How I Feel Is Most Important and A Friend Notices A Pattern
When the alarm sounded this morning, I was ready to go. I stumbled my way to the kitchen and started the coffee, and before my first sip—I was doing my non-weighted squats. My endurance on these has gradually improved. Twenty in a row was once killer, now twenty is a nice warm-up. I know these squats are helping my glutes (rear), but I mainly see it in my legs. I can now flex and see the outline of my quad muscles. That's a first! We'll call it a non-scale victory! Maybe they're helping my rear too, but it might be awhile before I see that definition. I have three “problem areas” for loose skin, and the rear is one of those areas. I say “problem,” really, it's not a problem. I'm reaching some serious peace with the skin issues. I knew it would be an issue after losing this much weight, but really...as good as I feel these days? It just doesn't matter as much as I thought it did. Feeling stronger and healthier with a confidence level I've never known, that's what really matters. Surgery? Oh...maybe someday, if finances allow, but I'm not as adamant as I once was on the issue.
A friend of mine, after reading yesterday's post, said to me “every time someone has a problem with something you write, you address it and try to smooth it over. Why? Are you afraid that someone isn't going to like you?”
Leave me alone Cruz! Honestly, I just want to communicate effectively. I don't like mis-understandings, especially if I feel responsible for them, having not communicated effectively. And yes—I guess I can't stand the thought of someone not liking me. It's a psychological thing. I spent my entire life thinking (incorrectly) that I had to try extra hard for people to like me, because I had to overcome my hideous size. I didn't have to try so hard. And I need to start realizing that not everyone likes me, and that's OK. It really is. To each his own. Whatever floats your boat. I am who I am and that's all that I am. Thank you Popeye for burning that into my memory. I guess I finally understand what that spinach lover was talking about. And Cruz...why do you have to be so brutally honest with me? Oh...because you're a good friend, that's right. Love ya man.
A year ago today I was staring down a Mexican buffet with ease and complete confidence. From March 23rd, 2009:
Today a client asked me to lunch. The place? El Patio Mexican Restaurant. Guess who suggested it? I did, even though the place is known for their lunch buffet. I'm confident enough now to walk in, walk right past that buffet, sit down in a booth that I couldn't think about sitting in six months ago, and order ala carte. I had two crunchy chicken tacos and a few chips and salsa. Easy as anything, and I got out of there for under 450 calories. I originally estimated those tacos at 240 a piece, but after comparing the calories of the same thing at several large mexican restaurants around the country, I had to count them as 170. Had I left the mounds of cheese on them, both tacos total would have been 600 easily. But I just left enough cheese to taste, a wise calorie budgeting decision indeed. We had four of us at the table, and not one ordered the buffet. This losing weight and feeling great stuff is contagious! The biggest difference I noticed in my behavior was the fact that I didn't miss the buffet. I didn't sit there and salivate over the endless supply of enchiladas and cheese dip. It wasn't a big deal. I was there on business and the chicken tacos were very satisfying. That change in mindset is huge for me. I can honestly say I had zero desire for that buffet today. The coolest thing about the meeting today at the restaurant was the greeting I received. I've worked with this particular client a few times, but not at all in the last six months. I was met at the front doors of the place with a big “wow, what have you been doing? You've lost a bunch of weight!” And that reaction came from someone who's been around me maybe sixteen hours total over the last couple of years. When someone has that reaction it feels absolutely amazing! The difference physically is dramatic. The difference mentally is even greater.
The physical difference is dramatically better now and the mental difference is still better. Very nice. I've enjoyed that restaurant a few times since that day, and every time---I make sure to leave feeling good about my choices. I guess my biggest concern isn't disappointing others, it's disappointing myself. I can handle it if someone doesn't like me...but I want to like me. And good choices make me feel that way.
I enjoyed a small serving of sweet and sour chicken with rice for dinner. I was having dinner with a friend and they wanted Chinese. I was flying blind and eating small, because I just wasn't sure about the calories. It's a hesitant instinct that is usually right on the money. I found some comparable dishes online and my jaw hit the floor. It didn't make me go over budget, but I was left with a whopping 23 calories for the day. Ouch. I don't even care for Chinese that much. Certainly not enough to invest 760 calories in a small portion of sweet and sour chicken and fried rice. And don't even start with the sodium talk...I know! It was a meal. And a meal that I very rarely eat. Moving on now!
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...