August 15th, 2014 I Believe It Now

August 15th, 2014 I Believe It Now

It has been a very long Friday! I had a full day at work and then a meeting this evening with organizers of a big music festival coming up Labor Day weekend. The meeting included a buffet of fried chicken wings, beef ribs and a big selection of fruits, veggies and cheese. I was planning to eat something home cooked afterward, so I opted for some fruit and cheese to hold me over. It worked perfectly.

It was neat to meet and mingle with studio staff of other competing radio stations. I felt a nice confidence within me while I was in the room and why not? I do mornings at the number one station! I'm not bragging, I'm noting something that stuck out to me. You see, I'm someone who, for the most part, has lacked confidence my entire life, except in my broadcasting skills. It's the one area where even at my heaviest I carried an air of confidence. Perhaps it's because I've been doing it since I was 16 years old. Maybe it's also because when I'm behind the microphone, my truest personality comes through, because you can't see me. 

I'm just a voice coming out of your speakers. In your radio speaker, appearance is completely taken out of the equation, the second I turn on the microphone the one element I've allowed to make me feel less than my entire life (until very recently) no longer exists. Tonight, there wasn't a microphone to hide behind and it didn't matter. I felt amazing. It was another example of the power of what I refer to as my self-worth/identity epiphany day, May 15th, 2014. I'm just now feeling the same confidence in person as I've enjoyed inside people's radios all these years. This mental dynamic is fascinating to me. The freedom it offers to just be myself feels beyond description.

It was very interesting in the room tonight. Different stations were set up at their own tables and nobody was mingling. I was the only one making my way around, introducing myself and shaking hands with people from different stations, asking names and chatting about the upcoming festival and the artists on the lineup. We weren't there competing for listeners tonight, we were all there for the common goal of making this giant two day festival a big success. I'm looking forward to standing on that big stage and greeting the thousands expected, then introducing several of the big name acts. I'm not sure I would have been looking forward to this not too long ago. Now I'm like, bring it on! It feels good. My demeanor in public has changed. It's like getting the confidence I once thought was only possible at an optimal weight, early. Because honestly--it doesn't matter what I weigh, and that's what's so special about this feeling. It is a feeling that truly is NOT dependent on what the scale says. I'm me, and me is good enough, always. It always was, actually--I just didn't believe it before. I believe it now.

A major part of the epiphanies of May 15th is the importance of nurturing the core of who we are--the likes, the talents, the things we enjoy, the things that bring us the most joy in life. Stand-up comedy was absolutely one of those things for me. So I made a phone call yesterday to a classy little place not far from our downtown studios. We're meeting early next week to discuss a stand-up comedy night, hosted by me! I've given much thought to this for the last several weeks. In the spring I plan on doing a bigger show with a few old comedy friends of mine as a charity benefit for local domestic violence programs. I already have a verbal commitment from the 800 seat theatre where our studios are located and I already have a name: Stand-Up Against Domestic Violence. Perfect! In the meantime I need a place to workout all of the new material I've been writing--that's why a comedy night at the classy joint down the street is very important!

The material has been coming so easily lately. When it does, I make notes in my phone so I don't forget. Last Sunday while driving to Stillwater and back with Noah and Amber, I had to ask Amber to make notes for me while I drove. The ideas sprout from our conversations. I haven't been this inspired, ever. And I am because I'm nurturing the core of who I am. I'm happy and it shows.

I do not have aspirations for a revival of my comedy career. I'll not be driving hours and hours to venues all across the U.S. chasing the stand-up dream and I certainly will not be moving to L.A. again like I did years ago. I simply need an outlet for something that is an important part of me. Not to make money, not to achieve fame--it's simply to express myself in a form I've suppressed and largely ignored for far too long.

I enjoyed a very colorful variety of foods today!

Three whole eggs prepared over-hard, small green apple and a big juicy peach. #delicious 337 cal. pic.twitter.com/JP8qnfYgRJ
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 15, 2014

Fruitful lunch! Cantlpe (300g), .5 aple, .5 peach, Beanitos chips, avocado (87g), LCWedge. Not eating Swiss. 557 cal. pic.twitter.com/zBmVhy4tXP
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 15, 2014

Small assorted fruit snack. Pineapple, cantaloupe, watermelon and 1/2 slice pepper jack cheese. Exactly 100 cal! pic.twitter.com/CBrjZIjsAn
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 15, 2014

Beef (6oz sirloin) kabobs w/red & green peppers, onion, purple tomatoes--w/salt-pepper-garlic. Brown rice. 462 cal. pic.twitter.com/WcF7dHdBAf
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 16, 2014

Large peach & small pear. 151 cal. #lastfoodofday pic.twitter.com/fudsQD23cm
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 16, 2014

Thank you for reading and your continued support. It's been a very busy week and I've fallen way behind in reading and supporting my favorite blogs. I plan on catching up with everyone this weekend. If you have a question or comment, leave it below and I'll be sure to reply to each and every one. If you have a blog that isn't listed on my blogroll along the left hand side of the page--then by all means, comment with the URL and I'll be sure to check it out!

Strength,
Sean

July 20th, 2014 I Wouldn't Have Missed It For The World

July 20th, 2014 I Wouldn't Have Missed It For The World

Arriving home from my class reunion in the middle of the night didn't leave me much energy to write about too much before collapsing in bed. It was a short post for Saturday. Today was eventful too. My youngest daughter turned twenty-one years old today! We celebrated with a birthday lunch at one of her favorite restaurants. First, let's explore a recap of my class reunion experience.

Prior to May 15th, 2014, if you had asked me, "Are you going to the Class of '89 SHS 25th reunion in July?" I would have given a quick, "probably not, but I'll be at the 30th reunion." Never before has an epiphany rocked me to my core like it did on May 15th. I can't shake its effects and I don't want to. To be gifted a powerful mind expanding epiphany focused on the very thing I've allowed to limit me my entire life, was easily one of the greatest gifts I've received along this fantastic road of life. Saying, "my worth and identity does not depend on the shape of my face, the size of my pants or the number on a scale," is something, if not explored, could be easily said but still not applied. Truly believing it, embracing--and wrapping my mind around the epitome of self-love, cemented something inside me. Still, like most everything, it isn't perfect. But it's powerful enough, that instead of avoiding the reunion, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Flipping a lifetime perspective upside down doesn't happen without a little spillage of the marinade that seasoned me, as I discovered last night.

I turned up the radio super loud as I drove the forty-two miles to my destination. I was listening to the "Big 80's Weekend" on Tulsa'a Mix 96. The 80's groove was taking me back in time and I knew, in less than an hour I would be experiencing real life encounters with people who were back there with me. I was fine right up until I pulled into the parking lot, mere steps from people I haven't seen in what felt like forever. I turned the radio down, scanned the parking lot, thought to myself: this is it and then I froze.

I sat in the car staring blankly ahead for what must have been five minutes. What was I waiting for? Is it too late to back out now? It took exchanging some supportive text messages with a friend and some serious self-talk to get me out of the car. What was it? Body image/weight issues again? No, not at all, really.

To better understand my mentality you must know the rest of the story. I never walked across the stage with any of these people. I trashed my high school academic career. I'm self-educated, blessed with a divine gift of natural intelligence I've had my entire life. I've lived my life choosing and not choosing things on which to apply myself. School never received my focus, except when Mr. West challenged me to apply myself during an upcoming nine week grading period. Mr. West offered: "I know you're smarter than the F you're making in my class. You're not trying. What would happen if you did?" I immediately started acing everything in his class and with extra credit, I turned what was once a low F, into an A+ in excess of 100%. The following nine week grading period, I went back to not caring.

I enjoy taking things that seem negative and finding the positive, so here's this: I likely wouldn't be as studious along this road; as willing to dive into the deep dynamics of every facet affecting this journey, if not for carrying around a giant inferiority complex surrounding my academic career. When I go deeper in my introspective study and I unlock epiphanies stored like treasure, it serves as another confirmation of my intelligence.

Despite my reluctance and mental noise outside the venue, I truly wanted to see these people tonight. And they wanted to see me. I was invited and the fact that I purposely obliterated my academic career didn't matter one iota to these classmates. From their perspective, I'm a wonderful success from the class of '89. And you know what, they're right. I am.

