Wednesday, August 6, 2014

August 6th, 2014 Without Hesitation

August 6th, 2014 Without Hesitation

I'm feeling incredibly well today. It was a busy day but I managed it while getting almost everything I needed done, done. Except a grocery store trip--I postponed that until tomorrow because I'm determined to be in bed at a decent time.

The past few days have been nothing short of miraculous. When something is powerful enough to immediately change the way you think, you know it. It's undeniable. I'm changed from the experiences of late in a profound way. I'm so happy, blessed, grateful and I feel an amazing level of contentment, a peace about the things I've allowed to restrict me. Will it be perfect? I still doubt I would ever dress up like cupid for a TV show--but it's powerful enough for me, right now--today.

My exercise plan today involved a forty-five minute spinning class followed by a water workout. Just as I expected, I didn't have an ounce of hesitation. I finished spinning and headed straight for the locker room to change for the pool. I changed, grabbed the towel and without stopping, walked straight out into the pool area. My daughter wasn't there for support tonight and that was okay. My timing wasn't the best either. The lap pool had a water aerobics class in session and the rest of the lanes were occupied. I walked right past the dozen people doing their class and stood poolside waiting my turn without the slightest hint of anxiety. I was exposed and it was okay. An entire class of water aerobics people could easily see me and it didn't phase me at all. Finally, I realized the entire Northeast corner of the pool was available, so I made my way over--threw the shirt to the side and stood there for a minute. I was letting this experience soak in for a bit. I almost couldn't believe I was standing poolside, shirt off-wearing swimming trunks--and all the while the place was buzzing with people and activity. Once again an authentic reality was proven, just as it was Monday night. Nobody cares!! Nobody is watching me. Not one person is criticizing or poking fun in my direction. I was free to jump in and exercise in the water. And I did. It felt so cool and refreshing, especially after the hot sweaty spin class!

My plan after working out was to go to the store, then home to cook--write and go to bed. I was doing the math and realized I needed to cut some things if I wanted to get to bed at a decent hour. I decided to go for Hawaiian Fajitas at my favorite little Mexican place down the street from the Y.

I employed my usual Mexican restaurant strategy: No beans, no rice, no cheese and I counted out my chips (9) and requested the bowl removed from the table. I ordered crispy corn shells instead of the typical flour tortillas and it was perfect!

I also cut the grocery trip tonight, opting to do that tomorrow. I have enough food to get me by until tomorrow afternoon, no problem!

It was a very good day. I'm headed to bed! Water exercise is exhausting!

Meal Tweets today:












MyFitnessPal says I burned 1,054 calories today. I knew it would be difficult for me to hit my 1200 net calories after exercise, so I'm going to be okay with hitting 924 net calories. My total calories came in at 1,978. It is VERY difficult to be okay with intentionally exceeding 1700. But I trust the professionals who've given me the advice. It makes very good sense but still, it doesn't make it easier for my brain to accept that it's okay!

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

18 comments:

  1. Nice going with your repeat visit to the pool! You're right, everyone is intent on their own workouts, they aren't looking and judging.

    I find swimming is a good workout yes but also so very calming, so much so I usually have to nap afterwards or if at a lake I have to lie around in a hammock for a while to recover:)

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    1. Oh my, Nikki--is it ever an energy drain!!! I remember how tired it made me as a young kid and it's the same thing now. But it's such a "good tired," one that leaves no doubt about the effectiveness of the workout. Hammock...I have never enjoyed one before, Hmmmm... That's going on my list!

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  2. Great job Sean. Very proud of you for doing the pool today. I plan on hitting the water on Thursday myself. You are leading the way brother...

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    1. I was fairly confident how it would go last night. Even still, I didn't expect it to be so much of a non-issue--I mean, especially after being a MAJOR issue for so many years. You would think/expect the anxiety level might be lessened by say, 50%-- This was more like 85%. I may swim again tonight (Thursday) after my elliptical training. I sincerely appreciate the incredible support you've given me throughout this experience, Michael. I hope I've returned as much, my friend.

