April 6th, 2018 If We Can
Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with good support.
This week has been an interesting combination of blessings and challenges. If I have gratitude for the blessings and an action plan for the challenges, I'm okay. The gratitude part has certainly evolved over the last nearly ten years. There was a time when I'd rarely visit a place of gratitude in my heart and mind. It was a time when I was too focused on the challenges, and that focus without a plan, or even the willingness to create one, kept me in a constant state of hopelessness. The declarations of "I know what to do" really translated to, "I have an idea of what I want but honestly, I have no idea how to get there or even how to create a plan, because if I did know what to do, I'd have done it already."
I believe we must start without knowing what to do. I didn't know what I was doing on Day 1, September 15th, 2008. In fact, even if we think we know what to do or what we're doing, I believe we should suspend that process as quickly as possible and simply start from scratch in the most simplistic ways possible. Can we do that? Can we get out of our own way? If suddenly the boulders of pride and ego were set aside, how might it clear the way? If we can get out of our own way, then we can proceed in ways unencumbered by our past experience, expectations, and old trials. If we can, perhaps we're putting ourselves on a new path of discovery where new perspectives are embraced and a simplistic plan evolves naturally into the plan uniquely fit to our needs.
If we can start from the humble place of not knowing, we dramatically improve our chances of accomplishing what once felt impossible and hopeless.
It's possible. There's hope.
Today was an exceptionally long workday for me. I left the studio at 5pm and headed home. I was too tired and at the same time, I was feeling a twinge of real hunger. I had some peanut butter on a pita as a holdover until a late dinner, then proceeded to get a plan together. First order of business, a short nap. Somehow I was able to keep it relatively short. I made a store trip for an avocado, coffee, fresh catfish, pears, and a Woman's World Magazine (for mom--it's her favorite)--then proceeded to mom's place for a good visit.
Mom is doing fair the past couple of days. The indicators I remember from past infections are not quite as clear, so we're waiting on word from the doctor. Maybe she was simply exhausted on Monday when she fell twice. She's back in rehab therapy three days a week to help with her strength and they're constantly monitoring her in order to make the proper adjustments in her care plan. Mom's bruises are healing quickly, too.
I had a good one-on-one session with a private client of mine before preparing one of my favorite dinners: Oven fried catfish! I watched the last twenty minutes of Scorsese's George Harrison documentary (I've watched the entire thing in 15-20 minute chunks over the last several months--it's over three hours long) and finished the dinner and post-dinner portion of the evening with some powerful mental floss courtesy of Tony Robbins.
I'm ready to get some rest. I'll be sleeping in well tomorrow morning--and trust, I'm looking forward to it immensely!
Thank you for reading and your continued support,