I chose to hold my head high and walk into the reunion with nothing but pure confidence. The confidence and peace in self I projected came back to me in the form of the warmest receptions from my fellow classmates. That's the thing about what we choose to carry and project: It comes back to us. And if we're not aware of this dynamic, we can easily mistake where we should place the blame when we suddenly feel less than good enough. How we feel about ourselves has an energy all its own. If we wear it like a force field surrounding us, then everything we communicate and everything others communicate toward us is filtered through it, altering our perception in either direction, good or bad. In understanding this, assumptions and worry about what others think of us or what they might think of us, are revealed as the products of our fear and imagination and in effect, renders them powerless. 

I was free to enjoy just being myself. I was fascinated by my classmates and their experiences. I asked questions about their life and I listened and appreciated what they had to say. It was beautiful. We recalled stories, laughed and remembered the good times. Some of the conversations were so good, we had to "break" in order to make sure we made the rounds to everyone else.

In the opening paragraph of chapter three in my book, I wrote about the guys with the cool names in our school: Rob Lorenzo, Mike Van Pelt and Chris Holt. Movie star names, I tell ya! They were all there and what a treat it was to converse with them once again.

Many of my former classmates commented on my writings and how much they enjoyed occasionally peeking into my world via Facebook and this blog. It felt amazing to me. I was overwhelmed, wrapped in their sincere words and appreciation for what I do. I had a wonderful conversation with Lydia Morton and Sheryl Arthur, (whom I had a HUGE crush on in Junior High--I didn't mention that. :) And I enjoyed a profound discussion with Steve Troxel, whom I believe is one of the most talented, funny and artistic people I've ever known. I recalled how he would sit in drama class and draw the most amazing caricatures of the people around him. I told him how much his artistic ability fascinated me and how I didn't know how he did it. My brain doesn't work that way, it's incomprehensible. His reply gave me some perspective. He told me the same thing about what I do, saying: "I couldn't do what you did in your stand-up comedy or what you do on the radio. I would immediately freeze up. No way I could do what you do." The room was ripe with mutual love and respect.

Then, out of nowhere came Martha. My conversation with Martha was likely the highlight of my evening. You never know of the potential impact you can have on someone, simply by being honest and real in what you share, unless they come right up to you at your twenty-fifth high school reunion and tell you. Martha opened the conversation with "I just wanted to tell you how much your blog has meant to me." I remember that first line enough to quote her, but I'll need to paraphrase most of the rest. She related how when she discovered my blog it was at one of the lowest points in her life. She thanked me for having an impact on her in what she described as one of the "pivotal moments" in her life. What?? Are you talking to me? I hadn't a clue. I asked, "have we ever communicated via blog comments, email or facebook messages?" She said no. She was just quietly reading, relating and applying some of the explorations into her own life and wanted to express what a difference it had made for her. I was so touched, it took everything in me to keep from melting down into a pile of tears right there on the spot. Instead I held it together, simply hugged her and thanked her for the kind words and for sharing with me. As if that wasn't enough, before the night ended, she expressed how she felt like I was building and leaving a legacy that will live on forever, much like fellow classmate, Dr. Bob Wetteman, a professor at the Air Force Academy in Colorado. I thanked her, then became immediately speechless.

I walked out of the reunion with a euphoric feeling created by nearly six hours of connecting with people I didn't realize I cared so much about, but I do. I wrapped the night by having a brief conversation with Chris Holt. He was the star quarterback and one of the most popular, if not THE most popular guy in school. Back then, he was everything I wished I could be. I wanted to be just like him. He was smart, funny, athletic and never at a loss for attention from the girls. In our moments tonight, he, without much effort it seemed, revealed a most loving and compassionate humanness rarely experienced these days. His calm spirituality came through without saying a word in that direction. He was at peace and it showed as he, his wife and I stood outside after midnight on Main Street, in the cool night air of our hometown. He expressed how happy he was to see me, said "I love you brother" and gave me a hug. In that moment, I realized I was just like him after all.  

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My youngest daughter Courtney turned twenty-one years old today. She has blossomed into one of the most attentive and caring moms I've ever seen. I beam with pride when I see her and my grandson together. We all got together at one of her favorite restaurants for a birthday lunch. The special today was their big lunch buffet complete with fried chicken, catfish, meatloaf, fried okra, mashed potatoes, gravy and more. I didn't even give it a second thought or try to rationalize a decision in that direction, well, I could make some good choices there, uh--NO. I took a menu and chose what I felt was the best combination in the moment. I ended up with a meal I could feel good about (see tweet below) and I focused my attention on the loved ones around the table, not the complimentary bread basket. Noah has transitioned to regular food and he's loving every bite, except for broccoli!!! Everyone but me had broccoli on their plate. When Noah clearly rejected the broccoli, I shared with the table how he "is just like his grandpa." Awe yes, the joy of being a grandparent!

I'm feeling incredible as I close in on the 13 week weigh-in coming up on Wednesday. I've eaten out four times this week, which is very rare. All except Thursday night, were special occasions: The Boston concert, class reunion and Courtney's 21st birthday lunch. Tomorrow resumes my Monday through Wednesday spinning class schedule, considering this, it was an easy decision to make today my off day.

My meal tweets today:
I slept in today. This first meal counted as "breakfast."

Grilled chicken (6oz), grilled onions, swiss, cottage cheese, green beans w/bacon. 508 cal. pic.twitter.com/0r4qFMSsjs
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 20, 2014

Try # 2 at making baked chicken & cheese taquitos. With fresh peach. 607 cal. (Including 54 cal of olive oil spray) pic.twitter.com/2eyMcPyCju
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 20, 2014

Pan seared lamb sirloin chop (4.8 oz), sweet potato fries and 3/4 of a yellow apple. #lastfoodofday 540 cal. pic.twitter.com/mYIQoSPdAA
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 21, 2014

Thank you for reading and your support,
Strength,
Sean

July 12th, 2014 Something Dramatic Changed

July 12th, 2014 Something Dramatic Changed

Planning, preparing and packing served me well today. I had a midday location broadcast until 2pm, so I made sure to pack a good lunch. It was an interesting broadcast day.

First, Ruth, A longtime listener stopped by the broadcast to register for the concert tickets we were giving away. She recalled taking my picture at an annual station event called Ladies Night Out. I was wearing a nice tuxedo in the October 2010 photo (same as the picture located on the left hand side bar of this blog). I don't think I've seen her since that night. Normally, I would have felt embarrassed at having an obvious weight gain in front of someone, anyone who hasn't laid eyes on me since my days around 230 pounds, but I didn't at all. We chatted for a few minutes, talked about her upcoming retirement, her sons pending nuptials and of course, we talked about weight loss, briefly. I mentioned how wonderful I feel now and how confident I am to once again be moving in the direction toward my healthiest weight.

Running into this regular listener brought back wonderful memories of how good it felt wearing that tuxedo at 232 pounds. I'll be honest, as good as it felt, it still wasn't as good as I feel today. That might sound strange considering I'm a little over 100 pounds from wearing that size tuxedo again, but it isn't strange to me. As soon as I started embracing the positive attributes and qualities in me and I stopped attaching my identity and self worth to a number on a scale or the size of my pants--something dramatic changed. And the perspective was shifted in an instant.

I love me regardless of my size. As I once again head toward my healthiest weight, I do it with the certainty of my self-worth and identity in tact the entire way. It's not something that magically appears when I reach a certain weight or fit into a sharp looking tuxedo.  My self worth and identity doesn't improve with weight loss and it doesn't diminish with weight gain. Keeping my focus and perspective in this most wonderful place has provided instant relief from any possible negative feelings developing in front of people I haven't seen in a long time. This is big-time growth for me. By the way, Ruth ended up having her entry drawn from the prize boot for a pair of concert tickets!

I was also visited by a doctor (not my regular doctor) during my broadcast. I've known this doctor for a few years and he's been supportive of what I do to a certain extent (although I know he doesn't "get me" completely.) Lately, he's losing weight too and feeling great. Good for him! I'm happy for his success! But this is where my enthusiasm stops. You see, he's turning what works for him into big business and he's been after me to join him in this effort. He knows full well I've avoided his calls and texts purposely because I'm not interested in touting the latest and "greatest" diet or whatever he's doing. He started laying on the pressure today for me to jump on board with his plan. For one, I was working, in the middle of a broadcast!!! I don't walk into his practice while he's with a patient and force feed him Joseph's Pitas and the latest pictures from my Twitter feed.

