Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Day 583 Exceeding Goals and Trying To Out-Peddle Insecurities

Day 583

Exceeding Goals and Trying To Out-Peddle Insecurities

I started this morning slightly before 4am by making the coffee and cooking some steel cut oats. I like the steel cut oats and I believe in the power of this wonderful food, but as you can tell around here, I prefer omelets loaded with mushrooms and cheese. The steel cut oats are clearly the better choice from a health standpoint, and I do feel great when I choose the oats over the eggs, but I don’t eat them everyday. I could however eat a veggie omelet everyday, no problem. I mixed a teaspoon of brown sugar and cinnamon into the oatmeal and topped it with a sliced banana. It was filling, was great with my coffee, and gave me a confident boost in my morning.

In the floor this morning, doing my non-weighted strength training---and attempting sit-ups, I had to stop when I pulled something in my side. It wasn’t anything major—nothing permanently disabling---just a cramp. I recognized it very well. It’s the same cramp I remember getting when I would attempt to fasten my seatbelt at over 500 pounds. I wasn’t able to fasten my seatbelt back then, but I can not only do it now—and I do every time I’m behind the wheel, I can do sit-ups too! I thought my six or seven bananas a week would keep me from getting a cramp…hmmmm.

I hardly ever get sick, but my sinus and chest congestion has reached the point of being infected, I’m pretty sure. I finished my morning show with a sinus headache and quickly decided that I needed a long lunch to recover. I’m such a wimp. After a couple of hours, I decided that I better make an urgent request for a sick day pass, take some more ibuprofen, and lay back down. I really should have made the trip to the doctor’s office. I didn’t---and I actually started to feel better later in the afternoon, and that was good. I had a fun workout planned---and at the risk of hearing about this from my employer, I decided to workout despite my less than healthy feeling. OK—Maybe that sick day turns into a half a vacation day.

My stated workout goals for today were pretty simple---Non-weighted strength training and a 5K walk/jog. I decided to take it a step further by riding my bike to the trail, doing the 5K, and riding back. It’s about a mile and a half to the trail from my apartment, so this plan added a 3-mile bike ride to the list.

I didn’t realize how self-conscious I would be on the bike. I climbed on and immediately started looking around for people that might be gawking at the fat guy on a bike. But---I no longer look like a morbidly obese person…I’m still a big guy, no doubt, but I shouldn’t look that out of place on the bike. At least not anywhere close to what my brain was telling me. And it wasn’t just that hang-up. Since I haven’t been on a bike ride since I was a pre-teen---I somehow felt like a little kid again. I know that’s crazy, adults ride all the time---my brain---geez, it’s a complicated mess sometimes.

I ignored my craziness and relaxed enough to enjoy the ride. It was an amazing feeling that I once thought would forever be a thing of the past. But there I was---peddling, even standing up to peddle a hill---that was me! I was lost in my enjoyment of riding a bike, when I was jolted back into my routine insecurities by a passing horn. Was it someone that knows me? Are they laughing? Pointing? I caught a glimpse of the horn honker long enough to determine that I wasn’t the target of their honking, no---I was just a normal active guy, riding a bike to the park. Nothing strange happening here, nothing to see! Move along now! I swear, I’m nuts sometimes. It would do me so much good to drop these stupid insecurities and just not care what people think of me. Oh, how that’s easier said than done. Just look at the mental abuse I’ve done to myself by being over 500 pounds for so long. I was physically and mentally abusing myself all those years. I’m betting that time and better fitness will heal my psychological wounds, if not---professional therapy could be in order.

I arrived at the trail, parked my bike---without locking it up---reminder to self: Buy a lock! I hit the trail for a 5K walk/jog, and really---It was mostly a brisk walk. I spent the entire time thinking about my bike ride and occasionally catching a glimpse of my waiting bicycle. I kept thinking about what I would do if someone hopped on it and started riding off. What could I do? I’d feel so bad. OK—I’ll be getting a lock. I usually try to jog a little more. Maybe I was afraid to over do it---knowing that I had no choice but to peddle back to the apartment. Considering that I was battling this horrible congestion and really didn’t feel like doing anything---I was proud of myself. My bicycle memories might be nearly 30 years old, but it all came back to me tonight. That freedom, the movement, the feel---it was like I had just peddled down to the Humpty Dumpty Grocery store in Stillwater with a single quarter in my pocket, ready to play that new video game sensation, Space Invaders!

