A Nice New Feeling and Twenty-Two Hours of Work and Pleasure
I really love the feeling I woke up with this morning. It was confidence, pride, passion, and clarity all rolled up into one great morning. This is really me. I've really done it this time. All of those dreams I ever had about finally losing weight successfully, have and continue to come true. If I think about it too much, it becomes a little overwhelming emotionally. I've spent my whole life dreaming of this place and how it would be, how it would change me. Those changes aren't finished with me just yet, and I can clearly see that my good choices today, as in right now---these will determine just how enjoyable this can be and where I'm headed physically and emotionally. In other words, I want to make the best of it. I deserve that! It's been a long time coming. A long time my friend, really long.
I read day 199 today. It was very revealing! The rapid weight loss was starting to slow, even a year ago. Still, a six pound loss was incredible. I believe I still have one of those in me, I do. You watch! From April 1st, 2009 Day 199:
Today's weigh day was met with much anxiety. Last weigh day was the least amount lost in a two week period thus far, so I was naturally hoping to at least beat that low. Then I started thinking. What if it just stops? What if my body has figured me out, completely adjusting to my calorie limit and exercise routine, in an effort to “preserve” itself? What if I've gained? I can really drive myself nuts sometimes. I decided that no matter the result I was going to keep moving forward with the same positive motion I've kept for the last 199 days. There's no turning back, I'm completely converted here to a new way of thinking. I decided that I wouldn't turn into a big baby like I did two weeks ago. I would remember that some would give anything to have that kind of weight loss in two weeks, so no matter the result, I needed to be grateful and happy. My morbid obesity has spoiled me. When you weigh over 500 pounds and you're consuming who knows how many calories a day, then you cut way back and start moving, the weight flies off quick! At least it does for awhile. I guess I fear the honeymoon coming to an end, ya know? Now is when the real work starts. The weight I've lost and the bad habits I've eradicated up until this point have simply prepared me for battle. The psychological overhaul my brain has experienced rewired my auto-response mechanism. I'm prepared to get down and dirty my friend. I'll fight the flab with everything in me! It was this kind of internal dialog I maintained all the way to the scale this afternoon. Then I stepped on and it read 368. 368? Really? I mean, that's good, right? Yes it is, that's 6 more pounds gone forever! And exactly a half pound shy of the half way point to 230. I'm just going to go ahead and call it half way! I'm half way to 230! When I get to 230 I may realize I need to go further, or maybe when I hit 250 I may realize that I look and feel great. Who knows, not really worried about that now. I'm very pleased with 6 pounds lost. I'll tell you this, the last 11 pounds have been the toughest and slowest so far! But it doesn't matter. I'm going to work harder and get stronger, I'm going to keep learning and developing, and I'm going to keep writing every night. I'm going to get there, it's already decided.
I've lost over a hundred pounds more since that day and we're getting really close to finding out what 250 looks and feels like. That's exciting! I couldn't help but notice the “fight” in my words. “I'm prepared to get down and dirty my friend. I'll fight the flab with everything in me!” Really? For real? I smile when I read those words. I wasn't comfortable yet, I wasn't here when I penned those. I didn't realize the psychological effects of success on my natural laziness. I don't say that to be mean to myself, it's just true! I've been naturally lazy for too long! That's why I really liked the concept from David the other day about “playing out” instead of “working out.” I work too much already (Ok-my co-workers reading this are laughing right now). I'm very fortunate to have a job I love---and really, I've got it easy when you think about it...but still, you know what I mean. It may not be laborious, but it's certainly exhausting some days.
Today has been one of those exhausting days. I enjoyed some scrambled eggs, an apple, and a banana this morning. It was a very nice breakfast, a solid start really. I needed it, today was going to be busy! My show ended at 9am and then it was straight into production until 10:40am, until I had to leave for a meeting with the hospital at 11am. It's nice to need to make a trip to the hospital to talk about weight loss instead of needing medical attention!
I met with Cathy Cole, the director of the “Lose To Win” program. Like last year, they want me to be the featured speaker at the big kick-off coming soon. I'm thrilled to do it, I can't wait! When I walked into Cathy's office, she greeted me with looks of amazement. She always reacts this way, and it feels great every time.
