Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.
The following was originally written on this blog in September 2014. It's interesting to me because there are elements of it that I haven't maintained. "A committed exercise schedule," uh--yeah--I've fallen into a pattern of minimal commitment in that area--and it's something that needs work, sooner rather than later.
The other thing that sticks out is my tendency to self-sabotage good things in my life. I suppose the lesson for me here is that the daily practice I often talk and write about requires a broad approach for it to be the most balanced and complete.
I don't like how I wrote the following in the tone of, "it's done--it's locked in, this is how it is now," because clearly, I've learned nothing is automatic along this road. It takes intentional actions each and every day. Still, I like the message and there are some things in the following that I needed to read and absorb once again.
September 16th, 2014:
It's an incredibly good feeling to be at peace with something. I'm in a position along this road where my acceptance has allowed me the most sincere peace. It's acceptance of my abstinence from sugar, it's acceptance of a committed exercise schedule, it's acceptance for not using food to buffer emotions--it's an acceptance of good things and this, coming from me--someone who has had what seems like an inability to accept good things in my life. To finally feel worthy of good things--and to not immediately try to self-sabotage my way back into chaos, is truly the most wonderful transformation within me.
I'm an affected individual, there's no doubt, all of us are to a certain extent--some more than others. To finally be able to feel some space between me and those deeply ingrained reactions fueled by an inaccurate perception of self, is incredibly liberating.
When I allow my brain to explore the dynamics of it all, I quickly realize the magnitude and how this is about one thousand times more than just weight loss. It goes much deeper than dropping pounds and all the euphoria surrounding weight loss success. To feel worthy of good things, to once and for all embrace and love me as I am, regardless of anything or anyone else and to view myself without judgment and condemnation...oh my-- My friend, this is what it's all about. To get here, to this mental and emotional place where obstacles are swiped away from our path to freedom, is the most beautiful experience.
Discussing the fundamentals and surface issues along the way is important, of course-- because the commitment to these--a steady treading of sorts, gives us the balance to go deeper along the way.
When I get excited about this journey, it's not always about the most obvious things, like smaller clothes and slimmer profiles. It's about the deep stuff. It's about the transformation of the inside, not the outside that most excites me. Because it's this transformation that lays the foundation for all other transformative experiences to happen and stay that way.
A steady treading. I forget that sometimes.
I participated in a book discussion group tonight. A bunch of the team members from the conference call support group I facilitate each week are embarking on reading and discussing Dr. Marty Lerner's free e-book, "A Guide To Eating Disorder Recovery." It's a powerful book written and offered for free by one of the world's leading authorities on these issues. You can request your free copy at www.milestonesprogram.org It was a great discussion tonight!
I made it out to mom's tonight for a short visit. Tomorrow evening, mom and I will travel the twenty minutes to the next town for Noah's birthday celebration. He turns 5 on Friday, but we're having his party early. He's super excited about turning 5!! I can't believe it's been five years.
Today's Featured Tweets:
Dinner is served! pic.twitter.com/LBW1u0YruT— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 3, 2018
Thank you for reading and your continued support,