May 29th, 2014 It's About Time
Last night I discussed time management issues and today I did okay until I decided a nap at 4pm was a good idea. In hindsight I should have pulled myself together, grabbed some fruit and hit the door for the Y. I was tired today. Not because I didn't sleep well, because I didn't get enough. It's sometimes difficult to "listen" to my body because with all of the sleep issues over the last three years, my body constantly thinks sleep is the best choice in almost any situation.
I set the alarm for 5:15pm. The plan was simple and good. Up at 5:15, shoes on and to the YMCA for a workout--stop by Irene's house where my daughters and Noah were having a dinner get together for some quality visiting time--grab some Hawaiian Fajitas from the little Mexican place across town--help a friend with uploading pictures to their facebook page--write--then bed no later than 10pm. That was the plan.
But the nap was good. It was so good, in fact, I slept soundly through my alarm at 5:15. And with the phone literally less than a foot from my face, I slept through seven missed phone calls and ten text messages. This might have been my body trying to tell me something. I just wish it could have waited until after the planned evening to go into such a deep and restful sleep. I woke at 8:30pm after a 4.5 hour "nap," completely disoriented--having a quick panic attack thinking I had overslept for work, then realizing what had happened. I sat on the edge of the bed doing my routine post sleep self analysis. Wow, that was deep and amazing. I immediately recognized this feeling of fantastic--the feeling of good, healthy, solid sleep. On one hand I was in awe of how wonderful I felt physically and on the other I was completely upset with myself for allowing it to happen off schedule, so to speak.
I gathered my thoughts and decided to make it to the YMCA for a good workout on the killer elliptical (name I've given it), then straight home to cook something for dinner. Then I realized I needed some groceries. Hmmmm... Okay, revised plan--workout, groceries, home and cooking followed by writing then back to bed.
I ate dinner at 11:30pm. I combined my dinner with my last snack--the calories were a little pricey at 749 total--but it was within my budget and it served as my #lastfoodofday. And it was quality. I whipped up some homemade guacamole using a small avocado, onions, tomatoes, ground black pepper and a serving of lite sour cream. I made a 4 oz lean hamburger patty, put it on a 100 calorie sandwich thin and topped it with a slice of mozzarella and some of the guacamole. I added a pear and a serving of all natural brown rice chips.
The brown rice chips thing is a test. I wanted something to dip into my homemade guacamole. It was the only bag I could find that didn't contain sugar of some sort. The all natural sweet potato chips I wanted contain cane sugar. Now, the test is--can I have a "bag" of anything like this in my apartment and maintain sanity and portion control? Stay tuned!
I called all of the people who had been expecting me this evening and apologized for my absence. Everyone understood. I made sure to talk to Amber and Courtney and Amber even put the phone up to little Noah's ear. She told me he smiled big upon hearing my voice. That made me feel better.
I realized tonight how I've drastically cut down on eating out. I would have to go through my Twitter feed and count to be sure--but I know for certain it's been more than a week. I'm having a bunch of fun planning and preparing my meals, so I guess I haven't missed it really. I had planned on eating out tonight with those amazing Hawaiian Fajitas--and despite my revised schedule and plan to cook, I tried to grab them after my workout. When I pulled up to the restaurant at 9:55pm, it was obvious they were already closed. Maybe sometime over the weekend. It was back to my revised plan.
What am I going to do about my schedule? It's a struggle for sure. The elements involved are very important to me and my recovery. As upset as I was with myself, I did stop it before I started being abusive to myself. That's a major plus. I didn't dwell on it too long or allow it to influence me into making some bad choices in a rush. I could have grabbed a Subway sandwich, skipped the workout, finished blog and then dropped in bed trying to force myself back to sleep. But I knew better and wanted better for myself, despite the circumstances.
I'm proud of the way I handled this situation. I didn't let it negatively affect my resolve and that's serious progress. It still leaves me in a position to evaluate and correct my time management plan. But as a supportive friend said after reading my live-tweets through it all-- Rome wasn't built in a day. I've experienced a dramatic turnabout in the last 6 weeks. It's been a wonderful blessing and answer to a prayer, or many prayers actually. I've had life altering epiphanies that have had and continue to have positive deep seeded behavior changing effects. I'm happy. I'm sometimes burning the candle at both ends and struggling to define some self imposed boundaries to correct the sleep schedule--but I'm making it an important focus and most importantly, I'm not giving up in any way, shape or form.
Follow my Twitter feed for "in the moment" live tweeting of food and exercise each day. I also use the twitter feed to occasionally flex my sense of humor. It's fun! @SeanAAnderson
Thank you for reading,