Friday, August 15, 2014

August 15th, 2014 I Believe It Now

August 15th, 2014 I Believe It Now

It has been a very long Friday! I had a full day at work and then a meeting this evening with organizers of a big music festival coming up Labor Day weekend. The meeting included a buffet of fried chicken wings, beef ribs and a big selection of fruits, veggies and cheese. I was planning to eat something home cooked afterward, so I opted for some fruit and cheese to hold me over. It worked perfectly.

It was neat to meet and mingle with studio staff of other competing radio stations. I felt a nice confidence within me while I was in the room and why not? I do mornings at the number one station! I'm not bragging, I'm noting something that stuck out to me. You see, I'm someone who, for the most part, has lacked confidence my entire life, except in my broadcasting skills. It's the one area where even at my heaviest I carried an air of confidence. Perhaps it's because I've been doing it since I was 16 years old. Maybe it's also because when I'm behind the microphone, my truest personality comes through, because you can't see me. 

I'm just a voice coming out of your speakers. In your radio speaker, appearance is completely taken out of the equation, the second I turn on the microphone the one element I've allowed to make me feel less than my entire life (until very recently) no longer exists. Tonight, there wasn't a microphone to hide behind and it didn't matter. I felt amazing. It was another example of the power of what I refer to as my self-worth/identity epiphany day, May 15th, 2014. I'm just now feeling the same confidence in person as I've enjoyed inside people's radios all these years. This mental dynamic is fascinating to me. The freedom it offers to just be myself feels beyond description.

It was very interesting in the room tonight. Different stations were set up at their own tables and nobody was mingling. I was the only one making my way around, introducing myself and shaking hands with people from different stations, asking names and chatting about the upcoming festival and the artists on the lineup. We weren't there competing for listeners tonight, we were all there for the common goal of making this giant two day festival a big success. I'm looking forward to standing on that big stage and greeting the thousands expected, then introducing several of the big name acts. I'm not sure I would have been looking forward to this not too long ago. Now I'm like, bring it on! It feels good. My demeanor in public has changed. It's like getting the confidence I once thought was only possible at an optimal weight, early. Because honestly--it doesn't matter what I weigh, and that's what's so special about this feeling. It is a feeling that truly is NOT dependent on what the scale says. I'm me, and me is good enough, always. It always was, actually--I just didn't believe it before. I believe it now.

A major part of the epiphanies of May 15th is the importance of nurturing the core of who we are--the likes, the talents, the things we enjoy, the things that bring us the most joy in life. Stand-up comedy was absolutely one of those things for me. So I made a phone call yesterday to a classy little place not far from our downtown studios. We're meeting early next week to discuss a stand-up comedy night, hosted by me! I've given much thought to this for the last several weeks. In the spring I plan on doing a bigger show with a few old comedy friends of mine as a charity benefit for local domestic violence programs. I already have a verbal commitment from the 800 seat theatre where our studios are located and I already have a name: Stand-Up Against Domestic Violence. Perfect! In the meantime I need a place to workout all of the new material I've been writing--that's why a comedy night at the classy joint down the street is very important!

The material has been coming so easily lately. When it does, I make notes in my phone so I don't forget. Last Sunday while driving to Stillwater and back with Noah and Amber, I had to ask Amber to make notes for me while I drove. The ideas sprout from our conversations. I haven't been this inspired, ever. And I am because I'm nurturing the core of who I am. I'm happy and it shows.

I do not have aspirations for a revival of my comedy career. I'll not be driving hours and hours to venues all across the U.S. chasing the stand-up dream and I certainly will not be moving to L.A. again like I did years ago. I simply need an outlet for something that is an important part of me. Not to make money, not to achieve fame--it's simply to express myself in a form I've suppressed and largely ignored for far too long.

I enjoyed a very colorful variety of foods today!










Thank you for reading and your continued support. It's been a very busy week and I've fallen way behind in reading and supporting my favorite blogs. I plan on catching up with everyone this weekend. If you have a question or comment, leave it below and I'll be sure to reply to each and every one. If you have a blog that isn't listed on my blogroll along the left hand side of the page--then by all means, comment with the URL and I'll be sure to check it out!

Strength,
Sean

12 comments:

  1. A few weeks ago I was driving and had to get my husband to take some notes for me about my novel! Long drives can get the brain juices flowing.

    I'm so glad you are feeling the same confidence in person that you do over the radio. Be fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Natalie--isn't it interesting what a drive can do to the creative portion of our brain? Some of my best stand-up material was written while driving. I have a theory: The speed we're traveling, the scenery whizzing by, the control we have over this giant piece of machinery--all of it stimulates our brain, keeps it on its toes, so to speak--and perhaps in this hyper active state--taking in and processing so many signals, perhaps it all works in a more enhanced way, simply because it's getting so much activity. I don't know--just a theory. :) Thank you Natalie! You be fabulous too!