It was the wrong time, wrong place, wrong approach and wrong attitude! I said, "Look, I'm very happy doing what I do and I'm doing very well. I don't have time, nor do I want to consider doing what you're doing because what I'm doing is working for me." I was uncharacteristically direct, because this guy doesn't seem to understand subtle. Then, perhaps as a defense I suppose, I mentioned the time I invest in me--taking extraordinary care, eating better, exercising regularly and maintaining this blog and twitter feed on a daily basis. And that's when he said something that instantly turned me off. 

He came back with: (in reference to this blog) "How much money is that making you??" He's very lucky I'm a nice guy and I have peace of mind in my own certainty. He's also lucky that I have the ability to be compassionate toward his disturbingly affected perspective. In other words, I didn't take this exchange personally, it was all him. Still, he instantly lost my respect and attention. How much money do I make from my blog? What an enormously disrespectful question. I don't make money directly from this blog. What I do "make" is far more valuable than money. I'm making a life, helping myself and often times to my surprise and delight, helping others along the way. I'm "paid" handsomely in the form of clarity, perspective and tremendous support from all over the world. So, Doctor, if you're reading this, make a point to remember: I'm not interested in your "magic" weight loss remedy or becoming some kind of spokesperson and testimonial for your weight loss business. I wish you continued success and good health, but seriously--save yourself some time and energy and lose my number. 

I spent the evening with a friend I haven't seen in a very long time. We enjoyed  an awesome dinner and fantastic conversation. It was also a wonderful opportunity to try lamb chops for the first time. The meal was a little "pricey" in the calorie department, but in hindsight I could have pared it down quite easily. We dined on a very good meal and afterward I had a chance to try Shakeology for the first time. It was dessert. I only had enough calories remaining to have 1/3 serving, but wow--it was great! I'm seriously thinking about adding this nutrient dense food in an effort to bump up my calorie budget as my workouts become longer and more intense. I'm going to need more fuel for my body! This is also something new to my journey: Willingness to change up what I'm doing. For me, the only thing that I don't ever plan on changing and I pray I never do, is my abstinence from sugar. As addicted as I was to it, I'm getting very addicted to feeling good without it in my system. I'd rather feel good!

It's late, so I'll wrap this edition with my meal tweets of the day and hit the pillow!

Joseph's Pita w/two whole eggs & one egg white on top of a mozzarella cheese slice. Fresh pineapple (8.7oz). 389 cal. pic.twitter.com/VCq1sRQkTs
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 12, 2014

Lunch on location: Sliced chicken breast (5.8oz) and cheddar (28g shredded) pita melt. Gala apple. 448 cal. pic.twitter.com/bFpxlDPkSs
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 12, 2014

Lamb chop with blueberry/stevia sauce, guac, rice chips, sweet pot fries and asparagus! 684 cal. pic.twitter.com/b5wDufcrNM
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 13, 2014

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

July 1st, 2014 I'm a Former Skeptic

July 1st, 2014 I'm a Former Skeptic

The weather coverage kept me at work until after 2am this morning. By the time I hit the pillow it was after 2:30 and when the alarm started sounding at 5am, I slept right through. Sorry, neighbors! I finally pulled myself out of bed 8 minutes before 6am, eight minutes before I'm supposed to be one of the most wide awake, friendly voices you'll hear on morning radio. Wasn't happening this morning. I called the studio and arranged for a colleague to cover until I arrived. I did arrive a few minutes before 7am.  I do not sacrifice my food plan, even in a rush. I took the time to prepare breakfast and pack what I needed for lunch. This practice is too important. I'm important. More so, considering I would possibly be tired and slightly irritable with plenty of mid-morning production and no time for a post-show nap. I'm pretty sure I owe a couple of sales staffers an apology for being uncharacteristically irritable to their needs today.

When the schedule renders me too tired and cranky for my own good, that's when I must be very careful and very deliberate in my plan. If I'm too tired and I haven't planned well, I'm at risk for a perfect storm of not caring mixed with convenience.

I had an offer for free lunch today. A colleague was headed to a local family owned and operated fast food Mexican restaurant and on the way out, he asked if I wanted lunch. Before you think Taco Bell, let me explain: This place is much better. It's been a staple of this town since the 1970's and they're constantly busy. I can't count the number of lunches I've enjoyed from this place, especially since they're located a few blocks from our studios. Everything there is big and heavy--delicious. When you get shredded cheese on something, they don't skimp--ever. I've had a bean burrito from there before that must have had 250 calories worth of cheese and 400 calories worth of beans stuffed inside a large flour tortilla. It's premium stuff as fast food Mexican goes. I would have likely accepted the lunch offer had I not been prepared today. I could have navigated a few different choices and been okay--perhaps a taco salad without the edible bowl, but it would have required an ample amount of guesstimating and I try to keep the guesstimating to a minimum.

I was ready for a small snack and a much deserved nap by the time I arrived home after 2:30pm. It was a solid nap. It was the kind of nap that makes this previously untreated sleep apnea sufferer wake up and immediately express gratitude for the blessing of good sleep. I'll never again take restful sleep for granted as long as I live. I was up in plenty of time to start preparing a fabulous dinner and prepare for my weekly support group conference call I co-facilitate with Life Coach Gerri Helms. (By the way--a new 6 week session starts soon if you're interested in joining us--I'll share registration details soon.)

The only problem with a really good hour and forty-five minute nap--and this is in no way a complaint--, is, it's hard to be tired enough for a proper bedtime. Fortunately, tomorrow is a short day for me and followed by a four day weekend. I will once again host our annual 4th of July broadcast from the lake, but it's in the evening of course, not requiring me to be up super early like normal work days.

A friend of mine, after reading last night's blog post, asked me if I'm at all sad about all of the sweet foods I'll miss in my continued abstinence from sugar. Honestly, no, I'm not! Trust me, I've eaten more Snickers Bars and mint chocolate chip ice cream shakes to last me a lifetime--and if I never have another, I would still have eaten more than the average person.  It's a trade. I trade the temporary indulgence of those items and others for a lifetime free of the effects sugar undoubtedly has on me. I'm getting the good end of the deal here.

By the way, I'm very aware of the skepticism food addiction and more specifically, sugar addiction sometimes receives. I was once one of the biggest skeptics. What you need to know about me is, I'm a big believer in the power we have to convince ourselves we're something we may not be--applying a label and allowing it to become part of our identity in some form of obsessive-compulsive belief started with a big self-diagnosis. What I hope you recognize is, through my trials and real life personal experimentation and study, I'm now, without a doubt, one thousand percent convinced that food/sugar addiction is as real and powerful as any other addiction and resulting behavior. I suppose you could say I had to find out the hard way.

I've referred many times to food addiction in my previous writings, even in my book. The patterns of behavior I've described throughout my history is a brutal combination of emotional/stress eating and addictive reaction behaviors. What kept me skeptical for so long--was the theory that my behaviors could be regulated in a way, allowing me to have a somewhat normal relationship with all foods. Seriously, I lost 275 pounds "regulating" all the way! As soon as I loosened the regulations, struggle returned and so did excessive amounts of weight. I'd rather "regulate" within a few specific boundaries and have it be something I can live with forever, rather than walk a tight rope the rest of my life.

If you're normal and you can achieve a relatively healthy relationship with all foods, then you're blessed and I'm very happy for you. I can't. I'm not normal. And saying "I'm not normal" isn't something of a bad thing, not at all. It means I have special needs worthy of my extra attention. And I'm worth the effort.      

Once upon a time, my resistance of acceptance would build immediately in the presence of someone touting the practices and benefits of food addiction recovery in the traditional sense. My previous skepticism was grounded in my desperate attempt to hold onto something I felt I needed to keep in order to survive. It's interesting to me that the reality of my personal situation is quite contrary: My survival actually depends on my ability, willingness and acceptance of letting go.

