand-up comedy night, hosted by me! I've given much thought to this for the last several weeks. In the spring I plan on doing a bigger show with a few old comedy friends of mine as a charity benefit for local domestic violence programs. I already have a verbal commitment from the 800 seat theatre where our studios are located and I already have a name: Stand-Up Against Domestic Violence. Perfect! In the meantime I need a place to workout all of the new material I've been writing--that's why a comedy night at the classy joint down the street is very important!

The material has been coming so easily lately. When it does, I make notes in my phone so I don't forget. Last Sunday while driving to Stillwater and back with Noah and Amber, I had to ask Amber to make notes for me while I drove. The ideas sprout from our conversations. I haven't been this inspired, ever. And I am because I'm nurturing the core of who I am. I'm happy and it shows.

I do not have aspirations for a revival of my comedy career. I'll not be driving hours and hours to venues all across the U.S. chasing the stand-up dream and I certainly will not be moving to L.A. again like I did years ago. I simply need an outlet for something that is an important part of me. Not to make money, not to achieve fame--it's simply to express myself in a form I've suppressed and largely ignored for far too long.

I enjoyed a very colorful variety of foods today!










Thank you for reading and your continued support. It's been a very busy week and I've fallen way behind in reading and supporting my favorite blogs. I plan on catching up with everyone this weekend. If you have a question or comment, leave it below and I'll be sure to reply to each and every one. If you have a blog that isn't listed on my blogroll along the left hand side of the page--then by all means, comment with the URL and I'll be sure to check it out!

Strength,
Sean
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