Thursday, May 29, 2014

May 29th, 2014 It's About Time

May 29th, 2014 It's About Time

Last night I discussed time management issues and today I did okay until I decided a nap at 4pm was a good idea. In hindsight I should have pulled myself together, grabbed some fruit and hit the door for the Y.  I was tired today. Not because I didn't sleep well, because I didn't get enough. It's sometimes difficult to "listen" to my body because with all of the sleep issues over the last three years, my body constantly thinks sleep is the best choice in almost any situation.

I set the alarm for 5:15pm. The plan was simple and good. Up at 5:15, shoes on and to the YMCA for a workout--stop by Irene's house where my daughters and Noah were having a dinner get together for some quality visiting time--grab some Hawaiian Fajitas from the little Mexican place across town--help a friend with uploading pictures to their facebook page--write--then bed no later than 10pm. That was the plan.

But the nap was good.  It was so good, in fact, I slept soundly through my alarm at 5:15. And with the phone literally less than a foot from my face, I slept through seven missed phone calls and ten text messages. This might have been my body trying to tell me something.  I just wish it could have waited until after the planned evening to go into such a deep and restful sleep.  I woke at 8:30pm after a 4.5 hour "nap," completely disoriented--having a quick panic attack thinking I had overslept for work, then realizing what had happened. I sat on the edge of the bed doing my routine post sleep self analysis.  Wow, that was deep and amazing. I immediately recognized this feeling of fantastic--the feeling of good, healthy, solid sleep. On one hand I was in awe of how wonderful I felt physically and on the other I was completely upset with myself for allowing it to happen off schedule, so to speak.

I gathered my thoughts and decided to make it to the YMCA for a good workout on the killer elliptical (name I've given it), then straight home to cook something for dinner. Then I realized I needed some groceries. Hmmmm... Okay, revised plan--workout, groceries, home and cooking followed by writing then back to bed.

I ate dinner at 11:30pm.  I combined my dinner with my last snack--the calories were a little pricey at 749 total--but it was within my budget and it served as my #lastfoodofday. And it was quality. I whipped up some homemade guacamole using a small avocado, onions, tomatoes, ground black pepper and a serving of lite sour cream.  I made a 4 oz lean hamburger patty, put it on a 100 calorie sandwich thin and topped it with a slice of mozzarella and some of the guacamole. I added a pear and a serving of all natural brown rice chips.
The brown rice chips thing is a test. I wanted something to dip into my homemade guacamole. It was the only bag I could find that didn't contain sugar of some sort. The all natural sweet potato chips I wanted contain cane sugar. Now, the test is--can I have a "bag" of anything like this in my apartment and maintain sanity and portion control?  Stay tuned! 

I called all of the people who had been expecting me this evening and apologized for my absence. Everyone understood. I made sure to talk to Amber and Courtney and Amber even put the phone up to little Noah's ear. She told me he smiled big upon hearing my voice. That made me feel better.

I realized tonight how I've drastically cut down on eating out. I would have to go through my Twitter feed and count to be sure--but I know for certain it's been more than a week. I'm having a bunch of fun planning and preparing my meals, so I guess I haven't missed it really. I had planned on eating out tonight with those amazing Hawaiian Fajitas--and despite my revised schedule and plan to cook, I tried to grab them after my workout. When I pulled up to the restaurant at 9:55pm, it was obvious they were already closed. Maybe sometime over the weekend. It was back to my revised plan.

What am I going to do about my schedule? It's a struggle for sure. The elements involved are very important to me and my recovery. As upset as I was with myself, I did stop it before I started being abusive to myself. That's a major plus. I didn't dwell on it too long or allow it to influence me into making some bad choices in a rush. I could have grabbed a Subway sandwich, skipped the workout, finished blog and then dropped in bed trying to force myself back to sleep. But I knew better and wanted better for myself, despite the circumstances.

I'm proud of the way I handled this situation. I didn't let it negatively affect my resolve and that's serious progress. It still leaves me in a position to evaluate and correct my time management plan. But as a supportive friend said after reading my live-tweets through it all-- Rome wasn't built in a day. I've experienced a dramatic turnabout in the last 6 weeks. It's been a wonderful blessing and answer to a prayer, or many prayers actually. I've had life altering epiphanies that have had and continue to have positive deep seeded behavior changing effects. I'm happy. I'm sometimes burning the candle at both ends and struggling to define some self imposed boundaries to correct the sleep schedule--but I'm making it an important focus and most importantly, I'm not giving up in any way, shape or form.

Follow my Twitter feed for "in the moment" live tweeting of food and exercise each day. I also use the twitter feed to occasionally flex my sense of humor. It's fun! @SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

13 comments:

  1. What are rice chips???? Where do you find them? And it sounds to me as if you handled it with grace, skill and expertise. Hope the melatonin kicks in for you, and I'm glad you were able to catch some Z's. I love that you didn't turn abusive toward yourself. I'm working on that one myself. Way to go.

