Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Day 541 Mediocrity Isn't Acceptable Effort and Mistaken For The "Old" Sean

Day 541

Mediocrity Isn't Acceptable Effort and Mistaken For The “Old” Sean

I woke up with a real attitude problem today. I didn't go straight to the floor for my sit-ups and then to my chair for the non-weighted squats. No, not this morning. I was severely upset with someone. So I huffed and puffed my way to the kitchen to start the coffee, grabbed the eggs and a pita bread, started cooking, and all the while with a big grumpy scowl on my face. You know, promises were made to me---and when someone gives me their word, I trust that they'll keep it. The coffee tasted good. I prepared a breakfast taco with the pita using two scrambled whole eggs and salsa—no cheese. You know what I mean? When you count on someone to come through, live up to their part of the bargain, do what's right...and then they don't? And then you have to see them everyday---looking at you, yeah---look at them, they know you're disappointed...and they care. At least I think they do, or else they're really good at looking like they care. Seriously---How much do I have to do for this guy to get a little cooperation in return? I've changed this guy's life in so many ways, flat-out saved him from a certain early death and this is the appreciation he gives? What an ungrateful lump. He has so much potential---but if he doesn't get it together and really focus on important elements of his development, then I guess mediocrity and less than his best will be the nagging acceptable existence that he must live with---knowing what he could do, but not loving himself enough to do it---to be it---to claim what is right in front of his lazy, ungrateful hands. Sorry I'm venting here---but you see--the schedule is set, we both know what needs to be done, what must be done---and then he doesn't give me 110%, not even 25%? Not acceptable. Oh wow...it's frustrating, maddening sometimes really. Especially when the person that let you down...is you.

Yeah---I had a pretty tough session with my thoughts last night. I've slipped into a comfort zone—where the workouts are never too much and the schedule is always flexible, regardless of the consequences---even if it means being inconsistent. You know how I feel about consistency. Without consistency---I wouldn't be where I am along this road. I've come a very long way with consistency. I can't stop being consistent now. I know what to do, I know how to do it, I know what I want, it's right there for the taking if I'm willing to put in the work. OK—I'm done now. Done with this attitude problem. I'm ready to proceed---let's do this! Shall we? Oh you bet we will---all the way my friend. All the way!

Today was packed at the studio. A full production load that I've allowed to build, coupled with a three hour remote broadcast in the middle of the day. This was going to be one of those days. It's much easier to handle a busy day at 263 than it ever was at 505. I can breathe now. I can run if I need to run. I feel a confidence in my appearance like I've never felt before.

The broadcast was from a truck supply store. Great business, super people, and lots of good food. It was a grand opening---complete with barbecue and cake, and a huge turnout of trucking industry people. I even enjoyed a small plate of the barbecue, but I skipped the cake. They gave me a Peterbilt trucker hat and a pullover---it was nice. I tried the hat on several different ways before concluding that I'm just not a hat person. I use to wear hats all the time as a teenager...but no---oh, I don't know---I might have to put it on and snap a few “trucker hat” pictures---and I'll let you be the judge. Trust me...not a hat person, me---nope.

I ran into a friend at the broadcast who has struggled horribly with obesity. He told me about something that had happened to him recently. He was in a restaurant and someone mistook him for the “old” Sean. Obviously the person making this mistake hadn't laid eyes on me in some time---or on him, because she was convinced he was me, the old 500 pound me. When the mistaken lady's husband tried to correct her, she made it worse by saying “no, that's Sean...because that other guy isn't that big.” That might not be an exact quote, but still...Ouch. I told my friend that I was sorry that he experienced that situation—and I felt horrible for enjoying the story at his expense---because as much as it made me feel bad for him, it also made me smile. Well---that smile consumed me with guilt all afternoon. I finally called him and apologized, even though I'm pretty sure he was OK with me. I assured him that if he needs anything, any help, any words—anything I can do to help him get to this place...he has my number. And I know he reads this blog everyday. You know you have it in you my friend.