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Workout and dinner tonight were both fantastic. If you're interested, I post a picture and calorie counts of everything I eat to my Twitter feed: www.twitter.com/seanaanderson (You do NOT need a Twitter account to view the page and tweets--only to interact) It's not meant to be an example, a standard, a suggestion or anything like that. We're all different. I eat what I like and nothing I don't. And you may or may not like what I enjoy. I refuse to eat something I can't stand as a means to an end along this road. Because, my friend, this road doesn't end until the day we die. It's not my point to endure something until a set goal is reached--it's my point to craft a journey I can enjoy the rest of my God given time on earth.

Tomorrow is my 10 week weigh-in day. I'm incredibly excited to walk into the doctors office and step on the scale. I'll save the guesses and I'll be prepared for whatever the scale shows.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 29th, 2014 Always Running In The Background

June 29th, 2014 Always Running In The Background

My plan today included cleaning my apartment, taking care of a friend's dogs, cooking some great meals, working out at the YMCA, a quick grocery trip (more fruit and coffee), visiting with my youngest daughter Courtney and grandson Noah, writing this blog update and actually getting to bed a time appropriate for someone who gets up at 4:30am. I have writing, grocery store and visiting left on my list--oh, and dinner.

Right before bed, I plan on making some rounds to my favorite blogs--reading some and offering support.  I usually do that well on the weekends, but my schedule this weekend has been kind of different.

I can see where my continued success might appear to be hoisted up by an all consuming schedule of writing, exercising, cooking and tweeting. It's really not. The fundamentals to my plan each day--when all goes well, run like a computer program in the background. My life is happening just as it was when I was struggling horribly. I still have job stress, financial stress, occasional inter-personal relationship stress, scheduling stress--where the only way to make it better is to become better at time management--and yet, I'm giving thanks each day for another successful day of taking extraordinary care.  The "program," my program--runs in the background 24/7. This peace and calm I've written about lately is when I'm handling life in the foreground while my program is running quietly and consistently in the background. The background program enhances the foreground program in many ways.

Nearly 100% abstinence from pure sugar has made an impact I had to experience for myself to fully believe. The absence of the binge behavior and urges to binge have been nothing short of miraculous. And should I ever conveniently forget about what sugar does to me, it'll be like a virus infecting my background program. I'm extremely protective of my background program! My commitment and diligence each day is like antivirus protection. Staying supportive of others, keeping an open mind, prayer, meditations, positive visualizations and moving forward one day at a time is like keeping that antivirus protection updated.

My next weigh day is this coming Wednesday. I'm looking forward to stepping on the scale for my 10 week number. And that's all it is, a number. Never again will it define my worth and identity. The number will only serve as a statistic and guidepost toward my ultimate goal of getting back to and successfully maintaining a healthy body weight. I'm seriously considering adding some calories to my budget. If I do, they'll be good calories--proteins--and things that will help me as I start using my newly acquired NordicFlex weight training machine. But I'm still not sure if those changes will come after this 10 week weigh in or the 13 week mark. I'll see how I feel when the time comes.

I'm not hungry. I'm eating well and it seems enough. I could stand a little more water. Most days I struggle to hit the minimum 64oz.  The water and time management--these are two important things deserving of my attention. And I have been doing better on these two. Sometimes the schedule gets out of my control--especially when storms roll in and I find myself on the air for coverage, often in the middle of the night. No complaints really--I'm compensated for it--and I'm thankful for the job. Weather coverage and other scheduling challenges are most usually things I can anticipate and do my best to make sure it doesn't completely throw me into a tailspin. I must give myself a pat on the back for taking better care in these departments. I've really made some positive strides.

I'm having so much fun sharing my meals, exercise and occasional humor on twitter. If you want to join in, simply go to www.twitter.com/seanaanderson If you're not into food pics and calorie counts--you might want to skip it. It's every single bite, every single day--photographed, described, calorie counted--and tweeted. Too much? For some, yes. For me? It's doing wonders. It's working. And this is what this journey is all about--finding what works for you.  I'm finding what works for me and it's constantly running in the background of my life.

Thank you for reading! I'm off to the store, to see Courtney and Noah--and then a late dinner of some sort. I had a late lunch at a little after 4pm--so I'm not hungry--hoping to feel like something before too long. I have 800 calories remaining...yikes! This is one of the challenges of the weekend--proper calorie management. It's hardly a problem during the week because of my schedule starting so early in the morning.

Strength,
Sean

June 17th, 2014 The Best I Can, Today

June 17th, 2014 The Best I Can, Today

I'm feeling better now, than I think I ever have in my life. That's a pretty big statement. I mean, ever, in the history of Sean. It has some to do with eating better, exercising and losing weight, of course, but the majority of this feeling comes from the epiphany of May 15th, 2014: My identity and self worth will never be tethered to the shape of my face, the size of my pants or the number on a scale. The same qualities and positive attributes I love about me are constant, at 505 or 230, for richer or poorer. Read the blog post from May 15th by clicking here.

Never before has something stayed with me in such a powerful way. And it goes beyond recognizing and understanding. I've taken this into practical application in my everyday life and its effect has been nothing short of miraculous.

I enjoy spending time with me. I don't think I've ever known what that was like until now. I have a greater confidence no matter where I am or who I may run into, I always hold my head high. What makes this exceptionally better is, I'm feeling great about myself, so when I'm around people I'm not busy projecting negative feelings about me onto them without their knowledge. In fact, it's the opposite. I think I'm awesome, so surely they do too! I don't tug on my shirt as much, as if doing so makes me appear slimmer. I don't look in the mirror and pepper myself with self-loathing and disgust. I look in the mirror with gratefulness and appreciation for what I have and what I don't have. I take extraordinary care in planning, selecting and preparing my food. I'm making me important. I even bought myself some new sweat pants today. I'm recognizing my talents and celebrating them--nurturing them, instead of discounting and under valuing. The added confidence has decreased my sensitivity, so I don't take things personally as often as I once did. I'm proceeding along this road with an excitement and vigor like never before.  When someone compliments me on my appearance, I say thank you instead of launching into a laundry list of reasons to invalidate their suggestion, followed by --"but yeah, thank you for that." Just as importantly, I don't invest too much in what people say about me in a positive way. I don't gravitate toward them like a puppy with wagging tail and wanting eyes, saying give me more, give me more... and hoping if they say it enough I'll eventually believe it too.

And I'm showing an abundant gratitude and thanks everyday for effectively being branded with two life changing experiences at the same time: The positive physical/mental effects of finally giving nearly 100% abstinence from sugar an honest effort and the mental/emotional freedom afforded by a new perspective on identity and self-worth.

I'm also keenly aware that these gifts are not in any way locked into place. Only with my continued diligent practice, my constant awareness of where I am and a confident patience for where I'm headed, will I be allowed to keep the peace I currently enjoy. Only a fool believes he's figured out the combination for eternal peace without continued effort and practice. I've used the word "practice" a lot lately because it's what it is. I'm not perfect, never will be and that isn't the goal. The pursuit of perfection is the quickest detour to disappointment.

I'm doing the best I can, today.

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Today was good in many ways. I had a productive morning show and afternoon production session. I left work, went shopping for myself (hardly ever do that), took care of a friend's dogs, then came home and started preparing an incredible meal. The food was almost done when I started my weekly Tuesday night support conference call, so I let it stay in the warm oven until the call was over. I enjoyed the meal tremendously--wow--Loved it!!

Baked talapia, asparagus, garlic & herb baked red potatoes (200g) w/light sr crm and Cinn/stevia bkd pears. 558 cal. pic.twitter.com/PvCQBOTcsf
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2014

I worked out on the elliptical at the YMCA after dinner, helped my oldest daughter with something--went back out to care for the dogs, then headed home to eat my #lastfoodofday and write this blog post.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 10th, 2014 It's Amazing What A Shift in Perspective Can Do

June 10th, 2014 It's Amazing What A Shift in Perspective Can Do

The search that started and successfully ended last night, thanks to the power of Facebook actually started several months ago. I visit with my mom on a regular basis and when I'm with her I rarely talk about me. I want to know how she's doing, mentally and emotionally.  How she feels is important to me, not at all unlike the concern most of us have for a loved one, or several.  You see, being raised by her, loved, nurtured, protected and seeing her in the most honest light, I've come to believe she is one of the most loving people on this earth.  Proud son talking about his momma? Perhaps. But seriously...