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    1. It's brand name is Riceworks. I had never heard of it before finding it on the shelf. I was searching for something to dip into my guac... and I no longer will keep a bag of tortilla chips in my apartment. I know me too well. I wanted something I could control myself around-- and Jo, I was shocked at how many bags I picked up that contained sugar... Riceworks was the only one I found that was all natural-no sugar-gluten free (not that I avoid gluten, but it is free of it) They tasted pretty darn good too. I was impressed. They worked very well with my guac. Yeah--not immediately beating myself down and taking everything else down with it--was a HUGE step in the direction of positive personal development!! Thank you Jo!

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  2. Hi Sean! Oh anything sweet potato is amazing, I really love the chips too but I try to just stick to home baked or baked sweet potato fries which are also amazing. When you sleep so deeply it's your bodies signal to slow down. Glad you got a good power snooze. Take care ~ Jules

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    1. Thank you Julie. I love sweet potato fries...LOVE THEM... I go back and forth between pre-packaged and homemade... I prefer homemade actually-- but in the name of convenience I've found a few acceptable alternatives... I have three kinds in my freezer. Might have some today, as a matter of fact. Body signals--yes-- It decided to go deep and replenish--with or without my permission!

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  3. I completely understand the sleep issue....hope you can get back on track soon.

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    1. Working on it, Christine-- It's a tough issue for sure, but correctable--at least the sleep I do get seems to be a much better quality than the sleep I've been experiencing the past few years.

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  4. Sean, I am in a group of weight watchers that have known each other via the internet for many years now. It has been interesting to be in a group of people all the same age going through the same struggles with life. It is also interesting to see that most of the group have not had much success with keeping weight off. I am in that group! Currently one by one members of the group are starting to have weight loss surgery and it is tempting but I know that is sort of like putting duct tape over a leaking pipe! there is still too much water going through the pipe and the duct tape will eventually give way and additional damage is done. I do really well at times but for the most part I am just not good at living as a thin healthy person which is pretty hard to understand for me.... I just don't see why I cannot get this part of my life under control... I am a successful business woman and am organized with just about everything but my health and own well being... It seems so much easier to give to others than to give to ourselves...

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    1. I like the duct tape analogy. I've talked with and exchanged internet interaction with many WLS patients over the last several years--and based on those conversations--I know, it's certainly not the "easy way out." it's still a lot of work and maintaining after the dramatic loss takes the same kind of diligence and commitment as it does without the surgery. It's a tool--and has proven to be a good tool for many people. It's something that requires a lot of thought and careful consideration of course.. My non surgical approach isn't indicative of any bias against wls-- it's mostly an indicator of my courage level. It takes a certain level of bravery to do it. Any one who does has much respect from me--because I've heard it's a tough road at times.
      It's a fascinating study in human behavior when we realize how many people struggle with the issues we face everyday--people from all walks of life, spanning all socioeconomic levels---different parts of the world---different professionals--different family dynamics-- and so much of this is the same for all of us... These facts disproves the theories that start with "this would be easier for me if only I had_______." The struggle is universal it seems. And it is, in my opinion--because it comes down to what you alluded to in your last sentence-- It's all in how we take care of ourselves. Are we taking care of ourselves the way we would someone we dearly love? It's all about self-love and care--and it's so easy to dismiss the importance level when it's us we're trying to focus on... I believe we must look in the mirror and promise that amazing person looking back that we're going to apply an importance level like never before--promise ourselves exceptional care, like we would want for our closest loved ones... It's okay to focus on us in this way..it isn't selfish or self-indulgent---(things my brain has tried to argue) It's a gift we give ourselves--and the most amazing thing is--when we give ourselves this gift, the positive energy sometimes has an enormously positive effect on others around us. Thank you Donna for your wonderful support!

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  5. I'm glad you got the nap you needed and YAY to you for not going through the drive thru somewhere after everything getting off schedule!

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    1. Yes, Amy--thank you. I turned a negative into some positives and it felt great!!!

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  6. Mark Sisson (Mark's Daily Apple again) had a fascinating discussion on the addictive nature of wheat consumption... for SOME people. I appreciate his balanced approach, and his honesty in saying we don't know everything yet. But he did sound the alarm that eating wheat is problematic for some of us (me included) and that it just fuels a desire for more making it harder to stay on our plan. All that to say... I'm looking up a source to buy some of those Rice crackers you described. :-D Thanks for mentioning them.

    Here's a quote from the article he wrote:
    Gliadin is a more powerful opiate–The changes introduced into the gliadin gene/protein make it a more potent opiate. While the digestive byproducts of gliadin bind to the opiate receptors of the brain, they lack the pain-relieving and euphoric effects of heroin and morphine, but “only” provoke addictive eating behavior and appetite stimulation.

    The rest of the article: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/is-wheat-addictive/#axzz33EiYYbbB

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    1. I just finished reading the article titled "Is Wheat Addictive?" Excellent reading. Very interesting. I know of several who do not eat wheat because of this. I haven't felt the effects personally, I don't think--Not like sugar... Oh my...sugar does crazy things to me. I really like not struggling everyday. So if continued avoidance of sugar will keep me sane--then I don't care if I ever have it again.
      It's a wonderful thing to get to this point--where we understand details about ourselves that unlock certain mysteries...
      The rice chips-- oh my--they're really good. And I haven't been back in the bag--so that's a good sign!

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  7. What are rice chips???? Where do you find them?

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