I read day 176 today from March 9th, 2009. Here's an excerpt from that day:

I use my calories each day like they're cash money. I'm handed 1,500 calories to spend how ever I want each day. If I want them to last throughout the entire day, then I have to budget them accordingly. If I want to blow them all by 1pm, then I have to live broke the rest of the day, because the Calorie Bank and Trust will be closed until the next morning. I'll eat whatever I want, I will and do, but using this approach forces me to make better “calorie value” choices. This cautious budgeting is what causes me to say “no butter” and “easy on the sauce, please” and “Mustard instead of mayo” or “Miracle Whip instead of real mayo.” This “calories like cash” method is why I say “hold the honey mustard” on that grilled chicken wrap. On the other hand, it allows me the freedom to say... “sure, I'll take a serving of sour cream on my potato.” Good choices are what it's all about. Some people ask me “How do you know the calories in everything?” I don't! I have to read the labels and if I don't have a label to read, say at a restaurant, I ask for a nutrition guide. If a nutrition guide isn't available I Google it. Just type in the food followed by the word calories on the Google home page and you'll find it, it's never failed me yet. Sometimes, if I'm not around a computer and I don't have any way of determining an accurate calorie count before consumption, I'll make the best educated guess possible. These educated guesses are based on my calorie counting experiences of like items or like ingredients. For example, remember me mentioning that I was completely in the dark about the calories in the stuffed mushrooms at Olive Garden? I made an educated guess of 60 calories for each little mushroom. I honestly thought if anything, I'd be over estimating with 60. Turns out that I was too low. Each one, on average, checks in at 68 calories according to a calorie counting website I found by Google searching those tasty little things. But I was close! If you're not comfortable enough with computers to Google search foods, then buy a calorie counting book, a big thick comprehensive one, not the little super market checkout booklets, those may not have everything.

Aside from the important mental exercises that are crucial to changing bad behavior patterns, one of the most important things I can say to someone starting on this road to a healthier life is this: Eat! Don't ever look at food as the enemy. Food is our friend. Our bodies need nutrition to properly function. It kills me when someone tells me they're losing weight because “I just don't eat.” How long can you “just not eat?” You have to be big enough to admit that food hasn't been the problem in your obesity struggles, you have been the problem. Food is our friend. I knew that if I really wanted long term success I had to start having a healthy friendship with food. Some skeptics, the cynics might say... “how many more pounds you have to lose Sean?” “that's what I thought, yeah, listen---why don't you lose it all, then call me in five years and tell me where you are.” OK. I'll do that. That's cool. I'm simply saying, that if we change our minds and we embrace a healthy understanding and relationship with food, not just go through the motions needed to lose, I'm talking really change our way of thinking about nutrition and exercise...then how can we go wrong? We can't.

I skipped the weight training tonight and did the morning routine of non-weighted strength training before going outside for a quick 5K walk/jog right before bed. I don't want to wake up with the attitude I had today. That wasn't fun. I want to smile and be positive---and confidently make my way through this part of a wonderful journey. With a consistent effort and a tighter grip on time management skills and sleep schedules---I just might surprise myself with how far I can go. I'm buckled in for a good long trip. Click your belt and let's do this, ok?

Thanks for reading! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

17 comments:

  1. Interesting post Sean,...my (unsolicited) advice to you would be this...Don't let others dictate how you are going to feel. The only person you can control is You. The only person you should trust is You.

    You're a great person, who's done many great things, including completely changing your life around.

    Thank you for listening and keep up the great (inspirational) work. Love your blog.

    Take care.

