Saturday, April 11, 2015

April 11th, 2015 Internal Regulator Switch

April 11th, 2015 Internal Regulator Switch

I was on a location broadcast from a grocery store's massive meat sale today. When I arrived, the assistant manager approached me in wide eyed disbelief. "Oh wow, look at you! You've lost even more weight!! You look amazing!" She was genuinely excited. I suppose it's been several months since my last broadcast at this location and the weight loss shows. These kind of reactions never get old to me. I do process them a little differently, now.

I allow myself the pleasure of the compliment, I graciously accept and give thanks--then I silently remind myself of my daily practice in taking extraordinary care and how it's this critically important self-care affording me these type of moments. In other words, I don't get too caught up with compliments on my appearance. As wonderful as it feels physically, mentally and emotionally, I know all too well how quickly it can go in an unhealthy direction mentally and emotionally, then without a doubt, physically.

It doesn't mean I can't or don't enjoy the many perks of my transformation, it simply means I'm always aware, forever grateful, enormously humble and grounded when it comes to understanding the magnitude of the critically important elements keeping me well. These elements, I pray I never let go of again. 

I enjoyed some great food today. My beef and onion pizza for lunch was incredibly flavorful and an amazing calorie value! One of my most popular dinner selections, the chicken and zucchini crispy tacos with chips and salsa dressing, never seem to go out of style for me. I love the taste and texture. Texture is a big thing for me, apparently.

After finally determining yesterday a rest day, I followed up with a great workout at the Y today. The elliptical always works me well and the weights feel awesome. I did lower a couple of the weights today out of fear I might be pushing it too hard. I felt a little pinch on my upper back during the row press and immediately thought I better take it down a notch! This caution comes naturally to me and goes back to Day 1 and 505 pounds, when I approached the walking trail fearful it might kill me. I've held back through whatever workouts I've done over the years, doing enough to get results, but never pushing. It's not necessarily the best thing--but it's certainly kept me from getting hurt. It's like some kind of internal regulator switch that shuts off if I push too hard. A friend recently talk to me about running and the whole time they were talking, I was thinking--if I eventually start running, I'm going to need to get over this irrational fear.

I was going through my picture library this evening and decided to include several on tonight's post. No captions, just photos. Many of my photos involve microphones. I suppose there's some deeply embedded need in me to communicate. Expressing ideas, thoughts and communicating effectively is something I'm passionate about doing more of along the way. I sincerely appreciate your continued support as this exploration continues!

 photo Mail0025.jpg

 photo ac828f58-0e32-451d-a5f0-8d4a38e12a7b_zps1miqiygd.jpg

 photo oldsean.jpg

 photo WalkaMileinHerShoes102.jpg

 photo DSC_2113.jpg

 photo Poncanoprystagephoto.jpg

 photo Photo0371.jpg

 photo 11148698_10152926307323371_759050252852976945_n_zpsvoujihio.jpg

My Tweets Today:

Thank you for reading and your continued support,


  1. I think being careful not to hurt yourself is a great approach. People who go hard get faster results but also get injuries which can take them out of action for a long time and be very discouraging (and painful). I'm a bit more "all or nothing" sometimes which means I am inconsistent. You are consistent which is great.

    1. It does have a safety benefit, for sure. I've never been "out of action" because of an injury. Something to be said about that!
      The mental dynamics along the way are big deals. It's taken a while for me to shift my attitude from "all or nothing" to "All, if I can--and the best I can, if not." OMGoodness--during my initial weight loss--one calorie over budget, unintentionally, would send me into a mental tailspin...I broke the bank!!! Now, I'm a little more relaxed. I think it's helped with my consistency in a big way..and it's proven to me, the hard and fast rules I once thought were paramount for my success were actually, for the most part, self-imposed rules that carried the potential to do more mental/emotional damage if violated, than actual physical damage.

  2. Those red shoes look fantastic on you :) I used to have that irrational fear when working out. If my heart started beating a bit harder or I started to break out in a sweat I would stop. I remember my first personal training session 6 years ago where I told my trainer I don't sweat. LOL, now I realize I never pushed myself hard enough to sweat!

    I can see from your photos that you definitely sweat in the gym, the careful approach has definitely worked in your favour, and like a previous poster said you have been consistent which is great!

    (written by the woman currently wearing a knee brace due to a boxing injury!!!)

