At least I was already aware of the potential challenges of today. It didn't surprise me at all. I've been voluntarily and intentionally burning the candle at both ends, but today wasn't a good day to approach without enough rest. A colleague of mine is on vacation and just as her responsibilities increase when I'm gone, my responsibilities increase when she's gone. Add to that a midday four hour location broadcast. Add to that a weigh day...and it quickly became unstable.
I don't eat breakfast before weighing at the doctor's office. It probably makes a minuscule difference and perhaps I'm slightly obsessive, but I just will not eat before weigh-in. I'll drink my coffee, that's it. I did prepare some food for immediately after the scale.
My location broadcast was set to start at 10am and I didn't get away from the studio and after-show duties until 9:35am. I had to drive to where we store the station vehicle, pick it up and get into the doctor's office (luckily they're very fast about allowing me in and out quickly on weigh day), then to the broadcast by at least 9:55am. I pulled in at 9:57am. The stress of this time crunch was a little much. I probably should have postponed weigh day until tomorrow. In hindsight, it would have been completely appropriate, considering the circumstances. I certainly wasn't going to wait until after 2pm to weigh-in. I was hungry!
I set up, greeted the client and was met with jaws dropped over my transformation. I regularly voice and produce their radio commercials and I talent their location broadcasts, but I rarely see them in person. It had been awhile, obviously. The client, with a big smile, asked, "Where did you go?" I replied with a simple, "Thank you, I feel better than ever." "You look great." "I feel great, thank you."
I made my way back to the broadcast truck and prepared my makeshift breakfast. It wasn't my usual omelet and fruit, but it worked in a pinch. The rest of the broadcast went well. It was a busy one, broadcasting on two separate radio stations--switching back and forth throughout the four hours, with eight on-air breaks per hour.
When the client unveiled the lunch for staff and crew, I opted for some watermelon and a thick slice of homegrown-fresh from the garden tomato. It was an amazing tomato.
The broadcast concluded and it was off to the races. A few necessary errands and some urgent production work back at the studio took precedence over lunch time. I was incensed at a request by a colleague that I voice and produce something with a start date of next week, today--when it clearly could be done tomorrow, when my schedule will be much easier to navigate. It was bad timing. I was hungry, tired and uncharacteristically angry.
"Not happening today" was my short reply to this request. I was a mess at this point.
For many of us in recovery, we make a conscious effort to remain aware of our emotions as well as our physical condition at any given moment. There's even an acronym to help recognize these elements: H.A.L.T.
It stands for: Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired...and if you do, recognize what's happening and by all means, seek support quickly!! When any of these four things are in play, it's very easy to lose the resolve that's carried us so far along this road. I had three of the four letters in full effect.
I typically will text a support buddy first and inquire whether or not they have time for a quick support call. I skipped that considerate formality and immediately hit Life Coach Gerri's number. When she answered, I asked, "Is this a bad time? Do you have a couple minutes?" Luckily for me, it wasn't a bad time and she did.
I explained to her what was going on and how I was feeling. I told her I needed food and sleep as soon as possible. We discussed some options in a very calm and collected way and suddenly, I felt better.
We talked as I drove to the repair shop to have my front drivers side headlight bulb replaced. I couldn't allow another night to come without it. Three warnings from officers is likely my limit before the faulty headlight starts costing me fines--and I've had three warnings in the last week. I just haven't made time to get it done.
It was fixed. I stopped at the Mexican place close to my house, picked up my inexpensive lunch--or by this time, you could call it dinner--and finally headed home.
I prepared the steak fajita tacos the way I like them and enjoyed every bite. I allowed them to settle for about a half hour, then grabbed what turned out to be an hour nap before heading out for invited dress rehearsal for the play I'm doing. Sleeping after a meal might not be the best strategy--but for me, today--uh, yeah...it was happening.