Throughout the history of my entire life, I can count on one hand how many times I've heard her speak in a severely negative way about anyone. The only time I've ever witnessed her show any semblance of anger and rage was when I was challenging her to the extreme as a kid or when she was standing up for me. Her being the mother of a special needs son, I watched her patience spread thin with my little brother, but never breaking, always loving--always caring, always protective. I would do anything for her.

It was sometime last fall while we were having dinner and coffee at our favorite diner when mom asked me a favor. "What is it, mom?" I knew something was on her mind and she was hesitant to ask. I encouraged her and eventually she asked, "Will you find him for me?" (I've replaced his name with the pronoun in an effort to respect his privacy--after brazenly disrespecting it last night). I immediately asked "why?"

"I just want to see him one more time and say a few words," she said. "How would I find him?"  "You have a lot of friends on facebook, maybe they could help." 

I tried a few general searches using the information she gave me and came up empty every time. I was kind of hoping mom would forget this idea, but with every visit, his name would come up. "Mom, you realize he could be dead or happily married with a family. How would he react to this some 50 years later?"  At this point mom would usually drop the subject. But it became more and more clear to me that this was something very important to her. What if something happened to her and I didn't at least give it 100% effort? She's never asked me for much, so why not give it a try?

I posted about this on facebook last night in the best way I knew how. The response was overwhelming. Thank you if you were one who participated. After over 200 shares and numerous comments, it was clear this search had immediately turned into a massive group effort. Less than three hours later I was on the phone with an investigator in California who specializes in finding people, mainly for class reunions. I had all of the details I needed to make contact. He was alive and well. Since that conversation, four others have correctly ID'd the person of interest.

He answered the first number I called today. I spoke to him for one minute and thirty-six seconds. I was apologetic for bothering him, identified myself and my mother. I asked if he remembered the name and he confirmed he did remember. I then proceeded to tell him why I was calling. "The intention isn't to try to rekindle or revisit something from a half century ago. I just wanted to know if you would remotely consider a short visit, even if it's just an hour over lunch?" There was a slight pause and then, "No, no I would not." 

I immediately apologized for bothering him, told him I completely understood and then apologized again for the contact. And that was it.

Afterward I sat alone in my studio pondering this whole situation. And after some counsel from the very wise investigator known as "Sherlock" in California, I realized it was okay. Unleashing a social media storm in an effort to find him was certainly effective but it wasn't necessarily fair to him. Out of respect for him, his family and their privacy, we're going to leave this be once and for all.

I spoke with mom not long after and her first words were filled with gratitude for everyone who helped me fulfill this request of hers. She seemed upbeat and positive, despite the news. And we had a wonderful conversation about how and why this response was normal and okay. And a deeper conversation about the importance of focusing on the future instead of the past. Mom is a young 68. She's in relatively good health, considering--with a few treatable ailments. And God willing, she has a lot of life ahead of her. I love her dearly and I so badly wanted this to turn out differently. But honestly, it may have turned out the best possible way, anyhow. I plan on visiting mom this weekend and once again we'll discuss things important to us both. I feel good in knowing that this is one subject we can let rest...just let it be, let it go and be okay. And we can learn from it in wonderful ways.

--------------------------------------------
I planned and prepared my food today as always and that's good, because that was one less thing to think about today. We had a big party hosted by the broadcasting company I work for and the invite list including every member of the local chamber of commerce. This event is an annual thing. A few years ago, at goal, I donned a tuxedo at this event. Last year, I donned a noticeably larger tuxedo and this year, no tuxedo. I was just casually and wonderfully me.  Not once did I fret over seeing some of these people I hadn't for over a year. I confidently shook hands and smiled and made my way around the room talking to as many as I could. It's amazing what a shift in perspective can do.

If this event would have happened two months ago, I would have come up with some reason to duck out or not show up at all. The interesting revelation is...

What would have kept me from enjoying myself had this event happened two months ago? It really wouldn't have been the fear of what people would think of me after weight gain, it would have been the self-punishment found in projecting how I feel about myself onto others, without their knowledge. Let that marinate for a minute.

How we feel about ourselves is a very powerful thing. For someone as sensitive as me, projecting how I feel about myself onto others, without their knowledge, has been a source of a lot of needless shame, embarrassment and guilt. Newsflash: We're all human! The great news is, it works both ways. I projected a genuine feeling of peace and confidence this evening and I projected it toward everyone around me. Not once did I feel the negative emotions that once upon a time came so easily. I pray this feeling stays with me forever. I will continue doing the inside work needed to maintain this non-physical part of my transformation.

I did leave the party slightly early in order to make my 7pm Tuesday night group conference call. It was once again a great experience. Afterward, I cooked dinner, enjoyed it and then headed for a late workout at the YMCA.

Tomorrow is weigh day! I can't wait to report the number I find. I'm keeping a very level head about whatever the scale says tomorrow. Regardless of the number, I'm not stopping this positive momentum I'm building. If the number is a big loss, I must remind myself to keep my feet on the ground. If it's small or a gain, I'll do the same--with a little help from my friends. Taking back the emotional effects of the scale is important. The numbers don't define who we are. It's for statistical purposes only. And perhaps those statistics can occasionally help inspire small tweaks here and there if needed.

You're welcome to check out my Live-Tweet Twitter feed of all my food and exercise. Also, if you have MyFitnessPal, friend me if you wish, my username is SeanAAnderson.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 8th, 2014 I Must Always Protect My Journey

June 8th, 2014 I Must Always Protect My Journey

I'm making positive headway on all fronts. I dealt with emotional stress today and didn't turn to food for comfort. Simply understanding that food isn't a therapist isn't enough to stop the bee line to the nearest binge food. We know the food isn't going to fix anything. And so it goes, we run to it anyway, knowing it isn't the answer. At this point, we're just looking for an escape. We're looking for a shelter from whatever it is weighing on us. And we eat. And we eat. And the time it takes us to eat, we're free. We're free from the worry. We're free from the stress. We try in vain to replace the pain, with something good. Even if it isn't good, it taste good. There's pleasure in the taste, pleasure in the bio-chemical reactions its substances provide.  And when we come down, or step away from that shelter, we realize everything is still the way it was, only now we have the added guilt and shame the binge brings. We resolve to not get fooled again. We resolve to get a handle. And we do, until our defenses are shattered and we reach for the same futile weapon, again and again. 

When I'm challenged and feeling exceptionally weak, I must always reach out to someone who truly understands and sincerely appreciates the dynamics involved. Spirituality and meditation help further relieve the urgency for flight. Then, after calming down and getting to a better mental state, I must always go back and confront the issue or circumstance, straight up. Every time I make these choices instead of choosing to escape into food, I get stronger. I don't believe in a time where I'll not need to be aware and on guard. I must always protect my journey, like a momma bear protects her cubs. It's too important to not.

I did well today. I'm proud of myself. I feel strong. I finished the day below my calorie budget and I completed a wonderful elliptical workout at the YMCA. I also took time to prepare some wonderful food.  You can check out my Twitter feed if you're interested in seeing pictures and calorie counts of my food today or any previous day for the last month and a half or longer. It's all there.

As I continue to be positively impacted by the epiphanies of May 15th (Their impact refuses to subside), I realize other bloggers I look up to have demonstrated wonderful examples of loving oneself and finding joy and wholeness in the things that make us who we are. One such example is Loretta. Click her name for her fabulous weight loss blog. She also has a separate blog dedicated to her amazing art, you can find it here.  Loretta has a wonderful perspective on many things. I highly recommend both of her blogs!

I enjoyed posting a micro-blog to my Facebook yesterday:

"What we constantly tell ourselves; the focus of our beliefs, becomes our reality. Even if it isn't true, it doesn't matter. If we give it enough energy, it becomes a very real thing. Our perception of reality IS our reality. If you're telling yourself “this is an impossible task and there's no hope for recovery” or “I'm doomed to fail along this road,” you're breathing life into those notions. The more you say it or think it, the stronger the belief becomes until it's as real as anything. A wise person once said, “thoughts become things,” and it's a powerful truth. If you're plagued by an imminent sense of doom, hopelessness and failing, I challenge you to think differently. My friend, I understand, I've been there on more than a few occasions. I may not know you personally or your unique set of circumstances, but I know this: Regardless of where you are, there's hope. You have an incredible power within you waiting to be tapped. It's as real as anything. You can do this. You deserve it. There's incredible hope and promise when you truly believe. Look around you and you'll likely see people who may have once felt hopeless too and now are thriving. They're not anymore special than you, they simply changed their inner dialogue and dominant thoughts/beliefs. Be kind to yourself. You're beautiful, smart and powerful. Believe it."