Once again this year, Melissa Walden will be featured, and new this year, another friend of mine---Dr. Amy will be involved! “Lose To Win-2010” is going to be amazing! How many people will show up this time? How many thousands of pounds will be lost? How many will change their lives forever? We're going to find out! It's exciting to be included in such a wonderful event. In the program and for the print advertising, Cathy is referring to me as a “radio personality, weight loss blogger, and motivational speaker.” If one of my dreams is to become a motivation speaker, and it is, then I guess this makes it official. It's never official until someone else gives you the designation, until someone else recognizes that it's so. I like that.
After the meeting, I hurried back to the studio for an afternoon of production and a four to six pm broadcast from the downtown Ponca City Census 2010 rally. Yes, this was going to be a twelve hour work day! The remote broadcast was spread out over a city block---and I really enjoyed making my way around and talking with people, interviewing special guest, and just being there. It's so different from the 505 days. Imagine that, me---liking to see people?!? Being more outgoing has really enhanced my job performance.
As soon as the broadcast ended, I knew I had less than two hours to get ready for the evening plans. I promised a friend that I would be the designated driver on a poker playing trip. It's a simple arrangement really, I drive-they get to enjoy their beverages, and I get to play poker without risking my own money...that's the deal. But before this little poker adventure could start, I needed to eat something and have some kind of a workout.
I was sitting at 700 calories by the time I walked into the apartment at 6:15. I quickly threw together a three whole egg cheese omelet for 270 and added another banana on the side. I checked e-mail and my other business on the computer while I enjoyed this dinner/breakfast and then I decided at nearly 7pm---that my workout needed to be right here at home. I did a “full version” of my morning routine, with 100 squats, 60 sit-ups, but only 30 push-ups. I did the push-ups last---and maybe it's because I was already exhausted from the long day, 30 was all I could do, and really---only about 20 were good. The last ten looked like I needed medical attention. A quick shower and dressed---and I was on my way to my friends house to pick up him and his wife by 8pm.
Something very cool happened on the poker table tonight. I started to get slap-happy tired, so I was occasionally breaking out into song. I was exhausted but I was happy to be there. Somebody suggested that maybe I shouldn't drive this way, to which I replied...”hey, they can't give me a ticket for having an open container of happiness!” Sean was “on” tonight. Oh my---I was happy. I was winning a little too, maybe that had something to do with my giddiness. But none of that was the really cool happening.
The really cool thing happened later in the night. I commented about the tattoo on the wrist of the woman sitting to my right. She said thank you and I said “I just had my first and probably last tattoo, wanna see it?” She indicated yes, so I rolled up my sleeve and showed the “505.” Of course, I should have known that you can't show the tattoo without explaining it's meaning. She immediately asked “why 505?” And I told her, it's a New Mexico area code that's really special to me. For some reason I didn't want to tell the real story. We were there to play poker, not talk about weight loss....but I asked for it by showing. I immediately got up to take a bathroom break and when I did, my friend asked if he could tell this slender young lady the story behind the tattoo. I said, yeah, that's fine, and off I went.
When I returned to the table, she smiled at me and said: “If I had a tattoo like that, mine would say “257.” Are you serious? She looked amazing---and she told me that she's kept it off for over five years, adding “I didn't get a surgery or any pills, nothing like that, I just consumed less, exercised more, and stayed consistent.” Wow. Isn't that amazing? I said “It's 80% mental, 20% food and exercise isn't it?” And she wholeheartedly agreed. Just as she had a hard time believing my previous weight of 505, I had a tough time picturing her at 257.
We later got into a big hand together, just the two of us with well over one hundred dollars in the pot. It was fitting when we both turned over the same hand, queens full of sixes—and we split the pot 50/50. Yeah, we were both winners on that hand and we're both winners at losing weight. How wonderfully perfect.
Thank goodness I'm off work tomorrow morning! The night didn't end until after two am, making today a 22 hour marathon of work and pleasure. I hit the pillow with the thought of I'm going to sleep until my body tells me it's had enough. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...