    1. Thank you on the red shoes compliment! It was the "Walk A Mile In Her Shoes" fundraiser for the domestic violence program. If ever they do it again, I think I would prefer to simply make a donation instead of putting on the shoes. Those things hurt!!! I don't know how women do it!
      LOL "Uh, I don't sweat." Nice! I imagine your trainer was like, oh boy--I've got my work cut out for me on this one!
      Good for you in overcoming your anti-sweat policy!
      I do sweat--that's for sure! A bunch some days.
      It has served me well, despite not going into "beast mode" very often.
      I hope your knee heals quickly! Boxing--oh my--that sounds fun!!!!

  3. Just a quick note to let you know what an inspiration you are. I found your blog a couple of weeks ago & have been reading it since the beginning (still catching up). After 3 plus years of living with a regain of 70 pounds I went back to Weight Watchers last week & lost my first 2.7 pounds in more than 3 years. Thanks for the motivational kick start that I so badly needed :o)

    1. A, first of all, congratulations on the 2.7 pounds!!! I know from experience, in the middle of the regain/relapse there's often a fear that it'll never happen again. Excellent start--and now, you can proceed back to your healthiest weight--and this time with all of the lessons learned along the way. Never give up!
      Thank you for the kind words. And thank you for reading the archives from Day 1. That's a big bunch of reading!! You're very welcome on the kick start! I'm happy for you, A. I wish you all the best as you proceed!!

  4. In this journey there is so much to deal with. Even when you have sucess it brings a bunch of new things to deal with. I know for me just the physical shifts in my body were a bit to wrap my mind around. I honestly have yo-yoed so much I don't know if any of my clothes should be tight or loose and just can't judge by looking at them any more.

    How people treat you differently at different weights confuses me a bit too. I mean I'm still me I think, abit having a good time or a ruff time I really need to dwell on this more. How am I changing and why does that comment (plus minus or random comment by someone) effect me so?

    I hope you spend some more blog time on how reality shifts around you as your change more. I can't put my finger on it exactly but I feel it's critical in the journey to understand it.

    At Foolsfitness we love change at Foolsfitness we are all about change... we really like the big silver dollar coins the best though. -Alan

    1. You're very right, Alan. It's a very complex thing. It's certainly not as simple as: I lost weight and feel great! It can be a mind warp in many different ways.
      I'll accept your challenge to explore the topic of how things change when we lose weight--from our own perceptions to how others react and ultimately treat us differently.
      In my experience, it's not always a negative thing. I may not have time to explore the topic tonight--but very soon. Thank you, Alan! It is critical to have a better understanding of these dynamics that hold the potential to dramatically affect us mentally and emotionally.
      Big silver dollar coins are some of my favorite change.

  5. Being careful is good.........................

    1. Matt, yes, agreed. A certain level of caution is smart, I believe.

  6. Seriously, how good are the legs on the guy in the Adidas shirt!?! I would kill for those pegs!

    1. Dr. Hitchcock will be delighted his legs have attracted international attention. LOL FFF--They've some shape, huh?

  7. Realize not only learning how/what o eat on this journey - but how to handle the compliments is crucial. What happens that can send a person (me) into going food beserk, throwing in the towel, after a male relative complimented me with sexy connotations. THAT time was the worst inner response from me, going completely off plan for months. Other times I "rewarded" myself for losing what I had - and that was the beginning of the end for months. Are we looking for any excuse to throw in the towel?

    1. You've described some reactions I think a lot of us can relate to, Nancy. I believe if we're looking at this as a diet mentality, it gets very easy to justify rewards along the way. It's much more challenging to adopt a food plan that allows enough variety and favorable foods, so we don't feel deprived-- and still stay within the boundaries we've set, each day. The best rewards are the non-edible variety, in my opinion. I get it though--I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of "reward pizzas" I've eaten in my life.
      As far as the tough mental transition over the physical--it can stir up all kinds of emotional and mental reactions...triggers, fears, insecurities, old emotional/psychological wounds---so many reasons to react this way, and an infinite number of reasons--different for most everyone. The base issue is the same--the underlying reason for it being an issue varies from person to person, in my opinion. Fear of change and discovering new things needing careful consideration?
      I never really had to keep my sexuality in check at, at a fairly healthy weight. if I allowed--it could easily become a problem. It's a whole new issue to deal with. That new responsibility and all its moral complexities tend to go away if I stuff myself with food and gain back the weight. Suddenly, it isn't as challenging...and it's quite tasty in the retreat.


I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!

Copyright © 2008-2020 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.