I hope you have a wonderful start to your week!  

Thank you for reading,

Strength,

Sean

May 19th, 2014 The Secret To Happiness

May 19th, 2014 The Secret To Happiness

The thing I've focused on the most the last several days has proven to be a wonderful exploration.  It is, in short, the secret to happiness. Millions have figured it out already and they live it every day. Millions struggle with understanding it and they spend years, sometimes a lifetime in pursuit of it. The thing about loving and caring for the constants within us, the things that can't ever be taken from us, the elements making us who we are deep down no matter what comes or goes in this life is a key to emotional freedom.

I think about the man in India who lives with his wife and kids in what can best be described as a tent.  He gets up everyday and walks for miles into the city where he pulls a rickshaw, transporting tourist and business people for 8-12 hours a day. Then he walks home and has dinner (usually white rice and anything else they can afford) with the family he loves. He's one of the happiest people you'll ever meet.

I think about the person who was able bodied their entire life before a drunk driver rendered them a quadriplegic. Yet, some of these people who have had so much taken away from them, are transformed into some of the most inspirational, positive and fascinatingly happy people in this world.

I believe that people who find and live their happiness are doing so, because they're connected to the core qualities within them that can never be taken away. Whoever first said "happiness must come from within," this is what they meant.

If we tether our identity, self-worth, definition of success and happiness to anything that naturally fluctuates or can change dramatically, then we're in for a roller coaster ride of emotional unrest.

I've always attached my self-worth to my weight. Well, until now of course. I've often talked about potential and not living up to potential. But here's the thing: Potential is tied directly to the constant qualities within us and if our focus is on the pursuit of happiness in every direction except within, then those qualities aren't allowed to flourish, to grow--to give life to the potential within us all.

This whole thing makes me want to take the best care I can. I've never felt more determined to return to a healthy weight. It's what I need physically. What I need emotionally isn't affected by weight loss. And making that distinction provides a nice inner calm, a peace.

The question to determine these inner qualities needing attention and love is: What are the qualities in me that remain regardless of my weight, regardless of my financial situation, regardless of my relationship status, regardless of my professional success--what about me stays the same when all of these other things can and do change?  My heart, soul, sense of humor, natural compassion for others, likes and dislikes, pride in parenting, artistic talents, selflessness, humility, etc. Have you made your list?  And when these constants are cared for and loved, watered, so to speak--they grow, they flourish--and they give us what we need to experience emotional freedom, the freedom and ability to claim our happiness come what may.

----------------------------
I slept on my shoulder a little too long in the same position again. I started the day with a hurt shoulder and at some point during my radio show, it severely affected my neck. Suddenly I became feverish and nauseated. I took a half day off and took care of me. In all, I've had Aleve, a muscle relaxer, a massage and a coating of an Icy Hot like product that is still working. Working well enough in fact, that I was able to go to the YMCA and absolutely crush my workout on the elliptical.

On the way home from the Y, I stopped to visit with my grandson Noah. We had fun, talked a little to one another (me mostly talking to him--but give him a little while) and he made a point to fill my phone protector with drool...and that's okay! Because his drool is precious. Oh my goodness, I love that little guy.

I prepared a great dinner tonight, completed my MyFitnessPal entries for the day, Tweeted my #lastfoodofday and wrote this blog.  I'm ready to call it a great day.

You're welcome to follow me on Twitter, @SeanAAnderson   And friend me on MyFitnessPal: Username- SeanAAnderson.  My Facebook is www.facebook.com/seananderson505

I'm very grateful for many things.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean


My grandson Noah. Now there's a happy little guy!

April 29th, 2014 Staying Connected

April 29th, 2014 Staying Connected

When I look back at the fundamentals that kept me going strong while losing weight, I must recognize the power of sitting down and writing things out.  And when I look at where things started to get bumpy, it was when I stopped writing consistently.  And even after this short time of daily blog postings, I can tell a major difference in how I feel.  My focus has sharpened, my attitude and resolve is in an optimal place and I'm getting back my confidence.  My challenge to me is to explore other ways in which I can add to this positive effect. Reaching out more to others, being supportive, increasing the time I spend in meditation and prayer---all of these can only strengthen my stride and they're once again assigned a very high priority.

This feeling of renewal and strength doesn't mean it's easy.  It's about being better prepared to handle the challenges as they come. Sometimes a giant ice cream shake seems like the perfect move. Putting some space, just a little, between the thought and the action--long enough to identify the what and why of the situation, is often all that's needed to correct the skid.  If it doesn't quite work--reach out to someone and share the experience and feeling. It's very powerful.  Expose it, shine a light--and discuss it with someone who gets it.  As a food addict, I'll tell you this: I've had times where I've felt driven to the fat and sugar.  Have you felt this too?  When, despite the consequences--despite what you know is true, that a binge isn't going to fix anything and in fact make it all worse, you're driven like a moth to a flame?  That's when it's really scary. The isolation that often accompanies such a leap is a dark, depressing place. And the only way out is to get connected, not only with your spiritual side, but also with people who understand what you're experiencing.  And stay connected.  Because you're not alone. We're never alone.  If we isolate, then we're still not alone, but it sure feels that way. I'm staying connected.

Today's schedule was a little challenging for me because I wasn't feeling rested, yet I had important appointments keeping me from a nap allowing split shift.  Remember HALT?  (Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) Yeah, I was getting too tired, too quickly and finally, a little after 2pm, I had to take a break for a refresher nap.  I was back at 4pm as planned and finished what I needed to finish by 4:40pm.

I prepared a wonderful dinner tonight (menu on MyFitnessPal and the picture is on my Twitter feed) and then I settled in for a good conference call with the weekly support group.

It's 9:15 and I've decided to post today's blog and hit the pillow early.  I've been battling exhaustion like crazy today, so I'll give myself a pass on the walk tonight.  Tomorrow I'll get a look at the results of my sleep monitoring.  It's the next step in figuring out an immediate solution to my sleep issues. The long term solution is on me--it's getting the extra weight off and getting truly fit, and even then it may not be 100%, but there's a great chance it will be if it's coupled with effective therapy.

I'd love you to follow me on Twitter: @SeanAAnderson and Friend me on MyFitnessPal: SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading and for your support,
Strength,
Sean

April 26th and 27th, 2014 Riding My Wild Schedule

April 26th and 27th, 2014 Riding My Wild Schedule

I've never been the best planner or the best routine/schedule keeper. My schedule often takes on the personality of a bull or wild bucking horse with me holding on for dear life. Taking better control over my schedule, or at least taming the beast enough for a smoother ride is something in need of my focus.

This time of year is wild for my professional schedule. With warmer weather comes more remote broadcasts on the weekends and of course we're diving into severe weather season, when our broadcast schedule is affected by the natural whims of Mother Nature. Both of these elements factored into my Saturday ride.

Writing and sharing about how I felt out in public after gaining weight was a great idea because it attracted exactly the kind of support I needed, encouraging me to shift my perspective and hold my head a little higher. The stories I create in my head during these public situations are just that, stories. And they're not accurate, serving absolutely no positive purpose.

I started my Saturday with a good breakfast and a 9am broadcast start at the YMCA. There was one person in particular whom I haven't seen in a long time and who I look up to immensely—and because my first interview choice wasn't immediately available, I interviewed him. He's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. As the director of the local YMCA, he's witnessed my weight loss attempt in 2004 and of course my Transformation Road starting in 2008. I look up to him because physically, he's what I desire for me. I don't know him well enough to say whether or not he battles weight issues—or more specifically, food addiction, but my best guess is he doesn't. But again, I have no business committing that guess to fact. Even still, he's so incredibly compassionate and welcoming—encouraging and positive—not a negative vibe from him at all, and he conveys all of that with a simple smile and warm greeting. I was at ease. I did my best to quiet the voices inside my brain telling me how disappointed he must have been to notice my obvious weight gain. I had to deliberately remind myself that I'm on the right track and I'm okay. I'm fine. No, really—I'm okay, I'm pointed in the right direction and that's a comforting fact. Besides, I haven't any business deciding what other people are thinking about me. And honestly—what many have pointed out, and it's so true: People aren't as focused on us as our brains would have us believe—they're mostly focused on themselves...and that's good.

