The Value In Failing and The Transformation of The Beast
I never really understood how important my past failed attempts would become. I don't even know if I should call them failed attempts, because they've contributed so much to my success along the way. Those failed attempts are vital to my success. I could never appreciate that value before because I was too busy making excuses or rationalizations to make myself feel better about them. 270 days ago I stopped placing blame for my food addiction on anything or anyone else. When I decided to become 100% responsible for my journey, letting go of every excuse or rationalization, and became completely honest with myself about my horrible food behaviors, that's when “it”clicked. When I stopped being able to blame everything else for my struggles, I suddenly had a clearer vision of what I needed to do and how I would do it. The weight had been lifted, my eyes had been opened, and I was on my way. There's no future in the past, but there are lessons to be learned from experiences we would rather forget. We have arrived at where we are because of the road we've traveled. Salvage the useful information and discard the rest. Then get ready to excel!
I've always had issues with my appearance. I secretly cried big man baby tears after watching Disney's Beauty and The Beast. I've always felt like the Beast. Irene's unconditional love for me regardless of my appearance is why I connected with that animated movie. Irene is my beauty and I'm her beast. It's been a lifetime of feeling ugly, hideous, unsightly, grotesque, and just like a big old freak. I'm not any of those things, never have been, but that's how I've felt. To slowly transform into something I half-way like seeing in the mirror is an amazing feeling. To no longer feel like the beast is one of my many motivating thoughts. I'm no longer trapped inside that 500 pound body, I'm making a transformation that will breakthrough with me mentally. Soon it will not be “half-way,” I'll love what I see in the mirror completely. This change is magical and well worth the effort and consistency I demand of myself everyday.
I grilled some bone-in chicken breast on the grill tonight and they came out amazing! Accompanied with some green beans and a serving of cheddar sour cream mashed potatoes, the entire meal came in at under 350 calories! Under 350! What's the difference between this meal and a similar meal we devoured in the distant past? Well, before I would have either fried or oven fried those breast. I would have prepared probably four times the amount of potatoes, then I would have made a cream gravy to pour on the potatoes, plus I would have poured some more gravy over a couple of pieces of bread, because I love gravy! After dinner I would have had a giant bowl of ice cream or a couple, maybe three bowls of cereal. It's really amazing how different our dinner table has become. The portions are smaller, many of the bad choices are absent, but still...everybody is satisfied completely.
The YMCA workout tonight was incredible. I jogged on the treadmill. That's not a misprint. I actually jogged. It was a nice slow jog, nothing too fancy or overly demanding. I enjoyed it immensely. After my time on the treadmill, Courtney and I made our way into the basketball court for some more one on one. I'm really surprised at what a great workout basketball can be. Our arms are really sore from the passing drills we completed. Pass a basketball back and forth as fast as you can and soon your arms start letting you know about it! We worked up a great sweat. It was Courtney's second trip to the YMCA today. She worked out earlier at the Y with Amber. As we were leaving the basketball gymnasium, we ran into Mark, you know, “that guy,” I've written about before. I actually was on the treadmill right beside his wife upstairs, but I didn't realize he was downstairs lifting weights. Mark has been a fantastic friend to me. He's designed a weight training program for me and even gave me a book detailing everything I need to know about the subject. He's been very patient with me as I've yet to fully commit to a consistent routine in the weight room. It is truly one of the most important things I must do and Mark and his wife made me feel great tonight complimenting my weight loss success and suggesting we do some weight training together. You know I'll be taking him up on that for sure! He also shared with me that a co-worker of his is a regular reader of this blog and has lost 9 pounds so far along his journey. He didn't give me the name, but you know who you are, and congratulations! You can do this, keep up the great work and get ready to experience the wonderful rewards! Amber is traveling tonight with her boyfriend to his parents house in Thomas, fifteen minutes from her college campus. They're staying the weekend there and Amber is looking forward to the pool at the Weatherford YMCA. I'm so jealous! Ponca City will soon have a YMCA pool again, in fact it will be the most amazing fitness facility this town has ever experienced. They're building it now. Don't quote me on this, but I think it's on track for a fall 2010 opening. I can't wait to use that place! By the time it opens I'll have been at my goal weight for some time, but I plan on developing my body even further in that new place. Can't wait!
I was asked today how many pounds Courtney, Amber, and Irene has lost and how much all together we've lost. It's been a little while since we ran the numbers. Courtney has lost right at 60 pounds, Amber has lost 52, Irene has lost 116, and my 176. Total: 404 lbs! By the time we all reach our goal weight that number will be almost 700 pounds. That's astounding. Irene has lost her weight over the course of the last couple of years, Amber has lost since the beginning of school last year, and Courtney started when I did last September. The whole experience has been wonderful! We're all seeing and feeling the difference, an amazing difference that just keeps getting better. The love and support I receive from my girls is an amazing gift I cherish. They clearly appreciate my love and support too along this road.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me. I read several weight loss blogs everyday and I have to say, we're all building quiet an amazing weight loss blog circle. I'm honored to be in such good company. Goodnight and...