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  2. I always enjoy your blog. And I read it-I don't skim it. I knew you were talking about you even before you gave it away in the last sentence. You are too hard on yourself. but maybe I'm not hard enough on myself...whatever.
    Thank you for writing this blog. You have no idea how much its helped me.
    And you probably don't remember me---but I was a year ahead of you at Stillwater High School. I remember you from mr West physical science.

    faithful reader,
    Vicki in Tulsa

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  3. I have NO DOUBT you will finish strong on your journey. And I'm not talking about the journey to the magical number on the scale. I'm talking about for life. You have come so far, you have gained so much knowledge, and you have created a wonderful support network. I don't know you personally, but through your blog I do know your essence. My friend all I have to say is enjoy the ride. Hope you have a happy day!

    Melissa

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  4. You will get over this hump! Look how far you have come. What a ride already!!

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  5. Hello Guys,
    I have never written in before, but feel I MUST today. I have known Sean for many years and today there is something different. I have never seen him down on himself like this. He has me scared for him. It was bad enough, then the whole Corey Haim thing happened on top of everything else. If you know Sean or have been following his story, please, please, please let him know you care... FAST! Thanks. And Sean, please don't take the Haim thing so seriously. I know you have all of his movies and everything, but a lot of us saw it coming. Don't be so hard on yourself.

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  6. I have never written in before but feel I MUST today. I have never seen Sean this down before. It started with the blog above, then he found out about the whole Corey Haim thing. Sean has every Corey Haim film ever made and even has a signed poster from Corey when he met him in L.A. Sean is taking this VERY hard. If you know Sean or have enjoyed following his story, please, please contact him now and get him out of this funk...before lunch.

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  7. here's to:

    ALL THE WAY!!!!

    I'm with you, brother.

    Tina
    Diet Buddy Girl

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  8. your doing well..dont beat yourself up all the time..your gonna get to the point where you wanna be at..we all are..i loveyou brother..

    kelli

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  9. I'm hoping "anonymous" didn't really mean in his first comment, "The only person you should trust is You." I KNOW that you and I have many, many friends and family we can trust. And I thank God for that!

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  10. you have gotten some weird *ss comments today.
    Sometimes we let ourselves down...then we pick ourselves up, and dust ourselves off.
    Your doing great.
    and really, ouch for your friend, but I can understand feeling a little giddy about someone else being mistaken for the old you.
    The woman would have had a stroke had she seen the new you.
    great job.

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  11. Sean you are going to get there. Don't beat yourself up; just take this as a lesson learned and don't repeat it. You can do it! Get back into your midset of I have to work out everyday reguardless and when the workouts get easy push yourself a little harder. We all believe in you Sean and know you have the power to make it better.

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  12. Sean--I read your blog every day and I always get something useful from it--thanks so much for your consistency! (See, you are consistent at many things already!) I'm glad to see that someone else has these internal debates--sometimes I feel like there's a whole group arguing in my head when it comes to food choices and exercise. We all have to learn how to make this work in our day-to-day lives for this to be lasting--you'll get there, and so will I.

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  13. Sean,

    I just wanted to say that today I was hitting a low point and your blog definitely provided me with me the inspiration I needed.

    You see, I am currently on my own path to becoming a healthier version of myself. I had been following the No-S plan but was experiencing horrible side effects. After reading here, I decided to follow your 1500 calories like cash plan. Thanks for the awesome inspiration.

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  14. I agree with the poster that said some of the comments are "werid ass" Ugh. I love you Sean ... youre doing amazing. :)

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  15. I know we talked about this on text this morning, but after reading that alarming comment from Anonymous, I'm going to call you in a few minutes...

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  16. Isn't it interesting, how "we" are sooo dissappointed in the things we do, yet we keep doing them.
    Sean I struggle with food consistancey all the time, struggle with it soo bad at times it does my head in, AND I also beat myself up.
    Take this self punishment and make yourself better in the areas you need to by not using that energy and thought as a negative but a positive.

    Vic

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  17. I have been sitting here wondering what to say to maybe make you feel a bit better and I know that anything I say you will refute because you are really hard on yourself. There are going to be times when you are not happy with your effort and you are down on yourself 'you do better when you know better' I just want to give you a big hug and say you will be ok and we need to forgive ourselves as well as others Ann

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