      Delete
  2. This is truly inspiring. It gives me true hope. Thank you for that!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're very welcome, A. I'm glad it resonated with you.

      Delete
  3. I love that you are feeling more confident, and that confidence is spilling you out in to areas you love, / have loved...like the comedy. So funny, yesterday I found a place nearby that does canvas painting. You go for 2 hours, pay $45, and they teach everyone in the class to paint a specific type of canvas painting in that 2 hours. Everyone walks out with their own that they've done! I've been wanting to try painting; I had 2 aunts who were professional artists, so I know there is some of that in my genes but I still draw glorified stick figures at 62.9. LOL So, I've made it known to my hubby that I want a gift certificate or money for one or more classes! I'm going to give it a try. I might paint like crap, but it could be the beginning of a whole new hobby for me. I've always loved (the art of) photography, so now I'm gonna try actual artistic painting. We'll see!

    and man, you eat a lot of fruit! I don't eat that much in an entire week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gwen--I'm SO HAPPY that you're going to do the canvas painting! What joy--and like you said, it's in your genes! Don't deny it, celebrate it!!
      I firmly believe finding these things within us, dusting them off and allowing the joy they bring to enrich us, is one of the major keys to success along this road--and on a bigger scale, one of the critical components to finding true happiness.
      I do eat a bunch of fruit--I love it very much!

      Delete
  4. What a fruit-filled day Sean. I'm loving the summer fruit right now. Had strawberries for my breakfast instead of a high-caloried bowl of fruit. Saving some calories for a birthday dinner with my newly 5-year old granddaughter. I've also been eating lots of BING cherries (I like to say BING, like Chandler BING used to say on Friends), watermelon, grapes (the black ones are so good right now), and of course apples and oranges. I've ordered 20 pounds of Colorado peaches that should be here soon. I'm going to have to eat a lot of peaches for a while, I will also be giving some away so they get used up before they spoil. The kabob looks delicious as well--LOVE kabobs!!! I went out for lunch yesterday to a bar/grill. In the past several months I've been ordered a chiciken fried steak breakfast when we go there, because it's cheap. But it's not especially healthy, comes with scrambled eggs and country potatoes. So yesterday, now that I'm back on the healthy-eating bandwagon (and losing weight!), I had a chicken breast (served on a bun, I ate 1/4 of the bun), shredded lettuce, and an assorted fruit cup. Later I realized the sandwich was supposed to include3 a slice of tomato and onion. I love tomatoes, and would definitely have eaten it. I did have a little bit of barbecue sauce to flavor up my chicken. I felt really good about my eating yesterday and the scale showed it this morning--down another 1.6 pounds, on my way to goal AGAIN!!!

    Good luck on the big music festival over Labor Day weekend, as well as the comedy show. I would love to see you do your act Sean! I bet you KILL!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Dupster--reading this from you is a pure pleasure. I'm so happy for you. I'm right here with you, turning this thing around--and learning all the way. You gotta feel what I feel--it's amazing isn't it??
      Thank you for the well wishes of luck! I'm sure--someday you'll see me perform stand-up somewhere. ;)
      I will KILL, for sure! ;)

      Delete
  5. I am SO happy you reached this point of finding that your true worth is much higher than what you thought. An 11 or 12 on a 1-10 scale! You are beautiful and good just the way you are with all your likes, talents, humor, passions, working on life problems & appearance. It took me 64 years to get to that point. Some people never reach it so we are the fortunate ones. I had to laugh out loud at Gwen's comment about your amt. of daily fruit intake. Back in the 60's when Weight Watchers started they recommended 3 fruits 4 vegetables a day. Those numbers have been increased by all the Drs and Nutritionists today.

    Wish I could attend your comedy show. We'll see - one never knows what the future can bring our way.

    I am so happy you are writing this daily blog and it means more to me than you can imagine. LOVE those food pics with cal. count and MUST repeat I wish your'd put all of those in book form. Isn't there anyone out there that has a connection to a large printing company?

    I consider you my mentor, Guru and all around friend Sean!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, not all doctors and nutritionists, Nancy. I follow a No Grains/No Sugars with 5% wiggle room, kind of mostly primal, and fruit is a luxury sweet. :)

      Delete
    2. This time around has been an experience like before times 10. Thank you Nancy! The book idea--all in time. It's a great idea.
      Awe, Nancy--thank you for those kind words.

      Gwen-- Totally get that. Finding what works for us individually, is key. Different strokes for different folks kind of thing. I eat much more fruit than I do veggies. I think I overcompensate with the fruit. It always feels good to eat it, though--beyond the sweet, it just feels good. You know? It's working well for me. I know I've said this before--but congrats on your 1 year maintenance anniversary! Your diligence and commitment to your life plan is firming your foundation for many more years! Always the best to you, Gwen!

      Delete
    3. Nancy--you're not too far away, are you? Pardon me, I forgot from where you reside. if it isn't too far, maybe you could make the benefit show in the spring!

      Delete

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!






Copyright © 2008-2017 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.