Sunday, March 7, 2010

Day 538 Crazy Irony and Was It Something I Said?

Day 538

Crazy Irony and Was It Something I Said?

I spent so much time writing today that I completely let the YMCA close without my weight training. How crazy ironic is that? I spend so much time writing this blog, a blog about consistency in portion control and exercise---and the mental aspects of keeping it all together, and then I let that keep me from being consistent and true to myself. Hmmmm. Time management is one of the hardest things along this road, for me at least.

I fell asleep in my “big man's” recliner last night. I really get upset with myself when I do this. I should have never jumped into that big thing. Straight to bed should have been my move...I was so exhausted, I was. It was a long Friday. By sleeping sitting up, I made my neck hurt and I wrecked my Saturday routine by finally going to bed just after 7am. I slept in a horizontal position until nearly noon. OK---I need to get past this, learn from it, and make a note: When I'm super tired, stay away from the recliner!

It is a “Big Man's” recliner from Lazy Boy...but the funny thing is this: It was always Irene's chair before. That's where she lounged in the living room of our old house. Why didn't I lay claim to the thing? Because at my heaviest, I was too big! Seriously...Too big for a “Big Man's” recliner!!! Isn't that something. Had I regularly tried to sit in that chair, it would be trashed---because I guarantee I would have busted the thing. Now it's my favorite chair, because I look little in the thing, swallowed by it's over-sized design. That's very cool.

Yesterday's blog posting was long and detailed, and the hope is—that you understood from where I was coming. If you didn't, that's too bad. I must stop worrying about making everyone happy all the time. After posting yesterday's epic post---I lost two followers. They were done. And it may not have been because of that post---maybe they just closed their blog or something. Of course I naturally think it's because of something I said. Maybe my honest evaluation scared them a little, perhaps made them doubt their own approach—whatever. I just speak the truth as it applies to my journey and discovery along this road. You may agree or not. It doesn't change what is and I will never change my writing style or the truth, just to please everyone. If you can't take it, don't read. I'm still going to write this same blog even if nobody reads...which up until nearly day 300—that was close to the case. Seriously---go back into the archives and count the number of post (some are favorites of mine that really helped me) with zero comments. I had just a handful of regular readers. It didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now. I sincerely appreciate the outpouring of support I've received...You absolutely lift me up. So don't ever think I don't value that support. It all goes back to the point: This blog is first and foremost for my benefit. I write it to help me understand me. If it helps you too, then that's the mushrooms on the pita! I was going to say “That's the icing on the cake,” but well...

Tonight I was the MC of the Poncan Opry musical variety show. The crowd was big and the band was on fire! The last time I did this was in November of 2008 on Day 69. I had lost over 60 pounds at that point, and in going back and reading the post from that night---even that made a huge difference. Here's an excerpt from that day:

This evening I hosted The Poncan Opry Branson style variety show at the historic Poncan Theatre. The last time I performed on that stage was June, and I weighed over 500 pounds for that one. What a huge difference it was tonight. The weight I've lost allows me to breath properly, to walk normally, to really get into my performance. I remember back in June how hard it was to focus on my set and delivery because I was consumed with my breathing and mobility. The excess weight was finally having a profound effect on my stage presence, but not tonight. Sure, I can't wait to dress better, and that too will send me and my performance skills up a few levels, but I can't complain about how wonderful I felt tonight on that stage. Lifting 60 plus pounds off my body makes a huge difference in everything I do, and I mean everything. When I think about how far I've come in the last 69 days, and how far I have to go, I get really excited. Because, and I've said this before, if I feel this good now, how will I feel at 230? How will my performance skills and confidence improve at a normal weight? It'll be really fun to find out!

Well, I may not be at 230 yet---but at 263 it was like a different world. The Poncan Opry All-Star Band members were just astonished at the difference, as was the audience, many having attended every single show---they remember me from Day 69. And of course Dave May couldn't resist telling the audience exactly how much weight I've lost so far. When he said “he's lost 242 pounds,” the audience erupted in applause. I've had other occasions on that stage where this happened---but tonight's reaction was the biggest by far. I met some wonderful people in the lobby after the show and the weight loss was the first thing everyone mentioned.

