May 5th, 2014 What If?
I woke up this morning with painful cramps. I knew exactly what happened. I swallowed some of the air from my cpap machine. I still felt better rested than before this new mask, but obviously there was an issue at some point in the night. I felt the cramps until mid afternoon before they subsided. What's strange is not having these issues previous nights and then all of a sudden it's an issue. I'll pay close attention to this and hopefully it doesn't become a major problem.
I'm still thinking about the dynamics explored in Saturday's post. The simplified epiphany for me is in the form of questions. Once again these questions employ the subjunctive, the what would happen if...At least applying these to the future is much better than what would have happened if I hadn't done X...
What if I loved myself as much as I am loved by my mother, daughters and other family? What if I didn't look in the mirror and harshly judge my appearance? What would it be like if I wasn't compelled to look in the rear view mirror, criticizing almost every turn along the way? What would happen if I fully, unconditionally embraced me--and stopped negatively comparing where I am to where I've imagined? What if I woke up tomorrow and decided to take the best care, not because it's what I need to do, but because I truly deserve nothing less and because I want to do this, for me. What if I stopped caring about what others think of me, dropping the self-imposed shame and embarrassment that comes so easily where I am? What if I believed in me on the same level as some of my biggest supporters? What would happen if I set myself free? What kind of internal revolution would be released, transforming my heart, mind, body and soul? You want to talk about a transformation? That would be a transformation! And here we are, standing on the edge of imagination asking what if? I say we go for the ultimate transformation, turning what if into reality then asking what now? Anything is possible.
These thoughts have been freeing to me the past 48 hours. I've felt empowered, stronger than I have in a long time.
I've had some interesting prayers and meditations lately. And I don't write too often about that side of things because it's so personal and private; an individual thing, our spirituality, unique to each of us. I'll just say, it's helped me tremendously to reconnect.
You're welcome to follow along in my public food and exercise diary on MyFitnessPal, username: SeanAAnderson. And nearly every piece of food that crosses my lips is photographed and shared on Twitter, most of the time with a calorie count. Now that might seem obsessive to some and I'll be honest--I was very hesitant to start but I'm glad I did. It isn't about "Hey look at what I'm eating" or "look at how I prepared this!" No, not at all. It's about my personal accountability factor. Regardless if it helps anyone else, it's doing amazing things for me. Even if I'm the only one who sees them--those tweets are powerful to me, for me. If you're curious and you want to see, simply visit www.twitter.com/seanaanderson
Thank you for reading,