Wednesday, October 23, 2019

October 23rd, 2019 A Miracle

October 23rd, 2019 A Miracle

Since our last edition, I've maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I've remained refined sugar-free, I've met or exceeded my daily water goal, I enjoyed a good two-mile walk at the walking trail, and I've stayed well connected with exceptional support.

My heart is full of gratitude this morning for the blessing of turning forty-eight years old. I enthusiastically embrace forty-eight. During my morning routine a little earlier, in prayer, I expressed this gratitude--and my mind kept flashing to the many I've known who didn't get this chance. The list is sad and long--too many names, too many faces I remember, too many families forever changed--too many lives cut short because of morbid obesity. I might joke about getting older and how I've noticed changes in my vision and certainly my hearing, but trust--on the most sincere level, you won't hear me complain about getting older. It's truly a gift. Given all the complications I once had from living as a 500-pound man for almost twenty years, it's truly a miracle.
Pic from 36th Birthday

What a goofy picture from my 36th birthday party. Underneath the funny face and the humor was a constantly scared man. Any flicker of pain or horrible night of sleep apnea would consume me with fear. What's most interesting about that, is how most of the time that fear didn't usher in positive changes--the emotion and uncertainty my 500-pound body created actually kept me running back to the "comfort" that was killing me. I could laugh it off, minimalize it, use the word "someday," and talk about what I "need" to do all day long, every day--whatever it took to make it one more day without getting honest about my compulsive food behaviors.

What changed on September 15th, 2008 wasn't me, it was divine intervention, I'm pretty sure. It was the ability to finally get real about the food. Pride, ego, and whatever else tried to take it all back four years later--and somehow, someway, I was gifted the opportunity to get honest again. If I never receive another birthday gift as long as I live, those gifts are enough--and they keep on giving each new day.

I'm grateful for my morning routine. It gives me a humbling reset for the day ahead. I don't ever "got this." All I have is my daily practice of things that are helping keep me well.

When you see an old picture of me like the one above--and there's humor in it, just know, underneath the facade was a seriously scared person. When you see a picture of me today that exudes confidence and hints of pride and ego, just know, underneath is a truly humble man who doesn't live in fear, but always--and I mean always, lives with a healthy respect for the fragility of it all. It's never what we know, it's always what we do. I'm perfectly capable of going back to 500-pounds. I pray I never do because I might not get so lucky next time. So...

My morning routine was given the time it needed this morning, my food is planned and ready, I'm committed to staying connected with people "in the same lifeboat," and I'm committed to helping others as best I can. One day at a time, my friends.

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Practice, peace, and calm,

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