One nice lady told me she once weighed over 500 pounds too. She had surgery nearly a decade ago and it was successful. She's since had a few surgeries to remove the excess skin. It was a pleasant conversation from someone who's been there. Then of course I had a guy ask “So what did you do? Just stop eating?” I replied: “Oh no...I eat all the time and anything I want.” This always confuses people like this guy. I briefly explained and quickly moved on shaking hands and saying thank you for the many wonderful compliments.

I really have to keep myself in check when explaining this journey of self-discovery and freedom. I can easily go into full on “weight-loss seminar” mode in no time at all. People don't want that really. And if they do, they'll ask....and I'm happy to share. I was dealing with this same issue exactly one year ago tonight at a special event. It was 365 days and over 120 pounds ago:

I ran into several people tonight at a fund raiser who noticed and complimented me on my success so far. Sometimes I have to make myself stop talking about the wonderful things I've learned along this journey. It's really hard, because it's become such a passion in my life, but once I get started, I just can't seem to stop the enthusiasm. I had at least three unplanned fifteen minute or longer conversations today on the subject. Now if they're genuinely interested and they're truly listening and they keep asking questions, then alright, and that certainly was the case with those instances...I hope...but I don't want to ever be the person every one avoids at functions, whispering warnings to each other like “whatever you do, don't mention losing weight, exercising, getting healthy, anything to do with calories, or the power of a decision, 'cause he'll talk you into the early morning if you do!” Sometimes, in most situations, less is more. Like tonight, after someone would comment on the dramatic difference in my appearance, I would say thank you, try to keep my words brief, then mention this blog address. If they're really interested, they'll look it up and read, and then the blog relays my enthusiasm for me, without me sounding obsessed by going on and on and on and on. I can afford to have a quiet confidence about me. I have nothing to prove or convince anyone of, my results thus far combined with my written record and audio/video record handles that just fine. Now of course, there's a time and place, right? Next Thursday night at the Hutchins Auditorium I'll be sharing my story and message for about 45 minutes and I'll enjoy every minute of the experience, I hope you will too!

I arrived home tonight feeling good and very happy with the experiences of the day and night, despite the fact that I missed my workout completely. Talking the talk is wonderful, as long as it doesn't keep me from walking the walk! I sincerely appreciate you reading everyday. Thank you! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

8 comments:

  1. You certainly deserve the applause.

    When you mentioned losing followers I realized I was not a follower, but I am now.

    Hope you got your workout in today. It was nice and sunny and mild here so we went for a nice walk by the lake. It was just beautiful!

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  2. I hear you loud and clear. It is so easy for me to sit here 'till the wee hours of the morning, reading some of the amazing blogs I have found. Yet that can too easily prevent me from getting up early for my morning walk, especially as I'm not naturally a morning and need my 8 hours sleep to function properly. So, for this to work for me, I need to find that balance.
    Keep up the awesome work!!

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  3. I'm very proud of you and how far you've come. You're a fantastic example for the rest of us out here trying to find our way...thanks for sharing your very personal story with us. :)

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  4. Hope you can get out and hike in nature at some point soon. Soooo relaxing, to me anyway, and makes all the rest of my efforts worthwhile.

    Amazing blog! Enjoy life!

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  5. You have it sorted in your head - I can hear that, and tempting as it is to write for others, you have to write it for you first. They can just suck it up! I have had one say that I rattle on too much -- tough titty! But there is nothing like reinforcing your own thinking - and if in doing so, someone else gains by it - its all good innit? As for those detractors -- whose loss is it anyway...Keep on keeping on doing it for Sean.

    Blue~

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  6. I remember when I got to goal in 1998 (all those years ago!) wanting to stop strangers in the street and tell them they COULD do it too. I never did, luckily! But I can understand the urge when people ask you!!!!

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  7. Followers come and go, Sean, and most of the time it has nothing to do with anything you've posted. I lost 7 once over a two-day period, but I gained 6 over the same period. Don't let it affect you; just keep on doing what you're doing.

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