Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Day 199 Weigh Day Number, Uh, I've Lost Count and Positive Affirmations Everyday

Day 199

Weigh Day Number, uh, I've Lost Count and Positive Affirmations Everyday

Today's weigh day was met with much anxiety. Last weigh day was the least amount lost in a two week period thus far, so I was naturally hoping to at least beat that low. Then I started thinking. What if it just stops? What if my body has figured me out, completely adjusting to my calorie limit and exercise routine, in an effort to “preserve” itself? What if I've gained? I can really drive myself nuts sometimes. I decided that no matter the result I was going to keep moving forward with the same positive motion I've kept for the last 199 days. There's no turning back, I'm completely converted here to a new way of thinking. I decided that I wouldn't turn into a big baby like I did two weeks ago. I would remember that some would give anything to have that kind of weight loss in two weeks, so no matter the result, I needed to be grateful and happy. My morbid obesity has spoiled me. When you weigh over 500 pounds and you're consuming who knows how many calories a day, then you cut way back and start moving, the weight flies off quick! At least it does for awhile. I guess I fear the honeymoon coming to an end, ya know? Now is when the real work starts. The weight I've lost and the bad habits I've eradicated up until this point have simply prepared me for battle. The psychological overhaul my brain has experienced rewired my auto-response mechanism. I'm prepared to get down and dirty my friend. I'll fight the flab with everything in me! It was this kind of internal dialog I maintained all the way to the scale this afternoon. Then I stepped on and it read 368. 368? Really? I mean, that's good, right? Yes it is, that's 6 more pounds gone forever! And exactly a half pound shy of the half way point to 230. I'm just going to go ahead and call it half way! I'm half way to 230! When I get to 230 I may realize I need to go further, or maybe when I hit 250 I may realize that I look and feel great. Who knows, not really worried about that now. I'm very pleased with 6 pounds lost. I'll tell you this, the last 11 pounds have been the toughest and slowest so far! But it doesn't matter. I'm going to work harder and get stronger, I'm going to keep learning and developing, and I'm going to keep writing every night. I'm going to get there, it's already decided.

I love it when I'm talking to Fitness and Life Coach Melissa Walden or Dr. Amy and what they're telling me is completely in line with what I'm doing, feeling, and thinking. It happens and it's awesome. This morning I received a text from Melissa asking me if I got a workout in last night. I told her yes, and that it was real good, and she replied, and I'm paraphrasing here, --you know too much to ever turn back now—or something to that effect. That quick text message set the tone for my day. I was ready to rock! It's so true! I feel like I've made mental breakthroughs that can't be reversed. I know too much about this side of the process to ever go back. That's why I said “another 6 pounds gone forever!” I understand too deeply all about my old behaviors and why and how I let them control me completely. I'm breaking free once and for all!

A couple of notes to readers: Nicole, you're absolutely welcome. I should be the one thanking you! I had no idea in the beginning how this blog might reach out and touch people. I never would have believed just how important it would become to me. It's truly a blessing to me everyday, and when I read feedback like your “simply-Thank you,” it gives me a feeling inside I can't describe. So Nicole, thank you! To the TOPS lady near Duncan, thank you for putting this blog in your favorites. I assume that TOPS is the organization known as “Taking Off Pounds Sensibly.” I actually participated in a few TOPS meetings when I was twelve or thirteen in Stillwater. What a great organization. It is about a sensible approach that will last forever! To new readers in the countries of Jordan and the Bahamas: Welcome! This blog is about so much more than just food and exercise, it's a journey of self-discovery. I know myself on a completely different level now. I know the joy and the pain of complete honesty within. It's that uncluttered view that has really set me free along this road.

Tomorrow is a milestone day, day 200! We're really moving right along huh? It seems like just yesterday it was day 100. Wow, day 200! Sounds nice. I'm going to try to post a bonus blog tomorrow night called “By The Numbers,” Just a page of random statistics like: How many words so far? How many miles walked? How many vanilla soft serve cones have I consumed? Some crazy stuff for sure, might be fun. Thank you for reading. Good night and...

Good Choices,

1 comment:

  1. I can't wait to read your blog entry about statistics! That will be interesting. Congrats on 200 days and reaching the half way point! I'm going to have to go back and read some of your archives- you are good motivation.
    Until later,
    I'm that TOPS lady (and yes, it does stand for take off pounds sensibly)


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