The support call, the food, the nap--it all came together, and by the time I made it to the theater, I felt really well. On the fifteen minute drive over, I participated on a support call with a private one-on-one client of mine who is doing incredible things--and that felt good, too.
I made it into the theater and upstairs to the green room--and suddenly, I was able to take a deep breath--relax and get into character. This schedule is a little much. BUT--I'm loving it for all the joy it brings. It truly makes me happy to be a part of such a wonderful production.
Oh--and what about that weigh-in this morning?
A two pound gain. Well, actually a 1.6 pound gain to be exact. I don't think it would be honest to say this didn't contribute to my chaos of today. It did affect me. I've been spoiled with consistent losses from the very beginning of my turnaround from relapse/regain--so this wasn't expected. I'm in maintenance mode--so the goal isn't to lose more weight, right? I need to remember this. My support group members were quick to offer me some proper perspective--and I quickly got over myself.
The fact of the matter is, I've only had about four intentional workouts in the last two weeks. I've allowed that out of consideration of my temporarily self-imposed schedule. And I've increased my calories by 100 per day--and I'm obviously not getting enough sleep (thank goodness for naps--couldn't do this without them). I believe all of these things combined to give me the number I found staring back at me today. And what a nice number it was: 230.0 on the nose!
My plan moving forward for the next three weeks is to leave the calorie budget at 1800 and get back to my usual six intentional workouts per week, and get more sleep. Basically--the fundamental elements will not change.
I made it today, with a little help from my friends. I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget and my abstinence from refined sugar is as solid as ever. I didn't eat my feelings and frustrations. I stayed the course and found the light by the end of the day.
I suppose I need a day like today, every now and then...if only to exercise the kind of actions required for the long term recovery and maintenance I hope and pray for each day.
My Tweets Today:
Found a good flavor combo: Half & Half (2tblspns), cinnamon (sprinkle) & hazelnut extract (1/2tspn). X2cups. 86 cal. pic.twitter.com/pdzYn0tU84— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 15, 2015
2 pound gain for the first three weeks of maintenance mode. More calories and less exercise lately. I'm okay with it. pic.twitter.com/fEg08rrlUn— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 15, 2015
Avocado (73g) tostada w/1.2oz ham & 1.3oz turkey, 1 slice muenster, and 184g golden delicious apple. 420 cal. pic.twitter.com/KCpkradiza— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 15, 2015
Cute little cup and a half water bottles at our location broadcast. #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/hwyqMOAtk7— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 15, 2015
Approximately 150g watermelon and a homegrown tomato slice, fresh from the garden. 50 cal. pic.twitter.com/IJVYzPOOK0— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 15, 2015
Late lunch or early dinner? Fajita steak tacos w/8oz beef, zucchini, lettuce & sr crm (30g). 14g chips&salsa. 659 cal pic.twitter.com/BDTuGVR8gP— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 15, 2015
1st of two cups dark roast with two tablespoons half and half & hazelnut extract in each. Total: 80 cal. pic.twitter.com/2vGmlrFuzx— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 15, 2015
3 cups water. #wateraccountability banana (approx. 5.1oz) & 21g almonds. #rehearsalfood #cafeteriascene 207 cal. pic.twitter.com/9xIHF2GOFZ— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 16, 2015
Fast fruit run... pic.twitter.com/ffMlsEDV3s— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 16, 2015
By the way--if you're local to my area, Dog Sees God-Confessions of A Teenage Blockhead opens Thursday night July 16th at 8pm in the Wilkin Theater, Wilkin Hall on the campus of Northern Oklahoma College in Tonkawa. Weekend performances will be 8pm Friday, 8pm Saturday and two performances on Sunday--2pm and 8pm. I hope you'll make it to this powerful production! It's the Peanuts gang as seniors in high school, facing all of the issues that many teens and young adults face in today's world. It's rated NC-17 for mature content and language. I play the character of Van, a teenage version of Linus, CB's best friend.
Thank you for reading and your continued support,