I never have too much trouble making decent food choices, but when I have a good exercise day like today---I always do better. I came home and grilled up a chicken breast---grabbed some green beans---and later, when I realized I was 450 calories shy of my daily allotment, I stepped out for a six inch black forest ham from Subway. I just ordered the six-inch, even though for a dollar-fifty more, I could have had the whole thing---but my calorie budget couldn’t handle the whole thing. And a sandwich loaded with veggies---just loses something in the fridge overnight---oh yeah---it loses freshness---the crunch of the veggies---I gotta have that fresh crunch to really enjoy the veggies.

I think I’ll ride my bike to the hair stylist tomorrow and then to the YMCA for spinning class…we’ll see how the schedule goes. Thank you for reading! Goodnight and…

Good Choices,

A good breakfast: Steel cut oats with brown sugar and cinnamon, topped with banana.

My bike! No pictures riding just yet. I’ll find someone to snap some tomorrow. It’ll be good; I hope…yeah---yeah---It’ll be fine!

Oh--by the way---this is my 600th post to this blog! That's wild!


  1. Sean, It never occurred to me how much mental abuse we put ourselves through our years of obesity. It really gave me a lot to ponder. I sought therapy once and when I found myself being deceitful because I talked myself into believing she was judging me it was rather useless. Many years ago but I manage to sabatage it enough to not let it help me... not saying it won't help you just memories and realizations I'm sharing. Loved hearing about the bike ride. Can't wait for pictures. Its a great looking bike!

  2. Nice ride man! It feels good to do things that make you feel young again. And bigger kudos of doing all this while under the weather.

  3. Yummy oats and a nice ride :) Love the bike!

  4. I always find if my exercise is good it's easier to maintain my food then it's easier to do my exercise, etc., etc. It's all connected isn't it?

  5. yup...the negative tape. Time to record a new one.
    I feel like a fat@ss on this bike can be replaced with..
    ha haaaaaaaaaaa suckers....check me out. I am riding down to my WORKOUT.
    I wonder if they are judging me
    I bet those chicks are checking me out.
    I know it sounds silly.
    But it works.
    Good luck.

  6. That right there is a slick bike mister and I bet you look great and normal riding it.

    Wait until you let go on that bike and get that carefree feeling again too! :)

  7. I bet you look Great on your bike!!

  8. Cool, Sean! Nice bike and I loved hearing about it. Please tell us more about if/how you like it.

    Your friend,


  9. I know the feelings youms talking about very very well. I still dont like to run at certain times because I am afraid someone will say something to me. I am mostly over it...mostly...but I dont think we will ever be completely over it. i still cringe and cower when I hear someone make a fat joke.

  10. So, did you turn in your paperwork for either a sick day or half a vacation day? I bet you are supposed to do that, even when you get well and go bike riding.

  11. Proud of you for getting out while you're sick and riding the bike/doing the better buy a lock tonight...that's a great-looking bike and such a nice gift from friends. Very, very thoughtful of them to give it to you! :)

  12. Wow. Do you realize what you just did? You took something that I would have used as an excuse (sickness) and you just kicked it's rear end. ha! that's awesome!

    Btw, you'll be saving gas by riding the bike too!

  13. Wow, what an inspirational post--again! I always look at people who are biking, but I am thinking "Wow. If they can do it, I can. Good for them--I should be out there, too." Who knows what influence or inspiration you may be as you ride?

  14. Hooray - awesome ride, Sean!

    FYI on the steel cut oats, they are great if you make them ahead of time! I cook one small pot of them once a week and eat breakfast every morning from that batch. Just a thought to help save time in your busy day!


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