I had a moment today. It was nearing the end of my work day and a colleague who obviously is under a great deal more stress than I am, exploded in my direction. Perhaps a conversation about the elements of this dissent would have been more appropriate. I'm a much calmer person. I don't ever lose my cool and calm. If I'm angry about something, I'll address it, or not, but responding in a loud and disrespectful way isn't in my make up.
Perhaps it's my lifelong quest in avoiding confrontation that has given me this peaceful approach. I've avoided confrontation my entire life, sometimes to the detriment of my own personal well being, opting instead to just accept whatever was being heaved my way while adapting as best I could in any particular situation.
The colleague with the outburst today was justified in her frustration, but not justified in her expressively negative reaction and style of communication. The far reaching effects of my "epiphany day" on May 15th do not allow me to take such violations of my personal space without firmly standing up and calmly expressing myself in regards to what's appropriate and what isn't acceptable any longer. Since this blog is also read by many people local to me who are familiar with my colleagues, I'll stop sharing any more of this "moment." Rest assured, it's a new day. And the Sean of today isn't the Sean of yesterday. I will not tolerate what was once a given, ever again.
I rediscovered my stress trigger today. Yes indeed, the stress of today's heated "moment" sent me racing up the stairs of my apartment building and toward my fridge with camera in hand ready to photograph and tweet a hastily consumed snack. I wasn't hungry at all--it was purely a reaction to the stressful circumstance at work. I opened the fridge and the first thing I laid eyes on was the jar of peanut butter. "Come here, you!" I actually contemplated taking a picture of a peanut butter covered finger before I came to my senses and stepped away from the fridge.
I had to take pause and assess how I was feeling in the moment and why I was feeling compelled. It was proof positive that even though I'm thankfully void of the binges triggered by the bio-chemical reactions of sugar consumption, I'm still very much human and capable of being triggered by straight up stress, especially when the stress comes from a confrontational moment. Normal everyday stress doesn't seem to have the same effect. I suppose when the stress comes from something you've lived your entire life trying to avoid, it's bound to have a much greater effect. Once I was able to gather my thoughts and truly recognize my genuine needs, I realized what I needed was sleep. So I did just that. I slept well, too long for a nap. It's left me wide awake too late once again. But today, I'm okay with it all. My body said "sleep," and I obeyed. Yay, me!
My plan was to have dinner followed by a workout at the YMCA. Instead, I enjoyed a fabulous dinner and opted to make this my rest day from exercise. I relaxed and enjoyed some me time, including some peaceful mental planning of some exciting upcoming projects. I enjoyed a much needed, refreshing conversation via phone with my sweetheart, Heather. We laughed so much and admitted we could talk all night, very easily. She's actually coming over tomorrow evening for a special dinner and first meeting with both my daughters and grandson Noah. I haven't decided on the menu just yet, but I'm confident it'll be wonderful, whatever it is. I was thinking about grilling, but I'm starting to lean toward a taco bar type meal. (Me choosing Mexican food--I'm so predictable!) I'll figure it out, no worries!
The conversation with Heather, another wonderful conversation with Courtney and a nice call to mom, turned out to be the perfect peaceful punctuation to an otherwise stressful day. I finished strong today. I experienced a stress trigger and lived to tell the tale. I stood up for myself and the world didn't come to an end...which is very interesting, because there was a time in my life when I was convinced otherwise.
My Tweets today:
Lennon & McCartney inspired. I want to find more. Surely there's an "All You Need Is Love," one. 30CX2=60cal. pic.twitter.com/Q8yFxJ73Yu
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 4, 2014
Plain two cheese omelet (2 whole/2whites) with mozzarella and swiss. Anjou pear, Fuji apple. 493 cal. pic.twitter.com/FWprv5RDh5
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 4, 2014
Fajita tacos w/steak (1.5 oz), chicken (1.5oz) and shrimp, topped with fresh avocado (115g), light sr crm. 537 cal. pic.twitter.com/Z3gCGvMTKL
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 4, 2014
Tilapia loins with baked sweet potato medallions and baked @PyureSweet Organic Stevia & cinnamon apples. 572 cal. YUM pic.twitter.com/jFFvJrrVSH
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 5, 2014
Enjoying the sweetest most perfectly ripe cantaloupe (238g) while I write tonight's blog post. #lastfoodofday 81 cal. pic.twitter.com/bmFyi6Rn4V
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 5, 2014
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
I am extremely non-confrontational and I agree that isn't necessarily a good thing. Instead of standing up for myself, I eat my emotions. And give surreptitious dirty looks. Great work today - standing up for yourself and not comforting yourself with food afterwards!
ReplyDeleteI was a complete doormat until menopause hit. Then, I did a 180. LOL I try to still avoid confrontation, but refuse to be a doormat anymore. It's a balancing act, for sure.
ReplyDeleteGood job on not knee-jerk reacting with food while uber stressed, Sean!
Oh my. The story of my life. I hate confrontation, too. Are you familiar with the Enneagram? You may not be into personality profiling but I have to say that for me learning that I was a Type Nine was a real eye opener and game changer. Type Nines will go to great length to keep peace and harmony, often at the detriment of their own sense of self. Standing up for myself and my own position has been quite the learning curve and is, of course, an ongoing process. I love that you resisted the temptation to eat away that stressful moment. Next time I stand in front of the fridge like that I will remember this!
ReplyDeleteI also am terrible at handling confrontation . You did a great job handling your stress.
ReplyDeleteSean,
ReplyDeleteI so can identify with this. I HATE confrontation too, but as I have lost weight I do feel less willing to be a doormat, and find that I was eating my anger for many years and that situations I tried to ignore now make me angry.. I still have not mastered confrontation, but my way of dealing with anger now is writing in my journal or exercising. Sounds like you handled your stress well, though, so kudos to you!
Dede
I think it's helpful to a lot of us to see that you still have days where you have to fight against the stress triggers. It reminds me that there's no point waiting for that perfect stress-free time to start losing weight because that time will never come. The best thing to do is learn to deal with my triggers now, so that I can resist them as wonderfully as you did. Thank you for sharing that.
ReplyDeleteI can relate so much to what you wrote. Glad you dealt with it wonderfully though I'm sure it was not super easy, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI am not a fan of confrontations. I left my company for a couple of years due to an office bully and once I returned suffered for another few years. That time has changed me as a person and not for the good. I am very reserved now and ever so careful before talking. While it has been a slow recovery, I know I will never again put up with that behavior from anyone. You handled the situation well Sean and stopped yourself from turning to food. That is progress, commitment and strength. Way to go!
ReplyDeleteYou did great. You are still learning about yourself.
ReplyDeletePat
Boy, does this post ever resonate with me. I am so NOT a confrontational person either. To a default though as I hold those feelings inside and sometimes cant let go. There has to be a happy medium though as I know it affects me physically and of course eating wise too. Good on you Sean for going as far as you did but were able to turn around and find a different release that worked for you. You continue to be a inspiration with each blog post. I've recommended your blog today to a dear friend who is also working on the weight issues.
ReplyDeleteLeah