Thursday, February 1, 2018

February 1st, 2018 Well Is Good

February 1st, 2018 Well Is Good

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with exceptional support.

That "today:" thing each night is literally the most important thing I put on this blog. Those things listed don't really cover it all in detail--"exceptional" support means several things to me, direct communication, of course, but it also includes the private personal mental/spiritual time I make important each day. The accountability measures and support I embrace help keep those elements of my daily maintenance plan stable. And if it's stable, I'm okay-- it keeps me well. And well is good!

I was able to work on some personal projects tonight. I'm excited about some upcoming things around here! I also visited with mom for a little while. She's doing very well--much better and seems to be in excellent spirits. She got her hair done today--that might explain some of her elevated spirits tonight!

Continuing a look back into the archives--tonight's time travel takes us back four years. Keep in mind--this was written near the end of the relapse/regain period and right before the "turnaround."
 
February 2014:
I'd be grossly misrepresenting if I pretended this week has been a cakewalk. Poor choice of words. It has been very difficult to maintain balance. I've stayed within my calorie budget. On the surface that's a wonderful thing indeed.  Below the surface, I've fought very hard to keep the calorie budget intact. Call it steel curtain zone or whatever you want, it's been a battle. But why?

 Stress triggers reactions and for someone like me, those reactions are hard-wired and often circumvent the rational part of the brain. This dynamic is the addiction, pure and simple. I've watched some incredible documentaries on the subject, the best being "Pleasures Unwoven." 

 The only way I've been able to survive is through prayer, meditation and reaching out to friends in moments of weakness. I've been staying "visible," instead of isolating. It's amazing how something as quick and simple as sending a tweet, sending a text or responding to an email or facebook message, empowers me, brings me back around and gives me strength. And hope. Because there's plenty of hope. And that's an important thing to hold tight, especially in the face of stress.

 So what to do? I mean really, stress is a part of life, right? Yes, it is. The question is, can I face the stress and handle it in ways that work to alleviate the stress? In other words, deal with issues head on? Yes. Yes I can.

 My recovery is very important to me. It's much more important to me than it was during the initial weight loss. Why?  Because I understand it better now.  I understand me on a level much deeper than before. And this understanding is met with a greater respect.

 Suddenly, my goal isn't a number, or a particular size of jeans, or anything external. Sure, some of these will be visible milestones.  And I'll be sharing those along the way.  But I'll always, forever-more keep my eye on a higher definition of success.  My truest and most important goal is raising my level of self-care and self-love to where it needs to be for optimal living.  Having compassion for myself is the biggest component in this quest. No longer is self-loathing and internally abusive thoughts okay. I'm worthy of more than I've given myself.  Let me say that again:

 I'm Worthy Of More Than I've Given Myself. 
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Thank you for reading along. You're worth more, too. Do you believe that?

Today's Accountability Tweets:


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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