I'm feeling better now, than I think I ever have in my life. That's a pretty big statement. I mean, ever, in the history of Sean. It has some to do with eating better, exercising and losing weight, of course, but the majority of this feeling comes from the epiphany of May 15th, 2014: My identity and self worth will never be tethered to the shape of my face, the size of my pants or the number on a scale. The same qualities and positive attributes I love about me are constant, at 505 or 230, for richer or poorer. Read the blog post from May 15th by clicking here.
Never before has something stayed with me in such a powerful way. And it goes beyond recognizing and understanding. I've taken this into practical application in my everyday life and its effect has been nothing short of miraculous.
I enjoy spending time with me. I don't think I've ever known what that was like until now. I have a greater confidence no matter where I am or who I may run into, I always hold my head high. What makes this exceptionally better is, I'm feeling great about myself, so when I'm around people I'm not busy projecting negative feelings about me onto them without their knowledge. In fact, it's the opposite. I think I'm awesome, so surely they do too! I don't tug on my shirt as much, as if doing so makes me appear slimmer. I don't look in the mirror and pepper myself with self-loathing and disgust. I look in the mirror with gratefulness and appreciation for what I have and what I don't have. I take extraordinary care in planning, selecting and preparing my food. I'm making me important. I even bought myself some new sweat pants today. I'm recognizing my talents and celebrating them--nurturing them, instead of discounting and under valuing. The added confidence has decreased my sensitivity, so I don't take things personally as often as I once did. I'm proceeding along this road with an excitement and vigor like never before. When someone compliments me on my appearance, I say thank you instead of launching into a laundry list of reasons to invalidate their suggestion, followed by --"but yeah, thank you for that." Just as importantly, I don't invest too much in what people say about me in a positive way. I don't gravitate toward them like a puppy with wagging tail and wanting eyes, saying give me more, give me more... and hoping if they say it enough I'll eventually believe it too.
And I'm showing an abundant gratitude and thanks everyday for effectively being branded with two life changing experiences at the same time: The positive physical/mental effects of finally giving nearly 100% abstinence from sugar an honest effort and the mental/emotional freedom afforded by a new perspective on identity and self-worth.
I'm also keenly aware that these gifts are not in any way locked into place. Only with my continued diligent practice, my constant awareness of where I am and a confident patience for where I'm headed, will I be allowed to keep the peace I currently enjoy. Only a fool believes he's figured out the combination for eternal peace without continued effort and practice. I've used the word "practice" a lot lately because it's what it is. I'm not perfect, never will be and that isn't the goal. The pursuit of perfection is the quickest detour to disappointment.
I'm doing the best I can, today.
Today was good in many ways. I had a productive morning show and afternoon production session. I left work, went shopping for myself (hardly ever do that), took care of a friend's dogs, then came home and started preparing an incredible meal. The food was almost done when I started my weekly Tuesday night support conference call, so I let it stay in the warm oven until the call was over. I enjoyed the meal tremendously--wow--Loved it!!
Baked talapia, asparagus, garlic & herb baked red potatoes (200g) w/light sr crm and Cinn/stevia bkd pears. 558 cal. pic.twitter.com/PvCQBOTcsf
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2014
I worked out on the elliptical at the YMCA after dinner, helped my oldest daughter with something--went back out to care for the dogs, then headed home to eat my #lastfoodofday and write this blog post.
Thank you for reading,