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  3. That is awesome! So glad everything is going so well for you.

    Two things though. I'm hoping you had a shower before your swim since you were all sweaty?

    And strawberry spread with peanut butter? Together? Is that a thing? I'm kind of hoping they were separate, in the two halves pictured. Great plate though, I've got a few like that!

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    1. Natalie, yes--a shower is one of the rules before entering the pool!
      Interesting about the strawberry spread and peanut butter--I think this may be a case of "international culinary differences." LOL But seriously, The above pictured #lastfoodofday was a sugar free take on the classic American peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Combining these two isn't ordinary in Australia?
      If not--it's fascinating to me! The most fascinating thing to me, though--is the difference in my reaction upon consumption...without the sugar, I wasn't compelled to make another one or pile on the ingredients. I meticulously measured the spread and the peanut butter (half serving of peanut butter looks incredibly small, btw-- but it was enough!)...and the taste, to me--was still sweet. The only thing missing was the bio-chemical addictive reactions someone like me experiences with sugar.
      Natalie, I dream of visiting Australia one day--hopefully to speak somewhere, for some organization, it would be a dream come true! Someday, when I make that dream a reality, should I try Vegemite? My knowledge of this food is very limited, exclusive to my childhood memories of MTV and in particular, the rock group Men At Work. ;) Is it good? And is it a good calorie value?
      Funny you mention the plate-- I still occasionally use it. It's a plate my daughter Courtney made in kindergarten. It's precious to me--her original 5 year old artwork!
      I've enjoyed following your blog, Natalie. All the best to you and yours--and Thor!!

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    2. Vegemite is great - just don't let anyone talk you into spreading it thick. You need a very thin smear. The calories are pretty negligible (except I always have it with butter, unless on celery which is nice) but it is very very salty so you have to watch quantities for that reason.

      Peanut butter and jelly (which we call jam in Australia, what we call jelly is what I think you call jello) sounds revolting to me but then I've never tried it!

      Oh, and don't believe anyone who tells you that smearing Vegemite on your face will stop the drop bears. That is a joke to play on tourists.

      Nothing stops the drop bears.

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    3. Thank you for the reply, Natalie! LOL I'll remember the tourists joke someday when I travel to your country! Now, I'm off to Google "drop bears," sounds scary! :)
      Peanut butter and jam is an amazing combo--the ingredients I used--without sugar--gave me a noticeably different experience. It's weird how I never noticed the difference until I abstained... Now, I clearly see the difference.
      Drop bears? You're the best, Natalie. Thank you.

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  4. What a great entry. I am rehearing your book and it always encourages me so much. Your workout sounds wonderful. Your food looks great. I love your plate for the last meal of the day. Aren't girls the best?!? I used to love water exercising, and I love that you have overcome such a huge barrier. -Sheila

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    1. Thank you Sheila for your incredible support! I'm so happy you're enjoying the audio version of my book! Oh--my daughters--I'm a very blessed man to have them, they're truly the best. Water exercises--it's like floating in space--not that I have floated in space or ever will-- but I imagine it's like that!! I feel weightless and floating in the water. It's so pleasurable!! And it is amazing exercise.

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  5. Thank you for these great recipes. I liked especially Mushroom & Mozzarella omelet with peach and apple. Perfect meal both for breakfast and dinner.

    These recipes will save me time, as I'm trying to follow my weight loss program, in spite of my busy schedule.

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    1. Love the mushroom and mozz omelet!! I'm so glad the food tweets inspire you! We get busy--very busy--and it's awesome when we realize it is possible to take care despite the schedule! Nancy, you're awesome. Thank you!

