Saturday, February 7, 2009

Day 145 Who's That Guy? Oh Wow, That's Me

Day 145

Who's That Guy? Oh Wow, That's Me

It's amazing how much the mental image of ourselves can differ from reality. I've always prided myself on having a firm grip on reality. And when we're talking about most things, I do. I've never carried unrealistic perceptions or false awareness and expectations of anything, except my own physical appearance. The ability to stay grounded in reality has helped me in many ways. Let me explain... During my brief time in L.A. I was surrounded by people with limited stage experience, very limited material, and a blind passion. Some had zero stage experience when they decided to pack up the car and move to Hollywood for fame and fortune because they knew they had what it takes. You'd see them lined up outside the clubs hoping to get someones attention long enough to convince anyone that they deserved five minutes on that stage. Several times I'd run into these people at smaller clubs and venues where they would actually talk their way on stage. After watching some of them perform, I was left wondering how they could ever imagine that they were remotely close to having even a fraction of what it takes to really have a chance. But you can't tell them the truth, oh you could, but they wouldn't listen. In their mind they're the next Jim Carrey or Eddie Murphy. But when you see someone really good that has “it,” you can immediately spot their potential and talent. When you see someone that doesn't have “it,” chances are they think they do, and despite constant rejection, their false self-image will stay strong for years until one day they wake up and finally face reality. It's the same mental dynamic that keeps some of the same people auditioning for American Idol year after year. The only area of my life where I've fallen into a false perception of reality is my appearance. It's very common, most of us think we look much better than we actually do. Even when pictures and videos try to tell us otherwise. The pictures are like Simon telling us the truth, but we never accept that truth. I've looked at a thousand pictures of me and still I didn't realize how big I really appeared. Tonight I've had to face the reality of my appearance. Courtney shot digital video of me in the racquetball court this afternoon. Despite the 106 pound loss, I'm still very unhappy with what I see on that screen. I really thought I looked better than this, even at my heaviest! I'm OK with it, I'm coming to grips and I'm cool because I know where I'm headed on this journey. I'm getting there, I just didn't realize how far I had to go, wow...really, OK, let's keep working! On the video I'm not moving near as fast as I feel. I'll get this video posted before the weekend is over. I've tried to figure it out tonight, but it's beyond my computer skills. I'll seek expert advice from my daughters tomorrow and then you'll see it for yourself.

The workout was really nice. The progress I've made so far is extremely noticeable. I can move like never before, and it makes me really excited about losing the next 100 pounds. I can only imagine what weighing under 300 will feel like, I honestly don't remember, I was just a teenager then.

Staying focused and determined is becoming such a natural thing. When you have had as many false starts as me, you're always worried about derailment. But I'm not so much anymore. That doesn't mean my defenses are down, no way, but I'm in a comfortable place with everything involved in seeing this mission through to a permanent life change. It feels great to be where I am and realize that it only gets better from here. I know I say this often in these blog pages, but I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate your support in reading everyday. You're helping me more than you may realize. Until tomorrow evening, good night and...

Good Choices,

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