My next stop was a museum and that was easy. The next three remotes scheduled all revolved around food: A smoked turkey leg fundraiser, The Big Battle of The Burger Cook-Off at Lake Ponca benefiting the Mission and a Dutch Oven Gathering of World Champion dutch oven cooks raising money for the Red Cross. I declined to be the talent for all three, passing them off to a co-worker and opting for the final broadcast of the day at a casino grand prize giveaway.

The time off between broadcasts gave me time to grocery shop, prepare a nice lunch at home and grab a nap before the final broadcast of the day.

The threat of severe weather was looming and looking likely after midnight and when severe weather threatens our broadcast area, I go to the studio to report the information. Instead of heading to the trail for exercise and sitting down to write this post, I headed to bed for a nap in order to be prepared for the overnight storm threat. And we did have some storms. By 1:30am, I was on my way to the studio.

Good thing this isn't a typical day's schedule. It's very important for me to do three things each day: Maintain the integrity of my calorie budget, complete some form of exercise and write in this blog. Those three things are of utmost importance. When I consistently journal in this blog, I become much more consistent with everything else.

My Sunday was interrupted by my Saturday schedule, simply because I didn't get to bed until morning and I slept until almost 1pm. It was mid afternoon before I had my first bite of anything.

A friend suggested a late lunch out at a restaurant. I've often taken great pride in my ability to navigate pretty much any menu of any restaurant and do okay. But right now, as I am today—no. I'm too fragile and I must stick with what's safe. I declined the suggested restaurant.

I planned on spending some time at Irene's house this evening with both of my daughters and my grandson Noah. They were planning a meal that sounded delicious but again—it wasn't what I wanted or needed right now. So I packed my own dinner and took it over! It worked out great!

That's just how important this is to me. I'm planning to win.

It's now late on Sunday evening and I'm ready to hit the pillow knowing that I did well today. And considering the craziness of my schedule this weekend, that's a pretty good victory.

I've decided to leave the food listing to MyFitness Pal. I'll still occasionally get specific—but for a complete peek into my daily food diary, friend me on MyFitnessPal –My user name is SeanAAnderson

I occasionally tweet food pictures on Twitter too—User name @SeanAAnderson

As some good friends have reminded me lately, it's one day at a time and sometimes, one hour at a time.

Thank you for reading,

Strength,

Sean 

April 25th, 2014 Worth Isn't Defined By A Number or Size

April 25th, 2014 Worth Isn't Defined By A Number or Size

Sometimes it's very important to HALT and assess what you're feeling and how it's affecting your resolve. H.A.L.T. is an acronym used in recovery circles.  It stands for don't get too HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY or TIRED.  The challenge, whatever it might be, is amplified whenever any of those things are present. I applied this acronym minutes ago as I drove home after an unusually long day.  I'm hungry and tired.  I'm not too hungry, really, but I am fairly exhausted.  I had an errant thought of maybe I could get something small to eat on the way home. I mean, I am a little hungry but mostly tired.  My calorie budget was depleted by 7pm today. Grabbing something, anything--no matter how small, would be sacrificing the integrity of my calorie budget.  What I'm doing is too important to flippantly violate my calorie budget. Because I'm a tiny bit hungry? Really?? Or is it being slightly hungry coupled with being tired enough to be considered physically and mentally impaired?  Yeah, it's that.  I had to HALT and assess the situation...and after taking a minute I decided I needed to get home, write a quick blog post documenting my Friday and fall in bed.

The lean sirloin steak I prepared yesterday has now officially made it through three meals. I prepared a very nice steak and cheese omelet wrap in a Joseph's Pita this morning.  It was delicious! I had a Fiber One bar mid-morning. Lunch was chicken and cheese crunchy tacos.  I enjoyed an apple and a 50 calorie iced coffee for a snack. For dinner I grabbed a bean burrito with salsa instead of cheese and a crunchy beef taco with salsa instead of cheese.  One thing this menu screams is: I need to do some grocery shopping! And that's certainly on my agenda for Saturday.

I had a remote broadcast this evening and I'll have five more hours of remote broadcasts tomorrow. Doing these public appearances requires some mental preparation on my part and I'm not referring to advertising content or anything to do with broadcasting.  I'm talking about seeing so many people.

The first thing I will do in the morning is remind myself that my worth isn't determined by the number on the scale or the size of my clothes. I was a wonderful human at 505 and at 230 and I'm just as lovely where I am today.  It's important for me to remind myself that this isn't a quest in gaining any kind of acceptance or favor from anyone.  This is a quest to be healthier, to feel better about me, to take extraordinary care---simply because I'm worth it...I deserve to feel great.

When I'm out in public, I'm often plagued with an overwhelming panic over what others are thinking about the weight I've regained.  And it's a mental place that isn't good for me to dwell.  My broadcast day starts tomorrow morning at the YMCA and I know there's a better than average chance I'll see people whom I haven't since weighing in around 230.  I talk and write about letting these self-inflicted poisonous thoughts go and how vitally important it is---and it is, yet I still struggle with guilt and shame.  My profession doesn't allow me to stay hidden in the studio for too long.  Doing what I'll be doing tomorrow has been a part of my job for 26 years and you know what's interesting?  Never before have I felt this way about public appearances, not even at my heaviest.  I was always just me and being me was just fine. And it still is fine. The ONLY thing making it difficult is me and the products of my imagination affected by experience, expectation and an image I've created and enjoyed.

You know what helps alleviate this mental/emotional stuff?  Doing the right things.  Making the good choices. And knowing I'm headed in a wonderful direction once again.

Thank you for reading,
Goodnight,
Strength,
and Good Choices,
Sean    

What's Going On With Me? Part Two

What's Going On With Me? Part Two

There's an interesting psychological dynamic that unfolds when you lose a dramatic amount of weight and then gain some of it back, or a lot of it back.  I'm convinced this dynamic is exactly what makes successfully losing again seem more difficult. Suddenly, it becomes much more than controlling our calorie budgets, exercising and paying attention to our emotional state and the accompanying triggers. Now, we must do a little more "mental work" as we do our best to get past the guilt, shame and embarrassment associated with weight gain and put our focus squarely where it's most benefiting. This dynamic is powerful no matter if you blogged about your weight loss and wrote a book or not.

I was in line at the grocery store the other day, fighting the urge to grab a dose of sugar, when a man came up behind me in line and said, "Sean Anderson, I read your book. You've gained some back."  Two things happened in that moment: 1. I immediately lost any desire to grab a Snickers bar and 2. I felt a rush of guilt, shame and embarrassment.  Now, most people operate with a better set of filters. This scenario has played out more than a few times, but usually the other person doesn't vocalize the obvious.  Even when the obvious isn't stated, I'm real good at deciding exactly what they're thinking. The silent-mental conclusion is always much more harsh and unforgiving and likely inaccurate.

How will I ultimately overcome this added obstacle? Perspective. Shifting my perspective is paramount to my success today.

Inventory time!  This is where I make a list of good and not as good, qualities...and you know what?  I'll spare you the self-indulgent list and cut to the chase: Turns out I'm a pretty decent guy. Yay for that!

I'm human. I'm real. I don't know everything. I'm always open to learning.  And the things I'm learning now are things crucial to my long term success.  I'm not saying weight gain after a dramatic loss was a good thing, but if I shift my perspective around I can clearly see where I can learn from and benefit from this experience.

As this blog moves forward, I'm going to get into more of a "diary" type mode, much like in the beginning. Less "here's what I think" and more "Here's what I did and am doing." I'm excited at the idea of getting back to the roots of this blog.  Back to a diary in the purest sense. You see, I tend to suffer from paralysis by analysis. I try to understand things from every angle, take it apart, dissect the elements, reach conclusions, maybe write about my personal philosophical conclusions and then when I struggle, it's back to the drawing board.  We can study ourselves and learn, learn, learn--the applying part is the critical step that's often times hindered by the exhaustive analysis.