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  6. Sean, thank you for sharing this part of your journey with us. Body image keeps so many people from fully living their lives and most don't understand until they are older and wish they had not sat on the sidelines of life all those years, but instead, faced the fear. You have opened a world of experiences for yourself Sean with this one, brave step. I love the pool. When I get to the pool and am tired, the first few seconds when I get into the water, I'm reminded of what a gift it is to myself, and with my arthritis, I am able to move and feel like a healthy person for an hour. And I leave tired, but relaxed in a way I often don't even know I need. And I think it does a WORLD of good for my sleep and bet it will affect yours too. Keep it up dear friend. Also, thank you for posting your food pictures,,,such a help to me! Shirley from TN

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    1. I honestly knew it would be something I would eventually need to face, especially after having the same feelings even when I was hovering around 230! What I realized the other day was--it has never been an issue about my weight. For the longest time I incorrectly assumed, that once a certain weight was achieved, I would somehow magically be released from those issues... When they didn't go away even at 230--I experienced a grave realization, a real letdown-- Here I am, why hasn't this changed like most everything else? I was still stuck in that alternate reality...breaking away from it requires the willingness to experience anxiety and stress in facing it down--but then, when it's revealed--the authentic reality--when the truth comes to light, suddenly I realize how my previous thinking was flawed and I was immediately relieved of the anxiety and stress--because what I thought it would be wasn't what it was at all... So glad you enjoy the pool too! It is a gift to yourself!! And wow-- I did sleep much better last night! A full body tiredness...totally. Happy to post the food pics! I'm always surprised when someone says they like them and it somehow helps...Good deal!! Shirley, you're support is exceptional--thank you!

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  7. one of the most amazing experiences as a coach is when a client is supported to take action that they thing won't work. Coming into an activity like yours, Sean, where there were 'old tapes' playing can be extremely scary. But then to take the action, and have the transformation to reality, the truth, that people aren't really paying that much attention to us, is life-changing.

    TransformACTIONal!

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    1. Oh Gerri--it is!!! Had you not taken our support group in that direction that evening, I wonder how long I might have continued dwelling in that alternate belief?

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  8. Sean, I think it is great that you are swimming again. I like that you took your shirt off and stood there for a bit before entering the water. That is great! Swimming is such a fantastic workout. Unfortunately, I haven't been swimming since 1991, except for a quick soak on my honeymoon in 1998. Even though you inspire me and find your words and experiences very encouraging, I doubt I would have the same experience. Knowing what you know now, do you think you could have went swimming at the Y, when you were 505 lbs? I'm 384 lbs on a 5'3" frame. There is not enough length to stretch out this weight. I could be totally wrong, but I think if I stripped down to a swimsuit today, people would stare at me, at least for a bit. If I can't handle just walking around fully-dressed in public, then I'm sure not ready for the pool yet. For now, I will be satisfied with hearing about your adventures while I keep working to reduce my size. Keep swimming Sean.

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    1. Honestly, LTR, I think I could have gone swimming at 505. Because the breakthrough that I experienced on Monday evening was one that wasn't dependent on my weight. I had the exact same terrifying thoughts at 230 as I did at 505... It was less about the weight and more about me finding out that the reality I thought was real (how I thought people would react to me in a pool area), wasn't. And another important point: Had it actually been an issue with someone--I would have needed to be strong enough to discard their reaction, choosing to embrace my freedom instead of their dysfunction---because anyone who has a problem with 505 pound Sean, 336 pound Sean or 230 pound Sean swimming--they're the ones with the problem, not me.
      With that said, LTR-- I understand--you know I do, and I empathize and I'm compassionately sensitive to this issue. I hope you'll get in the water again someday when you're ready to take that step--and when you do, regardless of your weight at the time--I hope you'll know you're truly a beautiful person who deserves to feel the freedoms and sensations the water provides and what anyone else thinks isn't of consequence to you, nor should it ever even be considered. People like us, LTR, have sacrificed too much of our life and freedom. I'm so excited for you, my friend--as you continue to lose weight and feel better. I read your blog-- I know where you are along this road, and rest assured, you're in a great place. This journey is and always has been about so much more than the food and exercise. The disciplines we practice with food and exercise provides the physical means--but without the mental/emotional transformations along the way, we can get to a certain weight and realize the biggest changes we needed wasn't around our waists--instead, it's between our ears and in our hearts, our soul. My best to you always LTR!! You're amazing, please don't forget that--believe it because it's true.

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