Much like advice I've given a hundred times to others: It's time to stop trying to figuring everything out and just do. Just be. And be okay. And move forward.  After all, much of what I learned while losing 275 pounds, I learned along the way.  Had I stopped back then to "study" it all, I would have never experienced the initial success.

Taking better care of me is critical.  The sleep issue is my main focus and concern. My appointment Thursday with the sleep specialist resulted in a prescription for Nuvigil (thank you for the suggestion, Joe!) And some suggested "positional therapy." The bottom line was: Get fit and this will dramatically improve or become a non-issue.  I told him how even at 230 I was having serious sleep issues.  He then asked, "How fit were you at 230?"  Mmmmm... And I asked, "Are you suggesting I need muscle, work out with weights?" And he told me it could make a major difference.  Body composition is important to this issue. It certainly makes sense.  And once again I'm reminded of the awesome responsibility I have in taking better care.  It's all up to me. I've understood this for awhile, cementing in my mind during the initial weight loss. It's interesting how another issue comes along and it becomes convenient to overlook this part. It is up to me.  I can dramatically improve my life.  Basically, I can choose change before change chooses me.  Yes, it all comes back to this very real truth.

I hope you have a wonderful Easter weekend!

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

Redefining Our Line

Redefining Our Line

Do we feel “right at home?” To be where we are and remain here, is to live around the line of least resistance, or so we might believe. But is our place at this line really easy? 

It's familiar, yes. On many levels, even comforting, because it's what we know. But is it easy when you consider all we sacrifice in its maintenance? 

Our identity, our social interactions and our inter-personal relationships all lean heavily against us wandering too far from the line we've called home. And when we decide to change, moving away from this place can be scary. 

We gradually realize the potential effects of this liberation from what is known, transforms much more than what's on the surface; our bodies and wardrobes. 

Is it easy at this line or have we simply become accustomed to adapting as needed to accommodate and preserve our place? 

When we regain, is it in part a subconscious retreat to familiar surroundings? 

In my opinion, the heart of the matter lies in what we choose to find and maintain a semblance of comfort and peace. And what we choose often lies to us in its promise. Excess food, or excess anything, might keep us “safe,” but it doesn't make anything easy and it doesn't fix anything. 

To choose change is brave, requiring large amounts of faith and commitment. Change isn't hard simply because it's different, it's just not familiar. The only way it becomes familiar is through practice. 

We redefine our line. 

And along the way we find ourselves transforming in ways we didn't expect. The line of least resistance isn't easy to maintain. It is familiar and that provides an illusion of ease. 

Perhaps it isn't the line of least resistance—maybe it's the line of familiarity. 

And if we can embrace the changes we desire long enough to become familiar and understanding, then perhaps we can change the base line we call home.

Peace and strength,

Sean

The Thing About Focus

The Thing About Focus

I'm ready to amp this amp as I head into March.  I've been rocking my Calorie Bank and Trust to the tune of 1700 or a little less each day. I haven't fully committed to an exercise schedule and it's okay, but that's about to change! My goals for the upcoming week include being better prepared for lunches at work, exercising of some kind each day, increased writing and more water! I can do this. These are things in need of my focus. And when I apply myself toward this positive focus, incredible results follow.

A very important element for me and any of us, is to be very careful of the thoughts and things we lend our focus.  I'm a huge believer in the law of attraction. Basically, what we focus on the most is what we get more of along the way. I have numerous things in my life where I can dissect the dynamics and follow it back to where my focus was strongest. Most times, a negative focus is grounded in fear.

Fear of regaining can be paralyzing. And when you're in the middle of regaining it feels like the focus is hijacked into a very negative and dark place where nothing is working anymore.  I had "505" tattooed on my arm as a reminder of where I've been and a nod to never go back.  BUT... if I could go back in time, I would change the number to 230. And I may still have "-275=230" added.  Why? Because as I was losing and after hitting goal, I spent a whole lot of focus on the number 505. I named my start up "505 Industries," the tattoo of course and several other thoughts and practices were centered around that number. It got to the point to where I started seeing 505 everywhere. My purchase at the store would come up $5.05, I would notice the clock at 5:05 all the time and when the security code on one of my cards showed up 505, I smiled and thought, "How perfect?"

But how could I break away from this five hundred pound identity if I'm choosing to constantly focus on the number 505?  I can tell you with absolute certainty, had it not been for the support of people like you--I'd be back to 505 or beyond.  Changing our focus isn't easy. And changing our deep seeded identity is where it gets extremely challenging.

In my opinion, in order for us to eventually, slowly but surely, accept a new identity--we must focus on where we are and where we're headed, not where we've been. You've heard people say "never look back" and I agree. Then someone pops up with, "Don't ever forget where you came from!" And then what?  Well, we don't have to forget where we came from and we likely couldn't if we tried, but we can keep that identity from being our main focus.

This focus on where we're headed puts the law of attraction to the test. Long before I watched "The Secret" documentary on Netflix, I experienced this powerful dynamic. As I started losing weight back in 2008, I employed the law of attraction without realizing what I was doing. Everyday I would look in the mirror and smile at myself. I was complimenting myself for doing a great job and then I would intensely focus on where I was headed. I would envision how my appearance would change.  And no, simply doing this isn't the only thing needed---but what happened was, it affected every choice I made. I was locked into my transformation. I was focused on the positive changes coming my way in regards to physical and mental health and of course, appearance. I was imagining the possibilities and with each passing day, week and month--those possibilities were happening.

An entire book could be written about this topic of focusing and then another book could be written on the effects of the transformation as it applies to our identity and how it affects our relationships with others and more importantly, how it affects our relationship with self. I imagine if I search a little, I could find some good books already written on these topics!

I'll tell you right now, the big guy in some of the photos below--I never properly dealt with losing him. The truth is, I never lost him--it's me, but the identity and all of the personality and heart invested in that existence was transformed right along with my body and wardrobe.  It felt like "old Sean" died. It wasn't until the last year or so that I fully understood why my ex-sister in-law cried the first time she saw me after hitting goal. She was mourning the loss of  "old Sean." I did recognize this then, but I didn't fully get it until about a year ago.  So the work continues.

For me to understand that the positive effects of being at a healthy body weight far outweigh the attachment to my old identity, takes a committed and consistent focus.

I want to live as long as God plans for me to live. I want to be healthy and experience life to the fullest. And doing this means letting go and allowing myself to transform without focusing on negative emotions tied to my previous normal.  There were many positive and wonderful qualities in that guy, but the lifestyle was one that isn't conducive to longevity.  Instead of focusing on a perceived "loss," I must continue to focus on a hybrid version of me--one that combines the positive qualities of the past with the lifestyle and focus of today, giving me the best shot at a longer and healthier life.

Where is the focus? That's a question I must keep on the top of my mind. As long as I remain attentive and aware of this focus, I can continue making positive strides toward my goals.

Join me on facebook at www.facebook.com/seananderson505 (notice the 505) and on twitter @SeanAAnderson and My Fitness Pal: SeanAAnderson.

Tuesday evening starts the 6 week group teleconference coaching sessions with my good friend Life Coach Gerri Helms. Gerri has maintained her 100 pound weight loss for 21 years and has helped countless people identify and reach their goals in weight loss and other areas of life.  The 6 week session is $60 dollars and includes the weekly call, additional text support when needed, a private Facebook group for conference members only and an incredible chemistry for support from the group. For an average of only $10 per week, it's a bargain! If you're interested in signing up, it's not too late! We keep the group small, so space is limited. Send an email to me right away to sean@transformationroad.com and I'll reply with a link for you to click and register.

I've included several pictures below. I am focusing on where I'm headed, not where I've been. I am focused on a future where I speak and write for a living and one where I experience the positive effects of living at a healthier weight everyday.

Attitude. Perspective. Focus. It's powerful, my friend.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean










big face






Stand-up comedy head shot and stage profile shot










This idea of focus, attention and the law of attraction, has me questioning if I should ditch the before picture and old size 64's for future speaking engagements.